


Ships in the Night

by ScarletTyler



Category: Actor RPF, The Hobbit RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Teachers, Groundhog Day AU, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-18
Updated: 2017-01-25
Packaged: 2018-05-06 20:42:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 23
Words: 100,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5430140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScarletTyler/pseuds/ScarletTyler
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Missing his shot at true love, fate gives Richard one more chance. And another one. And another one. And another one...Will he ever get it right?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Love is Lost

**Author's Note:**

>   
> 
> 
> Cover Edit by [bubblesandkittens](http://archiveofourown.org/users/bubblesandkittens/pseuds/bubblesandkittens)
> 
> "Ships that pass in the night,  
> And speak each other in passing,  
> Only a signal shown  
> And a distant voice in the darkness;  
> So on the ocean of life  
> We pass and speak one another,  
> Only a look and a voice,  
> Then darkness again and a silence."  
> -Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I'll make sure to keep my distance  
> Say I love you when you're not listening  
> And how long can we keep this up?  
>   
> -[Distance](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ROqTa1mn_qc) by Christina Perri

Richard tried to keep his distance from the Art teacher. Not that he found the man repulsive or insufferable or pretentious. No, Richard looked from afar because the Art teacher was perfect in every way he was not. Magnetic and endearing and sincere.

Richard didn't know much about the Art teacher. He knew how the man liked his coffee though. A dash of milk with two packets of sugar. On particularly rough days—when his students were being too cheeky or when the administration's breathing down his neck—he would put in four packets with a small smile, never willing to let the pressure of teaching get to him. Richard wanted to know how the Art teacher could pull it off, but he never got the courage to ask.

Richard accepted long before that the Art teacher was out of his reach. He had admired the man's works, but never told him how much so. And all for good reason, he told himself. The man's mobile had a photo of a beautiful woman hugging a dog—their dog—as its wallpaper. A brunette with a big smile and bright eyes. There was no ring on his finger, but Richard understood the apparent hopelessness of their situation.

Richard knew the Art teacher as Mr. Pace, but in his dreams, he would call him Lee. Lee and his sweet tooth. Lee with the warmest hugs. Lee who wakes him up with a soft kiss. However, every time the man featured in his dreams, Richard would further withdraw from him in reality, shying away from the small moments that could possibly lead into something else.

Richard longed for someone to break down his walls. Someone to understand him, flaws and all. Someone to appreciate what he could offer the world. Deep down, he believed that Mr. Pace could be that someone. But in the week following the Easter Break, Richard's hopes were crushed with no warning or forethought.

 

It was a Sunday when Richard dreamed of the moment he realized he had fallen for Lee.

It was a Monday when Richard saw Mr. Pace laughing hard as he talked on his mobile.

It was a Tuesday when Richard heard the news from his colleagues in the break room.

It was a Wednesday when Richard appealed to any deity who would listen to his prayers.

It was a Thursday when Richard learned that Mr. Pace had succumbed to his injuries.

It was a Friday when Richard called in sick for the first time ever in his career.

It was a Saturday when Richard received an email about the funeral for Mr. Pace.

 

Richard wasn't in the state to go, but he couldn't let the others know why. _'How do you mourn over something you never had?'_  

∞

Buried under a quilt, Richard fumbles for his mobile to turn off the alarm. The offending sound makes the pounding in his head more unbearable, more so than the last few days. He has to go to work today, but his body is unwilling to part with the comfort of the bed.

Stumbling towards the bathroom, Richard rummages in his medicine cabinet for a pain pill. He doesn't want to arouse anybody's concern or suspicion by calling in sick again.

Feeling a slight chill in the air, Richard heads back inside and snatches off his blue scarf from a chair. _'I'm probably catching a bug for real this time.'_

The drive to Greenwood Academy has been a nightmare. The traffic is unexpectedly bad, and Richard wonders again why carpooling isn't a thing in this neighborhood.

Already late for homeroom, Richard dashes across the courtyard, his mind straying off to the thought that this is his first day at Greenwood where he won't be seeing Mr. Pace.

By the steps in front of the main building, a little crowd of students has formed around someone on the ground. Richard pauses as the scene triggers an old memory.

Running behind the schedule, Richard knows that he should be sprinting down the hallways by now. However, he feels an inkling within him to do otherwise. He approaches the crowd, and his jaw drops at the sight before him.

With a lopsided grin, Mr. Pace brushes off the dirt from his blue suit as the students ask him if he's fine. _'Did he just literally fall down from heaven? He died in his sleep…The others attended his funeral. I still have the message to prove it. This isn't—'_

"Good morning. You just missed the opening ceremonies…Mr. Armitage, right? Nothing beats a good tumble down the steps to make an impression. Can't wait to hear my new nickname from those freshmen. The funny thing is, I just finished a piece called 'The Fall', which would—Are you okay?"

Richard purses his lips, afraid that the illusion or whatever this is will disappear if he makes a wrong move. He doesn't even notice until now that the crowd has dispersed. Mr. Pace looks at him with concern, probably because he looks like he has just seen a ghost.

"Yes," Richard manages to croak out, just becoming aware that his throat has turned dry.

"Bad hangover? Don't worry, I won't tell on you. Had a pretty good summer myself. How's yours?"

Richard nods mutely at him, wondering if the pill he had taken this morning is making him hallucinate. The headache has abated, but he feels a little faint right now.

Mr. Pace shifts from one foot to the other with an expectant look on his face. Richard realizes that he was asked a question, but the moment to properly respond is over.

"Anyway, hope you feel better soon. The first day of class is tough enough as it is. See you around, Mr. Armitage."

With a brief nod, Richard turns around to leave as the Art teacher's words begin to sink in. "Wait, what day is it again?"

Mr. Pace quirks an eyebrow at his question. "That bad, huh? It's the 8th of September, and according to my watch, we're both late for homeroom. At least, I have a valid excuse. Sort of," he replies with a smirk.

Mind reeling from this information, Richard's palms turn sweaty as air rushes out of his lungs. He wants to run away, but his knees have suddenly turned weak. Panic takes over him and everything fades to black.

∞

_'Are memories of you going to haunt me forever?'_

Since the accident, dreams of Lee have plagued him day in and day out. Alarm breaking the silence of the morning, Richard shuffles out of his bed and heads for the bathroom.

Looking at his reflection on the mirror, Richard thumbs at the dark circles around his eyes. His mind wanders back to his dream, which has been vastly different from the rest.

September 8th. His first day of teaching at Greenwood. Going over his memory of that day, Richard remembers walking towards Mr. Pace to assist him, only to be beaten to it by one of the schoolgirls giggling at the sight of the handsome yet wonderfully clumsy teacher.

Shaking the feeling that something is amiss, Richard gets ready for work and downs a cup of tea before he leaves. _  
_

Outside, Richard shivers from a cool breeze and decides a scarf is in order for today. _'Strange weather this time of the year.'_ He gets caught in the traffic on his way to Greenwood, eyes rolling in exasperation. As he parks his car, Richard realizes that Mr. Pace won't be around anymore to make his day better with his warm eyes and easy smiles.

He decides to take a shortcut by climbing over the fence surrounding the courtyard. Passing by the main building, Richard does a double take when he spots a familiar figure tripping down the steps.

Richard rushes over to check if the man is okay, but freezes as déjà vu hits him. Sprawled down the grass, Mr. Pace smiles sheepishly at the gathering crowd of students around him.

_'No, not this again. This is not real. This cannot be real.'_

Fighting the urge to get closer, Richard runs away with no direction in mind. He bolts senselessly, passing the commuters waiting for the light to go green and right in front of the cars speeding down the street.

∞

The ringing sound wakes him up, and Richard knows that something is wrong with him. He grabs his mobile and checks the date. **Monday, September 8**. Clenching his jaw tightly, he hurls the object to the wall as if the situation is the mobile's doing. _'This is madness. Am I having some sort of mental breakdown?'_

Richard calls the school to check if today is indeed the first day of class. His heart sinks at the chipper voice that confirms his situation. He debates with himself over whether he should report for work or call in sick again. The mature, responsible adult wins. As expected.

Avoiding the main building, Richard lets the day pass as normally as he can. He leaves for home early and turns in for the night after watching the stale news from almost a year ago. 

∞

The alarm screams bloody murder to Richard's ears, waking him up to the living nightmare that has been his reality for the past few days. _'Did I die as well? Is this purgatory?'_

Turning on the telly, Richard flops down his couch as the reporter covers the heavy traffic downtown due to the massive influx of students and parents on their way to school. Getting more anxious by the second, he sprints to the bathroom to check the side-effects of the pill he had taken the other day, but the orange plastic bottle doesn't have the answer he seeks.

Calling in sick, Richard hits the gym to vent his frustrations. On his way home, he receives a call from his best mate, Graham, but he lets it go to voicemail instead. Knackered and aching in all the right places, Richard sleeps like a rock that night. 

∞

Richard wakes up from his alarm as it blasts off the last vestiges of hope within him. Giving in to his fate, he broods over his situation while taking a shower. The day resets, but not his memory. Death is not an option for him to take. Nothing he had done so far has made any difference.

_'Am I supposed to save him? But why go back to the start? Why not the day before the accident? And why me of all people? I have dreamed of a forever with him, but not like this. Never like this.'_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another AU, this time based on a classic movie. Back in college, I have read a very good fic built around this trope, but I can't remember the exact title. This fic is heavily inspired by that one so if you somehow read anything similar to this, lemme know so I can give proper credit to the writer.


	2. Love is Elusive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Searching for a sweet surrender  
> But this is not the end  
> I can't work it out  
> How going through the motions  
> Going through us  
>   
> -[I'm a Mess](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ChLcH4ZPr0) by Ed Sheeran

Richard wakes up, turns off his alarm, and gets ready for work. He has lost count by now how many times he has lived the same day over and over again. The day resets and he watches Mr. Pace fall down the steps over and over again.

On some Resets, he gathers enough courage to step up and help; the other times, he just lets things happen without his intervention. Either way, nothing ever changes.

∞

Richard wakes up, turns off his alarm, and gets ready for work. He leaves early this time to avoid the morning rush.

Parking his car, Richard reaches an epiphany. _'What if I'm supposed to break the pattern?'_

He is still late for the opening ceremonies, but Mr. Pace hasn't left the main building yet. He waits for the Art teacher outside, eager to test out his theory. The double doors open and students file out to head to their respective classrooms.

A few moments later, Mr. Pace emerges from the building, a big smile on his face and still in his blue suit. One might think Richard would find him less attractive by now—seeing him the same way every day. However, the reality is he finds him more beautiful with each Reset. The loop brings something new for Richard to fall in love with after all. The last time, it's the way the sunlight hits his hair.

Today, Richard notices Mr. Pace's cheeks and he wonders what made the man look so flushed. _'I can probably ask him about that.'_

As he jogs to catch up with the Art teacher, Richard begins to have second thoughts about his plan. They haven't met properly at this point. They have only been briefly introduced to each other during the orientation held, well technically, yesterday.

Steps faltering at this realization, he lets Mr. Pace pass him by without incident. Richard watches from a distance as the Art teacher makes his way to homeroom without stumbling down the steps. _'Well, at least something has changed.'_

 He hopes that counts as breaking the pattern.

∞ 

It doesn't.

Richard curses himself after checking the date on his mobile. **Monday, September 8**. Despite his frustrations, a part of him wonders if he even wants to go back to the original timeline.

∞

It takes a few more Resets before Richard puts his theory to test again.

He gets to school in time to see Mr. Pace fall down. Psyching himself up on his way to help the Art teacher, Richard cracks a smile when he notices the way Mr. Pace is sprawled down the grass. Awkward is the word that springs to mind. Adorable is a close second.

The Art teacher looks up and turns into a magnificent shade of red. He mutters something under his breath that Richard doesn't quite catch.

Seeing another teacher present at the scene, the students scamper off without being told to do so. Richard tries to straighten his face, but he finds out that he is still not immune to the Art teacher's endearing ways. Mr. Pace brushes off the dirt on his hand before extending it out in greeting.

"Good morning. Mr. Armitage, right? I'm…mortified."

"Lovely to meet you, Mr. Mortified. Is that German or Swedish?" Richard jokes in hope of easing away his embarrassment.

A brilliant smile blooms on the the Art teacher's face, his shoulders relaxing visibly. "Actually, it's French for 'uncoordinated giraffe'. I've been trying to get people around here to use that name, but they insist on calling me Mr. Pace. Weird, huh?"

"I'll say."

Still grinning at each other, the bell signaling the start of classes interrupts whatever they are about to say next. Mr. Pace gives him one last smile before turning to leave for his class. "See you around, Mr. Armitage."

∞

Richard is terribly late for work. He feels fantastic though. For the first time in god knows how long, the alarm did not go off this morning. After so many Resets, Richard never had to set the alarm on before he goes to sleep, knowing full well by now that it doesn't matter anyway. But, today is different.

He can't keep himself from grinning. His efforts yesterday have paid off. Today is the 9th of September. Richard is finally moving forward.

His good mood follows him until lunch. Entering the break room, his spirit lifts further at the sight of Mr. Pace eating lunch with two of their colleagues. The man waves at him to come over and introduces him to the others.

Of course, Richard knows them already back in the original timeline, but that doesn't matter right now. He doesn't have friends at work before—he had acquaintances at best. However, Richard figures that he might as well start forging better relationships now that he gets a do-over.

As the teachers leave for their respective afternoon classes, it occurs to Richard that this is the first time he had lunch with Mr. Pace.

∞

Richard wakes up, wondering if he is now stuck in September 9. He hurriedly checks his mobile and breathes out a sigh of relief. Today is Wednesday, September 10.

Lunch time is spent with Mr. Pace again. Richard has never seen the Art teacher without a posse around him, be it students or other teachers. Today is no different. He wonders what it would be like to have Mr. Pace by himself, but he knows he cannot demand such thing from him.

Before heading home, Richard grabs the wall calendar given as part of the starter kit for new teachers in this school. He hangs it up on his bedroom and marks off September 8, 9 and 10. _'So far, so good.'_

∞ 

Thursday arrives and Richard marks the day on his calendar. Hoping for better things to happen, he goes through the day on the lookout for such opportunities.

After dismissing his last morning class, a student approaches him about the assigned reading. The consultation took him longer than expected and by the time he gets to the break room, Mr. Pace has already finished eating. The Art teacher is currently talking on his mobile, too engaged in conversation to notice Richard's arrival.

Richard ignores the sinking feeling in his stomach as he sneaks glances at the man from his table. At one point, Mr. Pace catches him looking and gives him a small grin. Richard gratefully returns the smile, a bit comforted at the thought that in the real timeline, the Art teacher would not even look his way at all.

  ∞ 

The alarm rings off, and Richard immediately checks his calendar. He drops back down his bed in relief upon seeing the four red marks. He has moved forward despite the lack of progress yesterday.

As he leaves for work, Richard receives a text from Graham. His mate is asking if he can come over later at the pub to help out. The man is short-staffed and it is a Friday. With nothing else planned that night, Richard agrees to his request.

At lunch, he wonders if he had been too hasty on his decision. Mr. Pace has just invited him to a night out with their colleagues. A trip to see some sci-fi film followed by drinks at a nearby pub.

He can invite them to his mate's pub instead, but the place is an hour-long drive away from the local cinema. "Sorry, maybe next time. I've already promised Graham that I'll come over his place tonight."

"Oh, I thought you're. . . Well, alright then. See you next week, Mr. Armitage."

Gathering up his things, Mr. Pace excuses himself from the group. He has to get ready for his next class, he says. The sinking feeling is back, but Richard decidedly ignores it again. 

∞

Waking up to the sound of his alarm, Richard turns on his side to silence its ringing. He directs his gaze to the wall, but there is nothing else to see.

The calendar is gone and so is his week with Mr. Pace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [GIF](http://jennatylersmith.tumblr.com/post/135969401232/ships-in-the-night-chapter-2)


	3. Love is Persistent

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This can't be all we are  
> Silent and in the dark  
> We could be making sparks  
> But we don't ignite.
> 
>  -[Sparks](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0tYoN8VOknk) by James Bay

Richard falls back to the pattern, the same one he had broken in what feels like a lifetime ago. Once, he tried to recreate the same scenario by using the same joke. He didn't make it to September 9 this time though.

He doesn't know the rules of the Resets, but he figures that he should add this one to his list.

_'How ironic it is that I can't repeat my actions when I'm stuck to repeat this day.'_

∞

The Resets have blurred together and he doesn't know how long he's been trapped in the loop. There is a silver lining of sorts though.

Every time the day resets, he forgets a little more that Mr. Pace is going to die on 23 April 2015.

 _'Perhaps that's the point.'_  

∞

He thinks that he should start keeping track of the variations of the days he has lived through. He doesn’t have the means though.

Every day, Richard brings home the calendar and marks off September 8. He sleeps and in the morning, the calendar is gone.

Everything resets except for his memory.

∞

At this point, Richard knows this particular rule of the Resets by heart. This doesn't deter him from buying a journal though.

Before turning in for the night, he writes down how the day went and wishes what he had done will be enough to begin moving forward again. He sleeps and in the morning, the journal is gone.

Everything resets except for his bloody memory.

∞

The second time he reaches September 9, Richard felt the night before that he would make it this time.

∞

Yesterday, he first noticed that Mr. Pace had scraped his palms when he fell down the steps. Sick of not doing anything right, Richard manned up and offered to accompany the Art teacher to the infirmary. The cuts weren't serious at all and he only asked to spend more time with Mr. Pace.

The Art teacher narrowed his eyes at him—not in a bad way, but more like as if he could see through his intention.

"Well, the classrooms here have med kits for stuff like this. Thanks for the offer though, Mr. Armitage. That's very sweet of you…I mean kind. You're very kind. And sweet. There's nothing wrong with a grown man saying that to another, right? If you're really concerned about me—or rather my hands—we can meet up for lunch later. But, only if you want to."

Richard had never seen Mr. Pace look this flustered before, and it made his heart melt inside. "Of course, Mr. Pace. I'll see you—or rather your hands—later."

Mr. Pace flushed and gave him a lopsided grin, the one that always made the butterflies flutter in his stomach.

 _'Please, let me keep this day.'_  

∞

Lunch with Mr. Pace had been quite different from the ones they had during the week he lost. They were still joined by their colleagues, Sir McKellen and Ms. Boyens, but the general atmosphere felt somehow different from before.

Perhaps it's because Richard had been almost friends with them the last time they had lunch together.

Or perhaps it's because Mr. Pace was asking him more about his personal life instead of just work. They had not ventured this topic before, not during the lost week and most definitely not during the original timeline.

∞

On Tuesday, Mr. Pace asks him how he ended up teaching at Greenwood. He had inquired about this before as well, so Richard has a ready answer for him.

The Greenwood Academy is known for its excellent academic programs and getting a full-time teaching position here is like threading a needle in the dark. Fortunately for Richard, the vacancy for a History teacher had opened up. After a set of rigorous interviews and testing, the headmaster—Sir Peter Jackson—chose to hire him despite being the youngest one among the applicants.

He dropped everything else in his life and despite what has happened to him since then, Richard cannot bring himself to regret this decision.

∞

On Wednesday, Mr. Pace asks him why he chose to be a History teacher. If he's being honest, it was never supposed to be like this.

Like many other young boys from his generation, Richard aspired to be like Indiana Jones—a man of great knowledge and even greater adventures. Unfortunately for him, an archaeology degree was not being offered at the time. So, he settled for what he thought was the next best thing: a history degree. Of course, he couldn't be more wrong, but he has learned to appreciate his career since then.

If he's being more honest, Richard could have chosen to be an actor instead. He knew real archaeology isn't as fun as the film had portrayed it to be. What's fun is Harrison Ford playing the role of the swashbuckling hero. He has dabbled in acting back in college, but he cannot find it in himself to share that side of him just yet.

Not even to Mr. Pace.

∞

On Thursday, Mr. Pace asks him what took him so long. The same student approached him, but Richard managed to finish the consultation in record time.

He arrives at the break room before Mr. Pace has finished his meal, leaving them a few minutes of conversation before the mobile inevitably rings.

Richard tries to sneak a peek at the caller ID, but all he sees is another photo of the brunette from his wallpaper. Mr. Pace notices him looking as he lets the call go to voicemail.

Richard reddens at being caught. "It's not wise to refuse a phone call from your girlfriend. Go on, I don't mind."

Shaking his head briefly, Mr. Pace explains, "Actually, that's my best friend, Evangeline. We came up with this idea to ward off unwanted attention. It's quite effective, but I can see now that this is a double-edged sword. It's all fun and games until you've managed to discourage the person you actually like."

Richard's heart soars at the implication, but dares not to comment on it. The mobile rings again and this time, Mr. Pace takes the call with an apologetic expression.

He still doesn't mind, even more so now, albeit for an entirely different reason.

∞

On Friday, Mr. Pace asks him if he would go to the teachers' night out. It is Sir McKellen who invited him this time but like before, Richard has agreed to help out Graham. He knows where he went wrong the last time, and he won't let it happen again this time around.

With a promise of a free round of drinks, the teachers agree to spend the night at Graham's instead. They will see the film some other time, when Richard is free to come with them. He assures the others that they don't have to do that, but Ms. Boyens nudges him with an elbow to his side. "We know someone who'll insist on waiting for you," she says with a wink. Instinctively, Richard turns his gaze to Mr. Pace, who just shrugs at him with a coy grin.

As the teachers leave for their afternoon classes, Mr. Pace asks him to hang back for a while. "I've never been to that part of town, and I'd really appreciate if you can give me the directions. You can just text me the details."

They are both aware that this is not necessary at all. The car's GPS can easily solve his problem. Richard realizes that the Art teacher is taking a page out of his book. Chuckling inwardly, he doesn't hesitate to exchange numbers with Mr. Pace before parting for their next class. He wants to throw a fist in the air over this milestone, but he knows that will only garner strange looks from the students. His mobile buzzes and Richard smiles as he reads the message. **Hey, this is Lee. Just checking if we got each other's numbers right :)**

Richard doesn't know which part makes him the happiest. Maybe it's the way Mr. Pace indirectly offers him to use his first name. Or maybe it's the smile at the end. Or maybe it's the fact that he just got his first text from Mr. Pace. _'No, scratch that. From Lee.'_

That night, he introduces his colleagues to Graham, who has picked up on his giddiness. "What's gotten into you? You're grinning like a loon." He gives his friend a noncommittal shrug as he takes the next customer's order.

When the crowd thins, Richard joins the group and falls a little bit more for Lee. He relishes the way his name rolls off the man's tongue, secretly pleased that he is no longer just 'Mr. Armitage'. He wishes that he can spend some time alone with Lee, but it seems tonight is not the occasion for that. Ian and Philippa dominate their conversations and even more so as they get drunker and drunker into the night.

When he gets home, Richard receives another text from Lee wishing him a good night. He really wants to send back a reply—something short and sweet—but he passes out as soon as his back hits the bed.

∞

Richard wakes up and checks the calendar by the wall. It has become a habit at this point and relief washes over him at the sight of the five red marks. Today is Saturday, his first one since the Resets have started. There is no school today, which means that there is no Lee as well.

He checks his mobile and realizes that he has slept in. It's almost noon, but nothing significant has happened since last night. He goes over his texts with Lee again and wonders if he should send one today.

_'Won't hurt my chances if I do.'_

Richard wants to make it perfect though. He forms a message in his head as he gets up from bed to mark the calendar. Still thinking hard, he burns the toast he is making for breakfast. As he munches on its edges, he turns on the telly and sits down the couch. He tries to comprehend what he is watching, but his mind remains on the message for Lee. He knows he is overthinking this, but he has very little experience in dealing with this sort of thing.

_'Maybe I should call instead.'_

As soon as he thought of it, Richard recoils from the idea of being so clingy this early in their. . . relationship. _'Why is this so hard?'_

Ultimately, he decides against doing anything. Lee has his number as well, and if the man wanted to talk to him, he would've done so by now.

∞

Richard wakes up, ears ringing from the sound of his alarm. He doesn't remember setting it on last night. He looks to his side and the calendar is gone. He checks his mobile, dread filling him by the second. Monday, September 8.

He calls in sick and sulks for the rest of the day.

∞

Richard wakes up and wishes that he hasn't. He doesn't know how he got stuck in this loop, how much time has passed, how many times he has lived through the same bloody day.

He doesn't even bother to call the school this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Your comments and kudos are welcome and appreciated. If you're interested, I'm on Tumblr too as [ scarlet-tyler](http://scarlet-tyler.tumblr.com/).


	4. Love is Taxing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm halfway gone, sleepless I'm battle-worn  
> And you're all I want, so bring me the dawn  
> -[Need the Sun to Break](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dukZLjp1fDg) by James Bay

He ignores the twinge in his heart as he shakes Mr. Pace's hand. The Art teacher smiles back bashfully over his little mishap down the steps. Richard feels like he is just going through the motions at this point, having lived this moment a thousand times over by now. He wishes he can forget and live in blissful ignorance instead.

Distracted by these thoughts, Richard almost refers to the other man as 'Lee', but he catches himself just in time. He reminds himself that Mr. Pace doesn't know his name anymore. He wishes that he cares less about these little things, but he knows he cannot change that part of him.

With a pained smile, Richard turns away to leave for his class. He wonders how much more suffering he can live through before completely breaking down. He wishes for a reprieve from his memories of their time together, even for just a day.

∞

This idea takes hold of Richard's mind, and there is no one around to stop him from acting upon it. With a seemingly endless number of days before him, he decides to take a break from his pursuit of which the end goal remains a mystery to him.

Some days, he talks to the other teachers, learning about their interests and personal history. He appreciates how diverse and wonderful these people are, and he wonders if he could ever be friends with them one day.

Some nights, he spends time hanging about at Graham's—trading barbs and quips about anything under the sun. He likes the comfort of a place where he can just be himself, free from his worries about the future and Mr. Pace.

Some days, he drives around town, learning about its people and culture. He never gave time to this before, and now he knows what he missed out by being such a recluse.

Some nights, he scours the Internet for a new hobby or any other activity he can take on for now. He discovers that Audible, a local audiobook company, is searching for new voice actors. His interest is piqued, but the Resets alone make this a pipe dream at best.

∞

He still brings home the calendar and buys a journal every Reset. He has always been a creature of habit, so he doesn't dwell much on this.

He still can't keep himself away from the Art teacher. He discovers no matter how far he goes, he remains caught in Mr. Pace's gravity.

He still wakes up on the 8th of September. He knows he should be trying harder, but trying is exhausting.

Most days, Richard feels like this will never end.

∞

Today is one of those Resets when Richard finds enough strength in him to go after Mr. Pace again. They are in the break room, the same setting and the same people as before. With literally nothing to lose, Richard makes a beeline to the Art teacher's table.

The group looks at him curiously and he begins to lose his nerve. Shaking off his growing anxiety, Richard reminds himself what he's supposed to do next. He heaves up the box to the table and pushes it towards Mr. Pace.

"What's that?" Sir McKellan asks.

"An apple pie," he answers a little too quickly, his eyes trained on the Art teacher.

"Well, what's it for?" Mr. Pace inquires.

"Since it's my first day here, I bought one this morning, and I was wondering if you'd like to have a slice," he offers, averting his gaze from the Art teacher to the other occupants of the table. He shifts from one foot to the other as he tries to maintain an air of nonchalance. Like this is no big deal for him. Like he does this sort of thing every day.

"Oh, don't mind if I do. Apple pie's my favorite."

Richard knows that bit of trivia from several lifetimes ago. He is about to tell them where he got it when he suddenly loses his train of thought. Mr. Pace is smiling at him, but not with his usual playful grin or his big, bright ones.

No, this smile reminds Richard of the man from his dreams. The one who looked at him like he hung the moon and stars in the sky. The one who kissed him until he's out of breath and some more.

Right now, Richard is looking back at the man from his dreams, and he doesn't know what else to do other than to duck his head, his cheeks burning red.

"C'mon, join us. Don't just stand there. I'm Lee by the way."

Upon hearing this, Richard feels the weight lift off his shoulders. "I'm Richard Armi—Just call me Richard."

∞

Days pass by and Richard feels like he can breathe again. Being with Lee seems effortless and natural for him. Maybe it's because the Universe is being kind with him this time around. Or maybe it's because Lee makes everything better just by merely existing.

_'Please, don't send me back.'_

 

Days pass by and Richard pays attention to every detail of Lee Pace. What makes him laugh like an overgrown kid. What he thinks of Richard's accent. What gives him inspiration for his art.

_'Please, let this be my last Reset.'_

 

Days pass by and Richard still can't keep his mind off Audible. Checking the website again, he finds out that an audition is scheduled every Sunday this month. He has put off a lot of things before, but now he has the opportunity to do things differently.

_'Please, give me a chance to be part of this.'_

 

Days pass by and Richard notices the knowing looks from Ian and Philippa. They ask him if he's going to ask out Lee soon. The pair assures him that they are rooting for him, even though the school has a fraternization policy working against them. He says that he'll think about it, but deep down, his mind is already set in following through their suggestion.

_'Please, listen to my prayers again.'_

∞

Eleven days. It has been the best eleven days of his life. It feels new. It feels fantastic. It feels like the other shoe's about to drop. Things have been going well—a little too well—and Richard can't help but look over his shoulder as he continues to move forward.

What he needs is a distraction to take off the pressure. Richard's mind has always been on Lee because he is afraid of messing things up again. However, right now, Richard believes that he needs a break lest he drives away the man he loves with his apprehensions over their future together.

∞

Richard bites his lower lip as he waits for the call to connect. Audible is the perfect break for him, something that he wants to do and can do without jeopardizing his budding relationship with Lee.

A man's voice greets him and introduces himself as Martin Freeman. Richard inquires about the audition and it amazes him how the mere mention of working at Greenwood opens up doors for him. Martin invites him this weekend to their office downtown for an audition. Richard accepts with so much enthusiasm that the other man cannot help but chuckle at his reaction.

∞

Asking Lee Pace to go out on a date is harder than he imagined it would be. It's not his nerves that complicates things this time. No, it's Lee's insistence on going out on a double date with Evangeline and her husband on Sunday. He has planned to ask Richard out as well and has already worked out the details.

Richard's idea of a date is to watch that sci-fi film that he keeps missing out on due to the Resets. He knows it's not as elaborate as Lee's, but it will give him time to go to the audition as well.

He stills for a moment and mentally berates himself for his hesitance. He knows his priorities by heart, and Lee will always be on the top of this list.

The Resets happen every time he makes an excuse not to be with Lee. It happens when he delays to next time, next week, any time but right now. He will not make that mistake again. He will not wake up on September 8 again.

∞

Richard calls Audible to ask if he can still reschedule the audition to next week. Disappointment evident in his voice, Martin tells him to wait for their confirmation of his request within the following week. Richard hangs up with a heavy heart because he doesn't have any other choice but to wait. He reminds himself again that he is doing the right thing by delaying this audition.

That night, Richard records his day on the journal as usual. Still feeling unsettled about his decision, he continually descends into the rabbit hole of uncertainty and disquietude with every word he writes. He can feel it in his bones. Tomorrow, he will wake up and everything will be gone.

∞

He wakes up and sighs in relief. The calendar is still there with all the marks he made for the past two weeks. He takes this as a confirmation that he is on the right path. He explains to himself that last night was just a moment of weakness on his part. _'Everything is going to be just fine.'_

It is a Saturday and Richard has no plan whatsoever for the rest of the day. He lets his mind wander to what Lee had told him about their date. The details are vague at best since Lee wants to keep the element of surprise. This doesn't stop him from planning what he can do for his part though.

He grabs his mobile and checks the time. **09:30AM**. Lee is probably up by now, he thinks. Dialing his number, Richard gets up from his bed and heads to the kitchen. The call connects as he starts preparing his morning tea.

"Hey, Richard. What's up?"

"Good morning, Lee. It's about our date tomorrow." God, he loves saying that.

"Please, don't tell me you're flaking out. Evie's dying to meet you."

"Not at all. I'm just wondering if I could pick you up tomorrow. You planned everything and the least I can do is to drive for us."

"Oh, sure. Pick me up at around 4AM. Don't forget to bring extra clothes, alright? I'll take care of the rest."

"My mind is in the gutter right now. Just give me a hint, please."

Lee giggles and Richard melts. "Those should be enough hints for what's in store for you tomorrow. Also, I like where your mind is at, so I'm not helping you out of it."

They haven't shared a kiss at this point. They have held hands a couple of times and hugged goodbye once. It's not because they are both prudes or anything. It's just that the school isn't the right place for doing so. Besides, Richard doesn't want to squander away his first kiss with Lee by rushing into it. _'It will be perfect when it happens. It will be better than his kisses from my dreams. It will be because it's going to be real this time.'_

"Fine, I'll see you tomorrow then. Have a great day ahead, Lee."

He is waiting for the other line to be cut off when he hears Lee suppressing a laugh from the other end.

"Are you not going to ask for my address?"

Richard slaps a hand to his forehead. He is not supposed to know just yet where the man lives. Lee sounds amused as he gives Richard the directions to his flat. Still feeling slightly off from his slip up, Richard bumbles his way to another goodbye before hanging up.

∞

He wakes up and it's Sunday. In an hour's time, he will be picking up Lee for their first date ever. Richard feels giddy with excitement, even though he is acutely aware that he hasn't been on a date for god knows how long. He closes his eyes and takes a few calming breaths to steady his heart.

_'It's now or never.'_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Starting 2016 with a win for Richard. :)
> 
> As always, your comments and kudos are welcome and appreciated.


	5. Love is Patient

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> She says I smell like safety and home  
> I named both of her eyes “Forever” and “Please don’t go”  
> I could be a morning sunrise all the time, all the time yeah  
> This could be good, this could be good.
> 
>  -[She Keeps Me Warm](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rG4nRI9Wmzk) by Mary Lambert

In his excitement, Richard arrives at Lee's flat with a good fifteen minutes to spare. He fidgets in front of the door, contemplating if he should knock already. _'What if he's not ready yet?'_

He looks around the neighborhood, and no other soul is out in the streets other than him. Unnerved by the eerie silence of the early morning, Richard knocks on the door. He can't hear anybody moving inside, so he raises his knuckles to knock again. _'Oh, god. What if I'm at the wrong door?'_

He chides himself for relying on his memory instead of writing down the address. He is about to take out his mobile to call Lee when the door lock clicks.

A dog greets him with a booming bark and he knows instantly that this is the famous Carl. Richard practically knows him by now from Lee's many stories and photos of him. Resisting the urge to pet the dog, he turns his gaze from pet to owner and feels the hammering in his chest grow stronger.

As always, Lee looks beautiful, framed by the soft light coming from inside his flat. He smiles and Richard feels like a teenager again.

"Mornin', Richard."

 "Good morning, Lee. Here, I got you coffee and a couple of scones. I don't know what you take for breakfast. I myself just have a toast and that's only when I remember to eat."

Their fingers brush when he gives the beverage, making him want to hold hands with the man again. Taking a sip, Lee gives him an appreciative grin. "Thanks. This is perfect. How d'you know how I like my coffee?"

"Lucky guess."

With a smirk on his face, Lee opens the door wider and invites him to come inside. Richard cautiously steps over the threshold, heart pounding in his chest. A part of him still cannot believe that this is happening, but he cannot dispute the fact that for the first time ever, he is inside Lee's flat.

∞

Giving him a once-over, Lee crosses his arms in front of his chest. The pout of his lips is far too distracting for Richard to form any rational thought in his mind.

"Your clothes won't do at all," Lee comments, pulling Richard's mind out of the gutter.

"In my defense, I did ask you for a hint. All you told me is to wear something comfortable." Earlier, Richard took extra care in picking out his outfit—his favorite leather jacket, a button-down shirt, some loose-fitting trousers and a pair of sturdy boots.

"Hmm…we might have to change your top. Just give me a sec."

Lee disappears into a room—his bedroom, Richard assumes—leaving the dog and him on their own. Richard dares not to follow him so instead he looks around the living room. He briefly examines the paintings hanging on the wall, none of which is made by Lee. He knows for he has seen enough of the man's works to identify his style by now.

Over the shelves, several framed photos are displayed. He recognizes only Evangeline, the others he assumes to be Lee's family and friends. Richard leans in closer to take a look at the photo of a teenaged Lee Pace.

Lee returns with a navy blue windbreaker and gray t-shirt slung over his arm. The man smiles shyly at him upon seeing what he's looking at. "As a kid, I looked horrible. I had big ears and funny teeth. I looked like a little monkey. There is this picture of me in swim team, awww, it's bad. I got swimmer's ear. I guess I don't have big ears anymore, but I looked like a monkey with my hair always sticking up."

Richard finds that hard to believe, looking at the gorgeous man before him. However, he knows what it feels like to be uncomfortable in his own skin when he was younger too. "In school, I was a beanpole with a nose I hadn’t grown into."

Lee gives him a disbelieving look before grinning like he knows a secret that Richard doesn't. "If you say so, Mr. Beanpole. C'mon, try these on. We're about the same size, so I'm pretty sure you'd still look good in it."

Richard feels his cheeks heat up at the compliment. Lee is flirting with him, and they’re going out on a date today, and he wonders how the man's lips would feel like on his own, and—Lee raises an eyebrow because he still hasn't taken the clothes from him.

Snapping out of his reveries, Richard springs into action and sheds off his own without further ado. Lee widens his eyes, surprised at the topless man before him. It takes a few more seconds before Richard realizes what he had just done. He tries to apologize for his inappropriateness, but Lee cuts him off.

"What's 112?"

"Huh?"

"That mark on your side. Is that a tattoo?"

Richard twists and looks down to where Lee is pointing. There on the far left side of his navel is a small, blue mark that says '112.' He doesn't remember writing that himself or anybody else for that matter. He has no clue about its meaning either. Thumbing at the mark, Richard discovers that it is somehow indelible. Looking back up, he shrugs at Lee, who he catches looking not at the mark, but at his chest.

Forgetting about the blue mark entirely, he wonders if he has the same effect on Lee as the man has on him. The thought makes his heart beat a little faster, but maybe that's just from the way Lee is looking at him. 

They are now invading each other's personal space, but Richard thinks it's not really invasion when both parties want this to happen. He notices that if he leans a little bit closer, he will finally know how it feels like to kiss Lee. He is building up the courage to bridge the gap when a mobile's ringing disrupts the electrified atmosphere around them. With a low moan, Lee runs a hand down Richard's chest and murmurs something unintelligible. He then gives Richard his clothes before turning away to take the call.

Richard can still feel the trail left by Lee's hand burning down his front. He curses under his breath whoever is on the other end of the line. With a heavy sigh, he puts on Lee's shirt, and his head spins at the scent that enveloped him. He discovers that Lee smells more heavenly than he could've imagined. _'I just might never take this off.'_  

"That was Evie. They're on the way to the hills." Lee pauses briefly as he gives Richard an approving look. "See, I was right. My clothes do look better on you."

"If that's the case, then I bet you'd look better in mine as well." It is supposed to be an innocent quip back at Lee, but Richard feels the air switch back to where they were before the call. 

"Oh, screw it." 

Lee reaches him in three strides and wraps an arm around his waist. Eyes locked with each other, Richard isn't sure if his heart has pounded this fast in his life. Breathing heavily, he notices a tiny scar right above Lee's impressive eyebrow. For a fleeting moment, Richard wonders how he got it. He wants to know everything about the man standing in front of him, but more than anything, he wants to feel his lips on Lee's.

The anticipation is killing him so he finally pulls Lee forward, urging the man to meet him halfway. The warmth of their mouths sends a current running through Richard's body, shocking him to his core. He throws his other arm around Lee's neck to keep him steady as he loses himself in the man's softness and intoxicating flavor.

He doesn't notice who pulls away for air first, but both of them are now staring at each other's swollen lips and flushed cheeks. Still breathless from their kiss, Lee's eyes search for something in Richard's before taking a step back, creating space between them.

"So much for taking it slow, huh? Please don't tell Evie that I've kissed you already if she asks. She can be very protective of me, and she gives me an earful when I do stupid things. Not that kissing you was stupid. It's, it's just…it's a long story. Oh, god. Please tell me I haven't ruined this day for us."

Richard feels like he is on a rollercoaster ride of emotions. A moment ago, he is on a high from kissing Lee for the first time ever. Now, he just wants to drop dead on the ground. He wants to assure the man that yes, everything is fine between them. But it's not and now he feels foolish wearing Lee's clothes inside the man's flat. Everything that made this morning perfect has turned into a reason for him to wish for a Reset to happen right this instant.

However, it doesn't work that way and he cannot—will not—go back to the start. He loves Lee a little too much to turn his back now. Besides, the man told him that there is a story behind this. So, Richard swallows his pride and plasters a tight smile on his face.

"I, uh…I understand. Let's just go. Where are we heading today?"

With a forlorn expression, Lee pulls him forward and kisses him again. A light brushing of lips that still made his heart flutter. "For the record, I don't regret kissing you," he whispers against Richard's lips.

Richard wants to believe him and so he does by affirming it with another kiss. He doesn't think a day will come when he would get tired of having Lee in his arms. He reminds himself that today is not about him; it's about spending time with Lee. It's about moving forward, not dragging himself back by lugging around their emotional baggage.

Lee gives him a lopsided grin and Richard feels lighter already.

∞

Together, they load up his car with whatever Lee has packed for their date before ushering Carl into the backseat. Richard still has no idea where they are heading, but he knows one thing for sure.

No matter what happens between them, he will follow wherever his love leads him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know. This is supposed to be the date chapter, but I couldn't resist including the wardrobe-sharing moments between these adorable, life-ruining dorks.
> 
> I promise to post the next update before the week ends. Girl's gotta work now. :)


	6. Love is Hopeful

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think the universe is on my side  
> Heaven and Earth have finally aligned  
> Days are good and that's the way it should be
> 
>  -[Bright](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kMAzstG5O7E) by Echosmith

With the sun rising over the horizon, Richard searches for the tranquility and sense of contentment that Lee had been describing on their way here. Of course, the view is magnificent and evocative, but if he's being honest, the hike has been quite rewarding by itself. The stillness of the early morning allows him savor the past hour and a half he had spent on the trail with Lee and his friends.

He is not positive about Evangeline and her husband Norman at first, but halfway through their trek, Richard realizes how lucky Lee is with the company he keeps. Graham is great—and he will never trade him for any other friend—but having the company of interesting strangers has proven to be quite enjoyable as well.

∞

Last week, Richard has mentioned in passing to Lee about his interest in outdoor activities. At the time, he was just glad to have something in common with Lee and he's not expecting the man to remember such trivia about him. Of course, Lee—the perfect being that he is—planned their whole date on what knowledge he has on Richard. 

He turns to Lee, who is admiring the rolling hills before them. The man has a serene smile on his face, and Richard itches to know what is on his mind right now. Feeling the gaze on him, Lee faces Richard with that peaceful smile and everything else fades into the background. Richard believes that he can stand here all day—smiling back at Lee—and still be happy in love.

∞

Observing that Evangeline and Norman are busy taking photos of each other and the view, Richard takes the opportunity to finally spend some time alone with his date. "This is, hands-down, the best morning I've had in years." He doesn't mention how many mornings of the same day he's had by now because why would he?

Those other times he had seen Lee fall down the steps don't matter right now. Those countless days when they were only 'Mr. Armitage' and 'Mr. Pace' to each other don't matter either.

What matters is that all of that has led to this exact moment.

Sure, it’s nothing important or extraordinary in the grand of scheme of things. This is just a moment where they share a smile just like those other mornings. Except this time, Lee knows his name. They are together, they have kissed, and they are out on a date. He doesn't care about what he had to do—how long it had taken him—to get here.

What matters is that they are moving forward together.

∞

Arms folded across his chest, Lee leans against the railing, calm and relaxed from the cool breeze blowing in. Upon seeing this, all Richard can think of doing is to pull him away from the edge in case he falls down to his untimely death. He doesn't think he can handle that right now—or ever.

Amused by his reaction, Lee moves away from the railing and leads him to a bench facing the horizon. Carl joins them, and Richard hopes that Evangeline won't follow suit.

Lee rummages inside his knapsack and hands a homemade sandwich to Richard. "Honestly, a part of me was worried how you would react. Yesterday, I was second-guessing my choice of activity because it's our first date after all. I'm so glad you have enjoyed it so far." He pauses to take a bite from his sandwich. "I think Evie likes you. Thank goodness she does."

"Oh, I think she's great, too. What would've happened if she didn't though?"

Leaning in closer to him, Lee whispers, "She said she'd push you off the cliff and save me from the heartache." His expression is serious, and Richard doesn't exactly know how to react properly to his revelation.

"I'm just kidding! I'd never let her anyway."

Evangeline hears him laughing, prompting her to join them. She asks them to pose for a photo before taking the seat beside Lee.

"Have you told him about the cliff thing?" she asks Lee before straining over him to direct a stern look to Richard. "I'm totally serious about that, y'know. This guy has the worst track record ever. I'm really just keeping an eye on him. You'd think for someone who falls so easily, he'd be more—"

"Evie…" Lee warns her with a brief shake of his head.

"Alright, I'm getting out of your hair. We're heading back down in about an hour, so soak up the view and the sun instead of each other's faces. Don't think that I haven't noticed he's wearing your shirt, Lee."

The man flushes pink at her comment and continues to shoo her away from them. Contrary to what she thinks, Richard wants her to stay and elaborate on Lee's 'track record'. He still hasn't forgotten about the 'long story' that Lee mentioned earlier.

∞

It becomes a little awkward between him and Lee after that, but comfortable enough to remain sitting side by side on the bench. He tries to break the ice by making a joke about his misadventures with his own best mate.

Fortunately, Lee laughs appreciatively and Richard discovers that this is one of his most favorite sounds in the world. Conversation flows naturally between them, and they take turns in asking each other about anything. _'Well, almost anything.'_

He wants to ask all the questions he's had ever since the original timeline. Like what he thought of the book he was reading that one time. Or what his inspiration was for that painting displayed during the winter fair at Greenwood. Or what he was laughing so hard about on the day before the accident.

However, Richard can't ask any of that because those are going to happen in their future—or rather his past. Actually, he is not sure what to think anymore, if those would even happen now that he has changed their history.

∞

When the clearing is starting to fill up with other couples and families, the group decides to head back down the trail. Richard takes Lee's hand in his own and weaves their fingers together. Evangeline gives them a funny look, but the pair ignores her as they descend the hill.

The other people they pass along the way are echoing the uncertainty that he felt at the beginning of the hike. Questions of how far and how hard the hike up are being thrown their way, and while Lee is the more experienced of the two, it is Richard who seems to be more eager in doling out answers.

Deep down, he cannot help but compare the hike to his personal experiences that got him to this point of his life. His answers carry how he feels about everything he has been through, and somehow that makes him appreciate more what Lee had done for their first date.

To another new hiker, he replies with a knowing smile, "It's tough, but it's worth it."

∞

It is nearly noon by the time they make it back to flat ground. After changing into fresh clothes, Evangeline invites them for lunch at her house, but Lee quickly declines. Apparently, he has placed a reservation at a nearby restaurant for him and Richard and only them. The woman relents and surprises Richard when she kisses him goodbye on the cheek as well. 

"Keep it PG-rated between you guys, alright? Call me when you get home, Lee."

∞

Eating al fresco with Lee Pace is as enjoyable as Richard imagined it would be. He learns that Lee picked out this place specifically so that Carl can join them as well.

He admires the close relationship between the two, although he wonders if they have to include the dog in their succeeding dates as well. Answering his unasked question, Lee explains, "Carl usually wakes me up in the morning so we can go on a hike. Just around the park near my apartment. You see, there is a bond you have with your pets that you don’t have with anything else in the world. You take care of them and they give you unconditional love. It's simple and I like it."

Richard's heart melts again because Lee is so pure and kind and wonderful and—He interrupts his own thoughts to lean in for a kiss. Just because he can and he wants to and Lee will probably let him.

The man does not left him hanging and kisses back heartily, earning wolf-whistles from the other customers. Hearing these, they part their locked lips in embarrassment, but continue to keep their hands entwined with each other over the table.

∞

Eventually, they leave the restaurant and Richard drives Lee and Carl back to their flat. They have the option of extending their date since it is still early by the time they arrive at Lee's. Unfortunately, the hike is finally taking its toll on Richard and so he begs off from any further activity for the day. Hopefully, there will be a second date soon, he wishes to himself. He is still not sure how the Resets work or if he's out of the loop at this point.

Lee pulls out his keys to open the door and allows Carl to go inside before him. Being the gentleman that he is, Richard helps Lee unload the bags from his car before bidding to take his leave.

"I had a really great time, Lee."

"Good! I'll let you pick our next date then."

"Of course. Although, I don't think I can ever top what you have done today. 

"Who cares? You can take me to some rundown building, and I'm sure we can find a way to make it fun."

Richard grins at his eagerness before leaning in for a goodbye kiss. They keep it short this time, even though both men evidently want more.

"See you tomorrow, Mr. Armitage," Lee says with a teasing glint in his eyes.

However upon hearing this, Richard goes rigid as memories of the times he has heard that sentence before floods his mind. During this Reset, Lee has never referred to him as such, and unfounded apprehension takes over him. Lee looks at him curiously, not understanding his current state of torment over the past.

"Right. Uh…See you tomorrow." He dares not to say 'Mr. Pace' in case this calls forth a Reset. He knows he is being irrational, but since when have the Resets made complete sense to him anyway?

∞

As he drives away from the flat, Richard fervently hopes that this isn't the end of the line for him again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your comments and kudos are welcome and appreciated. Next update might take longer than usual. Work's back in full swing. Anyway, happy weekend to all my readers! :)


	7. Love is Restless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You only know what I want you to  
> I know everything you don't want me to  
> Your mouth is poison, your mouth is wine  
> You think your dreams are the same as mine
> 
> -[Poison & Wine](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fNlxKH9Jtmc) by The Civil Wars

It isn't.

Richard wakes up to his alarm and the calendar is still on the wall. He pinches the bridge of his nose as he lets his heart rate return to normal.

Getting ready for work, he ruminates over what he would have done if the calendar hadn't been there when he woke up. He also asks himself if there is anything he could do to get out of the loop permanently. But more than anything else, he wonders how long this will go on.

_'Whoever's responsible for this, if you're still listening, please leave me be.'_

∞

"You look terrible, Richard. How was your date yesterday? Did it not go well?" Philippa asks him when they pass by each other on the corridors.

After looking around for any other person that might overhear them, Richard gives her a polite smile. He is not used to receiving concerned looks from other people save for Graham. "I'm fine, really. Although, I'd like to ask you not to talk about 'that' so freely. You know the rules around here."

"Oh, right. Don't worry. Mum's the word."

However, judging from the look on her face, Richard thinks it is too late to ask for secrecy from their colleagues at this point.

∞

One of the best things about dating Lee is that they see eye to eye on the value of privacy. Unfortunately, those who know of their relationship doesn't. Despite their insistence on keeping things to themselves, Ian and Philippa are both intent on getting the story out of them.

With the stress and panic he experienced this morning, Richard is down to the last thread of his patience. Fortunately, Lee covers for him before he blows up in an unseemly manner. Richard knows the others mean well, but he can't risk losing everything over loose lips.

It doesn't help that Lee has changed his mobile's wallpaper to the photo of them taken by Evangeline yesterday. Of course, he thinks it's sweet and heart-warming, but it also fuels the interest of others in their relationship.

He can't bring himself to point this out to Lee though.

∞

That night, as Richard logs his day on his journal, Lee calls to check up on him. As expected, the man has picked up on his mood, but is still oblivious to the circumstances that brought about his dour state.

"Don't worry about me. I'm fine, really." He has lost count by now how many times he has uttered that sentence today.

"Is it because of what Evie said yesterday? Because I can—"

"Lee! Can we just—Let's talk about something else. Please." He pauses briefly before adding, "What are you up to right now? How's Carl?"

The silence is deafening, and he worries if he had pushed away Lee for good. He holds his breath until he hears a shuffling noise from the other end.

"I still have your jacket and shirt. You forgot to take it back home with you."

Richard lets out the breath he's holding in relief. "Well, I still got yours as well. I hope you're not too fond of these because I'm getting terribly attached to them already."

Lee snickers and Richard finally begins to loosen up. "Is that so? I was thinking of letting you keep those because you look ridiculously good in 'em. But now, you have to give my clothes back because I refuse to compete with them for your affections."

"Compete? Lee, you have literally zero competition for me. Although, if you really want them back, may I suggest a good old-fashioned trade?"

"I have a better idea."

When Lee does not elaborate, Richard prompts him to share his proposition with him. However, the man remains coy about his plan, and Richard knows it is useless to prod him into revealing something that he wants to keep as a surprise. 

"Good night, Lee."

"Sweet dreams, Richard."

He falls into a dreamless sleep. As usual.

∞

After taking a shower the following morning, Richard checks the blue mark on his side again. It still says '112' and doesn't rub off no matter how hard he tries. At the back of his mind, he thinks he knows what the number means. However, he refuses to acknowledge it in fear of what doing so might cost him.

When he gets back to his flat that evening, he receives a call from Martin, informing him that he can come in for an audition this Sunday.  Without missing a beat, Richard thanks him profusely, glad that he hasn't lost his shot at this yet.

It doesn't even occur to him to wonder if he will make it that far.

∞

Asking Lee Pace for a second date is easier than he imagined it would be. All those days and nights he spent learning about the town and meeting other people is finally paying off. Taking a page out of Lee's book, Richard chooses to keep the details vague. He sounds so confident about his plan that it impresses Lee into accepting his invitation without further questions.

He wishes he can just sleep off the rest of the week so he can fast-forward to their date on Saturday.

∞

Maybe it's just his wishful thinking, but days pass by without much incident.

In fact, the most significant thing to happen at Greenwood is the announcement of the upcoming Fall production. Like in the original timeline, the students—under the guidance of the committee led by Ian—will be presenting 'The Hobbit'. Being the only Art teacher in the school, Lee is an expected member of the committee—much to the delight of the students and other teachers.

On the other hand, Richard is glad to just watch by the sidelines as Lee inspires those who cannot perform on stage to be part of the preparations instead. He didn't join this project before, and he will not again this time around. He has plenty on his plate right now to be bothered by the additional work over the following month.

∞

Saturday arrives and Richard marks this on his calendar. Through either his constant vigilance or sheer luck, everything is somehow going better than expected.

Richard pulls over in front of Lee's flat for the third time this month. A part of him still cannot believe that he has gone this far without a Reset. There has been a number of close calls these past few days, enough to send him to bouts of self-doubt and paranoia. Realizing that he is doing it again, he shakes himself to get rid of these negative thoughts.

With the bag of Lee's clothes on one hand, Richard knocks on the door as he mentally goes over his plans for today again. When the door swings open, his jaw drops at the sight before him.

Lee greets him with an eye-crinkling smile while wearing the leather jacket and shirt he left last week. He doesn't know exactly what to say about the man's cheekiness, but he knows how to express his feelings about this playful gesture.

Stepping over the threshold, Richard pulls Lee for a kiss—hard and insistent this time. Lee yields and lets his mouth fall open, bringing out his tongue to meet with Richard's. They easily find the wonderful rhythm they had before, and Richard cannot help but relish the warmth and sweetness that Lee Pace naturally embodies. _'So much for taking it slow indeed.'_

"Hey."

"Hey," he greets back breathlessly.

"I see that you've brought my clothes with you. Do you want yours back?"

"Perhaps after our date. Are you—"

"I'll hold you to that then," Lee cuts him off with a suggestive grin.

Richard flushes at the thought of a naked Lee. Without missing a beat, the man giggles at his reaction.

"Are you ready to go?" Richard asks to distract himself from where his imagination is taking him.

Lee nods happily, excitement clearly evident in his eyes. After saying a quick hello and goodbye to Carl, Richard holds out a hand to Lee, which is taken without hesitation, and doesn't that just make his heart swell with love again.

"We're not taking your car?" Lee asks as Richard leads him to the sidewalk.

"It's just a couple of blocks from here."

"Are you going to tell me now where we're going?" 

Richard grins as he squeezes the hand he is holding. "It's a surprise."

Lee squeezes back and doesn't ask anymore. They fall into a light-hearted conversation about anything that enter their fancy, and before they notice it, they have arrived at their destination. 

"When I said that you could take me to a rundown building, I didn't expect you to follow through with that," Lee comments as he takes a glance at the building before them.

For a moment, Richard wonders if this was a bad idea, but he quickly brushes it off when he sees the curiosity in Lee's eyes. He tugs the man's hand and leads him to the old building.

∞

Inside, Lee stops in his tracks as he takes in Richard's surprise for him. The interior is devoid of any furniture or decoration save for the ambient lighting strategically placed here and there. What makes up for this emptiness are the diverse and vibrant murals that encompass nearly all of the visible space before them.

"I've met these two young artists—Aidan Turner and Dean O'Gorman—who are leading this project to increase the awareness of street art and counteract the negative effects of graffiti vandalism. Basically, they turn these old buildings into art galleries where people can enjoy the murals for free. They are looking for other local artists to contribute and I immediately thought of you, well because you're easily my favorite artist. I told them about it and they said I could take you here so we can finish off a portion of the wall. I'm not much of a painter, so—"

"They're here! Dean, come on," Aidan exclaims, suddenly popping out of nowhere. Dean comes running to where they are and makes a beeline to Lee. "Long time no see, Mr. Teacher." Lee gives them a huge smile before pulling each one for a friendly hug.

Eyebrows knit together in thought, Richard is puzzled over the familiarity among the three. He then realizes that the artist community in this town must be that small for them to know each other already.

"Hey, Richard. Thanks for hunting down this man for us. He's been avoiding us for the past year," Aidan says with a small pout.

"How do you know each other?"

"Lee used to volunteer at the community center to give summer classes for teens. He practically got us started in this whole artist thing. Too bad he sold out to that Jackson guy. Now, he's always 'too busy with work'."

Lee rakes his fingers through his hair, cheeks turning pink for the admonishment. "Guys, you know that there are other reasons for my absence."

Dean narrows his eyes as he tries to figure out what the man is saying. "Oh, you mean Carter? Yeah, we'd gladly trade him off for you. That douchebag still goes—"

Clearing his throat, Aidan cuts him off while ineffectively trying to subtly remind him of Richard's presence. Lee plasters on a smile that looks nothing like his real one as he shakes his head at the pair before them.

There is a story here that Lee doesn't want to talk about right now, Richard observes. He vows to himself to ask about it later because they are here on a date and he will not let this day go to waste. Instead of pushing for more information, he just squeezes Lee's hand again and gives him a small, reassuring smile.

"So, about that mural, can we get on with it now?" he asks to the pair.

"Sure. We'll just finish prepping the supplies you'll be needing, and then we're gonna leave you two to your...date." Aidan and Dean scamper off, sensing that their company is no longer welcomed by either Lee or Richard.

∞

Alone for now, Richard turns his gaze to the man beside him and ponders about all the other smiles that never reached his eyes, about the countless stories of each other that still remain untold, about the gap between them that has been there all along.

Realizing where they actually stand with each other, Richard feels like he is grasping at straws at this point.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Your comments and kudos are welcome and appreciated :)


	8. Love is Unpredictable

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I've been afraid of changing  
> 'Cause I've built my life around you  
> But time makes you bolder  
> Even children get older  
> And I'm getting older too
> 
> -[Landslide](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZqCotgdEZsk) by Fleetwood Mac

If one would look at the collective murals from afar, it would only appear like a bizarre mishmash of colors and patterns. However, once viewed portion by portion, one would discover the story left behind by each artist who had taken part in this project. There is no apparent cohesive theme tying each wall to the other, but the overall effect leaves a profound feeling of harmony to its viewers.

Despite this, the murals fail to ease away the discord in Richard's mind.

∞

Richard discovers that Lee enters a different zone when he has a paintbrush in his hand. He has never witnessed the man paint before so the look in Lee's face makes him wonder why the man chose Greenwood over this. He then remembers what Dean said earlier, and he burns to know the story behind that.

Lee notices that he has stopped painting. "Do you need help with the base?"

"Uh, no. I'm nearly done with this section actually." He pauses to steel his nerves. "Who's Carter?"

Lee turns back to his work. "Why?"

"Is he a part of your 'long story'?"

Lee sets his mouth in a hard line, eyes roaming everywhere but him.

"Can I at least ask how he drove you away from doing this?" Richard motions to the walls around them.

"He's a…friend, a former friend. We used to work together on projects like this. Then one day, we ran out of ideas to keep going. So, he shifted to photography, and I got hired at Greenwood. Have I answered your questions?"

Richard nods mutely at him. He sorely wants to believe the man's explanation, but his guts tell him otherwise. Lee smiles at him—the one that doesn't reach his eyes—and it brings back the sinking feeling in Richard's stomach.

∞

It is nearly midnight by the time they finished their mural. With nothing else to do, Richard begins to clean up their work area that is now littered with boxes of takeout food and an empty bottle of Pinot Noir. Lee stands before their wall with a critical eye, paintbrush still in his hand, ready to make any adjustments as needed. 

If not for the day's turbulent moments, Richard would have been a lot happier with the results of their collaboration. Well, collaboration isn't exactly the right word because Lee did most of the work anyway. Still, this mural is a tangible connection between them. It's something that they can go back to, time and again. 

Lee has always had a preference for sweeping landscapes so it is no surprise that he chose to paint the view from the hills they went to last week. Of course, their mural is not without flaws, given that they have a limited time to complete this. Lee got the colors right though, and Richard is transported back to the morning he will forever hold dear.

"What do you think?"

Richard is about to answer him when an idea pops in his head. Taking the brush from Lee, he dips it in white ink and writes on the back of the bench—a replica of where they sat on during their first date.

**Richard and Lee were here.**

Chuckling from behind him, Lee slides a paint-streaked hand in his own. "Now, it's perfect."

∞

They haven't let go of each other's hands as they walk back to Lee's flat. They are talking again about everything except for what they really need to discuss. However, Richard finds it hard to care about their issues right now because Lee is looking at him with that eye-crinkling smile again.

Sure, they still have a long way to go, but none of that matters right now. By some miracle—or some trick of time—he is getting another chance to be with Lee, and he knows that he will go to great lengths to keep his love smiling this way.

∞

They are almost back at the flat when Richard spots a man sitting down on the steps leading to the door. The stranger looks up and waves at them. "You weren't answering your phone. I didn't think you'd be out this late tonight," he calls out to them as he stands up from his seat.

Richard turns to Lee, who has inexplicably let go of his hand. He is now starting to hate the intrusion of the stranger. Lingering feelings of uncertainty over their relationship begin to resurface again. He then remembers that even though he has been in love with Lee for probably more than a year now, they have only been dating for couple of weeks in this timeline. Their relationship is so young that they haven't even defined if they are exclusively seeing each other or not. 

_'Can that be Carter?'_

Answering his unasked question, Lee turns to him with an apologetic expression, "That's my friend. He has a habit of dropping by unannounced."

More questions form in Richard's mind. He wants to ask what his _friend's_ name is, what he does for a living, how friendly they really are, what he wants from Lee at this hour. Of course, he doesn't ask any of these because they are now within earshot of the said friend.

"Hey, Lee. Who's this?" the stranger asks while wrapping an arm around his date's shoulders. Oblivious to Richard's inner turmoil, Lee wraps his arm around the man's waist.

"Orlando, this is Richard. Richard, Orlando."

Richard extends out a hand in greeting, not just merely out of politeness, but because he also wants the two to disentangle from each other. "Nice to meet you."

Orlando looks from Lee to him with a playful grin. "Oh, so you're the Richard he won't shut up about." Lee blushes upon hearing this, swatting his friend in the arm for the indiscretion. 

"What? It's true. Even Evie is gushing about him the other day. If anything, I'm feeling a bit left out."

Lee rolls his eyes at his friend's whinging. "Let me just say goodbye to him. Here, let yourself in," he instructs Orlando while handing out his keys.

"I hope I'm not disrupting any…sleeping arrangements between you two. 'Cause I can just come back—"

It is Richard's turn to blush. Lee pushes away Orlando before he can finish his sentence but the man doesn't back down from his teasing. "Just say the word, Lee. It's not too late to get rid of me," he offers while unlocking the door. 

Flustered, Lee shakes his head and pulls Richard to his car instead. "Sorry about him. He can be—"

"It's fine, really. He seems…interesting," Richard cuts him off.

From what he has just witnessed, he doesn't feel threatened anymore. Lee has been telling his friends about him when Richard hasn't even told Graham about anything. Somehow he begins to regain his confidence about their relationship and even though their second date is at its tail end, Richard feels more hopeful than ever.

Lee leans in for a goodbye kiss, but Richard stops him from doing so. "I can see your friend watching us from the window. I thought you don't want Evangeline to know about…this development."

With a heavy sigh, Lee nods and goes in for a hug instead. "Come by again tomorrow, if you want," he whispers to Richard's ear.

The Audible audition is in the afternoon tomorrow, and Richard doesn't know how long it will take him to finish that. Still, he knows his priorities so he nods at Lee when they part from their hug.

"Great. We'll pick up where we left off tomorrow then." He pauses to kiss him on the cheek. "Good night, Richard."

"Good night, Lee."

∞

Back in his own flat, Richard practices for his audition tomorrow by reading out loud a passage from his favorite book. He pauses mid-sentence when Lee's parting words jump back at him. His heartbeat speeds up as he considers what the man has been hinting at even before they went out today. 

It has been a long time since he's been with somebody that way. With no one else to turn to, he feels himself building up to a full-blown panic attack.

 _'Get a grip! It's just like snogging with less clothes and more hands. Although. . . Lee might not even be expecting that to happen tomorrow. What if I'm getting worked up over nothing at all?'_ He feels himself calm down as he continues this line of thinking.

Tomorrow is going to be just fine, he promises to himself.

∞

Tomorrow never comes for Richard, however.

He wakes up and everything is gone. The calendar, the journal, Lee's texts…Everything that he had done for the past three weeks.

He doesn't even know where he went wrong this time. Those days may not all be perfect, but he had done everything he could to stay on the right path. He checks his mobile again. **Monday, September 8**. He hurls the object to the wall with all the strength he can muster.

He goes to work and Lee is falling down the steps again. He is back to being 'Mr. Armitage' and Mr. Pace is back to smiling bashfully at him.

Gone. Every moment they had together is gone. Feeling numb from shock, he walks around aimlessly until the speeding cars grant him a temporary reprieve.

∞

Richard wakes up and it's still September 8. He goes out to buy all the liquor he can get his hands on. Remembering his time together with Lee, he downs them one by one until he falls to a drunken stupor on his couch.

∞

Richard wakes up and it's still September 8. He doesn't notice how he got himself to work today. Mr. Pace tries to talk to him at lunch, asking him if he's fine. Unfortunately, the mere sight of the Art teacher brings over a fresh wave of pain to Richard. So even though he knows Mr.Pace is not at fault, he rudely tells the man he loves to leave him alone.

_'He won't remember this anyway.'_

∞

Richard wakes up and it's still September 8. Pulling his shirt up, he checks the blue mark on his side. 116, it says. He has been right all along. Marked on his side is the number of all the failures he's had ever since he found himself stuck in this eternal madness. A Reset counter, if you will. 

He doesn't know what else to do with the stupid mark, so he leaves it alone. With resentment filling his entire being, he ruminates over his situation again instead. If every move that he makes may result to a Reset, then what else is stopping him from doing whatever he wants with his life?

_'What will happen if I quit my job today? Walk up to Peter's office, tender my resignation, and walk out from Greenwood. Will it reset or will I be allowed to have a life that doesn't include Lee Pace? Will I be set free then or will I just loop back again?'_

Richard takes out his laptop and begins to type his resignation letter. He is almost done when everything fades to black.

∞

Richard wakes up and it's still September 8. Before the accident—way, way back in the original timeline—he would have dreams of Lee and it would sometimes be the highlight of his day. But now, he doesn't even have that to look forward to. He hasn't had any sort of dream since he got stuck in this loop—not even a single nightmare. 

_'Well, that's probably because I am living the nightmare.'_

∞

Richard wakes up and it's still September 8. He remembers that five resets ago, two weeks from now, he will go out on his first date with Lee. He can still remember the sublime experience of kissing the man he loves. However, that is a future he won't be having anymore. Probably. Most likely. 

∞

Richard wakes up and it's still September 8. Seven and a half months from now, Lee Pace will be in an accident that will end his life. Richard believes he is stuck in this loop to prevent that from happening. He has done everything he can to move forward and fulfill this objective, but he can't even get past September.

_'Well, not everything.'_

So far, every single Reset is just a variation of him falling in love with Lee Pace. And every single day following that is just a variation of making Lee Pace fall for him. 

If his true goal is to save Lee, then maybe, just maybe, his efforts to make the man love him back is hampering his progress. Maybe he is really not meant to end up with Lee. Maybe he's been doing this the wrong way all along.

Or what if this is not only about saving Lee? Perhaps this loop is a chance for Richard to remake himself. To have a chance at a better ending for the two of them. An ending that may or may not involve Lee Pace loving him back.

If this is going to be his life now, then Richard wants to find a way to lessen the impact of the Resets on him. He cannot let this destroy him like this every single time. If he is meant to save Lee Pace, then he needs to get his life together and stop acting like a lovesick puppy all the time.

Then again, what if he is really the one who died? Maybe this is purgatory. Or maybe even hell.

_'Okay, probably not. But, who can really tell for sure?'_

∞

Richard wakes up and it's September 9. The calendar is on its proper place and so is his journal. Unclear as the reasons may be, he allows himself a small smile for this minor victory.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to highlight the bench scene because I love it so much, and I know it would just get buried under the Reset scene. I like a sappy, thoughtful RA.
> 
> As always, comments and kudos are welcome and appreciated. See you on the next chapter!


	9. Love is Irresistible

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And if it all goes crashing into the sea  
> It's just you and me trying to find the light
> 
> -[Ships in the Night](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BCkfTCjF8SM) by Mat Kearney

Richard begins Reset 119 with a new initiative in mind. He hasn't figured out yet what he did right yesterday, but he is willing to bet that it somehow involves his latest theories about the Resets.

After work, he starts putting his plans into motion by clearing out the accumulated clutter around his flat and cleaning every inch of space visible to him. He unpacks all the books and trinkets that haven't seen the light of day since he had moved in and arranges them in the living room. Checking his closet, Richard discards the shirts, pants and trousers that he has grown tired of after wearing them over and over again through the Resets. _'At the rate that I'm going, I might have to go shopping for clothes soon.'_  

He spots the leather jacket that Lee had worn during their last time together. Taking a few steadying breaths, he mentally pats himself on the back for not tearing up this time. He cannot bring himself to throw it out as well so he hangs it on the farthest corner of the closet instead.

Before he turns in for the night, Richard looks around his flat as if he's seeing it for the first time again. He doesn't know for sure if any of these will mean anything tomorrow. If he will have the chance to continue down this path. If he will make it until he has saved Lee Pace. What he knows for sure is that he is done regretting in vain what can never be undone. 

He marks his calendar and falls asleep staring at it, thinking that maybe if he concentrates enough, the days will continue to move forward.

∞

Being friends with Lee is not as hard as he imagined it would be. Part of his new initiative is to establish a completely platonic relationship with Lee. Of course, it still greatly pains him to think of what they used to be to each other, but there are worse things they could've been instead of friends. Strangers, for instance.

With their new dynamics, Richard discovers the goofball side of Lee, something that has never made an appearance before during any of the Resets. He gets pranked by the man whenever the mood strikes him or whenever the opportunity presents itself. He is not sure if Lee is doing this on his own or if Ian has a hand in some of his plans. But, that's beside the point. Lee makes him laugh, and Richard realizes that he hasn't done much of that lately.

_'This is not bad at all.'_

∞

Richard makes it a point to go to his Audible audition this time. Part of his new initiative is to start following through his personal projects. Martin turns out to be a tiny man with a big personality. Fast-talking, foul-mouthed, and funny as hell. He works with Luke, a sound engineer, who seems to be keenly interested with Richard.

"You work at Greenwood, right? Do you know Lee Pace?" Luke asks, trying to start a conversation with him.

Richard nods, a little surprised at how extensive Lee's network is. "He's a friend."

"A 'friend' friend? Or a 'friend'?" The man's inflections give away his implications. 

Richard congratulates himself for not blushing over his memories of kissing Lee. "A work friend."

"Good. I mean, good for you. Lee's a nice bloke and an even better friend. He hasn't been around here since he broke up with Carter though."

Richard's interest is piqued at the mention of that name again. However, his stomach churns at the confirmation of his suspicions about Lee's 'former friend'. "Does Lee do voice work as well?" he asks, trying to fish for information.

"Nope, we used to commission them for cover arts and posters. Just for the special editions, mind you. Lee's the real talent, while Carter's sort of a tag-along. We didn't like that guy hanging around here, but they were pretty much a package at the time. Good riddance, if you ask me." Luke pauses to look around for his colleague. "Speaking about him…Hey, Martin. Have you heard that Carter got—"

"Yeah, yeah. Enough with the chitchat. We're losing daylight here. Let's get on with this before Andy comes back," Martin demands, cutting off whatever Luke is about to say. 

_'Carter got what?'_

Richard wants to know more about this man whose shadow continues to loom over him. A specter with no face and no history. Unfortunately, Martin is losing patience with their delay so Richard pushes his interest on Carter to the back of his mind for now.

Unsurprisingly, Audible likes his audition, given that Richard has been practicing for several Resets by now. Martin signs him up, but doesn't assign him yet to a project. After everything is sorted out, Richard is about to leave their office when Luke pushes his luck by inviting him out for coffee. With a polite smile, Richard declines because he doesn't want to lead on the man. Despite everything, his heart still belongs to Lee Pace. There is no way he can fall for somebody else even if he tried.

∞

On his way home, Richard makes a stop at Graham's to share the good news. "Something is different about you today," his best mate observes as he approaches the bar.

Richard can't keep the grin off his face as he bickers with Graham. He feels good about his decisions so far because he is finally doing something for himself again and not just for Lee.

Needless to say, Richard is still very much in love with Lee. However, he wants to test out his theories that have supposedly gotten him here. Richard can be just friends with Lee if it means saving the man from his fate. 

∞

"Good morning, Lee." 

With shoulders slumped forward, the man hums back a greeting.

It has slipped Richard's mind that this is the four-sugar packets day. Back in Reset 112, they had already started dating at this point. He remembers asking him what's wrong, but Lee just asked to be left alone for a while. He conceded, but not before hugging him tightly in silent support of whatever the man was going through at the moment.

However, he can't do that anymore because they are just work friends. Work friends don't hug each other when the other's upset, he reminds himself.

Lee takes a sip of his coffee before facing Richard. He looks sad—more so than the previous timeline. There are dark bags under his eyes that lack the spark that is usually there. The concern on Richard's face must be evident because Lee quickly schools his expression and even manages to put on a brief, bright smile as if compensating for his dark mood.

"What?"

"Nothing," Richard lies. He knows Lee doesn't want to talk about this anyway. The man looks unconvinced, but decides to let it go.

Leaving for his next class, Richard wonders if he should have asked anyway.

∞

After work that day, he drops by the local grocery with the shopping list he made last night. Part of his new initiative is to eat healthier and more regularly. He is examining the peaches when someone taps him on the back.

"Hey."

"Lee. I didn't know you shop here as well." The grocery is on the other side of the town from the man's flat.

"Well, it's the only place here that sells Carl's food," he replies while motioning to the trolley full of dog food beside him. Richard also observes a couple of wine bottles partially hidden from view. Lee follows his line of sight and reddens slightly around the cheeks. He fidgets awkwardly on his feet before clearing his throat. "I'll let you get on with your own shopping then. See you next week." 

Richard wants him to stay, but Lee doesn't give him a chance to say another word. The man turns away and heads down to the next aisle, leaving Richard wondering if there's some way he can do to ease off the man's troubles. 

∞

Having ticked off everything in his list, Richard checks out and makes his way to the parking lot. He spots Lee—shopping bags in both hands—trying to flag down a cab. _'Work friends help each other out, right?'_

Richard calls out to Lee and offers him a ride home. He remembers his previous mistake of not asking for the man's address, so he feigns the question before starting the car. On their way to the flat, Lee chooses to remain silent with a faraway look on his face.

Being the gentleman that he is, Richard helps him carry the shopping bags inside the flat. Déjà vu hits him especially when Carl greets him with that booming bark again. As he turns to leave, Lee catches him by the arm and invites him to dinner as thanks. Richard cannot think fast enough for a reason to decline so he nods mutely at him. _'Work friends can do casual dinners, right?'_

They end up eating pasta partnered with a bottle of wine that Lee bought earlier. Richard observes that in every Reset so far, all they ever do is talk but never about anything that matters the most at the moment. He hasn't noticed it before, but they share this particular trait. They would rather bury how they actually think and feel under all these useless words and fake, polite smiles instead of confronting others or even themselves. With this epiphany, he gives up on trying to suss out what is bothering Lee because there is no way he can get a straight answer from the man himself.

∞

Richard subtly checks the wall clock and discovers that it is almost midnight. He inadvertently yawns as he turns his attention back to what Lee is saying.

"Am I boring you, Richard?"

"What? No, not at all. I've just had an early start this morning."

"I see. He used to say that as well. _'Boring, old Lee.'_ Figures."

"He?"

Lee startles at his question, probably because he didn't mean to say that last part aloud. "It's nothing. Just something a friend—a former friend—used to say."

_'Carter?'_

The somber expression on Lee's face stops him from questioning him further. He remembers what Luke said about Carter, and he wonders if the man is somehow involved in Lee's current state. If so, the urge to punch Carter smack on the face grows stronger with each passing second.

How can anybody find Lee as boring, Richard asks inwardly. At the moment, he has half a mind to confess what he feels for Lee in hopes that it will somehow lift the man's spirits and bring back the light in his eyes. But he doesn't because that is not what Lee needs from his friend right now. 

"Do you have to go home now?" Lee asks with a little pout on his lips.

Snapping out of his thoughts, Richard weighs his options. He can stay for a little while longer to talk, but he then realizes that work friends don't stay up this late to spend time with one another. Against his personal wish, Richard makes an excuse about needing to grade some papers, knowing that he cannot directly refuse a sad, lonely Lee Pace.

Lee acknowledges his goodbye with a small smile—the one that doesn't reach his eyes—and it effectively stops Richard from turning away.

After a whole night of avoiding doing this, he finally asks what is wrong and how he can help. Lee doesn't answer right away, and just when he thought that there would be no response at all, Richard suddenly finds himself pushed against the wall.

The kiss that follows is different from the ones they have shared before—wild, nipping and desperate. Richard knows he should  put a stop to this because Lee is not himself. Not since this morning. However, his resolve crumbles down when the man pulls away for a moment and whispers a plea to his lips. "This. I need this. Please."

Richard can't think—can't even breathe—and Lee never lets him anyway as the man's hands roam under his shirt after their mouths crash together again.

Everything becomes a whole different kind of rush when Lee rolls his hips against Richard's, creating friction where he wants it the most. Their kisses become more frantic as their hands grope and tangle with each other.

Richard gives in to him, gives all into the moment's madness, where his body ruled over his mind and desire roared over reason. They are so far gone, and Richard knows he is going to hate himself in the morning. But right now, not even the threat of a Reset can tamper down his feelings for Lee.

∞

With great care, Richard slides in slowly until he is deep inside. Lee lets out a soft whimper before moaning and breathing convulsively in between his lover's strokes. At his guttural behest, they create a glorious rhythm of harder and faster thrusts—drawing out obscenities, hisses and growls of pleasure from both men.

It isn't long before Richard begins to feel himself careening off to that soaring perfection. Slowing down his erratic pounding to intense grinds, he reaches in between them and urges Lee to meet him there. To be obliterated together. When Lee throws back his head with a heated groan—hands clawing painfully on his lover's back—Richard picks up the speed and races him to the end.

Soon, they find at last the release that they are both hungering for, their demons purged out for a moment as pure ecstasy takes over. Still rocking against each other, Richard hears himself gasp in astonishment as he watches the man he loves come apart under him. Lee Pace—his feverish passion, his explosive desperation, his devastating intensity—has burned through Richard, searing the moment forever in his mind. 

Gradually, Richard pulls out and drapes himself over Lee to shower him with soothing kisses. He can feel their hearts hammering against each other's chest as they breathe heavily to one another.

Perhaps this is what it's like to be alive, Richard thinks. _'To be one with his body, to feel like I'm his everything, to savor this intoxicating brew of pleasure and pain.'_

∞

They lie face to face on the bed, the length of their bodies bathed under the moonlight streaming through the windows. Richard tries his hardest to commit everything to memory—the pillows and sheets that hallmarks Lee's distinctive scent, the smattering of freckles dotting the man's shoulders, the warmth of their breaths mingling in the cool, autumn night.

"Tomorrow, when we wake up, are you gonna regret this?" Lee asks softly while tracing the blue mark on his side. This time he doesn't ask what it means or why Richard has it in the first place. 

"Are you?" Richard counters, unwilling to answer the question because a part of him already does.

Lee bites his lower lip as if preventing his words from spilling out. He stops ghosting his fingers on the mark to pull himself closer to Richard. He reaches in for a kiss, and it feels like a lover's goodbye. Heart twisting in pain, Richard kisses back for he knows that this might be their last.

∞

Richard watches the man he loves fall asleep in his arms. As Lee's breathing evens out, he begins to whisper the words he had held back earlier.

"I think you're the kindest, sweetest, loveliest person I've ever met in my life. The first time I saw you…something happened to me. I never told you but…I knew that you're all I've ever wanted. I don't deserve someone like you, but if I ever could, I swear I would love you for the rest of my life."

Lee stirs, but doesn't open his eyes again. "Did you say something?" he murmurs uncomprehendingly. 

_'Stay with me.'_

"Good night, Lee."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To reset or not to reset, that is the question. See you on the next chapter!


	10. Love is Unexpected

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I talk to you, but it don't work  
> I touch you, but it starts to hurt  
> What have I been doing wrong?  
> Tell me what it is you want
> 
> -[Real](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H3T2RnTBp_4) by Years & Years

Richard wakes up, tucked under his own quilt on his own bed in his own flat, fully clothed and alone. Last night, he had felt it in his bones that a Reset was bound to happen. He is so used to this feeling by now that he doesn't even question it anymore. However, just because he is used to it doesn't make it hurt any less. He curls up into himself, plagued by the thought that if someone could take you to heaven, that same person could drop you to hell, too.

∞

Richard looks at the man he loves, and he is immediately taken back to that night. Back to Lee's room, to his bed, to each other's arms. Lee looks back at him, but he doesn't remember anything from that night. A part of Richard dies with each passing glance they share, each polite smile they exchange, each brief conversation they have.

In a desperate attempt to recover what he had lost, Richard reveals everything to a disconcerted Lee Pace—his impending death, the number of Resets they had, all the timelines that were erased. It is all for naught, however.

Lee doesn't believe a single word from his winding explanation. And why would he, when the only proof Richard has is the blue mark on his side. Nothing could've worked. Nothing is probable. Nothing makes sense.

Richard blinks, and everything fades to black.

∞

Still not giving up, Richard sets aside his theories from the previous timelines. He tried to be just friends with the man he loves and look where that got him. He decides to follow his heart this time, and what his heart wants is to be with Lee again.

∞

Wearing his heart out on his sleeve is harder than he imagined it would be. So far, he has had three first dates, one second date, but nothing more than that. He hasn't kissed Lee again since that night. They have held hands, hugged several times, but when it comes to kissing, Richard discovers—much to his frustration—that he cannot go through with it.

When Lee kissed him for the last time that night, it was out of desolation, out of loneliness, out of misery. Richard remembers making love to Lee, but he knows by now that it was not a mutual understanding.

In hindsight, he should not have given in so easily to his desires. He should not have tried so hard to commit everything to memory. He should not have said those words out loud. 

∞

Some days, he thinks of what could've happened if he had said no to the man he loves.

Some days, he thinks the pattern can never be broken no matter what he does.

Some days, he thinks he will never get the love that he so badly craves.

Some days, he thinks that perhaps that is all for the best.

∞

It has been a week since the 127th Reset had started. He hasn't done anything special or out of ordinary, but the days continue to move forward. He has been trying to figure out how this is possible, but there is still no plausible explanation for the continued existence of this timeline.

Last Monday, he had helped Lee from his fall with no intention of starting up any sort of relationship with him. In fact, he might have come across as a bit rude because he didn't allow Lee to pull him into a conversation this time. He didn't even introduce himself properly. He may have also stared at Lee for a bit longer than appropriate, but that is only because his memories of their time together came unbidden to his mind again. Since then, they have barely spoken to one another except for polite greetings and the occasional lunch together with the other teachers.

On the other hand, Richard had become friends with Ian and Philippa again as well as a small number of other faculty members. His knowledge of their interests and personalities from the previous Resets allowed him to become fast friends with his colleagues. He couldn't say the same for Lee however, but he kept moving forward nonetheless.

∞

A part of Richard wonders if whoever put him in this loop had finally grown tired of him. Perhaps, they have deemed him to be a hopeless case and decided to leave him alone in this timeline. Following this line of thinking, Richard resolves to make full use of this Reset in case it turns out to be his last.

After making a list of things that he wants to do, he decides to start early with his Audible audition. Richard is practically a shoo-in at this point—having been in this same audition a few lifetimes ago.

Martin is still the same man, and Richard has come to appreciate his general lack of filter. The guy still doesn't give a damn about a lot of things, but cares deeply about his job and by association, the voice actors. They have gone out for drinks along with Luke one night, and Richard finds their company more enjoyable than the last time.

Like before, Luke expresses his interest in him, and like before, Richard politely turns him down because in spite of their less than warm relationship, he remains to be in love with Lee. Fortunately, Luke takes this rejection in a stride and settles for being mates with him instead. With a grunt, Martin rolls his eyes at them before ordering for another round of drinks.

When Luke excuses himself to go to the loo, Martin directs a calculating look to Richard. "You do know that he still fancies you, right?"

"What? No, that's not what—"

"Don't be daft, Richard. It's pretty fucking obvious," Martin talks over him, eyebrow raised in disbelief.

Frowning at the rude man before him, Richard defends, "You don't speak for him. Besides, I'm not someone who people usually fancies. I don't even make many friends. I’m convinced it's because I walk about with a face like a slapped arse all the time."

"On the contrary, I think that's part of your appeal," Martin counters before taking a swig out of his beer.

It is Richard's turn to raise an eyebrow. Spluttering out his drink, Martin looks at him indignantly. "First of all, I don't swing that way. My lovely Amanda and I have been together for years. Second, it's not just your mug that gets attention. You have this tortured hero kind of vibe going on for you. Plus, you work for Greenwood and Audible. C'mon, you can't blame the guy for trying to get into your pants."

Trying his hardest to quell a blush, Richard considers his argument for a moment. "You know what, I still don't see the appeal. In any case, it's not like I've encouraged him or anything. If he does fancy me, I'm sure it'll pass soon. I'm boring that way."

Shrugging his shoulders, Martin responds, "I think you're a great guy, Richard. But, Luke is my friend first. So, I guess what I'm trying to say here is if you break his heart, I'll break you." He then grins as if he hasn't just threatened a man roughly double his size.

Raising his bottle for a toast, Martin concludes, "To friendship. May it never lead to something else." With an amused snort, Richard clinks his own drink to Martin's, knowing himself well enough to be sure that falling for Luke is something that will never happen.

Luke comes back to their booth shortly after that, completely oblivious about the pair's discussion. They fall back into the easy banter they had before all the denials and misconceptions. Richard is not a gregarious person by default, but he thinks that having friends other Graham is something that he can be interested in after all.

As they were about to leave the pub, Richard catches sight of Lee sitting on a booth with a man he remembers meeting once. _'What's his name again? Oliver? No, no. Orlando.'_ Lee doesn't seem to have noticed his presence, and Richard thinks that perhaps it is better this way.

He hasn't been this drunk since god knows how long so he decides to take a cab home. He has enough wits about him to mark his calendar, but not for his journal. He flops down his bed and within seconds after his head hits the pillow, Richard falls into a dreamless sleep.

∞

Richard wakes up, wondering how he made it to the third week of September. Up until now, he hasn't figured out how this is possible. Actually, he can't remember the last time he's made it this far. If not for the existence of the mark on his side, Richard could have convinced himself that everything that has happened to him is just some elaborate nightmare.

He lifts his shirt up to check and as expected, the blue mark is still there, an eternal reminder of how many failed attempts he's had by now. He remembers Lee tracing this when it still says '119'. The man didn't ask about its meaning unlike the first time he saw the mark. If he had, Richard didn't have any other answer but the truth, and there is no way he would be telling that to anyone again.

_'It's not like he'd remember anyway.'_

∞

Days pass by, and nothing significant has happened other than his car breaking down for no apparent reason. Richard decides to stop questioning his luck at this point. 

On Thursday, Peter calls for a faculty meeting to discuss the upcoming school production. Richard has already settled in the conference room when Lee walks in. Given the state of their relationship, Richard has managed to skip over the disaster of the four-sugar packets day, which should have happened last week. Observing the man from afar, it seems that Lee is back to his usual jovial, affable self.

Glad to see him this bright again, it doesn't register to Richard that he has been grinning at the Art teacher until his gaze is returned with a puzzled look. Lee seems to be unsure if the smile is actually for him or someone behind him.

Of course, Richard understands his confusion. The longest conversations they had at this timeline consist of polite greetings along the hallways and small talks about the weather. It's not that Richard is avoiding a closer relationship with him. It's just that they have gotten off the wrong foot, and he doesn't know exactly how to redeem himself after that. He hasn't realized until now that he has been relying heavily on the Resets to correct his mistakes.

Richard averts his gaze and decides to focus back on the meeting's agenda. However, he looks up from what he is reading when Lee takes the seat across him. Catching his glance again, the Art teacher directs a coy grin at him, eyes alight with questions. Before he can stop himself, Richard smiles back as he feels his ears heat up. With over 100 Resets of Lee Pace smiling back at him, one would think Richard would not be affected by it as much as it had the first time. However, it seems that Richard will never be immune to any aspect of Lee Pace.

Peter puts down his mug and calls everyone's attention, effectively cutting off the brief connection between the two men. Richard tries to clear his head after convincing himself that this particular moment won't matter in the long run anyway. Given that he has been at this meeting for at least a couple of times now, he allows his mind to drift away for a moment.

∞

He has had 126 second chances at this point and not a single one ended up the way he wanted it to be. For all that he had experienced and learned about Lee Pace, here they are again, back to where they were before the accident. Mere colleagues.

Over the course of 126 Resets, Richard has allowed himself to get closer to Lee—exerted every effort he could in making the man love him back—only to have the rug pulled from under him every single time.

If this is going to be his last Reset, then perhaps he should start moving on from that way of life. He has other friends now. An Audible project is just right around the corner. He has been moving forward without the prospect of ending up with the man he loves. Besides, with the knowledge he has on their future, he can still save Lee Pace from his death. He won't deny his love for Lee, but perhaps it is time to stop letting his feelings dictate his entire being.

∞

His attention is caught by Ian who has taken over the meeting. The man is signing up volunteers for the school production. Richard didn't quite catch the details, but that hardly matters right now. He thinks that this can be a good starting point for his new path.

Since he has experience in productions bigger than this, surely there is something he can contribute to Ian's project. It has slipped his mind that Lee is a committee member as well, and before he can reach this realization, Richard raises his hand.

Everyone turns to him in surprise. He has a reputation for being a stoic, reserved man after all.

"Do you have a question, Richard?" Ian asks with an amused expression. 

"None at the moment," he replies with a brief shake of his head. "I'm volunteering myself actually."

"Oh, of course! Silly me," Ian says with a short chuckle before writing his name on the board. "That settles it then. For Set and Prop Design, James and Richard will be working under Lee's direction. Have a meeting with your team after this in preparation for tomorrow's announcement."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Kudos and comments are much appreciated. Have a great weekend ahead :)


	11. Love is Stubborn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well, we rushed it  
> Moving way too fast  
> That we crushed it  
> But it's in the past  
> We can make this leap  
> Through the curtains of the waterfall 
> 
> -[Geronimo](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UL_EXAyGCkw) by Sheppard

The universe has a sick, twisted humor, Richard grumbles to himself. The moment he falls head over heels in love with Lee, a Reset happens to take everything away from him. However, the moment he tries to distance himself from Lee, it practically throws them to each other, consequences be damned.

Perhaps if he wished for him to be stuck in this perpetual cycle, he would be sent back to the original timeline. A timeline without Lee.

On second thought, given this alternative, he would rather surrender himself to this eternal loop. An infinite loop with Lee.

∞

Richard has been pondering about these thoughts while waiting for Lee to finish his conversation with Ian. The older man keeps shooting knowing looks his way because like before, Ian is privy to Richard's attraction to Lee. 

James is waiting with him, ready for the group meeting. Feeling awkward with Ian's attention on him, Richard stands up from his seat and asks James if he wants anything from the pantry. Black coffee with no sugar, the man says with a quick thanks.

Mind off somewhere else, Richard's hands work on autopilot so he doesn't notice until he is done that he has prepared coffee in the manner of Lee. He debates with himself if he should just drink it himself or give it to the man instead. Weighing his options, Richard chooses to be daring.

Lee approaches their table, having just finished his discussion with Ian. He has a slight flush on his cheeks, and it makes Richard wonder what the two had been talking about. He hands the cup of coffee to Lee _—_ a gesture that is met with a raised eyebrow.

"You shouldn't have, Mr. Armitage."

"In the spirit of teamwork," he bluffs. "You can just call me Richard by the way."

"Well, then you can just call me Lee." He pauses to take the cup. "How come James doesn't get one as well?"

Richard reddens when he notices the absence of a third cup as well. "I, uh…I was just about to give this to him." He immediately hands out the beverage that is supposed to be his.

James takes one look at the cup, his face all scrunched up from apparent distaste. "Thanks, but I'm not really a fan of tea."

Richard splutters out an apology for the supposed mix-up, flustered from having his bluff called out. James chuckles before assuring him that it's fine and that he will just prepare his own coffee.

All through this, Lee watches with an amused expression on his face. He takes a sip from his beverage and then gives Richard an approving nod. "This is perfect. How d'you know how I like my coffee?"

"Lucky guess." As soon as the words have been spoken, memories of their first date flood Richard's mind. Wearing Lee's clothes. Their first kiss. Hiking up the hill. More kisses.

His answer earns him a smirk from Lee and a snort from James. 

∞

Witnessing Lee take charge has always been a welcome sight for Richard. He admires the man's vision and creativity, something that Lee applies to everything he does. He carefully takes note of the man's expectations from the team, resolving inwardly that he might as well do a good job since there is no turning back now. He has always had a problem with saying no to Lee after all.

Increasing students' participation is one of Lee's priorities this year. As expected, the man has already a plan in mind that he enthusiastically shares with the group.

"It helps that we're all quite popular among the students," Lee concludes.

Richard furrows his eyebrows at this observation. _'James, being a father himself, has a natural rapport with the students. Lee is universally adored for obvious reasons. Me? I hardly think so.'_

His disbelief must be evident on his face because both Lee and James look at him oddly, making him feel the need to explain himself. "I don't qualify as popular around here—or anywhere for that matter."

"Half my class has a crush on the mysterious, broody History teacher. The other half has an ongoing debate if you're part of some Diogenes Club," James counters as if he is stating a fact rather than an observation.

"Same for me," Lee adds. "I mean, same for my class. My students find you…fascinating."

Judging from the Art teacher's blush and stumbling words, Richard begins to latch on to the possibility that Lee finds him 'fascinating' as well—whatever he means by that. With a shrug, he concedes to their point, and Lee immediately redirects their discussion to their plans for tomorrow.

∞

Their meeting lasts for another half hour after that. James bids a quick goodbye because he has to pick up some groceries for his wife on the way home. Richard is starting to gather up his things when he notices that Lee hasn't budged off his seat.

"Aren't you heading home as well?"

Lee toys with his mobile as his shoulders tensed like he hasn't expected the question. "I'm just wondering why it took us this long to have a proper conversation. I see you with the other teachers, and you're fine with them. But when it comes to me, you just clam up. Did I do something wrong?"

Richard's mind scrambles for an answer that doesn't involve the exact truth. He doesn't know how he can respond without sounding like a complete lunatic or a creepy pervert or a delusional stalker.

The question hangs in the air unanswered for a moment before Lee stands up from his seat. "Never mind. See you tomorrow, Richard," he says with a trite smile.

After seeing that expression for so many times by now, Richard understands what that smile means. He panics at the thought of ruining everything again. In a rush of words, he explains, "It's all on me. I have these hang-ups that I can't even begin to explain right now. I look at you, and I remember the first—" Suddenly regaining his sense, he stops himself from confessing everything. "I apologize for making you feel that way. It was never my intention to fence you out. Can we just start over, please?"'

Lee narrows his eyes at him as if trying to figure out what he has just heard. Richard holds his breath, fighting the urge to continue his rambling explanation. He knows all too well that nothing good can come out of this if he loses his control right now.

"My friend suggested this new restaurant down at the Fifth. I can consider your request if you buy me dinner tonight," Lee finally responds with a challenging look on his face.

Richard agrees immediately, relieved that he is somehow getting another chance out of this almost-disaster.

∞

The restaurant is just a block away from Lee's flat, but Richard doesn't say this bit of trivia out loud since he is not supposed to know where the man lives.  Lee chooses a booth on the far right side of the room, away from everybody else.

After placing their orders, Richard wonders if this counts as a date or not. Feeling a little nervous at this thought, he scans the interiors instead of focusing on the man before him. 

Never the one for awkward silence, Lee decides to break the ice by telling again the stories that Richard has heard back in the previous timelines. His interests. His hobbies. His job. Even though Richard knows some of these stories by now, he listens just as intently as all the other times. Lee may have told him these before, but 'this' Lee hasn't.

Of course, there are still things about Lee that he has only learned this time around. Like his family back in Texas, his previous jobs before Greenwood and his secret love for reality TV shows. Appreciating his candor, Richard starts opening up to him as well and before they know it, the waiter is telling them that they are about to close for the night.

As they exit the restaurant, Richard looks at Lee expectantly because he is unsure of what to do next. He is used to following whatever Lee wants to do when they went out before.

"I live a block away from here. I should probably just—"

"Can I walk you home then?" Richard asks, surprising not only Lee but himself as well.

The man nods, his face unable to suppress a grin from the offer. Richard lets him take the lead as if he doesn't know exactly where they are heading. Gaining an appreciation for the current disrepair of his car, he matches Lee's grin with one of his own. It has been too long since they have last spent this much time alone with each other. Walking side by side, he fights off the urge to take Lee's hand into his own, in case that he is misreading what this night means. 

∞

They stop in front of the flat, and Richard remembers the last time he has been here. He wonders if he will get to see Carl again or if he will even be invited inside. Better not, he thinks. He doesn’t want to come on too strong after all.

"Tonight's been great. You're much better company when you're smiling and talking," Lee remarks, face flushed from laughing appreciatively at Richard's anecdote.

"I suppose it's only a matter of time before you realize that this is not the case at all," Richard replies in self-deprecation.

"We'll see." Lee pauses as his hand rubs the back of his neck. "I'd invite you for a nightcap, but my best friend told me that I should stop bringing home strange men. Not that you're strange, and it's not a habit or anything. Oh, god. I should probably stop talking right now." 

"She seems like a wise friend," Richard says with a reassuring grin, deciding to hold back his questions for now. He is still trying to piece Lee's 'long story', but he won't push the man into sharing when they have only started to get friendly again.

Lee chuckles a little self-consciously. "She is highly aware of that." He falters briefly, eyebrows furrowing together. "Wait, how did you know my best friend's a woman?"

"You told me earlier back at the restaurant." Richard has never came up with a lie faster than this before.

"Right. Just checking if you were listening," Lee replies with a little uncertainty. He tilts his head as if recalling whether he actually talked about Evangeline or not earlier. Fortunately, Lee seems to accept his fabricated response. Richard manages to pull off a smirk to hide his jitters from his slip up.

Biting his lower lip, Lee looks back at his flat as if debating over something in his head. Richard decides to save him from making a bad decision this time. "The nightcap sounds wonderful, but it's a school night. I'll take a rain check, if that's all right."

Lee nods, looking relieved for a fleeting moment before grinning at him. "Sure, I'll hold you to that then." He pauses for a moment as if he is holding back his words. "Good night, Richard."

"I'll see you tomorrow, Lee," Richard replies, completely disregarding the possibility of a Reset.

∞

Richard watches Lee disappear into his flat before hailing a cab for himself. He has had better days than this, but this particular night feels special. He doesn't know exactly why, but he allows himself to enjoy the moment for what it's worth. It isn't until he has tucked in for the night that Richard finally figures out the reason.

_'Tonight feels like the start of something new.'_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Kudos and comments are appreciated. Hoping to post quicker updates this month. See you on the next chapter :)
> 
> P.S. Happy Groundhog Day!


	12. Love is Bright

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Days like these lead to  
> Nights like these lead to  
> Love like ours  
> You light the spark in my bonfire heart
> 
> -[Bonfire Heart](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g1j1qwQQ8-Q) by James Blunt

Richard wakes up, feeling better than ever. Last night, he enjoyed a spontaneous dinner with Lee, just after he had considered letting go of such notions. He doesn't know for sure if this is the universe's way of telling him that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. What he knows for sure is that Lee sees him a new light after yesterday's events.

∞

"Richard!" Ian exclaims from the other end of the corridor.

Since the opening ceremonies, Richard has been avoiding him like the plague. Like before, Ian has a healthy interest—sometimes bordering on obsessive—on his love life. He fancies himself as a matchmaker, Richard thinks.

With the throng of students acting as a barrier between them, he busies himself by pretending to read a memo on the bulletin board, hoping that Ian will give up on his own accord. However, he has no such luck. From the corner of his eye, he spots Lee appear out of nowhere, prompting Ian to turn his attention to him instead

"Lee! You look splendid. I take it that you had a delightful and productive meeting with your team yesterday," Ian remarks, his tone heavy with implications. 

Richard catches Lee's gaze from where he is, silently pleading him not to divulge their evening together.

Lee acknowledges him with a quick waggle of his eyebrows. He turns to Ian with a half-shrug. "It was all right."

"Just all right?"

"Yeah, it feels like we connected well as a team."

Richard tries to eavesdrop on their conversation without sneaking a peek, but he can't hear much from where is he standing. When his curiosity gets the better of him, he decides to subtly check the conversing pair.

Unfortunately, Ian catches him looking and teases him with a wink. Cheeks burning red, Lee seems to be helplessly searching for an exit. With an exasperated sigh, Richard drops the act to save Lee from further questioning.

"Hello, Richard. Lee has just been telling me about your group's plans for today. Care to join our discussion?" Ian asks as Richard walks up to them.

"Actually, we have a quick meeting with James right now.  If you don't mind," Richard dissimulates while tugging Lee by the arm. For a fleeting moment, he considers taking the man's hand in his own, but that would probably only cause Ian to break out in his happy dance.

Walking away from the older man, Lee gives him a relieved smile before greeting him a good morning. The redness of his face has subsided to an enticing shade of pink. Richard abruptly pockets his hands to physically stop himself from reaching out to caress those cheeks.

"We should find a way to deal with Ian's snooping if we want to keep our jobs," Lee remarks, oblivious to Richard's state of mind.

"I concur. Why were you blushing anyway?"

"I might've told him that there were a few highlights yesterday, and then my face just went tomato red when—Good morning, Peter."

"Good morning, sir," Richard greets hurriedly upon seeing the headmaster as well. They both stop in their tracks in deference to their boss.

"Morning, Lee. Richard. It's nice to see you getting along. You two have so much in common that it sometimes makes me wonder why you're not friends at all."

They were saved from responding when the bell rings to signal the start of classes. "Hurry along now. I'll see you later at the announcement." As Peter turns to the next hallway, Richard releases the breath that he hasn't realized he has been holding in. "You were saying?"

Lee smirks. "It's good to know that I'm not the only one getting worked up about _this_." He motions a finger between them. Richard gives him a mock-glare before grinning in acknowledgement of his observation. "See you later, Lee."

"Not if I see you first," Lee counters cheerfully as he leaves for his class.

∞

The announcement of the committee members for this year's production has been well-received by the students, even when Ian calls out Richard's name. It still feels strange to him to recognize the evidence of his so-called popularity.

Lee stands beside him, radiating with excitement. Together with James, they pitch their objectives and plans to the students with an aim to recruit even the typically disengaged ones to join the preparations. Their efforts pay off when the sign up sheets return with more signatures than they were expecting initially.

Ian, who has been watching by the sidelines, congratulate them for their successful start. "Look at you two! I knew you were right for each other from the get-go."

He turns to James, who has been watching them with keen interest. "You were good as well, James. Keep an eye on this pair though. Soon, they'll take over the school from us old-timers."

James splutters indignantly, "Who exactly are you calling 'old' here?" The two older teachers continue to bicker, allowing Richard and Lee to get away relatively unscathed from Ian's digging.

∞

Richard wakes up, and it's Saturday. Checking his mobile, he suddenly remembers all the previous timelines when he would wake up and find unread texts from Lee. Scrolling down his messages, he feels the urge to dial the man's number—which he knows by heart at this point—but he can't no matter how much he wants to. They haven't exchanged numbers at this timeline.

First thing on Monday, he notes to himself.

Fortunately, a distraction comes in the form of a call from Martin, asking him to come by at their office tomorrow. Something about new projects that might interested him. Richard agrees with no further question, gratified that things are progressing quite well in this front. With nothing else to do for the day, he decides to head to Graham's pub instead.

After settling down by the counter with a ginger ale in hand, Richard finds himself facing one grim-looking Scotsman. "When's the last time you went out with someone?"

The other night, he answers but not out loud. In no timeline has Graham ever known about his relationship with Lee. Richard frowns at his question, knowing exactly where this is heading. "Why?"

"I have someone I'd like you to meet."

Richard gulps his drink as he ponders if he should come clean to his best mate or not. "I'd rather not," he replies with an air of finality.

"You've been here for more than a month. Might as well check the local—"

"There's someone else I have in mind already," Richard cuts him off. He isn't sure why he is admitting this to him now, but Graham has been his best mate for years, and surely he'll understand.

Graham crosses his arms in front of his chest. "Aye? Is it that blonde neighbor of yours?"

"Nope. He's a teacher at Greenwood," Richard replies without averting his gaze. This is actually the first time that his mate is learning about this aspect of him. It's not that he is hiding it or anything. It just never came up before.

Graham's expression is unreadable, making Richard grip his bottle a little tighter. After a short moment—which feels like a lifetime to Richard—the man nods his head in acknowledgement.

"Is that why Annie called it off back then?"

Annie. That's a name he hasn't heard in years. She is Richard's last partner that has been introduced to Graham. He takes another gulp of his drink before answering. "Annie had known it at the time. And you know why we broke up."

"Right, of course. Slipped my mind just now," Graham says before adding, "Not your proudest moment."

"Not at all," Richard agrees morosely. If there is one person who he had hurt the greatest, it is most definitely her.

Graham's eyes grow soft as he regards Richard. "Well, you were young and a big coward to boot back then. Anyway, the last thing I heard is that Annie's doing well. Beautiful kids. Nice house. Got a promotion, even."

Grinning softly, Richard feels a bit relieved that at least he hasn't ruined everything for her.

With a pat on his shoulder, Graham smirks fondly. "Now back to you, I just...well, I'd say, good for you then." Nodding his head imperceptibly, he continues, "I mean it, Rich. Sometimes, Gwen and I worry about you ending up all alone. I'm glad you’re putting yourself out there again."

Richard doesn't have plenty friends before, and it is moments like this that makes him remember why he never needed anyone other than Graham.

∞

Sunday arrives and Richard gets up early for his meeting at Audible. Martin wants him to try out for two projects which are both equally appealing to him. Of course, he wants to do both if he could, but Martin goes on about the rules and so on and so forth that by the end of it Richard acquiesces to whatever the man wants from him.

After the test runs, Martin leaves it to him to make a decision on which project to take since he did well for both. Richard is now facing a dilemma—the good kind, if ever there is one.

On one hand, the Hamlet project feels like the right choice if he's going by his interests alone. He has grown up reading the classics and what better way to start his repertoire than a Shakespeare masterpiece.

On the other hand, the Classic Love Poems project feels like the right choice if he's considering everything else that matters to him right now. He thinks that in the future, perhaps this can be his love letter to Lee. His own words do not even compare to these timeless works of art anyway.

Of course, he still remembers that he initially pursued Audible as a something that could only be his. But, what is so wrong about dedicating his hard work to the love of his life?

"So, what's it gonna be then?" Martin asks, interrupting his thoughts.

"I'd like to go for the Love Poems," Richard replies, feeling more resolute about his choice with each passing moment.

"Really? 'Cause you don't strike me as big, sappy romantic?"

"There might be a personal angle here. I'm rather partial to keeping the details to myself though."

Luke tries to get a word in, but Martin shushes him with a hand to his face. "Fine by me. Let's get down to brass tacks then."

∞

On Monday, Richard manages to exchange numbers with Lee like he had promised to himself. With the upcoming production, they never have to make up some excuse about spending more time with each other. No one dares to point out James' absence in their so-called group meetings, and Richard has a theory that Ian may have a hand in that.

That night, his mobile rings, interrupting him from re-reading The Hobbit. Mind occupied with the book, he answers without checking the caller ID.

"Hey, Richard."

"Hello, Lee," Richard greets back, immediately dropping the book to his lap.

"Is it okay that I called? I could've just texted, but I…"

"Hmm?"

"Well, I wanted to hear your voice."

Richard feels his face heat up as his heart races. "Oh…Good call, then."

Lee giggles delightfully. "Pun intended or happy accident?"

"Pun intended," Richard admits with a self-satisfied smirk, not that Lee can see him do so.

"What are you doing right now?"

"I'm reading The Hobbit again. You?"

"Just got back from walking Carl around the park. I should probably do that as well."

"I can read it to you, if you want."

"Are you gonna do the voices as well?" Lee asks, perking up from his offer.

"It wouldn't be right if I don't," he quips back.

Lee chuckles, and the sound shoots straight to Richard's heart. He will gladly do anything to make Lee happy.

"Let me just get settled on my bed," Lee says. His words summon Richard's memories of their first time together. The scent of his pillows. The warmth of his skin. Their last kiss.

"Okay. I'm ready," Lee prompts, pulling him out of that rabbit hole. 

Richard turns back the pages and begins the tale again. Tolkien's words flow out of him, and he gives everything he can to make the scenes come alive. Lee sometimes reacts to his narration with a hum of approval, but when he gets to do Thorin's part, the man seems to be suppressing a giggle. Richard interrupts himself. "What?"

Lee drops the pretense and bursts out in laughter. "Blame your voice! I pictured you as the Dwarf King in my head, and it just cracked me up. You're really into this, aren't you?" he teases. 

Enjoying this playful side of Lee, Richard jests using his interpretation of Thorin's voice, "I don't know what you're talking about. I always sound like this. Are you ridiculing my voice, Lee Pace?"

"I wasn't ridiculing you. That's just what Elves and Dwarves do," Lee counters breezily.

"Oh, so you fancy yourself as an Elf then?"

"I do look the part. Or so I've been told."

Richard imagines Lee with long, silver blond hair. Swathed in flowing robes and white gems. Ethereal and arresting. "You do."

Lee goes silent for a short while, breathing heavily enough for Richard to shiver from listening in. "Want me to do the Elf lines?" Lee asks with a hint of self-consciousness.

"That would be lovely," Richard agrees as he envisions a shy Lee with a fetching blush elicited by his previous remark.

After Lee procures his own copy of the book, Richard continues where he left off. He hasn't gotten to the middle of the book when he hears Lee yawn from the other end. He pauses to check the time on his mobile. **12:14 AM**

"Why did you stop?"

"It's way past your bedtime, I think," Richard mocks lightly.

"Yeah, right."

Richard can picture Lee rolling his eyes at him. "We can do this again tomorrow, if you're up for it. Until we finish the book." 

"Of course! We can include the Rings trilogy just to be more thorough," Lee offers readily.

"Let's not get ahead of ourselves. I'd like to do other things with you as well." Immediately after saying this, Richard flushes at the unintentional innuendo of his words.

"Yeah?"

To Richard's ear, the man sounds hopeful. Excited, even. "Yes," he answers, suddenly finding the courage to be honest with his intentions.

He doesn't want to hang up yet, and he thinks Lee doesn't want to either. However, they do have work in the morning, where they will be seeing each other again. 

"Lee?"

The man hums back in acknowledgment.

_'I wish you were here with me.'_

_'I'll dream of you if I could.'_

_'I'm so in love with you.'_

"Sleep well, my Elf-Lord."

Lee's breath hitches, causing Richard's heart to skip a beat.

"You too, my Dwarf-King."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments are much appreciated. :)
> 
> Have a great weekend!


	13. Love is Considerate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Runnin', runnin', runnin'  
> Ain't runnin' from myself no more  
> Together, we'll win it all
> 
> -[Runnin'](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eJSik6ejkr0) by Naughty Boy ft. Beyonce & Arrow Benjamin

Richard is not sure where he actually stands with Lee. They haven't gone out again since the dinner, but they have been spending more time with each other whenever they could.

Every morning, Richard wakes up to a text from Lee, just like in all the other timelines when they got friendly enough to do so. Greetings of good morning. Reminders of a task or agreement they had last night. And one time, a poignant quote from Lee's favorite book. He makes sure to send back a reply before leaving for work.

At school, it is a rare sight for people to see either of them without the other. Except during their classes, of course. They have placed themselves in a bubble—one that no one dares to burst—because as Philippa declared, 'they look so damn good together.'

After class, they guide the students on making the backdrops and props for the school production. Lee takes charge over the whole operation, while Richard is more than happy to carry out his directions.

Every night, either he calls Lee or Lee calls him, and they continue to read to each other and talk some more until sleep pulls them away from one another. Dreams continue to elude him, but now that his waking hours are so much better, he couldn't care less about his unusual situation.

∞

Richard wakes up and realizes that he has already gotten past September. The nights he had spent talking with Lee have kept him from regularly updating his journal. He doesn't even mark the calendar anymore. Getting up from his bed, he marks the days that have passed before flipping the page to October. 

Of course, Richard is still highly aware that a Reset can happen at any time. However, everything has been going so well that it distracted him from the dreadful hold that the Resets used to have on him. It has been a little more than a month now since this timeline has started, and several things have happened since then.

He has never been this close to Lee. Not when they first dated or even when they first made love.

He has never moved past his Audible audition before. Now, he pours his heart out every Sunday inside the recording booth.

He has never had other friends outside of his old ones. No one still compares to his best mate, but he likes the variety that he has acquired.

So far, this timeline is shaping out to be one of his best. A part of him wonders how long he can keep this up though. Richard doesn't want to tempt fate, but he wishes fervently for this to be his last one.

∞

Taking out his journal, Richard tries to recall what he has done for the past few days. The pen hovers above the page as he replays the highlights in his mind. In doing so, he starts to feel a bit off from his musings, although he can't pinpoint which part makes him feel so.

His days are spent with work and the production, while his nights are occupied by Lee on his mobile. Not that he is complaining about that one.

His Saturdays are allocated for his chores and the occasional cry for help by Graham, while his Sundays are dedicated to pleasing Martin, who has turned out to be quite a slave driver.

It's enjoyable and stimulating at best, however if he's being honest, he is starting to feel the monotony of this new pattern as well. There have been times when he can't help but wish for something to break him out of it. Perhaps, that is what unsettles him. He writes this down on his journal, heart growing heavy with this realization.

∞

Richard believes that he can look at Lee for one minute and find a thousand things to love about him. However, with the amount of time they spend together, he has also found a few things that he doesn't exactly like.

It is not as bad as it sounds, really. It's just that with the stress of meeting their deadline and the general unruliness of some students, Lee has been wearing that small, fake smile more and more often.

Back in the original timeline, he used to admire Lee's ability to keep smiling despite the negativity surrounding him. However, after seeing that particular smile plenty of times by now—and after being subjected to it himself—he has discerned this as a mask that Lee uses to disguise what he truly felt at the moment. He has no idea what goes inside Lee's head when he smiles like that, but he knows it can't be good at all.

Richard wants to make that expression go away. Permanently, if he can.

∞

After one particularly stressful Wednesday afternoon, Richard silently observes Lee as he downs his third cup of coffee—each sweetened with four packets of sugar. He thinks he knows what brought the man to this state, so he forms a plan to ease off the pressure from Lee.

The following day, Richard wastes no time in making his way to the gym, which has been assigned as the venue for painting the backdrops and assembling the props. Lee has been called by Ian for a committee meeting, so it is up to Richard and James to watch over the students.

Lee takes his role as a leader seriously, but he doesn't believe in exercising complete control over their group. He has a vision of what he wants for the production, but he refrains from telling the students exactly how to go about it. 

Fortunately, Richard doesn't subscribe to the same ways. What he plans to do is to sort out the students' concerns and figure out solutions for them. He knows that this is ultimately defeating their purpose, but these are just teenagers for crying out loud. _'What do they know about creating prop swords that don't bend in the middle?'_ When James join him a few moments later, Richard asks him to do the same to which the man complies with no question.

The group has made great progress by the time Lee arrives from his meeting. Richard looks up from what he is doing to check up on the Art teacher. Lee still has that troubled air about him, making Richard want to hold him and assure that everything is going to be just fine.

Shortly, a student approaches Lee and holds up a painted prop shield for his perusal. Lee talks briefly to the boy before that fake smile makes an appearance yet again. Richard doesn’t understand his reaction. _'Isn't he satisfied with the boy's work?'_

Feeling uneasy over this, Richard decides to approach them to ask what is wrong. As he nears them, Lee directs that smile to him, causing him to break out in cold sweat.

"What's the matter here?" Richard asks, his gaze darting from the man to the prop shield, which looks satisfactory from where he is standing.

"Nothing," Lee deflects, fake smile still in place.

"If you need to—"

"Thank you, Mr. Armitage. I don't think we have anything to discuss here."

Richard is nonplussed at the man's words. He thought they have gotten way past that point of formality. "What—"

"Aren't you supposed to be doing something else, Mr. Armitage?"

Hearing him say it for the second time, the name feels like a slap to Richard's face. He doesn't know where Lee is coming from, but he cannot accept this…low blow at him. Lee may not know the name's effect on him, but it doesn't diminish the impact it has on Richard. To call him 'Mr. Armitage' now—when all Richard's trying to do is help him get through this—is uncalled for. 

Reining in his turbulent emotions, Richard schools his face into a neutral expression. "Yes, Mr. Pace." He goes back to where he was and focuses all his energy in finishing the damn armor that he has been working on with another student.

After the period is over, they don't say goodbye to each other, and Richard heads to his car without looking back.

That night, Lee doesn’t call him, and Richard is still hurt enough not to call him as well. He takes one look at his calendar without marking it, knowing that tomorrow will be September 8 again.

∞

Richard wakes up, but he is not back to September 8. He is not sure if he is relieved about this or not. He checks his mobile for any text from Lee, but there is none. _'I suppose getting no message is also a message.'_

He goes to work, and Lee treats him like a stranger. He does the same, although he keeps wondering what he actually did wrong to deserve this. The other teachers throw concerned looks at them, but both men ignore them all.

Lee still doesn't call that night, but Richard is done with his sulking. Anyone can easily walk away since everybody has the choice to leave if things are not up to their liking. Richard himself has done it before. Not just to Lee, but to almost everyone else he had cared for.

People say that walking away is the hardest thing to do, but it isn't. Staying, even when he knows it will break his heart, is the hardest thing. Staying right where he is, waiting for his entire world to be ripped away is much harder than walking away and starting a new one. 

Richard has never been strong enough to stay. But after all that he has been through—after all that he has accomplished so far—he thinks that for Lee, he can be strong enough this time. The fact that no Reset has occurred yet is giving him the push he needs to make this right.

Unfortunately, Lee has turned off his mobile so speaking to him is out of the question. Richard wonders if he could drive to Lee's flat, but he then realizes that it might do more damage, given that he hasn't even been invited back there since the dinner.

Running out of options, he decides to leave a voicemail instead. He fiddles with his mobile, thinking of what to say to Lee. He still has no idea what brought about this. . . fight. Not that they have done any argument or shouting. And that's the problem, he points out to himself. They are doing it again. Running away from what really matters. This won't do at all, he resolves inwardly.

Dialing Lee's number, Richard waits for the beep to leave a message. "Hello. This is Richard. The thing is...you haven't left my mind since the last time I heard your voice. I just want to know—I think I deserve to know why. Please, call me back when you're ready to talk."

He doesn't mark his calendar again.

∞

Richard wakes up, and it's Saturday. No school, no Lee. He checks his mobile, but there is still no message waiting for him. Feeling frustrated over his situation, he begins to type a text to Lee.  **Not sure what you're doing right now, but I'm losing my bloody mind over you.** He winces when he reads again what he had just written.

Hitting the delete button, he types out another message. **Can we talk pls?** **I just need to understand. You don't know how much I've tried.** Squeezing his eyes shut, he takes a calming breath before deleting the last part. He finally sends the text and hopes for the best.

Longing for company, Richard heads to Graham's pub after dropping his laundry at the shop. His best mate gives him one look and seems to understand immediately whatever is troubling him. Graham pats him on the back before taking out a bottle of vodka.

In between shots, they talk about Gwen and Honor, the scores from last night's game and whatever else Graham thinks would distract Richard away from his problem. It works mostly because his mate knows his interests like the back of his hand. That is until Richard suddenly remembers the first time he brought Lee to this pub several Resets ago. Those were simpler times. Back when he actually thought that Lee is just a giant ball of sunshine and happiness.

He isn't sure if this is a genuine thought or just the alcohol's influence on him, but he wants to have that back so badly. If this is going to be his relationship with Lee from now on, then Richard can't help but wish for a Reset to take him away from all of this.

∞

Richard wakes up, and he is back to his flat. He doesn't remember going home yesterday and for a brief moment, he thinks that he actually got what he wished for. There is a painful pounding in his head, which is exacerbated by the sunlight streaming through his windows. His mobile rings—but not his alarm this time—so he fumbles around to check why it is making that sound.

Richard's jaw drops upon seeing the caller ID. Briefly considering not to take the call, he kicks the quilt off of him after sensing his skin prickle from nervous anticipation. He accepts the call, but neither of them speaks. He can hear Lee breathing from the other line, probably listening in as well, waiting for him to break the silence.

"Sorry."

Jolting up on his bed, Richard thanks the universe for not granting him his stupid, drunken wish. He still feels a bit disoriented from his headache, and usually he doesn't like to talk without getting some tea in him beforehand. However, Lee has just apologised to him, so he can't bring himself to care about his discomfort right now.

The man sounds as if he is tired and despondent, making Richard feel bad for even contemplating about rejecting the call earlier. Staggering up from his bed, Richard struggles for the right words to say back to the man's apology.

"I miss you," Lee adds softly. 

Richard feels like he can breathe again. "I miss you, too."

"I'm so sorry," Lee repeats. A dry sob from his end breaks Richard's heart into pieces. He wants to ask what is wrong—what caused this fight in the first place—but he doesn't because Lee doesn't like being prodded this way.

"Are you busy today?" Lee asks in a timid voice.

"Not really." If it means getting back together with Lee, Richard can face an irate Martin when he calls to reschedule their session today.

"Can I show you something here in my apartment? You said you want to understand. I would've brought 'em to yours, but I really don't know how to do that right now." Lee pauses. "Only if you want to."

Richard agrees immediately. "I'll be there in twenty minutes. Fifteen, if I can skip all the red lights."

Lee manages a short, mirthless chuckle at his eagerness. "Do you even remember where I live?"

How can I ever forget, Richard wants to ask. "Of course," he replies instead.

Lee lets out a hum of disbelief, as if he is unsure about Richard's ability to remember his address after being there once. Of course, he doesn't know the previous timelines when Richard has been at his flat. In his bedroom, even.

"Don't worry, Lee. I'll be there. Ten minutes, if I leave right now."

"Alright then. No need to rush over here. I'd feel really, really bad if you get a ticket because of me," Lee relents with a hint of amusement. "I'll be waiting for you, Richard."

Richard breaks into a smile upon hearing his name uttered in such a tender manner again. Lee hangs up, allowing him to move more freely as he makes a quick trip to the bathroom.

∞

Before stepping outside his flat, Richard takes a moment to steady himself. _'Perhaps two people have to fall apart to realize how much they need to fall back together.'_

Wrapping a scarf around his neck, he heads to the car, feeling lighter with every step. It may just be the pain pill taking effect, but he finds himself holding on to this growing sense of collectedness. He takes a deep breath and for the first time since the fight, he starts to believe again that everything is going to be just fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! See you on the next chapter :)


	14. Love is Unveiled

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I can't steal you the stars,  
> But I can give you this second hand heart.  
> It's been broken apart,  
> But will you still take my second hand heart?
> 
> -[Second Hand Heart](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lv1ioMBs38g) by Ben Haenow ft. Kelly Clarkson

Richard stands before Lee's door, clenching and unclenching his fists as he tries to calm down. On his way here, he wonders what Lee had been talking about on the phone. Nothing comes to mind, so he can't keep his insides from twisting in anxiety. A few deep breaths later—when he regains a semblance of composure—he finally knocks on the door. 

Pocketing his hands as he wait, Richard realizes that he hasn't been inside this flat since their first night together. With considerable effort, he manages to block off his memories from taking over his mind. He doesn't need that kind of distraction right now. There are shuffling noises from behind the door, and before he can lose his nerve, Lee is standing before him with an uncertain look on his face.

Richard greets him with a tentative grin, fingers toying with his car keys because he isn't sure of what to do next.

The smile that blooms on Lee's face is not his typical beautiful, bright ones, but it is definitely much better than the ones Richard has seen these past few days. It has a tinge of wistfulness—bordering on sadness—which Richard intends to put to an end today.

After inviting him to come inside, Lee pulls Richard for a hug. A first for this timeline. "Thanks for coming," he says softly to Richard's ear, voice fragile with emotions.

Richard wraps his arms around Lee and rubs his hand up and down the man's back to allay his worries. "No need for that. I want us to be all right again, too."

Nodding against his shoulders, Lee releases him from the hug with unsteady, disjointed movements. Richard wants to pull him back because he needs to feel that this is really happening. That he hasn't been sent back to the start. That they are going to make it past through their issues. He doesn't though because Lee has taken his hand to lead him further inside the flat. He squeezes Lee's hand instead, slightly comforted by the warmth that emanates from their single point of contact.

They pass by Carl, who perks up at the sight of a visitor. Richard isn't sure why, but he waves at the dog like they are old friends, and perhaps that's exactly it. Carl has been a constant fixture in Lee's life across all timelines, and Richard doesn't mind. Not one bit.

They stop in front of a room with an innocuous blue door. Lee lets go of his hand, his eyes regaining that uncertain look. "I've never been inside this room for a couple of years now," he whispers like it's a secret.

Unable to resist it any longer, Richard tugs him forward for another hug, wishing to reassure the man that he won't go anywhere but here. Lee's scent is still the same as in every timeline where they have hugged each other. By now, it makes Richard think of new beginnings. Of second and third chances to get things right. Although in his case, it seems to be more like an infinite number of chances to find his way back to Lee.

Parting from each other, Lee takes a deep breath before unlocking the door with a key from his pocket. He flicks the light switch on and ushers Richard to go inside before him.

∞

The room is a cramped space of bare walls and a concrete floor. Cluttered around are various items covered in white linens. A musty odor permeates Richard's nose as he makes his way to the center of the room.

He turns back to Lee with a question in his eyes, expecting the man to be right behind. However, he finds Lee leaning against the door frame, arms crossed in front of him defensively.

A thousand questions run around Richard's head, but he keeps them all to himself. He doesn't want to push Lee because he recognizes how hard this must be for him. He knows nothing about what this room means, but it seems to be quite significant. The fact that the man has invited him to see this is enough for now. It is a start, and he is grateful for it.

"Go ahead. Take a look around," Lee tells him in a subdued voice.

Moving towards the nearest corner of the room, Richard carefully plucks off one of the linens. Underneath is a stack of paintings that look nothing like any of Lee's artworks. He picks up one for closer inspection.

Featured prominently is a blonde woman in a long, flowing red dress—posed in mid-jump with arms wide open as if flying off into the unknown. Her expression is of complete exhilaration—raw, open and so full of spirit. Examining the portrait intently, Richard can feel the energy and intensity of the scene before him. As if he is witnessing the woman bask in this unadulterated release right before his eyes.

Curious about the painter, Richard checks for the signature. Scrawled on the far left corner of the canvas is 'Lee Pace'.

"Didn't know you paint portraits as well."

"Used to," Lee clarifies as he finally steps inside the room, hands clasp behind him as if he is being careful not to touch anything inside the room.

Richard picks up another portrait, this one depicting an old man dancing in complete abandon. Hands up in the air, his walking cane lies ignored on the ground. Blithe and spry.

There is another portrait of a young girl proudly displaying a baby tooth between her small, pudgy fingers. Hair arranged in an artful braid, a nose-wrinkling smile brightens up her face. Innocent and pure.

"These are brilliant. Everyone looks so alive and—"

"You don't have to do that, y'know."

"Do what?"

"Make me feel better."

"I'm not just trying to make you feel better. I genuinely like these portraits," Richard defends as he pries his eyes off the painting.

Lee sighs, remorse showing through his face. "Sorry, I'm doing it again."

"Don't worry about it," Richard replies, although he burns to ask why these paintings are causing such a reaction.

Lee backs away to lean against a wall, as if standing in this room surrounded by these portraits is sapping the energy out of him. "I've told you about what I did before Greenwood, right?"

Richard nods, turning his full attention to Lee.

"Well, I skipped an important detail in that story. I wasn't exactly working alone." Lee sighs heavily, eyes cast down. "His name is Carter. We've known each other since art school, and he sort of became my partner. He used to love everything I did, and I was so in love with him to notice that it's not me he wanted, but my talent."

Richard's heart stops for a second. _'Carter. Of course, who else would it be?'_  Clenching his fists tightly, he holds back his questions, unwilling to interrupt Lee from sharing his past.

Lee chews on his lower lip, probably mulling over his next words. "We spent years together. Working on projects and finding our identities as artists along the way. I was really happy for a while back then." His eyes seem to be lost in some distant memory.

"Making art is expensive, so we had to apply for grants and fellowships wherever we could. Back then, that was the hardest part, but we pulled through on most days. I never thought much about it at the time because I was young, and I still believed in all that romantic bullshit. Y'know, that we're together and that's all that matters," Lee recalls. ''Turned out we were never on the same page."

Shifting uncomfortably on his feet, Richard listens intently, though he itches to ask why Lee is telling him this. He has waited for several timelines to know more about Carter, and now that he is getting what he wanted, he struggles to keep his impatience from overtaking his good sense.

"He wanted more of. . . everything, and I was more than happy to support him. At first, it was fine. I was learning new ways to make art, and he kept saying that we're evolving for the better," Lee continues. "Then, the day came when I realized that I couldn't keep up with him anymore. Every work I produced was lacking and mediocre at best. I told him I'm a bit burned out, which—truth be told—was understating things at the time. Begrudgingly, he told me to take a break and go back to what I actually liked doing. So, I did."

Taking a steadying breath, Lee wrings bottom of his shirt as if he is getting more ill at ease by the second. "I started with the portraits again, but it wasn't the same as before. He had seen it too, and little by little, he gave up on me. It began with a dismissive glance. Then came the snide remarks, which sometimes led to fights. Big fights that always ended with him walking out. . . Walking away from me. It came to a point when I actually hated making art because I knew he'd just get upset no matter what I did."

Tears are now starting to form in Lee's eyes, and Richard instinctively surges forward because he feels responsible for the man's current distress. However, he freezes upon hearing Lee's next words. "I never blamed him for putting me in that position, no matter how my friends told me otherwise. I still don't because, for years, I allowed him to treat me that way. It's unfair for him to be deemed as the bad guy when I never called him out for it. And I'm not mad at him for not finding what he was searching for in me. It fucking hurt, but I couldn't hate him for going after his ambitions."

Lee's lips quiver as his shoulders heave. "We broke up eventually after all had been said and done. I was in a really dark place after that, and I ended up making a bad decision after another. I even began hating myself because I knew that if he suddenly showed up in my life again, I would've dropped everything for him."

Heart constricting painfully, Richard dreads the possibility that Lee still harbors romantic feelings for his ex. As if reading his mind, Lee shakes his head with a self-deprecating smirk. "Don't worry. I'm not that stupid anymore. Evie made sure of that. Although, I have to admit that hearing about his recent engagement still. . . floored me." He lets out a harsh breath, eyes shining with unshed tears. "I owe my friends so much for picking up the pieces every single time I break."

They grow quiet for a moment, allowing Richard to contemplate about everything he has heard so far. Remembering their fight last Thursday, he curses himself for walking out on Lee. Granted, he hadn't known it at the time, but his actions might have triggered these painful memories. Never again, he resolves inwardly. 

Disrupting his thoughts, Lee continues, "In time, I got the courage to go back to painting. Unfortunately, I discovered that I couldn't make another portrait without experiencing pain or fear or—actually, I don't know what it really was. It just felt like. . . my chest was on fire, like my heart was lodged in my throat. My hands shook so badly when I realized that I couldn't do it anymore."

Richard feels the anger stir in his chest. Not at Lee, but at the despicable man who couldn't appreciate what was given to him freely. From what he has heard from the others, he has surmised that Carter is a complete arsehole despite not knowing the extent of it. He is not as forgiving as Lee, and now that he knows what the bastard actually did, he regrets not spending at least one Reset hunting down this man. _'How can he not see why Carter doesn't deserve his kindness?'_

Lee wipes away a tear as it runs down his cheek. "Painting is everything for me, Richard. It's what defined me for most of my life. With no other choice, I resigned myself into doing worthless, second-rate art that no one would even take a second look."

Richard shakes his head in disagreement. "I don't understand. Your landscapes are excellent. I've always—"

Lee lets out a mirthless laugh, cutting him off effectively. "A painter who can only do cheap landscapes and mundane still-life is not worth giving a shit about. To capture another person's essence—to preserve someone's spirit in lines and colors—that's what I've always wanted to do," he rants out, arms gesticulating in frustration. 

Dropping his gaze, Lee slowly deflates as if he is losing the fight in him. "I couldn't find that. . . spark of inspiration anymore, and that's how I ended up as a high school teacher. Of course, I'm forever thankful to Peter for believing in me even though I'm such a screw up. It's just that there are moments when I wish I could go back to the start. Y'know, make better choices. Stop myself from being a fucking doormat. Recover what I've lost." Looking up to face Richard again, he asks, "Do you get what I mean?"

Richard does. _'That's my life ever since you died.'_ His heart aches to comfort Lee, but he doesn't know where to begin. So, instead he asks how this relates to their fight last week. He needs to completely understand where he went wrong because he doesn't want to be another source of unhappiness to the man he loves.

Reddening at the question, Lee rubs his face roughly with his palms before launching himself to an explanation. "Honestly, I took your actions as a personal attack to me. I got all territorial because I'm the leader of the group, but it's you who the students look up to. I thought you're telling me that I'm not good enough. That I'm useless." With a sigh, he concludes, "Took me a day without you to realize that. . . you're not him. You're only being helpful and perfect, and I was being a terrible, selfish dick."

Lee looks Richard in the eye, arms falling down his side. "I hate losing you, Richard. I honestly thought I could do this without getting attached. Just have fun and not give my heart away again. But, all of a sudden, every smile on your face—every word you say—sticks with me. I can't get you out of my head, Richard. I can't go back to the way we were before the production. I don't know how to keep myself away from you anymore, and I think I don't ever wanna find out...That's why I called, hoping that you'd take me back."

Richard knows that there is more than meets the eye when it comes to almost anything, but he isn't expecting Lee to be hiding this much behind those smiles. His insecurities. His tribulations. His fears. He has heard before that the saddest people smile the brightest, and Lee has always had the brightest ones. He may not be able to change the past for Lee, but he can make sure that their future together won't be filled with regrets and heartaches.

Stepping closer, Richard holds his gaze steady, hoping to convey his understanding and sincerity. There is more to Lee's story, and he hopes to hear them without going through a fight again. When they are standing before each other, he reaches his hand out to cradle the side of Lee's face. The man leans toward his touch, and it almost breaks Richard's control. Not wanting to take advantage of Lee's vulnerable state, he contents himself with caressing a thumb along the skin under the man's lips instead. "You've never lost me," he breathes. Not now. Not ever.

"I like you more than I thought I would. . . and that scares me," Lee confesses, his eyes wide and unguarded. "And I'm not saying this so you'll pity me or—"

Richard shakes his head again. "You can say whatever you want. If that's how you feel about me, then. . . it's fine. Nothing I say or feel makes yours invalid." Ignoring his desire to kiss Lee right at this moment, he decides to move in for an embrace. "I just wish we could've met earlier."

Lee smiles tenderly before meeting him halfway. "Me, too," he murmurs as he nuzzles into the bend of Richard's shoulder.

∞

Eventually, they leave the room, hearts lighter after having shared the burden that Lee keeps to himself. After locking it again, Lee invites Richard to stay for lunch.

Half an hour later, they are sitting comfortably on the couch while sharing a pizza. Lee has turned on the TV, but neither of them is paying attention to whatever show is on. Instead, they talk and talk some more, as if compensating for the last few days that they haven't. It is a bit stilted at first, but soon they manage to get back their natural rhythm. To Richard, it feels like coming home after a long day.

After a morning of repression, Richard allows himself to ask one question from earlier. "What about those paintings in that room? Why are you keeping them locked up after. . . that happened?" He struggles to find the right words for what Lee had gone through.

"Well, it's painful for me to even look at those paintings. But, I can't part with 'em because I've always thought of my art as an extension of myself. So, the storage it is," Lee explains with a shrug.

Richard nods in understanding, though he wonders if Lee would ever consider trying to paint a portrait again someday. He recalls the mural they did together back in a timeline he had lost. Lee had captured the scene beautifully, but not a single person was included—not even themselves. It breaks Richard's heart that Lee had lost something he values so much, but deep down in his most selfish core, he feels grateful that Lee ended up teaching Art to high school students.

"Those portraits may be brilliant and all, but I've always admired your landscapes. If no one else would appreciate those—which isn't the case at all—then it's their loss. You're incredibly talented no matter which form your art takes."

Blushing from the compliment, Lee gives him a fond smile, and it feels like watching the sunrise from the hills again. "I'm so glad I met you."

There are words that Richard wishes to say back—promises that he might not be able to keep and pledges of love that might not be reciprocated just yet. He decides to hold himself back for now and instead, he echoes Lee's words from earlier.

"Me, too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since it's almost V-day, I dedicate this chapter to my lovely date for tomorrow. She's the beta for this fic (so, all mistakes and inconsistencies are on her >:p). She hasn't joined AO3 yet, but I'll die trying to convince her because she's so damn good in everything. <3
> 
> As they say: the couple that fanfics together, stays together. :)


	15. Love is Deliberate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wanna be the one you steal,  
> I wanna be the one you shield,  
> I wanna be the one that your love,  
> That your love can heal
> 
> -[Shine](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hXTAn4ELEwM) by Years & Years

Richard hopes for things to go back to normal after the fight, but it doesn't. Their relationship has shifted. For the better, he observes.

Like before, they see each other at school, spend their afternoons working on the production, and talk over the phone every night. Unlike before, they have started seeing each other during Saturdays as well. Sundays are still dedicated to chores and Audible. Not that Lee is aware of that one yet.

They spend their day together going out for runs or eating at the local restaurants or exploring the travel spots around town. It all seems like a proper date, but they have never discussed labels. They haven't even progressed further than hand-holding and hugs. For all Richard knows, they can just be close friends, but he isn't going to dwell on that. He doesn't want to rush things again. After all, he has lost everything before by being too hasty and reckless. 

Unexpectedly, the biggest change is from Lee himself. They have talked about Richard's issue about that fake smile one night—not because he wants Lee to change—but because he wants to understand everything about the man he loves.

"Honestly, I hold in a lot. When I'm upset, I really don't like telling anyone. Especially to the person who made me feel that way. No matter how much anyone asks, the answer will always be 'I'm fine'. Even if it's not true," Lee explains in a measured tone. "People accept this because it’s easier than digging for the truth. But you're nothing like them, and I don't know how to feel about that. . . I just hate being a burden."

"Lee, you're not being a burden at all. Truthfully, it's harder for everyone involved when you hide behind your smiles," Richard points out, hoping that he is not offending Lee by saying so. "There's no person in the world who's made to handle every punch that's thrown their way. Things aren't always fun and easy. Sometimes, you've got to scream and cry your anger and sadness to world because you can hold it in for so long before something in you snaps. We're not supposed to be able to handle everything. We're not made that way. It's okay to be not fine all the time."

He pauses for a moment, wishing that they are not talking about this over the phone because he sorely wants to hug Lee right now. "I'm not trying to change you because I know you have your reasons for keeping it all in. Just remember that you can always talk to me about anything. I don't care if it's pointless or trivial. I'll always want to be there for you. For anything."

It doesn't happen right away, but little by little, Lee begins to share with Richard whatever is bothering him at the time. Their phone calls now are interspersed with Lee's grumbling and complaining, which would have put off any other person, except Richard. So, even though Lee himself worries about coming across as—in his own words—a miserable bastard, Richard listens intently as he maps out the makings of the man he loves.

Lee Pace in all his magnificence, compassion and occasional moodiness.

∞

They spend much of October getting to know each other, and ever since the fight, they have become closer and more affectionate than ever. They haven't talked about the portraits or Lee's past again, but Richard can wait for Lee to trust him with all of his stories and secrets.

With each passing day, Richard tries to learn something new about Lee, and whenever he gets this chance, another piece of the puzzle falls into place. He can’t quite see what the big picture is yet, but he is eager to figure out how the it all fits together. 

Richard used to think that Lee is perfect in every way, but now that he knows some of the man's flaws as well, he realizes that infatuation is finding someone as absolutely perfect. Love is discovering that this isn't the case, but it doesn't matter in any way. With this epiphany, he wonders if Lee would ever feel this way about him someday.

∞

Not all is well, however.

Richard may not be plagued with nightmares since the Resets have started, but he begins to suffer again from sleepless nights. Ever since the fight, there have been times when he could barely fall asleep because the dreadful thought of losing everything again becomes so great and consuming. It doesn’t happen often enough to become a big problem, so he just weathers through these nights in quiet contemplation of what he has accomplished so far. 

Some days are bliss. Some days are bleak. But, every day he makes Lee smile, something inside him heals.

∞

Lee dismisses the students early for the weekend, reminding each to clean up their areas before heading out. They have made great progress in completing the backdrops and props, so the man seems to be more relaxed these past few days. 

Richard is about to approach him to ask about their plans for tomorrow when Lee's mobile rings. Not wanting to be the clingy sort, he watches Lee from the corner of his eye as he gathers up his things instead. However, he is interrupted from this by Ian, who seems to have appeared out of nowhere.

"Hello, Richard. How are things progressing here?" Ian asks, eyes twinkling in curiosity. Richard begins to update him on the actual progress of their team, but Ian shakes his head, an amused expression crossing his features. "I meant with the two of you. I heard through the grape vine that you've been going out on dates."

Feeling uneasy with this conversation, Richard fidgets with his bag to keep himself from blushing. He values Ian for his wisdom and experience, but definitely not for his meddling. "Those were not dates. We're just friends, Ian."

Ian frowns at him, as if Richard is a schoolboy who can't do basic math. "You and I are just friends. You and Lee are not. It's obvious to anyone with eyes that you two are more than that."

"It's not that simple," Richard grumbles, wishing for a way out. Fortunately, Lee is done with his phone call, so he bids a quick goodbye to Ian, who lets him go with a knowing smile.

"It's that simple, Richard," Ian calls out to his retreating back. Richard turns back with a disapproving expression, but Ian has already left the gym. He moves quite fast for a man his age, Richard observes.

"What's up with Ian?" Lee asks as he pockets his mobile.

"The usual. Don't worry about it."

"I see," Lee says with an exasperated sigh. He then bites his lower lip, and Richard knows that means he is mulling over something in his head. "Do you have any plans for tonight?"

Richard shakes his head. He has always tried to keep his nights free for Lee's phone call.

"That was Orlando on the phone just now. He invited me to go out for drinks later. D'you wanna come with us?"

Blindsided by this invitation, Richard doesn't know exactly how to react. Lee takes this as a sign of hesitance on his part. "You don't have to. Just thought it'd be nice—"

"It's not that I don't want to go."

Lee raises an eyebrow at him, prompting him to explain. The thing is, he wants to go out with Lee, but not with his friend around. It's stupid and selfish, but he remembers Orlando from another timeline, and he is not sure if he actually liked the guy or not. Still, he is bound to meet Lee's friends at some point, and whether he likes them or not, he would have to at least spend some time with them as well. He lets out a sigh, resigning himself to an evening filled with inside jokes that he doesn't get and teasing from a stranger who seems to relish his diffidence.

"I was just thinking of the papers I have to grade. But, it's Friday. Plenty of time to do that over the weekend. So yes, I'd like to go with you," Richard says lamely, knowing full well that sounds more like an excuse rather than an explanation.

Despite this, Lee's mouth quirks up, his eyes lighting up with excitement. "Great! Let's swing by my apartment so I can feed Carl first."

∞

Orlando is the devil reincarnated. Arriving at the pub, Richard feels his stomach drop upon seeing not just one, but four of Lee's friends waiting for them at the booth. Apparently, when he learned that Richard would be tagging along, Orlando had taken the initiative to invite whoever else is available that night. At this moment, Richard—with his palms sweating profusely—wishes for the ground he is standing on to swallow him down right this instant.

Lee seems to take this surprise in a stride. But then again, he has nothing to worry about since all eyes are on Richard.

"So, you're the one who's been keeping Lee busy every night, huh?" Orlando the Devil says with a teasing glint in his eyes.

Richard reddens at the implication. They can't be more wrong, but he can't correct this without digging a deeper hole for himself. Saving him from further harassment, Lee ignores the comment and begins the introductions instead. "Richard, this is Orlando, and that's Evangeline, Bryan, and Anna."

"Lovely to meet you all," Richard says through gritted teeth. He wipes his hand on the side of his trousers before extending it out for handshakes. If he had squeezed Orlando's hand a bit harder than necessary, he can always blame his giant hand that easily dwarfs the other man's delicate ones.

With the pleasantries out of the way, Richard and Lee settle down on one side of the booth, next to Anna. Directly sitting across them is Orlando, Evangeline, Bryan—who has been strangely leering at him.

"You look somewhat familiar," Bryan remarks as he leans in closer to Richard. "Ever done a play or something like that?"

Richard swallows nervously, unwilling to divulge his past to these almost-strangers. Taking his hand under the table, Lee tries to comfort him,  probably sensing his uneasiness. "Guys, let's not give him the third degree," he admonishes his friends. He turns to Richard to explain, "Bryan's a writer, in case you're wondering. Orlando does theater, Anna's into fashion while Evie runs a small business with her husband."

"Kristin would've been here as well, but she's got a gig at the Metro," Anna informs them while directing a friendly smile to Richard. 

Richard nods, relieved that the attention has shifted away from him. "So, how long have you known each other?" he asks to no one in particular, attempting to further distract them from asking him questions.

"Long enough for us to be excited to meet a boyfriend of Lee's who's not just some guy he picked up on the way here," Orlando deadpans, earning him a swat on the head from Evangeline.

"Don't listen to him. He just loves to stir the pot," Evangeline assures Richard. "Actors," she adds with a roll of her eyes.

Richard doesn't exactly know how to react from this exchange. He tries his hardest to ignore the boyfriend label, which is easier than he thought, especially since he is now plagued with questions about Lee's dating history.

Turning to the man beside him, Richard observes that Lee seems to be equally uncomfortable with this turn of subject. Smacking a hand on the table, Lee says a little too brightly, "Why don't we order some appetizers? Who's got the menu?"

The rest of the group immediately jumps in to his suggestion, talking over each other as they suggest their favorites. Watching them argue about the superiority of chili fries over nachos, Richard thinks that this may be the longest night of his entire life.

∞

Despite their awkward introductions, Lee's friends prove to be quite an interesting company. Richard discovers that Bryan shares his fascination with classic literature, which leads to a lively discussion of the piece that the writer is working on right now. This is cut short however when Bryan's mobile rings, prompting him to take the call outside the noisy pub.

Meanwhile, Anna invites Orlando to hit the dance floor, swaying and giggling on their way there. Not that he feels insecure or anything, but Orlando seems to be living the life Richard could only dream of when he was younger. He is a theater actor and lives the quintessential life of one. Of course, Richard has grown to like his present career, but meeting an actor makes him wonder about the what-ifs of the days gone by.

When Lee excuses himself to go to the loo, Richard is left sitting on their booth alone with Evangeline, who has been eyeing him critically all evening.

"Have you been to the Woodland Hills?" the woman asks out of the blue.

Richard nods. He has been there before on his 'first' first date with Lee. A double date with her and Norman.

"Excellent hiking spot, isn't it? D'you know that at its peak, you're about 2,000 feet above the ground?"

Richard doesn't so he shakes his head. He wonders where she is going with this.

"Keep that in mind because that's where I'll push you off when you hurt Lee in any way," she says casually though her eyes betray the intensity of her words.

Raising an eyebrow at her, Richard tries to suppress his grin from being threatened this way again. He isn't successful though because the woman huffs at him, clearly taking offense at his reaction.

"I'm totally serious, Richard Crispin Armitage," she says defiantly. Seeing that Richard is taken aback, she adds with a smug expression on her face, "Yeah, I know your full name, address, and loads of other stuff."

With palms raised up in submission, Richard sets his mouth in a hard line as he considers her words. "I won't hurt Lee," he promises, hoping that she will recognize his sincerity.

"Look, Richard. You're not the first guy I warned off, and you probably won't be the last. Lee is the most giving person I've ever known, and some incredibly stupid dickheads had taken advantage of that. I hope you're nothing like them for my best friend's sake. In any case, if you don't treat him right, you'll have all of us to answer to. And I'm the least of your worries if that time comes. Like seriously, you should see what Orlando—"

"So, did you throw Carter off that cliff as well?" Richard asks heatedly. He feels the irritation boiling up inside him again. Without asking further about Lee's previous bad relationships, he has already surmised that whatever the man has suffered through is ultimately caused by his heartbreak over Carter. Hell, their recent fight has been triggered by Lee's memories of that bastard.

Evangeline startles at his question. "He told you about that scumbag already? I didn't—"

Her sentence is cut off when Lee comes back to their booth. "Everything all right here?"

With a bright smile, Evangeline answers for the both of them, "Yeah, we're just chatting."

Lee narrows his eyes at her, as if he knows exactly what they were just talking about. Turning to Richard, he extends out an arm. "C'mon, Richard. Let's dance."

"I, uh…I'm not really in the mood for dancing," he replies uneasily. He still feels a bit off from his conversation with Evangeline, who is now pretending to be fascinated by her bracelet, twisting it around her slim wrist.

As if summoned like the devil that he is, Orlando tugs Lee by the arm, exclaiming, "I'll dance with you! Leave the old people here to watch over our stuff."

"Fine," Lee relents as he throws a mock glare to Richard.

Maybe next time, Richard thinks. Aside from his current stroppiness, he doesn't have the nerve to dance in front of all of these people anyway. Watching Lee disappear in the crowd, he turns back to his drink, only to be faced by Evangeline with a challenging look.

"So, where were we?"

∞

The autumn night is beautiful, and it is late enough for the streets to be empty except for them. Having left his car parked at Lee's, they begin walking back to the flat after saying goodbye to the group. Lee takes his hand and snuggles to his side as if seeking warmth from him. Adjusting their hands to a more comfortable position, Richard finally loosens up after a night with Lee's friends. They turn out to be a fun bunch, but he won't be doing this again anytime soon.

Richard hasn't had many drinks earlier, and neither has Lee. They stroll languidly, enjoying each other's company without feeling the need to talk. He lives for moments like this. Moments when he can zone out completely. Forget about his troubles and Evangeline's stories. Focus on what he is feeling, what he is doing. Feeling contented while holding hands with Lee.

Mid-way, an idea pops in his head unbiddenly. Richard pulls Lee closer by the waist, a faint smile playing on his lips.

Eyes wide in surprise, Lee giggles as he picks up on what Richard intends to do. He places a hand on Richard's shoulder, their other hands still warmly wrapped with each other. His giggles simmer down to a fond smile, making Richard's heart pound a little faster.

They begin to spin in slow circles with Richard taking the lead. He follows a rhythm in his head, a gentle and smooth flow that only he can hear.

"Thought you don't wanna dance tonight?" Lee asks close to his ear.

"Not in front of your friends. But, it's just us now, and I owe you a dance."

"Too bad we don't have any music."

"Now, you want me to sing as well?" Richard asks pointedly.

"You don't wanna hear me sing, Rich. Trust me."

Richard's heart skips a beat upon hearing the man use his nickname. As a clincher, Lee directs to him a pleading look. Like the giant puppy that he is.

Completely defenseless against Lee's charm, Richard rolls his eyes good-naturedly. Clearing his throat, he tries to recall the lyrics of the song that has been playing in his head. A song that perfectly captures his feelings for Lee.

"Someday, when I'm awfully low," he begins softly so that Lee would have to lean in closer to hear him properly. A dazzling smile blooms on the man's face, looking incredibly pleased about his song choice or his voice or—He can't really tell because thinking straight is impossible with such a radiant sight before him.

Lee rests his forehead against Richard's, eyes shut as he listens to the song. Slowly drawing out the words, Richard croons, "When the world is cold, I will feel a glow, just thinking of you, and the way you look tonight."

As he sings the next verse, Richard feels the gentlest tug as Lee's fingers slide into his hair. He tips his head back slightly and closes his eyes as their lips touch. It is nothing more than a whisper, so tentative, so light. The sensation is too fleeting, too brief that he isn't sure if he had felt it all.

Before he can stop himself, Richard tries to capture Lee's mouth again, but the man pulls back a bit, sucking in a breath as he do so. Eyelids fluttering open, he looks back at Lee, who seems to be searching intently for something in him. Unfortunately, this triggers the memory of the very first kiss they shared, back in a timeline he had long lost.

Heat grows in Richard's cheeks as remembers why Lee pulled back the first time. His heart drums in his chest, waiting for the man to tear open his old wounds. He is waiting in vain however because something seems to click in Lee's head. As if he finally found whatever it is he's been looking for.

Richard swallows down his questions as Lee's fingers wind up in his hair again. Everything else fades away when Lee claims his lips, this time with such intensity that his mind goes up in flames.

He doesn't know how long they have been standing there, out in the streets, snogging like nothing else mattered in the world. Whatever it is that has been holding him back from kissing Lee again is effectively banished out of his being.

This doesn’t feel like any of their kisses before. All the other ones fade in comparison because this one feels so. . . right. It doesn't feel rushed or forced or ill-considered.  It isn't planned as much as it just happened, but it feels like the culmination of everything they have been through in this timeline so far. He lets himself fall into the kiss, fall into Lee Pace. Over and over again.

∞

How they make it back to the flat will forever remain a mystery to Richard. His head has been up in the clouds for the rest of their walk, so he is genuinely surprised to find out that they have already reached their destination. 

A part of him wants Lee to invite him inside, but another part is terrified of changing things. Lee seems to notice his hesitance so the man stops in front of the door, studying Richard intently. A few heartbeats later, Lee nods his head in understanding. He hugs Richard before kissing him chastely on the lips. "Brunch at The Lancasters tomorrow?"

Richard grins softly, heart lighter than ever. "Pick you up at 10."

∞

There are nights when Richard couldn't sleep in fear that he would wake up back to September 8 again. This is not one of those times. He falls asleep smiling, worries kept at bay for at least one more night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who are not familiar with RA's song, it's [The Way You Look Tonight](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VywfSHIdIkk)


	16. Love is Sincere

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I will not ask you where you came from  
> I will not ask you and neither should you  
> Honey, just put your sweet lips on my lips  
> We should just kiss like real people do
> 
> -[Like Real People Do](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yrleydRwWms) by Hozier

The alarm rings, breaking the silence of the early morning. Sluggishly, Richard gropes around his bed to put it on snooze. He has never been a morning person, but Lee is, making brunch the ideal start for their Saturdays together. When he still can't locate his mobile, he peeks through one eye to find the bloody thing and shut it off. He feels the wind get knock out of him however, when he happens to glance at the wall and finds it empty. The calendar is gone.

Panic rising in his throat, he finally gets ahold of his mobile, which now sounds obnoxiously loud in his hand. He checks the date. **Saturday, October 25.**

Shaking and bewildered, he sits up on his bed and spots the missing calendar lying in a heap on the floor. Gripping his sheets tightly, he clenches his eyes shut and turns his face upward in relief. The timeline has not reset. 

Inhale. Exhale. Even though it's impossible and painful.

_'I can't.'_

Inhale. Exhale. Each one feels harsh and dizzying.

_'Bloody hell.'_

Inhale. Exhale. Make it deep and long.

_'I'm still here.'_

After calming down, Richard gets up from bed and rummages his supplies for a duct tape or anything else that he can use. There is no way he is letting this happen again. While securing the bloody calendar on his wall using an obscene amount of adhesive, he finds himself plunging into helplessness as waves of paranoia and depression overwhelm him again.

Every day is potentially his last one in this timeline. Death would have been a kinder fate to him since there is no way to tell if he could ever get out of this loop. Whatever he does may result to a Reset, but he still doesn't understand why. Worst of all, no matter how happy he becomes, this can all end with him losing everything again. He needs to remember that.

∞

Brunch with Lee on a Saturday has always been a brilliant and delightful affair for Richard. Pushing all the miserable thoughts to the back of his mind, he desperately clings to the growing sense of peace and comfort brought about by the sight of Lee sitting from across the table. He reassures himself that he is not just imagining this. That this is not some hallucination that he can't get out of his head.

Lee is here with him, radiating with happiness as he enjoys his waffles and fruits. Basking in this sight before him, Richard takes a small sip of his peppermint tea as he listens intently to more of Lee's anecdotes, some of which he has heard before in a different timeline.

They haven't addressed last night's events, though when Richard picked him up earlier, Lee kissed him on the lips as if it was the most natural thing for them to do. Richard thinks that he prefers it this way, slipping into a new habit without making a big fuss out of it. 

"Where do you want to go today?" Richard asks as they wait for the bill. Both of them offer to pay every time, but Lee is almost always quicker to draw out his card. The man reasons out that since it is Richard who drives them around town, the least he can do is pay for their meals.

Slurping the last bit of his milkshake, Lee gives him a thoughtful look. "Why don't we ever hang out at your place? You've been to my apartment loads of times by now, but I've never been to yours."

Richard shrugs his shoulders for the thought has never occurred to him. "I dunno. There's nothing worth seeing in my flat anyway."

"Mine, too," Lee counters quickly.

"You have Carl though. I'm a dog-person, but my landlord doesn't allow pets."

With narrowed eyes and a playful grin, Lee ignores his comment. "You're not hiding a meth lab in there, are you? Any secret family I should know about? Or are you a hoarder, like in that TV show?"

"No to all accounts," Richard answers with a smirk. "If you're really curious, then we can head there right now. You've been warned though. My life is boring beyond comprehension."

Despite this, a beaming Lee visibly bounces on his seat like a little kid on Christmas morning. This distracts Richard from reaching out for the bill folder that the waiter brings over their table. Glancing at it briefly, Lee places several twenty dollar bills—in the process, leaving a generous tip—before taking Richard's hand in his, eager to leave the restaurant as soon as possible.

∞

"Welcome," Richard says dryly as he ushers Lee inside the flat. Scanning the area surreptitiously, he wishes that he had the foresight to clean up a bit before leaving earlier, but Lee doesn't seem to mind the mess. He offers to take off the man's jacket and scarf before hanging his own on the rack.

"This isn't bad at all. I like your poster," Lee remarks, pointing at the Macbeth memorabilia hanging above the sofa. He makes his way to the living room, gaze roaming around with bright interest. 

Richard grins from his comment as he tidies up a stack of shirts that he hasn’t put away yet. "Make yourself at home. Do you want tea? I haven't stocked up on anything else, I'm afraid," he offers as he makes his way to the closet.

"If you're having one, then yeah," Lee calls out after him, distracted by the books displayed on the shelves.

By the time Richard is done with their beverage, Lee has already settled down on the couch, flipping through his collection of playbills that dates back to his years in the university. The man fits in effortlessly, making Richard feel like his heart might burst with how happy he is to have Lee in his personal space.

"Awesome collection you got here. Didn't know you're such a big theater geek," Lee comments with a teasing tone as he accepts the cup of tea from Richard. He takes a sip, but it is still too hot so he places it carefully on the side table. "No wonder you hit it off with Bryan last night."

Wordlessly, Richard sits down beside him, feeling uncertain about bringing up the fact that he loved acting back in college. He tries to make up his mind over this as he sets aside his own tea to let it cool down as well. He is drawn away from such thoughts however, when upon turning back to Lee, he is pleasantly surprised to find out that the man has scooted closer to him. Lee gives him a sweet smile as Richard's gaze drops and lingers on the man's lips with its perfect Cupid's bow. 

Richard is not sure who initiated the kiss, but it hardly matters right now. Lee kisses as if he wants Richard to remember it all day long. As if he wants Richard to lick over his bottom lip absentmindedly later, thinking of Lee sucking on it. And he will, Richard believes.

When he brushes a hand to the man's side, Lee tugs on his hair, fingers curled as if anchoring himself to Richard. They do not part from each other until air becomes an issue, though they both choose to remain entangled as they catch their breaths.

Face flushed from kissing, Lee then rests his forehead on Richard's temple, sending butterfly kisses to his cheek. "I've been waiting to do this again since last night," he confides with a shameless grin, pushing himself upright eventually.

Mouth gaping slightly, Richard caresses a thumb over the man's swollen lips, captivated by its enticing shade of red. "So, this has been your plan all along, huh? Jump me in my own flat," he jests back after regaining control of his senses.

Catching the thumb between his teeth for a brief moment, Lee breaks into delightful giggles. "Didn't hear you complainin' earlier."

"Not complaining now either," Richard assures as he pulls Lee closer again by wrapping an arm over his shoulders.

Snuggling to his side, Lee rests his head on Richard's shoulder, humming contentedly as he do so. Unable to resist himself, Richard kisses the top of Lee's head, allowing him to get a whiff of the man's shampoo. Lavender and something else wonderful that is unique to Lee. Nothing smells as good as the person you love, he realizes.

"They like you, y'know. My friends. In case you're wondering."

Richard's free hand finds its way to Lee's, which is currently resting atop his thigh. He doesn't take it into his own yet, but instead, traces the lifelines on Lee's palm, as if trying to divine their future together, hoping that there is one that he can strive for without fear or question. "I like them, too."

"Except Orlando," Lee adds with a short chuckle.

"Except Orlando," Richard repeats in agreement. "Dunno how to talk to him, really."

"He'll grow on you, you'll see." Lee pauses for a moment, adjusting himself to a more comfortable position. "Evie approves of you, not that I'd stop dating you if she hadn't."

"Good to know," Richard replies nonchalantly, though he secretly feels proud over this accomplishment.

"You talked with her for quite a while when I left."

Richard acknowledges his observation with a hum, knowing exactly where this is heading.

"What'd she say? Only good things, I hope."

They both recognize this as complete optimism on Lee's part. Having been threatened twice by now, Richard is sure that Lee knows of the woman's protective tendencies over him. 

"Well, she has nothing bad to say about you. Can't say the same for Carter and all those other men after him."

Richard feels Lee stiffen beside him, so he stops stroking his finger to take hold of the man's hand. He knows that this is a sore subject for Lee, but they have to talk about this at some point. Why not now, when Evangeline's rant about Lee's dating history is still fresh in his mind.

"Yeah? What did she tell you?"

"She hopes that I'm not like any of them."

"You're not."

"I'd like to think so too, but what does that even mean?"

"It just means that you're nothing like them," Lee replies with a hint of petulance.

"In what way?"

"Why does it matter?"

"Why don't you want to tell me?"

"Because I don't feel like talking about him."

And there it is. It all boils down to that bastard, just as Richard had predicted. He knows that he should let this go since Lee apparently doesn't want to talk about his past again, but he can't seem to stop himself. "Why?"

With an exasperated sigh, Lee disengages his hand from Richard's. He lifts one leg and curls it under him as he turns to face Richard. He bites his lower lip as if holding back his reply. Hoping to draw out that answer eventually, Richard decides to copy his position so that they are sitting face to face, close enough but not touching.

"I suppose I'm a little bit scared," Lee admits, eyes cast down as he intently studies the couch.

Richard is starting to feel worse and worse by the second for making Lee this uncomfortable, but he has pushed them off the cliff at this point. There is no turning back now that they are in free fall. He can only hope that the landing won't be a tragedy. "Of what?"

Lee takes in a deep breath before leveling his gaze to Richard. "It might be over between me and Carter, but he'd always be a part of me. I know that you don't like how I felt so much for him, but that was then. You're my present, and we're happy together." He pauses for a moment to reach for Richard's hand again. "I've talked about him before, so I'm not trying to hide things from you. I just don't want to get into it right now."

Richard nods, feeling chastened for his stubbornness. It's just that he wants to know all of Lee. The good and the bad. If Carter had enough impact that Lee avoids talking about him, that Evangeline needs to warn Richard about being like the others, then yes, he wants to ask and understand. Even if it means that they would have to suffer through uncomfortable conversations from time to time.

Before he can relay such thoughts, Lee continues, "I want you to know all about it someday. By then, there will be no secrets between us."

"I look forward to that," Richard agrees, finally deciding to back down from his questions for now.

Lee tightens his hold on Richard's hand however. "And that means you'll tell me yours, too."

Richard freezes. He can't. There is no way he can ever promise that. His secrets have the potential to take everything away from him again. He has literally lost a timeline in just a blink of an eye. All because he had confessed his secrets in a desperate bid to get out of the loop. "That's not—It's not—"

Lee lets go of Richard's hand, pulling back with a hurt expression marring his features.

Richard is beginning to panic over this unfortunate development. "You don't understand. I have—"

"Your reasons. I get that. But news flash, Richard. Everybody else has. I have, and yet I've opened up myself to you. This won't work if you won't even consider it. I wanna know your life, too. Your past. Your troubles. The same shit that I burden you with."

Richard wants nothing more than to give in to Lee's demands, but there is so much more at stake here. "It's not worth knowing," he deflects in an attempt to dissuade Lee.

"Let me decide that," Lee counters decisively. "I've laid myself bare before you when you asked, and yes, I'm so relieved and grateful for your continued interest in me. I don't know if I've told you this before, but I felt really good when I unloaded all that stuff, and I want that for you." 

There is something in Lee's words that makes Richard's heart ache. Something that confirms what Evangeline told him last night. Lee gives away so much that it becomes easy to take his efforts for granted. Even with his demands, the man is still thinking of how it would benefit Richard. There is not one selfish bone in Lee, and it pains Richard to think of how people had and can easily take advantage of this.

Richard likes to believe that he is different from Carter and all those other men, but in this moment, it would seem that this is not the case at all. He is taking in every part of Lee that he can get without giving back something of his own. Richard wants to change this, but he feels stumped on how to go about it without losing this timeline.

Shoulders sagging as if getting weary from Richard's lack of response, Lee lets out a heavy sigh. "You don't have to tell me your deepest, darkest secrets. Yet. I'm not asking for much right now. Just tell me something. Anything."

Lee has a point, Richard thinks. Of course, he has the choice on which secrets to tell. Which parts of him would be worth sharing. He tries to come up with something innocuous yet substantial, but Lee is watching him with an impatient expression, thereby spurring him to blurt out the first thing that comes to his mind. "I'm not a great swimmer."

"What?"

"What? You said anything. I'm telling you that I have a fear of going into the water," Richard defends, feeling a bit awkward from his choice of personal trivia. He is trying, and he hopes that Lee will see that.

"Okay…But, why?"

Shrugging his shoulders, Richard explains, "I think it comes from something that happened when I was a kid. I kind of fell into a duck pond in my push chair." 

Lee's eyebrows shoot up in surprise, clearly torn between sympathy and amusement.

"I do know how to swim though. It's just that when everyone else is jumping in, I'll go, 'You know what? I'll just stand on the side.' It's bloody annoying sometimes, but there's nothing much that I could do about it," Richard adds, raking a hand through his hair self-consciously. "I suppose you can say that it affected me in how I deal with most things in life. I'm not a big risk-taker, really."

Richard begins to reflect about all the missed opportunities he's had not only during the Resets, but also back in the original timeline. All the people he had let down because he chose to play it safe—or rather, chose to be a coward. He likes to think that he has changed since then, but this mindset is terribly ingrained in him that he can't tell if he had been slipping back into it without noticing.

"Then again, life is all about risks, and it requires us to jump into that pool of. . . possibilities. I'm actually tired of being someone who looks back and wonders what I could've done instead had I not given in to my fears. And what I've been afraid of lately is losing what I already have with you," he explains further, saying out loud his thoughts as they come to him. "That's probably what's been holding me back earlier." 

Staring back at him, Lee offers him a small, comforting grin. "Now, you're just contradicting yourself. Wasn't it you who told me that the whole point of being with someone is so you can talk to them and let go of everything? That even when you're at your worst, they still like you, still wanna speak to you and care about you."

Nodding imperceptibly, Richard's tongue feels heavy and useless with all the things that he wishes to say to Lee but can't. No matter how courageous he feels right now, there is no way around the barrier that the Reset has put up between them. Tamping down his frustrations, he tries another tack. "Perhaps, I feel this way because I don't know where I stand with you. I don't know what I mean to you."

Lee takes in deep breath and lets it out slowly, as if buying time for himself. "I'm not even sure myself. All I know is that every time I'm with you, I feel like we belong together. And it's not just that. It's all in the little things, the tiny details of being with you." He pauses, chewing on his lower lip as if trying to collect his thoughts for a clearer answer. "I always want to talk to you, no matter what time it is, where I am, or what I'm doing. I'd drop whatever it is just to have a conversation with you. I like how we talk about the most random topics. I like how we lose track of time. I like how you seem to always know what to say. Like you've known me for a long time. D'you know that a simple text or call from you can make me smile throughout the day? It sounds rather silly, but it's true. You're on my mind especially when we're not together, and I guess, that's where you stand, Richard."

A warm feeling began to grow in Richard's chest while he listened to Lee's answer. His love for the man before him feels so consuming that he doesn't quite know what to do with it. The warmth has grown steadily into a hot yearning by the time Lee finished, rendering him speechless once again.

Overwhelmed by such emotions, Richard tangles a hand in Lee's hair as the other cups the man's jaw. Though they have kissed earlier, Lee's lips are surprisingly sweet, swollen and soft when Richard pulls him closer, molding with each other, fitting together with stunning perfection.

The kiss breaches into his memories from the previous timelines, and the secrets separating him from Lee seem to wither away as if they are nothing but mild inconveniences. He still cannot outright reveal those world-ending truths about the Resets to Lee, but even for just this moment, Richard wants to savor this raw, blissful abandon with the man he loves. He feels like he has found a sliver of forever. Like this is how they should have been and always will be.

There are times when Richard needed to remind himself that it is not the same for Lee. The man hasn't lived through several Resets like he had. Richard's feelings for him run deep—so very deep—for he has known and loved the man across several timelines already. It always goes back to Lee Pace, no matter what he did.

On the other hand, Lee's life doesn't reset around his. The man only knows of Richard from this single timeline. There is no way for him to know how much Richard has gone through to get to this point, how invested he is in their relationship. But despite such disparities, Lee's feelings for him is more than he had hoped for at this point. The man may not love him yet, but for now, what they have is more than enough for Richard.

If Lee desires for candor, then he can experience it in these moments. Moments when they need no words to tell how they feel about each other. Moments when he feels like he had been born loving Lee.

If Lee asks for a revelation, then he doesn't have to implore further because in this silent confession of love, Richard ends up saying the most.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Comments and kudos are both welcome and much appreciated. Next update might take a while though, so I hope you'd still keep up with this story.


	17. Love is Brave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'Cause I like to keep my issues drawn  
> But it's always darkest before the dawn
> 
> -[Shake It Out](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WbN0nX61rIs) by Florence + The Machine

"I'm dying."

Richard visibly startles at Lee's sullen announcement, evidently unprepared to hear those words that he dreads the most. Of course, he knows that this statement is just an exaggeration, but there is no way such thought can be anything but terrifying to him. Heart pounding wildly in his chest, he shoots a reprimanding glare at the man beside him, who is trying to curl up into a ball despite the cramped space of the car seat. 

They are driving back to Lee's flat after spending the evening at the local Halloween Fair. They shouldn't have gone in the first place—given that Lee is on his fourth day of recovery from the flu—but the man had stubbornly insisted on going no matter what. Apparently, Halloween is his one of his favorite holidays, and he makes it a point to celebrate it every year in whatever way he can. 

Richard's initial protests had been effectively shot down, however, when Lee baited him with the chance to see Orlando in a werewolf costume—a prerequisite for his gig at the fair's Haunted House. It turns out that Orlando isn't that big of a star yet, so he usually takes odd jobs now and then when he's not couch-surfing for a place to stay. Richard recalls the first time he met Orlando—back in a timeline he had long lost—and realizes that particular night had been Lee's turn to take in his friend. For the umpteenth time since he graduated from the uni, Richard feels somewhat grateful to his parents for not humoring his whims to become a full-time actor.

Unsurprisingly, the Halloween Fair had proven to be quite a popular destination for all the locals. In fact, they had ran into several people as they stroll around the clearing after, of course, teasing Orlando for looking more like a balding dog caught in a thunderstorm rather than the iconic monster that he should be portraying. It was also quite amusing how they would suddenly change directions whenever they spot someone from Greenwood, both unwilling to explain why the Art teacher, who was supposed to be on sick leave, was with the History teacher, who is a self-proclaimed recluse.

Garbed in homemade costumes, Evangeline—dressed as some sort of blue fairy—invited them for dinner when they ran into her family, but they graciously declined. Using Lee's flu as an excuse, they claimed that they would be heading home soon anyway. Protective as ever, Evangeline narrowed her eyes at Richard for letting Lee out of the house mid-recovery, but Richard just shrugged his shoulders at her, lifting an eyebrow while subtly implying—with a pointed side-glance at Lee—that he had only been dragged here against his will.

To an outsider, their silent discussion would just seem like a jumble of facial expressions, but the woman seemed to be getting his point well enough. In the end, it had been Kahekili, Evangeline's son, that saved him from further scrutiny. The boy, dressed up as Pinocchio, tugged on his mom's hand, bouncing up and down on the balls of his tiny feet as he pointed to the candy apple stand. Before parting ways, Lee made some vague promise about taking up Evangeline's invitation next week, so Richard mentally plotted the dinner so as to give him an ample time to prepare himself for another evening with Lee's best friend-cum-mother hen.

Throughout the evening, similar invitations were made by Lee's other friends they'd ran into, who like them, went out of their way just to witness Orlando in his most glorious role to date. They declined over and over again, but it amazed Richard how much those people love having Lee as their guest. He is not sociable by nature, but he might as well be since Lee always referred to them as a some sort of a package deal. So, even though he cringes at the thought of spending time with a rapid rotation of Lee's friends, the way his heart swells from happiness for just being included in Lee's plans makes it all worth suffering through with his sweat-soaked hands.

It was pretty uneventful after that, so they decided to head to the food stands and have some pumpkin pie for dinner. It couldn't have been more than five minutes, really, but while he was searching for something that Carl could eat as well, an all-too-familiar voice called out his name through the throng of teenagers dressed as superheroes. It was Graham, tailed by Gwen and Honor, who is wearing some of sort of a hybrid unicorn-angel costume. Both men had been surprised to see each other at the fair, but the question about what Richard is doing on the Halloween Fair with a dog in a dragon costume died on Graham's lips when Lee appeared out of nowhere.

The man tapped Richard by the shoulder, complaining that his headaches seemed to be coming back. Gazes darted back and forth when Lee noticed the family before them, and Richard realized that they hadn't met each other yet. Well, Lee did meet Graham a hundred resets ago, but that's not the point at the moment. After some quick introductions, Gwen insisted on eating at the same table as them since Honor had taken a liking to Carl, who seemed to be enjoying the attention from the little girl. 

So, they did end up having dinner with other people, and on a normal given day, Richard is certain that Lee would've charmed the socks off anyone, but not tonight. Flushed and with a slight grimace marring his usually cheerful expression, Lee tried to hold a conversation with Richard's friends. Graham threw a puzzled look at Richard, as if asking whatever's wrong with Lee. However, before he could respond, Lee seemed to notice the questioning glances between him and his best mate, and so in a rush of words, excuses came tumbling out of Lee's mouth, stumbling and incoherent in some parts. Graham and Gwen understood nonetheless, and after being ganged up by three other adults, Lee finally relented and agreed to go home immediately.

∞

"You've got some pretty weird reactions to things, y'know." Lee stops fidgeting on his seat to glue his eyes on Richard.

Willing his heart to slow down, Richard struggles to concentrate back on the road.  "How else do you expect me to respond?" 

"Don't know. Laugh it off, I guess," Lee suggests with a shrug of his shoulders. He then sighs deeply before pouting like a petulant child. "This is all my fault."

Richard briefly eyes him sideways, noting this side of Lee that he has only seen while taking care of the man for the past few days. Needy, disjointed and sometimes rude, even. Of course, Lee—being the true embodiment of politeness—always tries to put on a friendly face when in the presence of other people, but that facade quickly devolves when it's just the two of them. It goes without saying that Richard doesn't mind, though he is not really against making fun of Lee for his childish behaviors when the opportunity presents itself. "Very much so." 

Lee gasps loudly, affronted, as if Richard has just admitted to murdering ten people in his sleep. It's over-the-top, but not totally unexpected, for Richard has already been subjected before to such reactions of his 'patient'.

"Hey, when you go fishing, sometimes you catch a boot," Richard replies with a smirk. Carl barks from the backseat as if he is agreeing to Richard's point.

With another loud gasp, Lee twists from his seat to face his pet and whines, "Et tu, Carl? I know you love your costume, but I'm still your best friend."

Watching the pair from the rearview mirror, Richard snickers at the full-grown man throwing Latin phrases at an innocent dog. He then pats the said man on the arm, prompting Lee to sit properly while he is driving. The costume in question is not special or unique, unlike what Lee usually makes for Carl every Halloween. However, Richard had seen this red dragon costume for dogs while out shopping for groceries, and he had thought that if Lee couldn't make the costume this year, the least he could do is to make sure that Carl still gets to have one. 

Facing forward again, Lee turns his attention back to Richard, who is now pulling up in front of the flat. "Are you staying again tonight?" he asks in a small voice, reminiscent of a five-year old who has just learned the powers of playing it cute to get what he wants.

"Of course," Richard replies without any hesitation. He ushers both his passengers out of the car and into the flat using the key that Lee gave him the other day. He isn't certain if he would get to keep it from now on, but he remembers how his stomach flipped when he first received this key, which he recognizes as Lee's token of trust to him.

Making a beeline towards the living room, Lee plops down the couch and wraps himself with the comforter that had been left lying around in their rush to leave earlier. That same couch has been Richard's bed for the duration of his stay here in this flat. It's the same damn couch, where he has weathered through some chilly nights, only to wake up with an annoying crick in his neck the next morning.

The sight of Lee cocooned under the thick comforter is equal parts worrying and adorable for Richard. He wants nothing more than to provide relief for the man's headache, but there are some other pressing matters that only he can attend to. And so, before anything else, Richard busies himself with getting Carl out of the costume and fixing the dog's dinner before finally laying out the sleeping cot in the living room. Lee watches him in silence, although Richard isn't sure if the man is even aware of what's happening, given that Lee seems to be staring out in a dazed confusion.

With Carl all sorted out, Richard stands in front of Lee with his arms folded across his chest. "How are you feeling? Besides dying, of course."

Burying himself further under the comforter, Lee rolls his eyes at him and sighs as if the question is tiring him out. "Wanna go to bed now." 

"Meds first. Then, sleep," Richard counters as he pulls Lee out of the couch. He then escorts his patient to the bedroom, wrapping an arm around the man's waist to keep him steady. He has been in here a fair number of times by now so he knows his way around the room—where Lee keeps his clothes, meds and anything else he might need for the night.

With Lee sitting quietly on the bed, Richard takes out a set of pajamas for Lee to change into before choosing one for himself. He hadn't expected that Lee would be sick this long, so he had already ran out of sleep clothes to wear. When he informed Lee that he has to go back to his own flat to pick up more clothes, Lee helpfully pointed out that he has no qualms about sharing clothes with Richard, which frankly speaking, excited him far more than he is willing to admit.

Richard sets down the pajamas beside Lee, who is in the process of slowly unbuttoning his shirt. With a cheeky grin, Lee leers at Richard as he makes his way to the en suite to change clothes and do whatever else he does before bed.

Days before Lee had been struck down by the virus, Richard feels like they had been dancing around the idea of falling into bed with one another. However, fate hasn't been kind to either of them, and so now they are stuck in this limbo of heated gazes and yearning touches.

"Down, boy." Richard smirks after Lee makes a show of putting away his clothes in the hamper, only to sneakily approach from behind. An arm wraps around his middle as he feels another one trail down his back. Shivers run down his spine when Lee grazes his lips against Richard's neck, his warm breath inspiring some lascivious thoughts in Richard's mind. A sucking, stinging sensation down on the bend of his shoulder elicits a low moan from Richard, which unexpectedly brings everything else back into focus. Not now, he thinks as he pulls away from Lee. "Your meds," he reminds Lee, who then bites his bottom lip, frustration evident on his lovely features.

The meds that Lee has been prescribed to take is quite strong, so Richard only makes him take it before bed. After tucking in his patient comfortably, Richard kisses Lee on the forehead, like he had done so for the past few days.

 "You really shouldn't do that, y'know," Lee says with a smile that says otherwise. "What's gonna happen to us if you get sick as well?"

"I'm sure we'll manage," Richard replies, secretly loving the way Lee continually refers to them as 'us'. He turns away to leave, but Lee suddenly sits up on his bed.

"Hey, Rich."

Richard turns back and raises an eyebrow in response.

"You can stay here, y'know, for a change," Lee says as his cheeks turn into a bright shade of pink. "You're too big for the couch, and I'm not really that contagious anymore."

A fond grin curls up from Richard's lips, his heart doubling up in size from the man's sudden invitation. "I suppose you're right. My back's killing me every morning anyway," he replies after a moment. With a blinding smile, Lee nods his head in agreement to his point before sinking back down to his bed.

∞

Emerging from the en suite after getting ready for bed, Richard discovers that Lee has already moved over to one side, leaving him enough space to squeeze in. The bed is not exactly made to fit two grown men their size, so the springs creak in protest as he adjusts himself to a more comfortable position. As he do so, bittersweet memories of the one and only time he had spent on this same bed flood his mind, leaving him dazed for a moment.

"You okay?" 

"Yeah, just feeling a bit knackered. That's all," Richard dissimulates, though he wonders if he would always have to tell lies just to stay in this timeline.

Lee blinks back at him slowly, as if fighting off the effects of his meds. "Me, too." He reaches out for Richard's hand and snuggles it to his chest like some sort of security blanket. "Graham seems nice," he mumbles after a moment.

The remark elicits a soft grin from Richard despite the depressing thoughts plaguing his mind right now. His best mate had eyed Lee critically earlier, so he is relieved to learn that Lee had not taken it badly. "He is. And Gwen, too. He's actually a distant cousin, so we grew up together." 

"How'd he end up here then?"

"Well, Gwen's parents are from around here, and since she's an only child, the family business got passed onto her. They moved here five years ago, I think. No, six. Honor's just a year old when they left England." 

"I see. To be honest, I really thought you've got no friends outside of work," Lee says with a wistful look on his face. "I think it's funny though…"

When Lee trails off, Richard squeezes his hand to prompt him to continue.

"You can easily talk about other people's personal lives, but not yours. With you, it's like pulling out a tooth with…chopsticks." 

Richard furrows his eyebrows as he considers Lee's observation. His misgivings and reservations have always been a point of contention between them, and it's not that he is not trying to open up, because he is, every single day. Perhaps, it's his glacial pace that bothers Lee. Or perhaps, his efforts are too—

"Where are your other friends?" Lee asks out of the blue, catching Richard off-guard.

"Why?" 

Lee pulls himself closer to Richard without letting go of his hand. Worry fills the man's eyes, as if bracing himself for Richard's reaction.

"How long have we known each other? How many months? And yet I've never met a single one of your friends." Lee pauses for a moment as he narrows his eyes at Richard. "Be honest, if we hadn't run into Graham, you wouldn't have introduced me to him, right? Are you—" 

"No," Richard says firmly. Of course not. He has every intention of letting the two people who matters the most to him meet at some point. Hell, he had even done exactly that several resets ago. Frustration bubbles inside his stomach, however, for he cannot point that out to Lee, who is still eyeing him skeptically. "What do you want me to say?" 

"What about the others?" 

"They—they moved on. It's complicated, Lee. Not everyone is like you and your friends."

"Yeah?" Lee raises an eyebrow at him, making Richard sigh in disbelief. Why are they even having this discussion right now? Why does it even matter in the first place?

"Yes," Richard defends. "It's like—like when you make a friend in school, or through something, and you are—you're linked through this common experience. For a moment, you're so close, and you're friends, and it's brilliant. But, then the class ends, the experience—the moment passes. You might try to stay in touch, but it's never the same again. So, you move on, both of you, because that's how it is, and that's where my friends are."

Richard isn't aware until now that it's still there because he suddenly feels his long buried resentment resurfacing from somewhere deep in his mind. He remembers how his friends had dropped him when he had the falling out with Annie. It's his fault, really, for not making friends outside of their relationship, but it still stings to think about how dispensable he had been to those he had once considered as friends. 

Although, to be fair, if he had been in their shoes, he would've picked Annie over him as well. He had been a complete git, and there was nothing he could offer to make them stay. He feels himself getting more worked up by the second, though he is thankful to know that such a thing won't ever happen to Lee. The man boasts of a collection of wonderful and supportive friends, who had picked him up after his disaster of a relationship with Carter. 

And this is when it finally hits Richard. He is Annie's Carter. The one who everyone hates for breaking the innocent's heart. The one who ran away when the goings get tough. Such thought sobers him up, and it leaves a rather bitter taste on his tongue. 

Losing the fight in him, Richard continues broodily, "They've moved on. We had our moment, and it was great while it lasted. But, it's over now, and they're living their lives, and I'm living mine, and I wish them all the best wherever they are, and—"

"So, what's this then, Richard? Just another one of your moments?" The sleepy glaze over Lee's eyes has been replaced with hurt and betrayal, which Richard doesn't quite understand. "When our 'moment' or whatever ends, you'll, what, disappear? Send me Christmas cards from wherever you run off to next?"

Richard's heart sinks. "No, Lee. Of course not. That's—"

"No? You're sure that won't happen here? You won't get bored or tired or whatever, and move on?"

Hands sweating from this unexpected turn, Richard realizes that it's their insecurities and hang-ups that are speaking for themselves right now. How can he be so callous as to argue over such things when he knows how Lee suffered in the hands of another careless man. His heart pounds painfully inside his chest because he's not—it's not like that at all. He won't lose Lee, not again. He can't—

"It's different with you," Richard admits, voice pleading Lee to understand. When he first met Lee back in the original timeline, he believed that the man made the world appear softer. Kinder, even. However, he never acted upon his feelings then because someone as sublime as Lee deserves the perfect kind of love. Unconditional and nourishing and accepting.

Richard, on the other hand, had just ran away from the mess of dealing with broken promises. He was in no state to pursue someone as pure and lovely as Lee, and so he decided to just watch from afar.

Soft eyes, soft smiles, soft heart. In his dreams, Richard would rest his head on Lee's chest and let himself fall at ease. Warm hands on warm skin, his lips on Lee's, letting his troubles float away in small sighs. Soft breaths, soft lips, soft hands. It had been all too perfect—impossible and surreal—in his head back then. 

Over the course of the Resets, he has fallen more deeply in love with Lee, however, and not because he is now living his dreams. No, he falls a little bit more as he continues to discover the different facets of Lee. The good and the not so good—never bad or ugly, because there is no way he would ever think that of Lee.

His feelings have grown with each Reset and in this timeline, Richard feels incredibly gratified that he has earned enough of Lee's trust for the man to unmask himself. Gone are the fake smiles and the small talks and the unnecessary platitudes. And perhaps, it's this display of trust that Richard should have been emulating from Lee. There is so much he has to learn, so much to improve upon, and perhaps, there's no better time to act upon it than right this moment. Consequences be damned.

"I didn't leave them. They left me, and I moved on." Richard averts his gaze for he cannot witness how Lee would judge him for his weakness.

"What do you mean?"

"You know how in breakups, people end up choosing who to stay friends with? In my case, nobody had chosen me." 

"How could—But, why?" Lee looks utterly flummoxed over this, and it makes Richard wonder how Lee really sees him. Much better than he actually is, Richard surmises.

"Before you. . . there was Annie. There had been a—we weren't too careful, and I got her pregnant." Richard glances at Lee as the man tightens the hold of his hand. He knows what Lee might be thinking right now—that Richard has been hiding a child all this time—so he quickly resumes his confession to prevent further misunderstandings. 

"I'd been with her for eight years at the time, but I still wasn't ready for—I dunno—kids, being tied down, that sort of thing. I was so terrified of losing everything I had, and there's just so much that could go wrong. For two months, I tried to get on board with the idea of fatherhood, but it wasn't enough. Annie knew me too well, and it broke her heart to see how—"

Richard sucks in a breath to steady himself, letting it out harshly as his insides twist uncomfortably. "That and the stress from the constant nagging from her parents for us to get married pushed her too far, so…she lost the baby." He allows that to hang in the air, suffocating him with each passing second. Lee has been silent all throughout and his gaze never wavers, taking it all in like Richard had done when they first talked about Carter.

"And the thing is, I was so conflicted with—The ugliest part of me was so bloody relieved, and I'd never been more ashamed of myself. We didn't even talk about it—didn't have to. We just knew that there's no getting back from that. She left me after a year, and I did end up losing everything. Never blamed anyone but myself for how things turned out."

Richard pauses for a moment, casting his eyes downward as guilt overwhelms him again. "So, that's why I'm on my own. Well, there's Graham, but that's not the point. I'd been incredibly selfish and insensitive, and—" 

"I don't think you're that man anymore," Lee cuts in softly. He stares at Richard, though his eyes are already half-lidded as sleep tries to take him away from this moment.

In all honesty, Richard thinks that when he first met Lee, he was still the same man that rejected the thought of having his own child. Risking his own neck, allowing others to get too close, showing emotions that would reveal his vulnerable side—such notions had been unthinkable back then. 

Maybe it's having his soul crushed with every Reset or maybe it's the bludgeon-to-the-head feeling that he gets whenever he loses Lee over and over again—whatever it is—Richard now believes that he has been effectively humbled down into taking that step away from his past that has been controlling him ever since he left England. After all, protecting himself from the harsh reality of the Resets is as difficult as it is futile. And maybe, just maybe, this is the universe's way of telling him that, this time around, what he may gain outweighs what he may lose.

Sleep seems to be winning over Lee, but the man tries to fight it off by holding on tighter to Richard's hand. "Y'know, we adopted Carl five years ago. . . and Carter could remember the birthdays of his favorite celebrities, but never our dog's. Forgot mine too during our last year together."

Richard's heart twists painfully because Lee deserves someone who will remember everything about him. Lee deserves someone who will care enough to make that effort. And Carl, too. Most days, Richard isn't certain if he is good enough for them, but he wants to be. 

Because love demands them to work hard to overcome the hurdles if they want to stay together.

_True love requires a team effort._

 

Because if he has learned anything from the Resets, it's that his love for Lee isn't some instant magical force that can shield him from being screwed over by the universe.

_True love doesn't grow overnight._

 

Because he isn't certain if he had truly loved anyone before, but with Lee, there is no doubt in his mind anymore.

_True love is possible with the right person._

 

Letting out a yawn, Lee finally gives in and closes his eyes. He is just mumbling words at this point, so Richard strains his ears to catch what the man is saying.

". . . kind to Carl. . . more than you think. . .  like falling for. . . you're everything. . . 'kay?" 

A slow, fond grin blooms on Richard's face as the words slowly transform into light snores. He then wonders how he got so lucky to be in love with someone who cares enough to see beyond the walls he had put up around himself. Lee's understanding nature aside, Richard still regrets that he hasn't earned Annie's forgiveness, but perhaps someday, he will. For now, he tries to put his mind at ease and silently thanks the universe—or anyone else who might be listening—for making Lee Pace the man that he is. Bright, generous and oh so compassionate. 

Staring at the man's serene face—with his lashes fanned out above his lovely cheeks—Richard wishes that he can preserve this moment in some way that he can keep forever with him. However, memories are all he is allowed to keep, and so he lets go of such an improbable desire. Awaiting for sleep, he allows his mind to wander freely across all the different timelines that he has lived so far, chasing the beautiful memories he had once shared with Lee.

∞

Waking up next to Lee hasn't happened to Richard, ever. Not even this morning. Lee gets up rather early, even when he is riddled with the flu. Richard doesn't get the point of doing so, especially on a weekend like this. Blinking back to full consciousness, he can hear the faint humming of Lee, who is currently taking a shower in the en suite. The melody sounds somewhat familiar to Richard's sleep-addled mind, and only when he finds himself humming along with Lee that he realizes which song it is.

Grinning over the memory of that night, Richard stretches out his limbs as he walks to the windows to draw the curtains. Everything is still in its proper place outside—the golden leaves are still gently swaying from the cool, autumn breeze and the people are milling about up and down the street, minding their own business. Nothing world-changing has happened outside, but Richard feels a little differently inside. Better, or if he dares say it, less burdened. He wonders how much Lee could remember from last night—if he could even remember the last bits of their conversation—but such thoughts fly out of the window as warm notes of lavender fill the room.

"Mornin'! You're up pretty early. Usually, at this time, you're still drooling on my couch." Lee towel dries his hair as he approaches Richard by the window with a cheeky grin. His skin is flushed pink and small beads of water cling to the spots that the towel has missed. It's a lovely sight all together, Richard marvels, and he wouldn't mind seeing this on a regular basis. Not one bit. 

"You seem chipper. Feeling better already?"

After one final rub, Lee throws the towel to his bed, grinning widely at Richard. "Much. Never slept better than last night." 

"Hmm…I'm afraid I've had better nights myself," Richard teases as he tries to keep a straight face. "You snore."

Lee's jaw drops, clearly taking offence from the accusation. "I do not!" He then takes a step closer, trapping Richard between his arms and the window. 

Richard rests his back against the window grilles, secretly thrilled that they are starting their morning with this playful banter. "Yes, you do. It's kind of a deal breaker for me to be honest, but you're so adorable when you're asleep so I'm letting this one go."

"Nope. You're just making that up," Lee denies with a shameless smirk. "And excuse me, but I have it on good authority that I'm adorable 24/7."

Chuckling lightly, Richard thinks that only Lee can make such claims without earning any protest from anyone. "Well, I'd have to record it then the next time it happens."

Face turning into a brighter shade of pink over Richard's implication, Lee trails down his gaze from Richard's eyes to his lips and then down to his neck. "Oh, this is a rather pretty mark you got here," Lee murmurs as his finger traces the bend on Richard's shoulder. 

Recalling last night's events, Richard realizes that Lee has most probably left a love bite on him before getting into bed. Heat sweeps down from his head to his chest as Lee continues to stroke that spot, so gently that it feels like he is whispering to Richard's skin.

"Hmmm...Perhaps, I can return the favor," Richard breathes, attracting Lee's gaze back to his mouth.

Lee doesn't say a word, but he nods his head, eyes shining with anticipation. Richard needs no further encouragement, so he bends down slightly to press his lips to the side of Lee's neck. He starts off with soft kisses, inhaling deeply through his nose. He is about to take his first bite when Lee's mobile rings, bursting the rose-tinted bubble that they have placed themselves in.

Sighing from the interruption, Lee whispers close to his ear, "Hold that thought for a minute."

The man has leaned in a little too close, however, and it's all too much for Richard. Four days have passed since he had last kissed Lee properly, and—To hell with catching the virus, Richard decides abruptly. He tugs Lee forward and captures the man's bottom lip between his lips. It is supposed to be just a quick peck, light and fleeting, but Lee deepens the kiss as he slides his fingers through Richard's hair. Richard's knees buckle from the sensation, but Lee presses him against the window just to keep him upright.

"Mmm…morning breath," Lee mocks after pulling back for air.

Richard feels his ears heat up in mortification. "Sorry, my bad. Shouldn’t have—"

"Oh, I don't mind," Lee cuts in, eyes growing soft. "I pushed you into it, so don't worry. I'm understanding that way." The look on Lee's face as he says this tells Richard that this isn't just about the kiss and stale breaths. Lee remembers his confession, and more importantly, he accepts Richard despite the man that he used to be. 

This moment seems to be the perfect segue to continue their conversation from last night, but Lee's mobile is still ringing in the background. And so, with great hesitation, Richard decides to put it off for now. "Going to pick that up?" 

"Right." Lee jolts back to reality and hurries to accept the call. Richard takes a deep breath as he wonders if he should take a shower as well or prepare their breakfast first. Shower, then breakfast, he eventually decides. Checking the closet for a shirt he can borrow, Richard freezes upon hearing Lee's next words. 

"Mom! Shoot. Sorry, I forgot to call you last night."

Lee's mother is on the phone. No, scratch that. Lee's mother is on Skype.

From where he is standing, Richard can see the woman beaming back at her son through the screen.

Her son whose lips are swollen from an impromptu kiss. Her son who has just shared his bed with some guy from work. Some guy who is currently wearing a shirt bearing the name of her son's alma mater. Some guy who is sporting a love bite made by her son.

This is a disaster in the making, Richard concludes nervously.

"It's alright. How're you feeling, dear?"

"I think it's out of my system now. Richard's been taking care of me, so it's all good here." Lee then tears his gaze away from the screen to throw a wink at Richard.

'What are you doing, Lee? Please, let it slide. Please.' His silent plea is utterly disregarded as Lee's mom gasps in surprise.

"Oh, that's so sweet of him. Is he still there?"

Before Richard could signal Lee to spare him, the man nods with a wide, eye-crinkling smile. There is no time to duck away or hide inside the en suite for Lee bounces up to him like the giant kid that he really is. "Mom, this is Richard. Rich, meet my mom, Charlotte."

With a tight-lipped grin, Richard waves awkwardly at Lee's mother, who bears a striking resemblance with the man beside him. His tongue feels clumsy and useless, so his words just die on his throat, unspoken.

It’s not that he never wants to meet Lee's parents. That would be an honor, really. It's just that he imagines a more formal introduction—him on a proper suit with a bottle of good wine as a gift. Instead, he is meeting Lee's mom with his hair still messy from sleep.

The woman doesn't seem to mind, however, as she waves amiably back at Richard. She then leans away from the camera as if searching for someone outside the camera's view. "Jim, come and meet Lee's new boyfriend!"

_'Oh, no. No. No. No. Not the dad, please.'_

Shuffling footsteps can be heard in the background, approaching in a hurried pace. Lee nudges Richard with his shoulder, eyes shining brightly. There is an excited grin playing on the man's lips, and this radiant sight somehow manages to steel Richard's nerves. 'Well, it's now or never.'

Charlotte is joined by a portly man with a jolly smile, who then squints as if trying to get a better look at them. "Ah, heard plenty about you already, so it's nice to put a face to those stories."

Squirming on his feet, Richard suddenly remembers his manners. "Good morning, sir, ma'am."

The Paces—including Lee—chuckle at this, and it does nothing to alleviate his current distress. Jim recovers first from their laughing fit and addresses Richard. "Now, now. We don't do 'sirs' and 'ma'ams'. Just some simple folks 'round here."

Patting her husband's arm, Charlotte pipes up, "Oh, oh! I've got an idea. What're you doing for Thanksgiving, sweetheart?"

Nothing, Richard thinks. The English don't celebrate Thanksgiving, but he doesn't want to point that out in case he appears rude to Lee's parents, of all people. At the back of his mind, Richard knows where this is heading, but he feels powerless to stop it from happening. Not when Lee is looking at him expectantly. Hopeful, even.

"Haven't got any plans yet, to be honest."

Charlotte claps her hands in glee. "That's perfect, then! We'll feed you plenty." She then turns her attention to her son. "Bring him home over the break, dear."

Quirking an eyebrow at Richard, Lee seems to be wordlessly asking if he's fine with this arrangement. How can he refuse, Richard wonders, when saying no feels like the worst thing he can do at this moment.

"That's—uh, that's. . . Of course, that would be lovely. Thank you for your kind invitation." The Paces smile warmly at his stammering words as Lee wraps an arm around his waist. The family then continues their conversation among themselves, wondering out loud who else would be coming over for Thanksgiving. Names are being thrown back and forth, and with each one, Richard starts to feel a giddy, pulling sensation building up inside his chest. Apparently, he is going to meet the rest of the family.

Imagining all the worst case scenarios that he can blunder his way in, Richard reaches to his side and squeezes Lee's hand in an attempt to anchor himself from getting swept away by all these paranoid thoughts.

_'Oh, god. What have I gotten myself into?'_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dedicated to sunnydisposish and Risitas (iccu from Tumblr). The only two other people (besides my beta) who supported how I originally wanted things to end for this fic. Thank you so much again :)


	18. Love is Found

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, show me family  
> All the blood that I would bleed  
> I don't know where I belong  
> I don't know where I went wrong  
> But, I can write a song  
> I belong with you  
> You belong with me  
> You're my sweetheart
> 
> -[Ho Hey](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zvCBSSwgtg4) by The Lumineers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many thanks to **yuuwaku** for saving me from the disaster of losing this chapter completely ;)

A runaway from a house that was never a home, that's what Richard has always been. A lonely stray of his own volition. Who would have thought the path he had taken would lead him here?

∞

Thanksgiving is nothing like any holiday he has suffered through back in England. Martin described it to him as 'American Christmas', but no, it hardly resembles Christmas at all—well, at least compared to how the Armitages celebrate their holidays.

As someone who teaches History for a living, Richard has wondered how the Thanksgiving festivities even came to be. "Don't you feel guilty for celebrating Thanksgiving?" he had asked Lee on their flight to Texas early this morning.

Putting down the book he had been reading for the past half-hour, Lee furrowed his impressive eyebrows. "Why?" 

"Because of the whole genocide bit," Richard answered matter-of-factly. "The specials only talk about how the Pilgrims and the Native Americans came together, but—"

"You're overthinking this, Rich." Lee offered him a comforting grin as if seeing right through the root of his obsessive cogitation about the American holiday. Truth be told, Richard had been quite amazed at Lee's growing insight on his tics and tells. He didn't want to make a mountain out of a molehill—not when they couldn't talk it out in detail—so he decided to let this go without any further argument.

"It's all going to be fine. You're gonna fit right in, you'll see," added Lee. The man's fingers then found its way to Richard's, and so for the rest of the flight, their weaved hands rested on the armrest between them, sending waves of warmth and reassurance to stave off the building uneasiness in his stomach.

∞

Much to Richard's relief, that same dreadful feeling has been replaced with genuine curiosity. Looking around the dinner table, more questions about Thanksgiving form in his mind. For instance, what are those marshmallows doing on top of the sweet potatoes? And why has the turkey been fried to golden crisp? And speaking of turkeys, how come the President only pardons one every year? Has there been any—

"Beans?"

The unexpected question pulls Richard out of the Thanksgiving rabbit hole. Seated to his right is Lee's younger brother, Will. He hasn't spoken a single word to the teenager, but it's not exactly done on purpose. There's just too many people to meet and be introduced to that he hasn't had a chance to make a proper conversation with anyone until now.

"Ah, yes. Thank you." Taking the bowl from Will, Richard spoons a couple of servings to his plate as his mind tries to conjure a topic for them to talk about. He doesn't have to try hard, fortunately. Will brings out his mobile from his pocket to set down on the table, inadvertently setting up a possible common ground for him and the younger man.

"Is that a TARDIS?" Richard asks while eyeing the iconic blue mobile case.

Will turns to him with both eyebrows raised up in surprise. "Uh, yeah. You know Doctor Who?"

"I grew up watching Doctor Who," Richard replies before passing the beans to Lee, who is seated on his other side. The man is preoccupied with catching up with his cousins, so he takes the bowl with just a quick murmur of thanks. Turning back to Will, Richard recognizes a glint of interest in the teenager's eyes. "To be honest, I believe that The Doctor is one of Britain's national heroes _and_ greatest export."

Will nods in agreement, chuckling heartily at his remark. "Which one's your favorite, then? Mine's the Tenth Doctor."

"Oh, now that's a tough question," Richard says, scrunching his face out of indecision. "I'm more of a Classic Who fan. So, I suppose it's either the Third or the Fourth."

"Hmm…Been meaning to watch the old episodes," Will comments before spearing a potato with his fork, "but I'm still saving up for the DVDs."

A possible solution is in Richard's mind, but he holds himself back as he figures out if such an offer would seem too ingratiating on his part. Mulling things over in silence, he takes a bite of the turkey and immediately realizes why the Paces prefer to serve this fried rather than roasted. Chewing with gusto, he catches sight of Charlotte from the other end of the table, flanked by Will and Lee's aunt, whose name has slipped from Richard's mind. A pleased grin meets his gaze, and he feels himself redden from the attention.

"You should try it with the sauce, dear. It's an old family recipe."

Richard does as he was told, and yes, the savory goodness of the brown sauce bursts marvelously on his tongue. He may have found a new favorite dish, and that's saying a lot since he is not a big fan of anything fried—or eating, in general. With a final approving nod, Charlotte shifts her attention to the other guests, allowing Richard to turn back to Will.

Clearing his throat, Richard decides that there is no harm in trying. "I've got the complete set of the series. If you're interested, I can lend it to you over the Christmas break."

Eyes widening at his offer, Will tries to contain his excitement, but fails comically, knocking the salt shaker off the table. "I'll pay for shipping," he hurriedly adds. "It's the least I can do."

"There's no need for that," Richard counters, only to be met by a puzzled look from Will. He then realizes that this boy belongs to the same family that raised the ever-generous Lee Pace. Taking back his earlier remark, he explains, "I was just thinking that educating you with the Classics is my duty as a Whovian, but if you're so inclined, then…sure. I dunno the current rate these days, however."

"Doesn't matter," Will dismisses with a wave of his hand. "Have you seen the previews for the Christmas special?"

Richard has, in fact, already seen this year's Christmas special back in the original timeline, but it goes without saying that he can't share this bit to anyone ever. So, instead, he just nods his head and continues with his meal while listening to Will's theories about the said episode. They trade ideas back and forth, each getting more and more outlandish than the previous speculation.

At one point, Richard decides to check on how Lee is doing, and he is pleasantly surprised to discover that the man has the same idea as him. Amidst the chatter and laughter filling the room, Lee is openly staring at him with a soft gaze and a gentle smile.

Ears turning pink, Richard wonders what he sees.

∞

After dinner has ended, Charlotte ushers the guests—all of which are heavier with turkey and pie—to the living room. Photographs, mementos and various pieces of art have all brought character to an otherwise traditionally decorated room. Richard has never been particularly keen on the aesthetics of a house, but even to his untrained eyes, he knows that this space conveys comfort and repose. He follows Lee and sits down on a particularly squishy couch, along with Will, who hasn't lost interest in him much to his astonishment. Conversations are still circling around the room, going from one topic to another and with him right on the very center of attention.

 

Is it really always raining in England?

What about his PhD, is he going to take it soon? 

Did he enjoy his first Thanksgiving dinner?

Will they spend Christmas here as well?

 

Yes.

No.

Definitely.

Maybe.

 

Richard struggles to keep up with the flow sometimes, perhaps because he is now feeling the effects of the long flight coupled with the lethargy brought about by the big dinner they've had. The weeks that preceded this trip have also been quite hectic—what with all the adjustments, rehearsals, and of course, the opening day of the school production itself.

It had been successful for most part, though the run-time exceeds what has been initially planned, thereby leaving them even more strained and stressed when it all ended. Still, this is what brought him and Lee together in this timeline, and he couldn't be happier when Peter awarded their team the privilege of choosing which props to keep as memorabilia. Lee, who had taken mostly elven props, prompted Richard to take anything related to Thorin. With a suggestive wink, if he may add. That has been nearly a week ago and up to this moment, Richard cannot keep his imagination from running wild over what that wink meant.

When Sally announced that she has to put her kids to bed already, Lee takes this chance to bid an early exit for them as well. "Sorry, dad. Been up since 3AM," explains Lee after Jim tried to hold them back for a little longer. "And I've promised Richard a tour 'round town tomorrow."

"Alright, then. I'm afraid you'd have to take your old bed. Sally's on the guest room," Jim acquiesces. "I've transferred your suitcases already."

"Thanks, dad. We'll make do." Lee stands up from his seat, grabbing Richard's arm as he do so. He then makes a quick stop to give Charlotte a goodnight kiss and Jim, a hug. Minding his manners, Richard offers a handshake to Lee's father, expressing his gratitude for the warm welcome. However, when he offers the same to Charlotte, the woman chooses to pull him for a big hug instead. "I've put some fresh towels in Lee's bathroom. A quick shower before you sleep will get you even more rested for tomorrow, okay?"

Richard nods mutely, smiling sheepishly for such caring treatment is not usually afforded to him. Lee thanks his mother one more time for the both of them before heading up the stairs and into Lee's old room.

∞

The twin-sized bed is mocking him.

Before they even left for this trip, Richard and Lee have agreed that under no circumstance would they ever do anything remotely sexual under this roof. In Richard's mind, there is just something inherently wrong about it. And it's not because he is afraid to have sex with Lee again. No, Richard has been putting it off because the timing is never right. They had been too busy with the production for the past weeks, going as far as sacrificing their sleep just to ensure that everything would be in their perfect working order.

In addition, giving in to his mindless desires has cost him a perfectly good timeline before—how can he ever forget that? He has learned his lesson, and as much as he wants to share this with Lee, the man can never know that they have lost each other once all because they couldn't keep in it their pants. Cautious, that's all there is say about his approach this time. Not cowardly. Not paranoid. But, cautious and practical.

And so, they laid out the ground rules a week before leaving for Texas. A quick kiss or two is fine. Hugs, definitely. Hands underneath their shirts, nope. Making out is a hard no. Sharing this tiny bed for three days? Perhaps, he can just sleep on some blankets laid down on the floor.

"What's wrong?" Lee asks as he locates their suitcase.

Richard closes the door and the clicking sound it made coincides with him swallowing nervously. "Nothing."

"Richard." Nowadays, Lee only calls him in that manner whenever he means business or when in the company of others. Since it's just the two of them right now, it's definitely the former.

Fidgeting with the hemline of his sweater, Richard makes a hasty call. "I'm going to take a shower." Without waiting for a reply, he grabs his suitcase and locks himself in the bathroom. _'Coward.'_ There's no denying that now.

The cold spray of water beats him back to sense, harsh and unrelenting as it pools down the soles of his feet. Enduring the self-imposed torture, he catches sight of the blue mark on his side when hangs his head down in quiet contemplation. **127**. The number taunts him with its supposed meaning and purpose, both of which continues to elude Richard. It's quite effective nonetheless for he is reminded of his vow to never run away from Lee. Dammit, he's done it again.

When Richard emerges from the shower, Lee moves past him and into the en suite without a word. _'Shit.'_ Richard puts away his clothes, sits on the bed and waits with bated breath. Still and quiet, the room is now far colder than the water had been.

Seconds turn into minutes, and all Richard can do is pick on the loose thread hanging off his t-shirt. The bathroom room door opens some time later, letting out the familiar lavender-scented steam. As Lee puts away his clothes, Richard follows the man with his eyes, hands gripping the soft duvet.

"Lee?"

"Yeah?"

Richard gets up from the bed and encloses the man with a hug from behind. The tension on Lee's shoulders dissipates, a positive sign that Richard latches on like a lifeline.

"Are you ready to tell me what's wrong now?" asks Lee while softly brushing a hand over Richard's arm.

"Yes," Richard mumbles. Parting from their hug, he takes Lee's hand and guides him to sit on the edge of the bed again. He plays with Lee's fingers and averts his gaze as his words start to fail him.

"What is it?" Lee prompts him after a moment.

"I don't—I, uh…you know we talked about this, right?"

Lee tilts his head and knits his eyebrows together as he tries to make sense of Richard's question.

"I don't want to sleep with you," Richard blurts out in a rush of words.

_'Wait. No.'_

Hurt taints Lee's widened eyes, his jaw dropping down in shock.

"Not like that! I mean, yes, but not—not tonight. What I meant was I want to—badly, if I may add—but not…just not tonight or in this house." Richard is sure that he is bright red at this point so he covers his face with his free hand in an attempt to save his remaining dignity.

As Richard suffers in horrified silence, Lee chuckles when understanding finally dawns upon him. He kisses Richard's cheek, which runs against what Richard is trying to point out for him. "You're adorable when you're flustered," Lee coos with an amused grin on his face.

"That's—No, I'm not," Richard bristles. "And you're missing the point, Lee. We can't—as much as I want to—we can't share this small bed because. . . it's not that I don't trust you. I do, really. I just don't want to risk it. Sleeping with you isn't—"

"Rich!" Lee interrupts him with a hand pressed to his mouth. "You said it yourself. It's _just_ sleeping. Nothing more. We're just gonna turn off the lights, get under the covers, and sleep. I've already lost count of all the times I've fantasized about us, y'know, finally being together that way. But, we're both mature, sensible adults—not a couple of horny teenagers. Just think of my parents being a few feet away from us, and I'm sure that would effectively kill the mood. Let's not make this any harder, Rich. Okay?"

With his mouth still muffled by Lee, Richard nods his head in silent agreement. His racing thoughts begin to slow down although his cheeks remain warm from the images brought about by Lee's supposed 'fantasies'.

"Good." Lee frees Richard from his hold, but not before kissing him again—this time, a single chaste kiss on his temple.

Lights off, they settle down on their side of the bed, something that they have silently agreed upon during Richard's numerous ventures on Lee's bedroom back in Greenwood. Talking in hushed tones about the day they had, it isn't long before they start to inch closer to one another, closer and closer until they are entangled once more with each other.

Richard rests his head atop Lee's chest as the man's fingers weave into his hair. Above them is a constellation of plastic stars, glowing faintly on the ceiling. He remembers having the same ones in his old bedroom in England. Nostalgia hits him without warning, making him squeeze his eyes shut just to shake off the unexpected twist inside his chest.

With nothing else to keep away these intrusive thoughts, he shifts his focus to the sound of Lee's heartbeats against his cheek. Gentle and calming, this is exactly what he needs at the moment. Breathing in the comforting scent, he snuggles in closer as his mind explores the possibility of finding his true home within Lee.

∞

Richard wakes up, wincing, his face all crumpled as if in some physical pain. It's way too bright. Why didn't they close the curtains last night? He blinks a few times as his eyes try to adjust to the early morning sunshine. Like every other night that they have slept together, Richard wakes up alone in bed. It's not his bed, however, and in the daylight nothing else looks familiar to his sleep-addled mind. Another day in this timeline, he observes with sigh of relief.

A part of him wants to get up and shut the bloody curtains. Another part of him wants to sleep for five more minutes. Throwing a pillow over his head, Richard decides to leave the curtains alone.

Voices can be heard from outside the room when Richard wakes up again some time later. Stretching out his long limbs, he fumbles around the nightstand for his mobile. **7:40 AM**. Too early to start his day, but already too late to make a good impression to this household of early risers.

A quick detour to the bathroom preps him up for the day that awaits him. Lee has not shared with him the details of today's activity, much like during their 'first' first date. Doesn't matter, he tells himself. It's not like he has a single clue on which parts of Texas Lee would want him to see and experience.

Richard is about to leave the room when a tiny flash of yellow and pink comes rushing in. A tinkling sound—light and delicate—quickly follows the blur, and Richard recalls hearing that a lot during last night's dinner. Sarah, Lee's youngest niece, hides behind the partially open door while covering her mouth with her tiny hands to stifle her laughter. Much to his amusement, Richard realizes that the little girl is most probably hiding from Will, who has just knocked on the door, eyebrows furrowed in either concern or confusion.

Eyes alight with mischief, Sarah motions a finger over her lips, signaling Richard to keep her secret from Will. Richard assures her with a waggle of his eyebrows, biting his tongue as he do so to keep himself from grinning from ear to ear.

"Mornin'," Will greets with a quick wave of his hand. "Looking for Sarah. Her mom wants me to get them down for breakfast. Any chance you've seen her?"

"No, I'm afraid not."

A soft giggle escapes from the little girl, thereby alerting Will of her presence. "Yeah?" The younger man smirks at him over his obvious lie, but Richard surprises himself when he finds himself continuing the ruse.

"Nope, nobody else here but me." Richard picks up his mobile from the nightstand and shrugs his shoulder. "I'm about to head down for breakfast anyway. Might run into her though. I'll make sure she gets there, too."

"I hope she gets there in time because," Will says before sniffing the air exaggeratedly, "I can smell waffles with lots of syrup, and I bet Jacob's gonna finish 'em all by himself." He then throws a silly grin at Richard, reminiscent of his older brother's playful ones. "See you downstairs, then."

When the door closes, Sarah bursts out in laughter and steps away from her corner to approach Richard. "You talk funny."

"What?" Richard asks with a tinge of amusement. He lowers himself and sits down on the floor because it feels awkward to keep bending down the middle. He is not particularly good with kids, but he had babysat Honor for a number of times by now, so this is nothing new to him. Besides, he feels like he has a better chance at making a good impression with the younger Paces anyway.

Smiling from ear to ear, Sarah twirls a lock of hair between her fingers. The sight reminds Richard of the portrait from Lee's flat—the one with the little girl and her tooth—and it makes him wonder if it's her or her older sister, Samantha. The two girls bear a striking resemblance to each other save for the obvious age gap between them.

"Say...'flower'," Sarah prompts him out of the blue.

Richard humors the girl's demand and enunciates the word, clipping the 'R' sound at the end.

More delighted giggles fill the air, and the little girl seems to have found this exchange worthy of another go. "Okay, what about. . ." Sarah glances around the room before pointing to the vase atop the nightstand.

"/Varz/," Richard says, and the girl doubles over with a rowdy laugh. "How do you say it, then?"

Sarah clears her throat. "It's /vays/. " She punctuates this with another grin while stepping closer to Richard. "You're silly."

"Silly? Well, how's this for silly?" Richard takes a deep breath and hopes the girl already knows what a tongue twister is. "Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers."

"Oh! I heard that one from the TV," Sarah exclaims, her green eyes twinkling in delight.

"Yeah? What about the next part? I believe it goes something like, 'A peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked. If Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers, where's the peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked?'"

Bouncing on her feet, Sarah shakes her head. "Say it again!"

Richard repeats the verse, faster this time around, though he finds himself stumbling over the last part. "Okay, this time, you try it. It's 'Peter Piper pi—"

"Nuh-uh," Sarah cuts him off. To Richard's surprise, the little girl tackles him using her full body weight. Fortunately, Sarah weighs nothing more than he can take, so he just wraps an arm around the girl to keep her from falling over.

"I like you," Sarah declares before trapping Richard's face between her little hands. "Do you really live in a big castle?"

"What? No. Where d'you—"  
  
"Uncle Lee says you are his…uh, Dorf King." Sarah squeezes his cheeks with her short fingers. "He talks about you a lot. To mom, to nana, to papa. . . Even to my dad, one time."

Heat blooms on Richard's face and chest upon learning this, but it's not unexpected, to be honest. He knows that Lee has no problem with sharing the details of his life to his friends, and extending that circle to his family is not surprising at all. Still, he wonders in what context did Lee refer to him as his bloody 'Dwarf King' and god, he hopes Lee only said that to his sister and not to his parents. He wants to fish for more details, but there is something inherently wrong about pushing a five-year-old girl for information.

"Are you gonna be my uncle, too?"

Once again, Richard is amazed at the girl's lack of inhibition from asking an almost-stranger this kind of questions. "I dunno," he answers after a brief moment of consideration. Can he tell this little girl how badly he wants to be? Of course not. He has more sense than that. "Do you want me to be your uncle?"

"Not really," the girl replies with a shrug of her shoulders.

"Oh…" Richard tries to hide the disappointment from his face.

"Can't marry you if you're my uncle, silly," Sarah explains as if she is just talking to another little boy.

This conversation has taken too many turns for Richard to keep up. 'Oh' is all he has managed to say before the door swings open again and in comes Samantha.

"Hi." She waves shyly at Richard before pulling her sister's arm. "Breakfast's ready. C'mon!"

Sarah must be pretty hungry because she lets go of Richard immediately and without looking back, skips out of the room. "I'll race you, Sammy!" Richard hears her call out to her sister from the hallway. "Kids," he mutters under his breath, shaking his head in fond exasperation. With a relieved sigh, Richard takes his exit as well and follows the two girls to the dining room.

∞

The wonderful smell of butter and bacon greets Richard as he takes in the warm, intimate sight before him. Most of the Paces are already seated around the table, all of which seems to be particularly engaged with Will's account of his recent foray into college. The two girls announce their arrival with a loud 'good morning' to the family, drawing the attention not only to them, but to Richard as well. He answers their inquisitive glances with a quick greeting and a polite grin before taking the seat next to Lee.

"Mornin'. Will told me you were hanging out with Sarah," Lee says as he hands a plate of waffles to Richard.

Richard is highly aware that the others might be listening in to their conversation, but he can't be a prick about privacy right now. Not when he's in their home. "Ah, yes. Kept her company while she hides from Will." He then pours orange juice into his glass and into Lee's as well. "Would've helped you out with the cooking if you've woken me up early."

"Nah, it's fine. I know how much you love your sleep." Lee eats a forkful of bacon, eyes twinkling with affection. "And besides, you couldn't even make a toast without burning it, so I believe I just saved our breakfast from total disaster."

"I'm never going to outlive that one, huh?" Casting a quick, furtive glance around, Richard notices that the others are now back to their own conversations, leaving him and Lee to bicker playfully between themselves. The moment doesn't last long, however, for he overhears Sarah sharing to everyone else their earlier encounter.

"…and then I told him that I'll marry him when I'm—maybe when I'm 30."

"Is that so?" Sally stifles a laugh as she turns her gaze to Richard from across the table. "Huh. It seems like I'm going to be your mother-in-law, Richard."

"I knew this day would come," Lee interjects while shaking his head in mock disappointment. "Traded in for a younger model. Richard, how could you?" There's a hint of a cheeky grin on his lips, which he hides by taking an overly long sip from his glass of orange juice.

"Don't worry, Uncle Lee. I think he still likes you the most," Sarah chimes in. "You can keep him 'til I'm 30."

Snickering at his niece's proclamation, Lee reaches out from across the table and offers a handshake to Sarah. "Deal," he agrees with conviction. The elder Paces look on with amusement at their antics, while Richard studiously eats his waffles in silence. No doubt, he's never going to outlive this one, too.

∞

After breakfast, Richard offers to help out with the dishes, but Charlotte shoos him away. "That's very thoughtful of you, but you're a guest. Go on." She pats a hand on Richard's arm as she tries to usher him out of the dining room. "It's pleasant outside today. "

Scraping the leftovers off a plate, Lee nods at him. "Let me just finish here, then we can go. I'll meet you there."

With great hesitance, Richard takes Charlotte's suggestion without another word. He makes his way to the foyer and out into the porch, where it's just him alone with some chickens, foraging and clucking by themselves.  Everything about Texas is so foreign, he reflects while taking a seat on the steps. He rarely gets this much sun back in Leicester, where rainy days far outnumber bright, clear mornings such as this one. It's hard to believe that autumn is already on its last leg, giving way to winter. A cool breeze sweeps in, reminding him of this fact, but considering everything else, autumn in Texas is Leicester's summer.

After a moment, Richard hears the front door open and close from behind. He doesn't have to turn around and check who it is for Sally sits down next to him with steaming mugs in each hand. She offers the one on her left, and Richard mumbles a quick thanks to her.

"I think you two make such a beautiful couple," she says with a sweet smile.

Taking a page out Lee's book, Richard tries to hide his blush by taking a sip from his mug, which, to his surprise, is filled with green tea and honey. Heart warming up at the thoughtfulness, he wonders if Lee had told them how he takes his tea. The mornings they have spent together back when the man was down with the flu have been a learning experience for both of them. How else would Lee know that Richard is the type to burn water when left alone in the kitchen? His blush deepens at the memory of wearing Lee's shirts and sweaters—especially the blue heavy-knit that Lee lends him on the coldest of mornings.

Sally titters at his reaction, bumping her shoulder against his as if they're old mates. "You do know that he's completely in love with you, right? Actually, I think the whole family's in love with you, too," she admits, not in the least bit fazed about the fact that she is part of the said family as well.

He has been watching the chickens run around the front yard so it takes a few seconds before her words sink in. Richard ungracefully splutters out his drink as his blush continues to extend downward to his chest. Wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, he looks at her with wide, unblinking eyes, which only make Sally laugh harder.

"Oh, yeah. I think if things don't work out with you and my brother, mom would still insist on adopting you into the family."

Of course, such an observation makes him feel all fluttery inside. However, if he's being more true to himself, it is her remark about Lee being in love with him that really shakes Richard. He wishes his heart isn’t racing this much, but he can't help it. In no timeline before this has Lee ever fallen in love with him. Attracted, yes. But never in love. Still, this is just Sally's observation, not a downright confession from the man himself. As much as he would like to entertain the possibility of Lee being in love with him as well, he cannot fully do so because at the end of the day, it's just an idea. A lovely idea, but not the reality. 

Sally seems to have picked up where his mind has gone. With a gentle pat on his arm, she says, "I know you've known each other for just a couple of months, so don't freak out or anything. What I'm trying to say is that you should see the way he looks at you. It's nothing like when he's with Ca—Let's just say that it's nothing like before." She fingers the chipped part on the rim of her mug—her expression conflicted, as if she's unsure how to continue without divulging Lee's past relationship to him. Of course, she isn't aware of how much Richard knows, so he understands her caution.

"Anyway, I can tell from the way you look at him that you're pretty much in love with him, too.  So…" she adds with a little shrug of her shoulders. 

Richard takes another sip of his drink, wondering how obvious he has been for her to notice this. "You really think he's in love with me?" he asks after a moment, wishing that his voice isn't betraying how hopeful and excited he is from this idea.

"Oh, you're too cute," she teases, laughing merrily at the full-grown man beside her. Richard doesn't appreciate being called this way, but Sally's laugh is so infectious that he can't be truly annoyed at her. Must be a genetic thing then, he surmises. Lee's laughter is the soundtrack of his happiest thoughts.

"He brought you home for Thanksgiving after like, what, three months? And you actually came and met the whole family. I'd say this isn't some fling or anything casual," Sally explains, "for either of you." 

Richard turns his gaze back to the fields before them as he considers her words. If laid out that way, then yes, it would appear like Lee could finally be reciprocating his feelings. But, Richard has lost everything a little too many times by now that he can't easily accept this possibility. The possibility that this might be the timeline where it all ends the way he wanted it to be. 

"You should tell him. If you're in love with my brother, you shouldn't be second guessing yourself. Trust me. I've got good intuition when it comes to this kind of stuff." 

"Don't you think it's way too soon?" he asks, only to realize that he has inadvertently admitted that he is indeed in love with Lee. To his sister, of all people.

A tender smile blooms on Sally's face, her eyes gaining a far-off look as she speaks, "It's never too soon when you feel that it's real. I want my brother to be happy, and you seem to be the man who's making him so right now. We all deserve a love that will last a lifetime, and that's what I see here." The smile morphs into a playful smirk, an expression that reminds him of Lee again. "Besides, you only get to be with him until Sarah's 30, right? Make the most out of this, Richard."

Kidding aside, Richard is at a loss for words over Sally's undeniable love for her brother. They remain sitting side by side on the porch, sharing and laughing over some stories of a younger Lee Pace, up until the man himself comes to pick him up for their tour. As Richard boards the pickup truck that Lee will be driving today, he shares one last look with Sally, who blows them goodbye kisses before heading back inside the house.

∞

The exceptional radiance of the morning sun is nothing compared to the sight of a carefree and spirited Lee Pace, chatting and driving for the first time since they have met. Richard has not asked again what's in store for them today. Instead, he chooses to humor Lee's penchant for surprising him, which would not be a hard feat for he has never seen the man beyond his art and Greenwood. 

On their way to some unknown destination, Lee requests Richard to put on some music from the iPod hidden inside the cup holder. Plugging in the speakers, Richard goes through the selection in search of any song that reminds him of Lee. As he do so, Lee points out some landmarks, shops, and parks that they pass by, sharing a short anecdote or two about the adventures of a small-town boy. Mid-sentence, an appreciative grin curls up on Lee's beautiful profile when he hears the first notes of the song. This will never get old, Richard muses with great satisfaction.

Eventually, Lee pulls over on a parking lot in front of a huge brick-walled building. Klein High School, the signage proclaims in big, metallic letters. Lee's alma mater. Call him highbrow or snobbish, but compared to the opulence of Greenwood Academy, Richard struggles to fit the image of a towering and impressive Lee Pace gracing the halls of this rather plain-looking structure. He keeps such thoughts to himself however as they disembark from the truck.

"Bearkats," Richard reads off from one of the many blue-and-gold tarpaulins pinned on the walls. "Your sports team?"

"More like an overall school mascot for everything," Lee clarifies as they walk side by side towards the receiving area. "I think our motto is something like, 'Together, We are Bearkats', while the school newspaper is called 'The Bearchat'."

Richard snickers, tickled by a joke he has just made up in his head. "Well, now I know how you can _bear_ with my puns."

Shoulders rocking with laughter, Lee makes a right turn away from the main entrance. "I don't just _bear_ with 'em. I've always enjoyed your humor."

"You say that now, but wait until you hear my dick jokes. Let's see if—"

"Oh, I'd love to see what you've got," Lee cuts him off with mischievous grin, tone heavy with implication. "Not now, of course. We're in a school after all, but definitely sometime in the future, right?"

This flirty banter of crude jokes and bad puns continues as they make their way around the perimeter of the school. Their laughter fills the silence of the pathway, devoid of students and teachers alike. Walking around, Lee would, now and then, single out a building or an open field, and launch stories after stories about the exploits of a younger Lee Pace.

Of course, Richard has already heard many of Lee's anecdotes from high school like the story of how he got invited to prom for three years in a row. As they approach the gymnasium where Klein holds most of its dances and special events, Richard can't help but imagine a teenaged Lee Pace, sneaking out of the party to spend some time alone with his date, perhaps even stealing a few kisses in the dark like they had done during Greenwood's production of The Hobbit. He shares this with Lee, who bursts out laughing, deep and raucous against the stillness of the late morning.

"Pretty much, yes. That did happen once, uh, right there," Lee confirms, pointing a finger to a secluded spot behind the gazebo. They make their way to Lee's 'kissing spot' as an idea forms in Richard's head.

"Unfortunately, I like to feel a little stubble when I kiss," Lee continues with a cheeky grin plastered on his face, "Girls are too soft."

"Something like this, then?" Richard cups the back of Lee's neck, guiding him to a light brushing of their lips. Once, twice until they finally give in to each other and share a long, earnest kiss. He feels overwhelmed almost immediately, heart drumming wildly in his chest. Not one day has passed where he didn't ache for Lee's touch, nor will there ever be such a day.

Breathless and flushed pink, Lee rests his forehead against Richard's, eyes shut as a smile forms on his swollen lips. "Exactly like that," he admits after a moment. "I can't tell you how many times I've dreamed of this back in high school. Kissing a handsome boy—in daylight, no less."

"Ah, now I have to know how I compare to that dream boy of yours."

Lee chuckles before placing another gentle, but fleeting kiss on Richard's lips. "Now, now. If I had to dream up the perfect man, he wouldn't even come close to you." Pink cheeks turn to red as Lee realizes his perceived gaffe. "A bit cheesy, no?"

"Bad puns and cheesy lines? Can't get any better than that. But then again, that's just me speaking."

"Well, if it's just between you and me, then both sounds perfect together," Lee amends with a hopeful and oh so beautiful smile. He kisses Richard once more, and yes, Richard truly believes that it can't get any better than this.

∞

"You're _that_ 'LGP'?" Richard asks incredulously, leaning in closer to the blurry display of the dated pinball machine. Right at the top of its high score list is a set of initials that Lee claims to be his. **3,190,473 points**. Impressive, Richard concedes. He is not much of a gamer himself, but Lee apparently is.

It is half-past noon when they have finished the tour around the school grounds. The waffles they had for breakfast are long gone, and so with growling stomachs, Lee led him to a quaint, little diner with a large pig statue perched on its rooftop. Just a block away from Klein High School, a teenaged Lee Pace would spend some afternoons here, having a merry old time with his friends, untroubled and easy-going, but intent on nabbing the top score for the pinball machine.

Richard's skepticism doesn't manage to wipe off the smug grin on Lee's face, however. "Scout's honor. No other Lee Grinner Pace 'round here."

"Hmmm…" Richard nods to the game machine's direction with a challenging look on his face. "Show me what you've got then, Lee Grinner Pace."

Rolling up his sleeves, Lee rises up to the bait and throws a wink at Richard for good measure, paying no heed to the other patrons of the small diner. "My pleasure."

Inserting a quarter on the coin slot, Lee is poised to take on the challenge when a sharp tap on the glass window draws their attention away from the game. On the other side is a dark-haired man, who is frantically waving both of his hands at Lee. Wide, toothy grin and wild, electric eyes--the stranger brims with genuine excitement and unrestrained energy. "Lee Pace!" he exclaims before rushing inside the diner.

Glancing at Lee for a brief moment, Richard observes that the man reflects the stranger's enthusiasm—all wide eyes and big grin, too. The pair meets halfway and catches each other in what Richard hopes to be a friendly hug.

"Matt! Didn't know you're back in town, too." Lee parts from their hug, but keeps an arm wrapped around the stranger's shoulders. Richard wants, more than anything, to march over and do something stupid and possessive, like hold Lee's hand, or hug him, or kiss him. Mark his territory somehow. Clearly, he is insane and overreacting because Lee has never had any qualms about being touchy with his friends. Richard should have long gotten over this habit, but he hasn't. And how long should friends hold each other anyway? This one feels too long for his liking.

'Matt' shrugs his shoulders as Richard notices his arm sneaking around Lee's waist. "Ah, well…I've missed last year's, so can't miss this one. You know how my mom frets about stuff like this."

Still smiling brilliantly, Lee nods in understanding before waving a hand to Richard's direction. Taking this as his cue, Richard approaches them with a polite grin plastered on his face. It is forced, and if Lee notices, he doesn't comment on it.

"This guy right here is Matt Bomer," Lee introduces brightly—too brightly, and it makes Richard wonder if his sudden possessiveness has a basis after all. "We've known each other since forever," Lee adds, his gaze softened with fondness.

"Diaper buddies," Matt adds with wink, which elicits a flush of pink from Lee's cheeks.

 _'Oh, this is turning into a waking nightmare.'_ Richard wants to act on his jealousy—badly, if he's being more honest—but he won't be that stupid. Instead, he clenches his fists into tight little balls of self-control and proper manners, like a true English gentleman.

Perhaps finally sensing the tension radiating from him, Lee disengages from Matt and throws a befuddled look at Richard. "Matt, this is my _boyfriend_ , Richard Armitage," Lee introduces him, putting a special emphasis on the word 'boyfriend' by shifting his tone from casual to pointed.

Richard should feel embarrassed right now for even coming up with all those paranoid thoughts, but he can't help himself from feeling pleased by Lee's choice of words. They are not big on labels, and it has been always other people who refer to either of them as such. For the two of them, they are just Richard and Lee, and most of the time, that’s just fine. However, sometimes, he wants to make it official. He wants something that he can say, definitively, that he is Lee's and Lee is his. So, right now, it's amazing but not entirely unexpected, how that word settles him. Yes, he is feeling possessive and maybe a bit threatened, but just with those words from Lee, Richard begins to fall at ease again.

"What's your medium, then?" Matt inquires with an expectant look on his face.

Richard knits his eyebrows together as he crosses his arms in front of his chest. "Pardon?"

Matt explains, "For as long as we've been friends, I know that Lee dates artists exclusively. I'm assuming you're one, right?"

"First of all, that's not true at all." Lee answers for him with a light chuckle, "Richard's a teacher from—"

"Actually," Richard cuts in, "I dabbled in acting back in England. When I was still in uni, I was, you know. . ." He trails off upon noticing the surprised look on Lee's face. Of course, Richard understands that it's less than ideal for him to reveal this part of him just now. However, there is this primal urge within him, pushing him to show off and prove something to Lee and this stranger.

"See, I was right," Matt crows with a pleased grin, unaware of the significance of Richard's revelation.

"So, that's why you hit it off with Bryan. . . and your playbill collection. . ." Lee says under his breath, eyes alight with interest as he seems to connect the dots at last. Not expecting this reaction, Richard stares at Lee, unblinking, as he marvels again at how insightful the man has become when it comes to his hang-ups and reservations. And so, he finally gives in to his impulse and wraps Lee's hand with his own, brushing his thumb gently to convey his relief and gratitude.

Matt's gaze darts from Lee to Richard, bemused about this turn of conversation. "That's a bit—How long have you guys been dating?"

"Uhh. . . you know what?" Lee drags his attention away from Richard and back to Matt. "We're about to have lunch here anyway. It'll be nice to catch up over those pulled pork sandwiches. You in?"

Those sandwiches must be really good because Matt readily agrees with a resounding 'Hell yeah'. He even goes as far as leading their small group to a booth that he proclaims to be the 'best seats in the house'.

Chatting after having placed their orders, Richard realizes that he has a lot more in common with Matt. Case in point, both of them have acting aspirations that started from watching too many films when they were young. The difference between them, however, is that Matt has been more tenacious than him in pursuing his dreams. The man has long been making rounds in the theater scene in New York. Off-Broadway mostly, but impressive nonetheless. As he listens to Matt's numerous adventures here and there, Richard thinks that given time, they might even fall into an easy friendship. He also discovers that he has absolutely nothing to worry about because the man is happily engaged to be married in Spring of the following year.

"You're both invited, of course," Matt informs them as the server brings in their food. "We haven't sent out the invitations, but I'd make sure you're both in the list.

Accepting the invitation with a quick thanks, Lee turns to Richard and hands him a tall glass of what seems to be cold tea with a lemon wedge perched precariously on its rim. "Try this."

"What's in it?" Richard takes the glass and sniffs at it speculatively.

"It's just sweet tea. Your visit to Texas isn't complete without having this. Go on."

There is no harm in trying, Richard decides, and so he takes a gulp of the drink without giving it more thought. Big mistake, he learns immediately. Wincing from the assault to his tongue, Richard thinks that the drink is nothing but 20 sugar packets diluted in water. There's not even a trace of tea for him to enjoy.

Lee and Matt chuckles heartily at Richard's reaction. "You're so English," Lee comments with a playful roll of his eyes before turning to his friend. "I don't know if you know any other Brits who live in America, but his accent got even more pronounced since we arrived here yesterday. It's like he's become ten times more English." More laughter receives this observation as Richard washes away the taste with a big gulp of water. Feeling betrayed, he glares at Lee for good measure because nobody messes with an Englishman's tea.

"Awww. . . don't be mad, Rich. I knew you'd hate that one, so I ordered this for you." Lee trades the sweet tea for another glass, this time containing what seems to be lemonade. "Got a bit of honey in it—very subtle—so it's perfect for you." When Richard hesitates to take the offered drink, Lee increases the wattage of his smile, making his eyes crinkle and shine like an adorable puppy.

Richard wonders if Lee has finally figured out how potent his smiles are when it comes to convincing others to do his bidding. He hopes that isn't the case because with that radiant smile directed at him, enduring a glass of sweet tea won't even be as hellish as it really is.

"You're showing him around town, then?" Matt asks Lee, pulling Richard out of his musings.

"Yeah, just around our usual haunts." Lee chews on a chip absentmindedly. "Did you know that Pardo's has been foreclosed?"  
  
"No way!" Matt replies with a bang of his palms to the table. "I love their barbecues so, so much."

"Me, too. It was still open last summer. . ."

Nothing they say is familiar to Richard, so he tunes them out for a moment and focuses on what he is eating. Given the day and a half he has been here, Richard thinks that the very little knowledge he has on US does not apply to what he has experienced here in Texas so far. The people, their interests, and even their food seems to be on a completely different scale from the burgers and fries that he has been expecting. It's no wonder then that Lee has always been so fascinating in his eyes.

What strikes Richard the most is the Pace family themselves, however. His initial apprehensions about meeting Lee's family is founded upon his personal history with his own. Perhaps, it's just the English way of dealing with things because unlike the Paces who exude warmth and comfort like a big hug at the end of a long day, the Armitages have always kept each other an arm's length away. He has never formally 'came out' to his parents nor discussed anything remotely emotional for that matter. Not even during those confusing moments back in high school when he felt just as enamored with the other boys as with the girls. And certainly not during those turbulent times when Annie left him for good.

His parents knew somehow what was happening in his life, and his father has long mastered the art of showing his disapproval without saying it out loud. Had it not been for his mother and brother, Richard would have long cut ties with his family. Back in the original timeline, it had never crossed his mind to visit England again. He used to spend the breaks and holidays either catching up on his reading or helping out Graham in the pub. He lived a lonely life—by choice, most of the time—and it didn't bother him. Well, until now, that is.

Richard recognizes that his family might be a hopeless case. He can't teach an old dog new tricks after all. However, it might not be too late for him. Family used to be a vague concept for him, but now that he has experienced a semblance of what it should be, of how wonderful it can be, perhaps he can finally—

Out of nowhere, a hand waves between him and the sandwich that he has been eating in quiet contemplation. "Earth to Richaaard. . ."

Richard startles back to the present and meets the amused gazes of Lee and Matt.

"Glad that you're here to join us Earthlings again," Lee teases with a lopsided grin. "Anyway, Matt's got an idea. Been to a roller derby before?"

Richard shakes his head before taking a sip from his lemonade. He doesn't even know what a 'roller derby' is. To his surprise, his response excites both Lee and Matt.

"Oh, you're in luck! There's a special game this evening in Austin—since it's Black Friday and all that nonsense," Matt announces, his blue eyes brightening up even more with excitement. "You can't leave Texas without watching one. It's that important."

Lee's grin slips off his face. "Austin? I thought we're talking about Houston. That's like a three-hour drive from here."

"Two, if we take the I-10," Matt counters. "And Houston? Lee, our team sucks ass compared to Austin's. Oh, and we'll have to take separate cars since I'm supposed to pick up Simon and his cousins for the tickets."

Lee still seems to be unconvinced, so Matt leans in closer from across the table and mimes a stage-whisper. "Hear me out, Lee. If you're trying to impress your boyfriend, Austin's the only way to go."

The blush that blooms on Lee's cheeks is a wonder to behold. Under the table, Richard takes the man's hand into his own before shooting him a reassuring grin. "I'm fine with that, Lee." A two-hour drive with the man is not bad at all. In fact, Richard wants to go on a road trip with Lee—just the two of them—across the country, but he'll gladly settle for Austin for the time being.

With a quirked eyebrow, Lee seems to be genuinely surprised at his decision. "Yeah?"

"Yes," Richard confirms, though he is still completely in the dark about what he has gotten himself into this time.

"Alright! That settles it, then," Matt declares, smacking the tabletop once more with his palm, "No backsies!"

∞

On their way to Austin, Lee continues to share some choice anecdotes of his younger years, although this time, most of it feature Matt as well. The unbecoming jealousy that Richard felt earlier has long dissipated, but hearing about how close the two men had been when they were in high school is provoking, once again, his pettiness.

"Did you ever take him to the gazebo?" Richard asks, cutting off Lee's rambling stories.

"He's just a friend, Rich." Lee sighs in exasperation, eyeing him sideways for a brief moment. "Always have been, always will be."

That's what he said about Carter too, Richard thinks bitterly, recalling the first time he has heard about Lee's ex. Breathing harshly, he hates that he can't tame down his ugly thoughts, but he can't help himself. "A rather pretty friend, if you ask me."

"Okay, wow. Should I be worried that you find him pretty?"

"Oh, please. He's got nothing on you," Richard counters, eyes rolling at the preposterous thought that there would ever be someone else he would find more beautiful than the man beside him.

Lee chuckles lightly as he makes a right turn to enter the highway. "I feel exactly the same." He pauses for moment and chews his bottom lip, a habit that Richard recognizes as a sign that the man is making up his mind over something.

Clearing his throat, Lee seems to have come into terms with what's on his mind. "Were you ever gonna tell me about your acting days? If I didn't know any better, I'd think that you're keeping it away from me. But, I do know you better now, so I'm giving you the benefit of doubt this time. I'd love to know more about you, Rich. I'm all ears."

As the petty jealousy drains off from this system once again, Richard turns and looks at Lee. Hair swaying from the wind coming in through the open window, the sun glows behind Lee, and god, he is gorgeous, inside and out. Richard wants to tell him everything. He wants to hug him and kiss him and— That night in Lee's flat is imprinted onto his heart and mind. Sometimes, Lee would smile or say something, and Richard's back in that moment. His chest tightens and he wants to do nothing more than to crash his lips to Lee's and tell him words like love and forever and always.

Richard never does though. He rarely says anything, even before the timelines began resetting without warning. Perhaps, he has always been a coward, plain and simple. Or perhaps, it's because he is used to having no one listening on the other end. However, as he has realized earlier, this is not the case anymore. All he has to do is be brave and trust that whatever wrong turns he has made before would not cost him the love of his life again. What a terrifying yet equally thrilling thought, Richard concludes.

“It’s been 12 years since I’ve done theatre," Richard begins in measured tone. "Theater is what made me. I miss the days when I would pour myself into a role. . . one that I could really sink my teeth into. I could get lost in a character for days or even months, emotionally drained but for some insane reason I loved it." He smiles wistfully as his mind wanders back to those days gone by. "I'd get a kick out of really shaking people up and making them actually believe I was somebody else.”

"Tell me about your favorite role."

And so, Richard does, and it amazes him how the words seem to just flow out of him naturally. No fear. No reservation. There is a faint smile on Lee's face as he listens to Richard's stories. The long drive to Austin suddenly seems so short, what with all the memories Richard wishes to share with Lee.

"The other thing I’ve noticed is that most of the roles I've had required a beard. They’d kind of gone, ‘Oh, we need someone who’s good at growing a beard, let’s call Armitage!’ That’s a talent I definitely have, hair growing. I mean, I'd love to think it has something to do with my unique acting talent, but it's probably the ability to grow facial hair that got me those roles.“ 

Lee shakes with laughter at his self-deprecating observation. "A beard? Your whole acting career is hedged upon your beard—which I haven't even seen for myself, by the way."

"It's true," Richard insists though he can't help but join in with the laughter. "I can grow a beard at an astonishingly weird rate. I once won an award for unnatural growth of beard when I was at the uni."

Taking his eyes off the road for a moment, Lee throws him an incredulous look. "An award? Did you get a trophy for something like that?"

"There was no trophy, but I was certainly the holder of the title. I was doing a Scottish play, and we all had beards. I decided to shave off my beard one Friday night, and it had grown back by Monday morning."

Lee's laughter mixes with the music playing from the iPod, and it's the best sound Richard has ever heard. He enjoys watching Lee overflow with glee, and he commits to memory this lighthearted moment as something to cheer him up during nights when his dreadful thoughts threaten to overpower him again.

"We should grow out our beards, then. Have some sort of a beard-off this coming winter." Lee turns to him and playfully waggles his thick eyebrows.

"Kissing will be a bit like Velcro," Richard adds, tickled pink by Lee's idea. "I'm warning you though. Once you get caught, you have no way out."

"And that is bad because…"

Richard shrugs his shoulder and purses his lips in thought. "We might be late for work." The realization of what his words imply dawns upon him a little too late. Cheeks heating up in self-consciousness, he chances a look at Lee to check the man's reaction.

Eyes still on the road, Lee bites his bottom lip again, face as crimson as Richard's. "We'll have to set our alarms to an earlier time, then. Not much of a problem, if you ask me." The man shifts his attention from driving for a moment and locks gazes with him. With the soft music whispering in the background of Richard's thundering heartbeats, he finds the reassurance he seeks in Lee's eyes.

It is also in this moment that he realizes how wrong he had been earlier. The label doesn't matter. What matters is how he and Lee feel for one another. What matters is that they got to this point in their lives. And no, the world doesn't need to know that they are together. He doesn't care about that anymore. Lee has chosen to be with him, and now all Richard wants is to be free from the curse of the Resets, free to love this man, and free to live the life that he had only dreamed of a hundred timelines ago.

∞

"Just one more stop, and I promise, we're gonna go home." Lee pulls over in front of a secluded clearing surrounding a large lake—its still waters opaque in the darkness of the moonless night. They have just been back from Austin after spending the whole evening with Matt and Simon.

Roller derby has exceeded Richard's expectation by a mile. When he first learned of its general concept from Lee, he just shrugged his shoulders and surrendered himself to a night of senseless rough-contact sport. He couldn't be more wrong. Maybe it's because of all the beer Matt kept supplying them. Or maybe there is really something cathartic about watching those women battle it out—on roller skates, no less. Richard has enjoyed his time at Austin immensely, and yes, he will check if there are any local teams for him to support back in Greenwood. However, after everything they have done today, all Richard wants to do right now is to crash on Lee's bed and sleep til noon.

Grabbing what seems to be a blanket and a large bag from the backseat, Lee guides Richard down the clearing and into the banks of Lake Sheldon. "I used to sneak out of the house and hang out by myself here. Well, sometimes I'd bring along some friends, but mostly, it's just me."

"Painting?" Richard asks as he takes the bag from Lee.

"Nah, it's too dark for that, and I couldn't bring a lamp since nobody's allowed in here. In the middle of the night, anyway." Laying out the blanket on the grass, Lee directs the flashlight towards the bag. More blankets and a couple of small pillows, Richard observes upon opening the bag. Arranging their provisions, Lee continues, "Stargazing, if the night sky's clear. When I had company, we'd sometimes go skinny dipping."

With the stars dotting the sky with specks of gold and silver, tonight is perfect for what Lee had planned for them. However, Richard's attention is caught by that last bit of information. "Skinny dipping? You mean swimming without your clothes on?"

"Yeah," Lee confirms like it's no big deal for him. However, the expression on Richard's face must have been mirroring his thoughts because Lee throws him a befuddled look. "Don't tell me you haven't done that."  
  
Richard shakes his head, eliciting a gasp of surprise from Lee—dramatic as ever. "I'm afraid England isn't the place for such dares."

"We can, y'know. . . if you're up for it." Lee offers with a raised eyebrow.

Richard isn't quite sure where his courage is coming from—the beer, perhaps—but he finds himself nodding along Lee's suggestion. Sure, he has a great fear of deep, open waters, but isn't he trying to prove to himself, more than anyone else, that he's willing to take risks and live a fuller life? He has already squandered away the first three decades of his life—not even counting all the timelines he has lost.

Without further ado, Lee drops the tiny pillow he has been trying to fluff up and takes Richard's hand into his. Together, they walk towards the still waters of Lake Sheldon. They are alone, and the only sound to be heard are the crickets, chirping away in the dead of the night. Ever so slowly, Lee begins to strip his clothes off before nodding at Richard, prompting him to follow suit. When they are down to their pants, Lee drops his gaze from Richard's face to his chest and lower and lower. As he do so, the man reaches out a hand and traces a finger over the blue mark on his side, sending a ripple of shivers across Richard's middle.

Neither of them breaks the silence, choosing to speak only through their eyes. There is a question on Lee's, but Richard still doesn't have an answer to give. He averts his gaze, downcast, hoping to convey his inner turmoil over this mark. With one final caress, Lee seems to understand his unwillingness. Richard is amazed, once again, at Lee's understanding nature. Something has changed between them. Yes, they have shared pieces of themselves before, but now, they trust each other as well. Trust that the other won't push unnecessarily, and that they would listen when either decides to share and talk eventually.

Lee touches Richard by the chin with his other hand, urging him to meet the man's gaze again. Complying with the request, Richard gasps when Lee bends down slightly and captures his lips in a slow, soft kiss.    

"Don't worry," Lee assures him in between kisses. "I am patient. I can wait."

Hearing those words, Richard's mind goes blank from the way his lips tingle from their touch. Locked now in an embrace, he continues to explore the vast expanse of Lee's warm skin. He maps out the freckles on the man's shoulder with his tongue, inhaling deeply the intoxicating scent that Lee always seems to carry with him. In turn, Lee's hand travels downward steadily until his fingers reach the waistband of Richard's pants. Feather-light touches tantalize Richard for a moment, but then he comes back to his senses, realizing that they cannot progress any further than this.

"Not now," Richard whispers with just a hint of hesitation in his voice. "Not here."

Lee sucks in a breath as Richard continues to press soft kisses to his neck. "Where, then?"

"Home."

"But, you said no—"  

Richard pulls back abruptly, eyes glazed and heavy lidded. "Never on your parent's house. I meant back in Greenwood." He leans in closer again, his hands finding their place on Lee's waist this time. "On my bed, just you and me. We can do whatever we want. . . whatever you want," he breathes, resting his forehead against Lee's. "I promise."

A moan escapes from Lee as one of Richard's hand sneaks further down, grazing lightly without fully touching the growing hardness between them.

"You're such a hypocrite," Lee calls him out, though the man's eagerness colors his words differently. Grabbing the back of Richard's neck, Lee presses himself closer as his tongue seeks entrance.

For a moment, Richard allows himself to lose control over the taste of Lee's mouth on his.

For a moment, he dares to satisfy his craving for Lee's touch all over his starved skin.

For a moment, he gives in to his heart, savoring this sliver of unbridled desire.

However, he's had this before with Lee and his misery. Passion tainted with impatience—it had been potent yet utterly misleading. He has learned his lesson. A very painful lesson that he won't forget any time soon. With a gentle push, Richard frees himself from this trap, much to the Lee's dismay, who whines in protest. Though he immediately misses the heady sensation of Lee's bare skin against his, there is so much more at stake here than their immediate gratification.

"Shall we?" Richard asks, out of breath, as he cocks his head towards the lake. Who would have thought that the day would come when he would go into deep waters out of his own free will? He needs this distraction, more than ever, if he intends to keep his word.

Bare naked at long last, they stand frozen before each other, both taking their fill before slowly wading into the shallow edges of the lake. Of course, Richard has had the pleasure of knowing how mesmerizing Lee can be, especially in the throes of passion. There is no escaping that memory, but he still stares at Lee as if this is the first time he is seeing the man in all his glory. What thrills Richard even more, however, is the sight of Lee, reflecting his open devotion and unmistakable hunger.

The water is oh so dark against their pale skin, further highlighting the beauty of Lee's long, smooth lines and planes. No doubt, the man belongs to the water, and the lake seems to be in love with him as well. Swimming in closer to Richard, Lee cups his cheek and brings their lips together again.

Richard wants more. How can he not? Unfortunately, suppression is key to this timeline's integrity. It's a cruel twist of fate then because not being able to touch freely, or say what he feels, tightens the tension between them. He feels every little touch like a gentle shock of electricity across his skin. It frightens him a bit, how this can create such a volatile mess, but not Lee. No, Lee isn't scared of what may happen at all, and Richard can only hope that he has enough strength within him to keep them from drowning in their mindless desire for each other.

∞

How he actually managed to accomplish such a Herculean feat will forever remain a mystery to Richard. Fully clothed and huddled together under a large wool blanket, they are now winding down their tour to a close.

"That's Leo the Lion over there," Lee points out to Richard, his fingers tracing the stars to illustrate his knowledge of the constellations. "And that's Pegasus—just a little to the left of Carcharoth the Wolf—and right beside that one is the Eye of Sauron."

_'Wait. What?'_

"I think you're mixing up your mythology with Tolkien," Richard titters.

"Excuse me, but I know my constellations like the back of my hand," Lee defends with a small grin playing on his face.

" _Your_ constellations?"

"Yeah. The ones found in the books have also been arbitrarily named by the ancient people. You're the History expert—you should know that," Lee explains, nudging his shoulders against Richard's. "My point is, what's keeping me then from making my own set?"

Richard concedes to Lee's explanation, kissing the tip of the man's nose out of sheer fondness. "Alright, then." He looks upward to the skies once more, calling forth what meager power his imagination has for patterns and figures. "Hmmm. . . I think we've got a hobbit's hairy foot over there."

Lee follows his line of sight, giggling delightedly by his side. "What? That's the Lonely Mountain," he corrects Richard before announcing with a flourish of his arms, "Home of Durin's Folk."

"Hmmm. . . That reminds me—Sarah mentioned something earlier about me being your 'Dwarf King'."

Lowering his gaze at the stars, Lee beams at Richard. "Well, yeah. You're my Dwarf King, Thorin, and I'm your Elf-Lord—I dunno, Thranduil, maybe? Your choice."

"You do know that Thorin hates the Elves, right?"

"Obviously not my Thorin," Lee counters, eyes rolling upwards playfully. "You've read me Tolkien—complete with the proper voices—every single night when we first met, and though you don't think much of your puns, I've always found your jokes hilarious. You took the time to remember how many sugars I take in my coffee, and you know me well enough to notice when I'm happy or sad, disappointed or overwhelmed."

Enveloping Richard's hand with his own, Lee continues, "I notice everything you do, Rich, and thank you for choosing me every single day. Thank you for always being my voice of reason, for taking care of me when I'm down, and thank you for teaching my heart a few lessons. You reminded me how to trust again because after the last one. . . I never thought I'd fall in love again."

Time stops for Richard upon hearing those words. It's one thing to fall in love. It's another to know someone is falling in love with him—and no, it's not just 'someone'. Lee has just—If Richard is a well-adjusted and emotionally stable person, he would not have any qualms about confessing the extent of his love for Lee. Unfortunately, Richard isn't that sort of man.

"If you're going to fall in love with me," Richard begins with a shaky breath, "it's only fair that you know who you're falling in love with." Lee opens his mouth to get a word in, but Richard continues undeterred. "You're falling in love with the constant nagging voice in the back of my mind, telling me that I'll never live up to my full potential. . . You're falling in love with my constant struggle of wanting my own space but feeling jealous whenever somebody else tries to take my place."

Closing his gaping mouth into a soft grin, Lee shakes his head almost imperceptibly. Richard, however, doesn't let that stop him. "I live my life almost entirely inside my head, and I oscillate between revealing absolutely nothing about myself to others, and revealing way too much and apologizing for doing so. . . like now. God, I'm really—"

"But here's the thing, Rich," Lee cuts him off. "I've fallen in love with you despite knowing all that."

Oh. _Oh._ Lee's in love with him. Lee is _in love_ with him.

 _'Say it back.'_   He's beyond happy, of course. However, a part of him is still terrified about somehow ruining this moment.

 _'Say it now.'_ The words are on the tip of his tongue. He still doesn't though.

 _'Coward.'_ As always, he thinks bitterly.

Unaware of the battle raging inside Richard, Lee decides to fill in the silence for the both of them. "You know what you remind me of? Slow songs played softly in the middle of the night. . . Warm honeyed tea on a gray, cloudy day. . . The first leaves changing from green to gold at the start of the fall. I've never appreciated these things before, but since I met you, I've began finding beauty in everything again."

_'Say it.'_

"Lee, I've never—" Richard begins, but he falters when the pounding of his heart overwhelms him again.

The man gives him a wistful smile before dropping his gaze. "I'm always the one who falls in love first, that's my thing. Please, don't feel obligated to—"

Richard yanks Lee forward and kisses him, swallowing down whatever the man is about to say. It's like his nerves are on fire. Everything is heightened. Everything is Lee. This man loves him, and Richard may never let him go. His fingers are in Lee's hair and their tongues are caressing each other's. It's not sweet. It's desperate. It's a prayer, a thanksgiving, a reassurance.

They break apart, gasping for air. "I get scared sometimes," Richard begins as he catches his breath. "A lot, actually. I know you care about me, of course I do. I just—I love you, Lee. And I've been so afraid that you—I didn't know what to do with these feelings," he admits, "and I didn't know what I would do if it turned out that you didn't feel the same."

"But, I do."

Nodding his head a fair few times, Richard's grin gets wider and wider by the second. "Yes, you do." A laughter builds up in his chest, shaky yet rumbling in its core. Lee joins in as he presses himself closer to Richard. The tension drains out of him with each breath he takes. As their peals of laughter simmer down, Richard turns to his side, and in Lee's smile, he sees something more beautiful than the stars.

Richard has always known that the more others get to know him, the more clearly they would see his flaws. That's just the way it is. This is why his family would never be like the Paces, why his friends have abandoned him, why his previous relationships didn't last. Those people might've thought that they loved him, that is until they've seen Richard acting out of the mold they have created for him.

He has learned now that love—true love—is different. Over the course of the several timelines he has lived so far, Richard has discovered these different facets of love. Love is patient and hopeful. Love is unpredictable and oh so irresistible. Love is blinding in its brightness, but deliberate in its pace. It's braving his own demons and seeing Lee's dark shadows, yet still remaining stubborn enough to seek happiness together and within each other. Richard has found love in its various forms, and he can only hope that from now on, he would continue to discover them with Lee by his side.

"I love you," Richard repeats, eyes locked with Lee's. Now that he has said it finally, he doesn’t think he'll be able to stop himself any time soon from saying it over and over again.

"I love you, too." There is a certainty in Lee's words, a feeling of safety, that wraps warmly around them. The man still makes his heart race and his mind go blank like before, but staring back at Lee right now—alone in the middle of nowhere—there is no doubt in Richard's mind that, at last, he has found his true home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew...This is quite longer than any of the previous chapters, so for those who have patiently waited, just think of this as a month's worth of updates. I'll try to keep the following chapters shorter, don't worry. There's just so much I want these two dorks to do in Texas. 
> 
> Anyway, thank you for reading. Comments and kudos are both welcome and much appreciated, as always. :)


	19. Love is Devoted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My longing drives me crazy for you  
> My kingdom for your graces  
> I'm not gonna tell nobody  
> I'm not gonna tell nobody 'bout you
> 
> -[Worship](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zjKDzsD5jVo) by Years & Years

**Should've done this last week**

_Sorry. Just one more, then we're going._  

**I bet it's Mrs. Schumer again**

**Pls tell her I need my bf back**

**Rich, seriously, this is her 4th**

_She's here. Will make this quick. Xx_

 

"Good afternoon, Mrs. Schumer," Richard greets as he extends his arm out for a handshake.

With a wide grin, the woman—brunette and statuesque—accepts his proffered hand. "Ah, polite as always. You can just call me Helen, remember?"

Over the course of the Parent-Teacher Conference Week, Richard has fulfilled the mandatory meetings with the parents of his homeroom class. A half-hour session for each—no more, no less—except for one Mrs. Schumer. In their first meeting, Richard had discussed her son's performance and behavior for the past term. There had been nothing bad to say about Henry Schumer's grades and academic progress. However, the boy has been withdrawn from the rest of the class for the past few weeks, going as far as downright refusing to participate in group activities.

Having been through this before, back in the original timeline, Richard is aware of the reason behind the boy's troubling behaviour. Mr. and Mrs. Schumer are in the middle of finalizing their divorce proceedings. The changes brought about by this development have been taking its toll on young Henry. An unstable home life is hardly a foreign concept to Richard, so he remains sympathetic to the Schumers despite the additional time and effort he had put in to hopefully resolve the matter.

Of course, Richard could have referred their case to the school counselor, Dr. Weaving, but Mrs. Schumer requested to keep this between the two of them—for the time being, at the very least—since it may affect her chances of getting full custody of her son. A reasonable request, Richard believes, so they had agreed last Monday to meet again the following day and form some sort of action plan on how to help out Henry. Somehow, that agreement grew out of hand, eventually turning into a daily one-hour session, much to Lee's dismay.

The Art teacher has also been embroiled with his own PTC meetings, but not one of his students had required the same amount of attention like Henry. It is in Lee's nature to be understanding to other people's plight, so Richard's arrangement with Mrs. Schumer had not bothered him at first. In fact, he had offered to help out as well since Henry is also his student in Art class. However, it would be a breach of trust to Mrs. Schumer. And when one session turned to a few more, Lee has gradually grown exasperated with the arrangement. Not that he doesn't want Richard to help out his student. Lee just wants at least an hour or two with him to finally go through with their joint testing at the local clinic. 

Standing on the banks of Lake Sheldon, Richard had promised Lee that he would be more than ready to take the next step in their relationship once they get back to Greenwood. And so, they made plans to spend the weekend together at Richard's—just so they can avoid some of Lee's friends who have a penchant for dropping by unannounced. The days leading to the weekend should have been filled with delicious anticipation, but being mature, responsible adults have kept them from such luxury.

Making up an excuse about something that needs repainting in Richard's flat, Lee enlisted Evangeline's help by asking her to take in Carl for the weekend. Needless to say, the shrewd woman immediately saw through her best mate's fib. Richard had been spared of the long and winded conversation that the two friends had about their real plans, and it should have been the end of that. Richard isn't certain what the pair had talked about exactly, but Lee had been utterly convinced of the need to get them tested as soon as possible.

There was no argument to be had against this advice, and the local clinic has this ongoing project, offering couples the opportunity to take the test and get the results together in a span of an hour or less. They can then discuss the results with a trained specialist and get everything out in the open, so to speak. It had sounded so simple and easy on paper, but with the PTC meetings and Mrs. Schumer's insistence on taking up his time every afternoon, they have missed their appointments for the last three days.

With these thoughts, Richard is reminded that he must get through this meeting as quickly as possible. He goes through every salient point they have agreed upon these past few days and presents a fully documented action plan that he had written, all in a span of half an hour. Mrs. Schumer seems to notice his brisk manner for Richard usually humors her attempts to make small talk in between their discussion.

_What is his favorite food?_

_How long has he been living in Greenwood?_

_Is he watching some TV show that he hasn't heard of until she had mentioned it?_

Not today, Richard repeats to himself. The woman may be trying to alleviate some of her loneliness by striking up a friendship with him, but he just doesn't have the time of day to give away right now.

"I just need you to sign here," Richard concludes as he offers a pen to Mrs. Schumer, "and then we can finally talk to Henry next week about our concerns."

Mrs. Schumer looks at him with narrowed eyes, pen hovering the page. "I can't thank you enough for everything you've done for us, Richard." She quickly scribbles down her name and signature on the paper, but stalls in handing back the document to Richard. "Here's an idea. Why don't I take you out for drinks—this weekend!—since you seem to be in a rush today."

Trying to maintain his professional manner, Richard answers her with a polite grin, "That sounds like a lovely idea, but I've already made plans for the weekend." He reaches out his hand to take the document from Mrs. Schumer, but she widens her eyes in surprise—over what, Richard isn't sure. "Perhaps, you can join the mixer Ms. Boyens is throwing on Saturday instead," he offers. "She's Henry's English teacher this year."

"Are you gonna be there, too?" asks Mrs. Schumer, her hazel eyes still wide and unblinking.

Hopefully not, if things go well later, Richard answers inwardly. "I'll certainly try," he replies instead as he packs up his things.

"Oh," Mrs. Schumer says, picking up her handbag as well. Richard directs to her another appeasing grin before walking her out of the room. He cannot get out here soon enough, to be honest. "Alright, then. I'll see you on Saturday," adds Mrs. Schumer, returning Richard's smile.

Checking the time on his watch, Richard replies absentmindedly, "Of course, Mrs. Schumer."

"It's Helen."

The apparent irritation in the woman's voice catches Richard attention. How callous of him to keep calling the woman by her ex-husband's name. Guilt rising up to his throat, Richard tries to apologize for his insensitivity. "Right. Helen. I'm really sorry—" His mobile beeps loudly, effectively cutting off the rest of his words. Another text message from Lee, he reads upon checking the screen. Looking up again at Mrs. Schum—no, Helen—Richard is dismayed to see her turning away from him, heels tapping sharply on the concrete. She storms off to the parking lot without looking back. Next time, he promises to himself. He will say sorry the next time he sees her. 

For now, Richard needs to give his full attention to his boyfriend. Understanding as he may be, Lee's patience is running thin, and Richard has to stop finding himself in situations where he needs to apologize for his actions—or the lack thereof.

∞

Even his sixteen-year-old self didn't blush as much as Richard does at this moment.

Standing behind the bar with a dish rag in one hand, Richard wipes down the counter as he tries to deflect Orlando's seemingly endless barrage of innuendos and dirty jokes. The dim lighting of Graham's pub hides much of the redness on his cheeks, but not enough for Richard to pretend indifference from the raucous laughter that follows some of The Devil's bawdy remarks.

Lee doesn't seem to be put off by his friend's stream of double entendre, but then again, these two have known each other for years. How such an unlikely pair had ended up as good friends used to baffle Richard, but after being on the receiving end of Lee's _special_ emails these past few days, he has finally stopped questioning the man's taste in his friends. The difference between Lee's emails and Orlando's jokes, however, is that Richard welcomes—encourages, even—the former, but visibly cringes at the latter.

Truth be told, this isn’t even how Richard's Friday night is supposed to be. Yesterday, he and Lee finally managed to get to the clinic and get themselves tested together. They are both clean, as confirmed by Cate, the specialist assigned to them. She couldn't seem to stop gushing about how wonderful it is that more and more couples are taking the same initiative as them. Being the gregarious person that he is, Lee traded stories after stories with Cate, going way over the standard time allotted for their counseling. In the middle of Lee's lively account of their recent trip to Texas, Richard received a text from Graham—an SOS for the following night. _OK_ , he replied after a second, knowing full well that Lee wouldn’t mind hanging out at the pub before heading to his flat.

And so, on their way to the pub earlier, they dropped off Carl at Evangeline's place, a prior arrangement that the friends have made the other day. Richard should have seen it coming, but he hadn't. How could he let himself forget, even for just one second, that the universe takes a cruel satisfaction in subverting his plans? Evangeline, after a quick phone call to their other friends, invited herself to Graham's pub as well. Only Orlando is free tonight, however, leaving Richard uncertain of whether or not to be relieved about this.

"Before I forget," Orlando says as he brings something out of his bag, "here's a little gift I've got for both of you." With a dangerous grin on his face, he shoves a small box to Richard from across the counter. "Dunno your fit, so I got you an assorted pack."

Upon realizing what the box actually contains, Lee splutters out his beer, while Evangeline scrunches up her face.

"Gee, thanks," the woman mutters as she hands Lee some napkins. "Now, I'm gonna have that image in my head all night." Side-eyeing Orlando, she may have also kicked him on the shins for the man lets out a short yelp of pain.

Meanwhile, Richard freezes on the spot, speechless as his face goes from red to puce out of absolute embarrassment. _'Why couldn't Bryan be here instead?'_ He can hear the other patrons snickering, which effectively stops him from looking over his shoulder to check if Graham has witnessed this mortifying exchange from his side of the bar.

Orlando feigns innocence, claiming that he only has good intentions with his 'gift'. "If you don't want it, then I'm taking this back for myself," he adds with a shrug of his shoulders, putting away the box again. 

"I told you," Lee explains after he has recovered from nearly choking on his drink, "Richard's bedroom just needs repainting. Not that it's your—"

"Hold up a sec. You said it's your kitchen when I asked earlier." Clutching a bottle of vodka, Graham nudges Richard with his elbow as a slow smirk grows on his bearded face. Richard and Lee exchange a quick look, eyes widened, inadvertently incriminating themselves even more.

Before they could even try to salvage the situation, Graham chortles and slaps his free arm over Richard's shoulder. "Don't wear him out too much, Pace. This one's been out of practice since—" Whatever the man is going to say next is drowned out by the noisy complaints about the heavy traffic from a gaggle of new customers, rushing in for shelter from the cold autumn breeze outside. "Ah, back to work then." Graham lets go of a flustered Richard but not before ruffling his hair in a rare public display of fondness. 

Richard doesn't even get to sigh in relief because a fraction of those chatty customers are heading his way. To his side, he vaguely hears Lee excusing himself to go to the loo. Dispatching drinks after drinks, Richard turns away from the bar to replenish the ice, only to be stopped from doing so when a hand reaches out and tugs on his sleeve. 

"Fancy seeing you here, Richard."  
  
"Oh! Hi, uh. . . Helen," Richard greets, unsuccessful in his attempt to hide the note of uneasiness in his voice.

Nonetheless, the woman lights up upon hearing her name fall from Richard's lips. He takes this as a sign that all is forgiven between them.

"Didn't know you moonlight here! Got myself a sitter for one night, so I can spend some time with friends," she explains, waving a hand towards a booth on the far right corner of the pub, presumably where the rest of her companions are.

"That's great to hear," Richard replies, understanding how much the woman craves company. "I don't work here, by the way. Just helping out my mate. He's the owner."

Helen claps her hands, delighted—over what, Richard isn't certain again. "Oh, you're lovely. So generous with your time."

Richard responds with a tight-lipped grin, unsure of how to properly respond.

"So, what's a girl have to do to get a drink 'round here?" Helen asks, winking a heavily lined eye. 

"Uh, right. Sorry. What's your order again?" 

"Hmm. . ." Helen flips away her long fringe and tucks it behind her ear. "What do you usually get yourself?"

On his other side, Richard can hear Lee laughing at some joke—back from the loo, obviously. He tries hard to ignore the impulse to turn away from his customer. Helen doesn't need to know of the Art teacher's presence. "A glass of Pinot usually. Can't stand the taste of beer sold here."

"That sounds wonderful," Helen agrees, her gaze still focused on Richard. 

Working with practiced ease, Richard hands a stemmed glass to the woman in a matter of seconds. "On the house," he says, eager to wind their conversation to a close.

A pleased giggle bubbles from Helen as she accepts the free drink. She opens her mouth to say something back, but a ringing sound from her handbag distracts her from speaking again. Reaching in for her mobile, she checks the display and then flashes an apologetic grin at Richard. "It's Henry," she informs him. "I'd like to chat with you some more, but—"

"No worries. Go ahead."

"Yeah, thanks again for the drink. See you tomorrow, Richard," Helen says, tapping 'Accept' on her mobile. The general hubbub and music drowns out her voice as she hurries away to take the call. 

"What's happening tomorrow?"

Richard startles at the sudden question. Apparently, Lee has been listening in to his conversation. "Philippa's party," Richard answers while taking out a few bills from his wallet. This isn’t his pub—he can't just give away free drinks.

"We're going?"  
  
Opting to take a short break, Richard pours himself a glass of wine, too. "Nope. Just told her that after she's asked me out for drinks." He takes a sip and notices Lee has quirked an eyebrow at his words. "As thanks for the PTC," he adds, expecting that will settle the matter.

"Wow." Orlando lets out a short whistle. "That's cold, even for you."

"What? I thought I was being kind." Richard's gaze darts from Orlando to Lee for he is genuinely flummoxed over the reaction he got. "She'd enjoy that party much more than drinking with boring, old me." 

Lee cocks his head to the side before turning to his friends. "I'm with Richard on this one. Four afternoons she's had with my boyfriend. Four! Anyway, we've got better things to do this weekend. None of which involves her."

"If that's the case, then _your boyfriend_ should've just turned her down. No sense in playing coy unless," Evangeline counters, narrowing her eyes at Richard, "you're planning to cheat on Lee with her at some point."

Richard lets out an indignant snort, almost in sync with Lee's incredulous look. They turn to each other immediately as identical smirks bloom on their faces. There is no better feeling right now than confirming, once again, how laughable these preposterous accusations are to them. The moment doesn't last long, however, for Orlando continues to hammer away at how cruel it is to lead on Helen.

"That's the most ridiculous thing I've heard all night," Richard dismisses. And he's heard plenty since Orlando first opened his mouth. "She's not even interested in me that way."

"Oh, honey. I've been telling you all week, that woman's got it bad for you," Lee says, rolling his eyes in exasperation. Both Orlando and Evangeline nod in agreement.

The counterargument that Richard has been saying back to Lee for the past few days dies on his throat, blocked by the realization that Lee has just called him 'honey' in front of Evangeline and Orlando, of all people. Apparently, Lee has a thing for pet names, something that he has picked up from his family, who also didn't hold back on Richard during their visit in Texas. Richard, on the other hand, prefers to keep these terms of endearment between them, and when possible, behind the privacy of a closed door. This incompatibility hasn't come up in conversation before, so he decides to let it slide for now. Beside, it's not like anyone but him is freaking out about this. He won't ruin this night with his inhibitions. Not again. 

"Couldn't care less, to be honest," Richard says after taking a long sip of his wine. "As you said, we've got better things to do."

"Damn right," Lee agrees as his gaze lingers on Richard's wine-stained lips. 

∞

Richard's flat is just a fifteen-minute drive from the pub, but somehow, it feels like an eternity. Waiting for the light to go green, he slips out his tongue to taste his lips, replaying in his mind how Lee pulled him to a darkened corner as they stepped out of the pub earlier. The kiss that followed was chaste at first, but it got deeper when Lee demanded entrance, and Richard gasped in pleasant surprise. He recognized the impatience and hunger for such feelings mirrored his own. He kissed back Lee like a man who had waited years for this moment and feared that it would never come again.

The light signals change colors, pulling Richard out of his thoughts. Sitting in silence, Lee keeps eyeing him with that smoldering look that stokes the fire burning in the pit of his stomach. This is too much for his poor, excitable heart to bear. "Save something for later, will you?" he says lightly in an attempt to dampen the steamy atmosphere inside the car. They have waited this long. They can surely wait until they are within the privacy of his flat.

Lee laughs, breathy and deep, though he doesn't drop his gaze. "Stop teasing me, then."

"How is that— Lee, I'm literally just driving," Richard counters. Tongue caught between his teeth, he wrestles his attention back to the road.

"That! Right there!" Lee exclaims, leaning forward to point at something on Richard's face.

"What?"

"Your tongue! Always peeking out. . . licking your lips, even back at the pub. Flashing the most sinful shade of pink I've ever seen. That's just, " Lee lets out a guttural groan, "torture, Rich. Exquisite, but merciless torture."

The fire in Richard's belly suddenly rushes out and floods his entire body. Knuckles turning white from gripping the steering wheel, he tries to center himself again, but to no avail. He hasn't realized until now the devastating impact of Lee waxing poetry about him in that low, sexy voice.

Taking a right turn to his street, Richard feels the heat pulsing all over his body, making him wonder if he'll survive this weekend without somehow immolating himself.

∞

For the past few days, Richard has been dreaming up this fantasy—a play-by-play idea of what he would like to do with Lee over the weekend. Of course, he wants to make love with Lee. That other time was just a release that they both needed, but not wanted. That night was a mistake, and he paid dearly for it. This time, however, will be different. Richard doesn't want to just have sex with Lee.  He wants everything that leads up to it.

Slow kisses that intensify as they mold to one another.

Neck kisses coupled with biting, grinding and heavy breathing. 

They will break apart for air—just for a moment—and lock their gazes.

Only then will they begin to undress each other, slowly to the point of reverence.

All of that flies out of the window when, upon locking the front door, Lee pushes him against it and presses up until Richard cannot tell where he stops and Lee starts. Their legs intertwine as Lee kisses—no, devours—him like his very life depends on this moment. Shock keeps him from responding at first, but when Lee catches his bottom lip between his teeth and tugs it lightly, Richard moans into his lover's mouth. At this moment, all he can hear is their harsh breathing, the heavy beating of his heart, and the rustle of clothes as Lee tries to get him out of it. 

After successfully shedding off their shirts, Lee brushes his fingers over Richard's chest and down to his stomach, eliciting shivers. He stops abruptly when he reaches the waistband of Richard's trousers. "What d'you want to do first?"

Richard blinks, still dazed from the kiss. Lee watches him with hooded eyes as he licks his lips slowly, already feeling a slight ache from his lover's bites. "Is this a trick question?" he finally asks, trying to get his brain to function again now that it seems like Lee is giving him a chance to do this his way. 

Lee smirks and rolls his eyes, allowing the moment to shift down to something more lighthearted. His fingers however continues to explore the planes of Richard's body. "Did you know that the skin is one of nature's best canvas? Just think of it, tattoos and makeup and all sorts of body art. They use needles or brushes to create art on the skin." Lee then leans in closer to Richard's ear. "Me? I've got my fingers. . ." To illustrate his point, Richard feels Lee's fingernails digging in to his side, deep enough to draw a gasp of surprise from him.

"And my lips. . ." Lee presses light kisses to the lobe of Richard's ear and then nips his way down to the neck. "And teeth," he concludes before scraping his teeth again on the sensitive spot near Richard's pulse point. Tomorrow, there will certainly be dark bruises on his neck, a stark contrast against his pale skin. As long as he can hide it with a strategically placed scarf, he really doesn't mind getting these hickeys all over him.

Shaking from anticipation, Richard tries to recall all the times Lee had left his marks on him. _'Wait. No, not marks.'_ All those love bites and red lines down his back and arms are Lee's gift to him. Artworks made exclusively for their personal viewing. "Then, I'll be your canvas," he offers as he buries his fingers in Lee's silky hair. He then pulls it gently, prompting Lee to come up for a heated kiss. "But first," he says when they break apart, "a shower. I reek of all the pub smells, I think."

"Hmmm… A shower sounds amazing. I kinda want one, too. Mind if I join you? We can save water, y'know." Grinning widely, Lee waggles his eyebrows at Richard, earning him an amused chuckle. 

Richard pushes himself off the door and picks up Lee's bag of essentials that the man has discarded on the floor. "You're a conservationist now, huh?" he teases, grabbing Lee's hand as they head to the bathroom

"Oh, please, I've always been one," Lee counters with a suggestive wink. "Maybe it'll rub off on you." 

∞

"Been thinking about this all week," Lee admits, closing the gap between them again. Droplets of water trickle from his broad shoulders down to that expanse of bare, smooth skin. 

Richard tilts his head back so Lee can continue lavishing attention to the length of his neck.  Needing no further encouragement, the younger man dives down, and his open mouth lands on that tender spot below the ear. Richard gasps, feeling the sting and heat, which only spurs Lee into staking his claim on Richard.

"I know," Richard says when Lee finally lets go, eyes darkened from desire as he surveys his new artwork. "You wrote me at least six dirty emails each day."

A corner of Lee's mouth curls up, offering no hint of embarrassment or self-consciousness on his beautiful face. "Well, in my defense, you never told me to stop."

"Oh, love. I'm not complaining." 

Lee graces him with a full-blown smile, eyes crinkling in apparent delight. He follows this up with a searing kiss while his fingers slide up and down Richard's back, leaving angry, red lines that will, no doubt, sting later.

Richard cannot care less, however. After all, what is pleasure without a little dose of pain? A desperate groan rumbles from his throat when Lee thrusts up against him, rolling his hips in the most obscene way possible. Richard squirms inside Lee's embrace for he is so hard now that it actually bloody hurts not to do anything about it.

Lowering his hand to where their hips meet, Richard continues to explore Lee's mouth with his tongue, even though the unexpected touch nearly caused his lover to bite his lips to the point of bleeding. He palms both their erections before wrapping his hand around Lee's, testing which stroke would elicit the loudest moan.

Lee breaks away from their kiss, panting, as he starts to rock his hips into Richard's fist. "Fuck," he drawls out, leaning down to sink his teeth on his lover's shoulder.

The dull pain that ensues doesn't distract Richard from his goal, however. When Lee pulls away to mumble his request for more, Richard lets his tongue dance over Lee's skin as he begins his journey down to his knees. He can hear Lee's normally velvet-smooth voice—now turned husky from pleasure—telling him how wonderful his mouth feels, murmuring words like _love_ and _god_ and _fuck_. Richard has never been much of a talker, but he relishes every single word uttered in Lee's slow ascent to ecstasy.

Reaching his destination, Richard's mouth waters at the sight before him. After all, Lee isn't the only one who has been fantasizing about all the things they could do sans clothes. Of course, they have seen each other naked before, but never had Richard been this intimate with Lee ever since that night from a different timeline. "Is there anything of yours that's not fucking gorgeous?" Grinning wickedly, he spares a glance up at Lee, who barks out a laughter. The sound immediately dies down, however, when Richard begins to take in as much he can, wrapping his hand around the rest that his mouth can't quite cover.

"Ahh, that's—" Lee's word falters as his thighs begin to tremble with each caress of Richard's tongue. "Perfect. . . Your mouth. . . So fucking perfect, Rich," he grits out through labored breaths. Heat courses through Richard's veins upon hearing those words, and he struggles to keep it from distracting him from practically worshipping Lee on his knees.

Richard manages to tune out almost everything, except for Lee's words of praise and encouragement—a welcome background music to his ears. When Lee's fingers rake through his hair, he shifts his attention to the head, flicking his tongue over the tip, before going back down again. He loses track of time as he relishes the feeling of Lee in his mouth, the weight on his tongue, and the control he has over this moment.

Lee tugs on his hair and murmurs, "Rich, 'm gonna. . ." He trails off as his loud breathing becomes more uneven, moaning heatedly in between his gasps for air.

Richard pauses, pulls away, and licks his lips as he glances up again. Lee sighs out a puff of air as he follows the movement with his eyes. "D'you wanna come in my mouth?" he asks casually though his voice is hoarse from disuse. He continues stroking his hand up and down Lee's length, feeling his own twitch in delicious anticipation. 

"Fuck yes," Lee hisses. "Please—" The rest of his words dissolves into unintelligible groans when his lover goes down on him again, this time with so much fervor that Richard hears him slam his back against the tiled wall.

Writhing and quivering, Lee comes shortly after that, and Richard swallows until the very last drop. A light buzz builds up in his chest from the satisfaction of a job well done. He senses Lee starting to lose his footing, so he pushes himself up and pins the man against the wall, chest to chest, for his knees are also unsteady, at best.

"You're unbelievable," Lee whispers against Richard's lips before slipping his tongue to his lover's mouth.

Richard kisses him back, and though he is still feeling wound up and turned on, he also doesn’t want to stop long enough to get Lee to do something about it. Without meaning to, however, he finds himself grinding against Lee's front, who grabs and squeezes his arse in response.

Pulling back from the kiss, Lee sneaks his free hand down to where Richard is rutting up against him. "Here, let me," he offers with a dirty, playful smirk.

Soft palm wrapped around his sensitive flesh, Richard eases away from Lee—just a tiny bit, so he is still close enough to feel the heat radiating off his lover's skin. He kisses Lee's jawline, nipping gently, which only tightens the man's grip on him. "Fuck," he moans, "I'm really close. . ."

"Feels so good," says Lee, pressing kisses on Richard's forehead.

"Will be better if you'd start moving soon," Richard grumbles, eliciting a short laugh from Lee. 

A cheeky grin is all the warning Richard got before Lee did as he was told. Eyelids fluttering shut, Richard grasps Lee's shoulders, his other hand squeezing the man's waist as if holding on for his dear life.

"Beautiful," Lee breathes to his ear, picking up speed like he is intent on making Richard fall apart as soon as possible. The bathroom is now filled with his throaty moans and the occasional gasps from Richard, amplified by the windowless walls, making him wonder if Lee had been this loud as well earlier. He doesn't get to dwell much on his sudden worry of scandalizing his neighbors because Lee keeps whispering endearments against his skin, intensifying the fire raging all over his body.

When Lee begins using his other hand to explore and tease even more, Richard throws back his head, nearly biting right down his bottom lip to keep himself from shouting out his lover's name.

"Hey," Lee whines. "Wanna hear you, Rich. Y'know how much I love your voice."

Richard cannot hold himself back anyway, and so his next obscene moan has Lee sucking into his neck again, marking him with another love bite.

"Bloody hell, Lee." Losing himself into the moment, Richard drags his fingers down Lee's back, nails digging in.

Hissing in surprise, Lee chokes out his appreciation, but Richard doesn’t hear much else as his orgasm hits him hard, blocking out the rest of the world.

Every bit of him is on fire.

For a moment, nothing else matters.

Nothing, except for Lee's heat all over him.

∞

For all the time Richard has spent in Lee's bedroom, this is the first time ever Lee is seeing his own. After using the shower for its actual purpose, Richard has led a boxer-clad Lee straight to his room, intent on continuing where they have left off earlier. Never before have they reached this part of his flat mainly because unlike the Art teacher's bedroom, there is nothing remotely interesting to see here. Sure, he has his collection of books, art films, documentaries, and playbills lying around, but other than that, nothing.

The sparkle on Lee's eyes tells a different story, however. Richard would give anything to be able to read Lee's mind right now, but he freezes on the spot when his gaze zeroes in on the calendar on his wall—firmly secured with a ridiculous amount of duct tape from that time when it almost gave him a heart attack. It has slipped his mind to hide the calendar away, and now it would be very odd if he would suddenly tear it down. He sneaks a glance at Lee, hoping that the man's attention is still caught with his bookshelf, but he has no such luck.

"What's up with all this tape?" Lee asks as he flips through the pages of the school calendar. The red x's Richard has left for each passing day practically screams for attention. “Are you keeping track of something?" 

Richard doesn't answer right away, and Lee turns to him before nodding slowly, assuming probably that this is just one of the many things that Richard isn't ready to share with him. Truth be told, however, Richard is getting tired of keeping a mountain of secrets to himself. Sometimes, the pressure to divulge everything about the Resets and timelines is too much for his poor heart to bear. However, being reminded of what he may lose this time keeps him from losing his control. And so, he can do nothing else but wish that he could forget about being stuck in this endless time loop.

Still, this opportunity before him might be different from the others. Can he can entrust this one small thing to Lee without getting his entire world ripped away from him again? Is there a way for him to tell if, this time around, he won't lose Lee in a blink of an eye? Things between them may be much, much different now, but is it worth the risk?

 _Trust him_ , answers a soft voice inside his head—not his own, but strangely familiar. It's reassuring, though it makes him wonder if he is starting to lose his grip on reality. Trust him, Richard repeats to himself. _'But, I already do.'_  

"You." The answer slips out of Richard's mouth before he could second-guess himself again.

Lee turns back the pages to September, and his gaze lands on the very first red mark that Richard had made. September 8. First day of classes, it says in print. "Huh."

Each second, each heartbeat, Richard waits with bated breath for the darkness to take him away, but it doesn't. Perhaps, he has actually made the right decision this time around. "The days I've had with you, I mean." It's as simple and as complicated as that, he wishes to add, but ultimately decides not to. Less talk, less mistake.

Lee purses his lips and turns back to the calendar, switching the page to October. "This is wrong," he says after a moment.

Stomach plummeting, Richard begins to break out in cold sweat. _'Shit.'_   What was he thinking? Of course, he had hoped Lee would understand, but apparently, he has been nothing but a bloody fool. He might not lose Lee to the Resets, but he would still suffer because he gambled everything due to his misguided optimism. How could he let—

"Our first date wasn't on October 25," Lee continues, unaware that Richard is on the verge of a breakdown. He turns back the page to September and runs a finger across the marked dates. "It's actually on September 25. Remember? Dinner after—"

"The first meeting for The Hobbit." Sighing in relief, Richard sags against the wall and rubs a hand over his face. "Yes, I do remember. It's just. . ." 

"You okay?" Eyebrows furrowed, Lee takes his hand and guides him to sit down on the bed. When Richard still cannot find the words to say back, Lee starts forming assumptions again. "I know we'd barely spoken before that night, but I really had a nice time with you. You even walked me back to my apartment, and I really thought you were going to kiss me. Which is silly, now that I think about it. I suppose you were just trying to be friendly back then."

Richard stares and gapes at Lee, stunned from making a coherent response. This man never ceases to amaze him at every turn. Richard falls in love with him a little bit more, if that were even possible at this point. "You, uh. . . you don't think the calendar is strange?"

"What I find strange is your reaction, to be honest."

Sighing, Richard drops his head to his upturned palms, ashamed for even doubting Lee. "I'm a lot more fucked up than you probably thought," he admits in a hushed voice. "I'm sorry. I know I'm a lot to handle, and now I'm afraid that you'll get sick of—"

"Hey," Lee cuts in. "Hey, now." He then crawls to his side of the bed, lifting up the covers to get under it before beckoning Richard to follow him. "C'mere, love." 

Those words are more than enough to get Richard to do his bidding without question. When they are both settled in, Lee faces him and pulls Richard's hand towards his chest, like he did when they first slept together on Lee's bed. There's comfort to be found in the familiarity of the situation, and perhaps, that is Lee's intention. They link their hands together, and Richard cannot help but move even closer until their bare legs are tangled up with each other's as well. 

"About the calendar, well, if I’m not so in love with you, then…maybe I'd be creeped out a bit," Lee explains with a shrug of his shoulders. "But, frankly, I'm just really thrilled right now to discover that I've had your attention since day one. Got an embarrassingly huge crush on you, y'know." Lee beams at him, so brightly, as if trying to chase away his sudden dark mood.

Richard's heart twists for the irony is not lost on him. "Way back then?"

"Earlier, even. Couldn't keep myself from thinking about you after you'd helped me during that disaster of, y'know, falling down my ass in front of all those students. There you were, so mysterious and handsome in your gray suit and navy blue scarf," Lee recalls with a dreamy look on his face, "and then there's me, blushing like a damn schoolgirl." Laughing at himself, Lee's crimson cheeks make another appearance. "Tumbling down the stairs in front of your crush. . . Way to make a first impression, amiright?"

A slow smile begins to grow on Richard's face while listening to Lee's confession. He has lived through more than a hundred variations of that day, but never before had he known Lee's perspective of that moment.

"It's your fault, by the way," Lee says, his eyes twinkling with barely concealed humor. "Just so you know."

"How is it always my fault, Lee Grinner Pace?" Richard counters, rolling his eyes in mock exasperation. 

"Well, there I was, walking to my class and minding my own business, when you," Lee pauses for effect, drawing out the word longer than necessary, "had the audacity to waltz in—late for your first day at work—and distracted me with your gorgeous face and tight-fitting suit. It should be a crime to be walking in open daylight like that since, y'know, looking at you almost broke my neck."

"If it's any consolation, you weren't the only one who fell that day," Richard offers, cheeks warming up for he knows how cheesy his next words will be. But, he doesn't care anymore. Lee loves this side of him, as he has learned before. "I believe I've fallen in love with the clumsy Art teacher that day too. Might not be good at showing it, but I've always felt that much for you." Richard sweeps his gaze at Lee, who stares back at him with soft eyes and a small grin. "Besides, you know me so well by now—repressed, uptight and neurotic," he adds with a scoff, "and that's me on my good days." 

Sighing deeply, Lee tugs on Richard's hand, pulling him in closer as he wraps himself around in a tight embrace. "I think. . . you see the wonder and beauty in everything, but yourself. . . I'm no better, to be perfectly honest. Every day, I wish I can be all of the good things you see in me, and isn't that one of the great things about love? You love me for me, and I love you for you, even if we don't exactly see how or why." 

The tension in Richard's shoulders starts to dissipate, relaxing at long last as he nuzzles Lee's neck for added comfort. "Being with you is the best thing that's ever happened to me. Hands down."

Lee presses his lips to Richard's hair. "Me, too."

"Sorry for ruining this night." 

"There's nothing to forgive, love. We've got two more days on our own." Lee's fingers find their way to Richard's hair, playing gently among the strands. "Besides, I love talking with you. I'm always here when you feel like sharing anything, okay?"

Richard nods his head in silence for he wishes Lee can just somehow hear all the words he's too afraid to say.

Maybe he won't have to keep everything a secret.

Maybe he will get a chance to tell Lee someday.

Maybe there really is a right timing for them.

Maybe. Maybe not.

"Lee?"

"Yeah?"

"Sleep well."

Lee presses another kiss. "Sweet dreams." 

 _'I'll certainly try,'_ Richard replies, but only in his head.

And so, he falls asleep, surrounded by love and his heart full of hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this chapter is supposed to be waaaay longer (around 15k), but I've decided to divide it into two parts. The smut here is sort of a preview for the next, so lemme know if you're not comfortable with it, and I'll mark the next one appropriately. 
> 
> Also, my dear friend Sam (bubblesandkittens) bribed me with a lovely cover art for this fic, just so I'd be more motivated to finish this fic. You can thank her for the quicker updates from now on. LOL. Said art is posted on Chapter 1 and at [Tumblr](https://scarlet-tyler.tumblr.com/post/146998007112/fic-update), btw.
> 
> Thanks for reading! Comments and kudos are both welcome and much appreciated :D


	20. Love is Blissful

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wrap yourself around me  
> 'Cos I ain't the way you found me  
> And I'll never be the same  
>   
> -[You Make My Dreams](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X_I4wtNPv5w) by Hall and Oates

Slow blinks and a soft groan. . . Richard wakes up, feeling the tiny aches and stings on his shoulders and back. Souvenirs from last night, he recalls with great clarity. Turning to his side, his lips curve into a grin at the memory, only to find the spot next to him empty save for an imprint of Lee's body on the rumpled sheets.

The smile slips off of his face, giving way to a frown. Of course, Lee has always gotten up from bed before him, but after last night, a part of Richard has hoped that this morning would be different—special, even. He wants to know if Lee is bright and cheery first thing in the morning, or if he wakes up slowly, catatonic until he has showered and had his coffee like Richard.

Raking a hand through his hair, Richard senses movement to his left. His breath hitches as he drinks in the sight of a barely dressed Lee, bathed in the morning light streaming through his curtains.

Some people are artists.

Some people are works of art.

But, _good god_ , Lee Pace is both.

"Lee. . ."

Turning at the sound of his voice, Lee greets him with a brilliant smile. The man has been studying the covers of his DVD collection, displayed by genre on the wooden shelf. Now that they are both awake, however, he forgoes his examination in favor of walking back to bed. Swallowing hard, Richard trains his eyes on the man's rippling muscles and swaying hips.

He watches Lee and sees something spell-binding, so enchanting, and he finds himself falling in love, deeper.

He watches Lee and sees something irresistible, so tempting, and it makes him want the man even more.

He watches Lee and sees something—no, someone—so wonderful that he can never ever lose again.

Slipping under the covers, Lee wraps an arm around Richard's middle, prompting him to lie back down. As he buries himself inside Lee's embrace, Richard suddenly remembers the morning after their first 'first time'. Back then, he had curled up into a ball, alone in this exact same bed, blaming himself for not being strong enough to make the right choice. He slams his eyes shut in an attempt to shake off the unwelcome memory, wishing for the umpteenth time that he could forget things at will.

"You okay?" whispers Lee. "Still too early for you?"

Nuzzling the bend of Lee's neck, Richard presses soft kisses to the man's warm skin. _'This is not a dream. This is real. I'm still here.'_ After a moment, he opens his eyes, feeling a bit calmer. "You know what? I'd be a morning person, if I'd get to wake up next to you."

Lee chuckles and mumbles something about 'next time' and 'bed sheets'. He urges Richard to face him and steals a quick kiss. "I love your bed. So much bigger than mine. So much space," he admits with a cheeky smile.

Richard grins back. Voice still a bit rough from sleep, he asks, "Can't we just stay here for the rest of the day?"

Soft lips brush along Richard's jawline. "What about food? I don't think the pizza guy would appreciate climbing in through your windows."

"The promise of a large tip would take care of that."

"Hmmm. . . Sounds like a plan." Lee laughs softly before capturing Richard's lips again, this time with their tongues teasing and exploring each other's mouth.

"You're spoiling me with all these kisses," Richard says when they break apart for air. He sweeps a thumb over Lee's slightly parted mouth, tracing it across the bottom lip.

"Oh, but I'm just starting, love. There's plenty more of you that I'd like to get my lips on. . . or around." Lee seizes this moment to illustrate his point. He opens his mouth a bit further for Richard's thumb to slip in.

Eyes widening in pleasant surprise, Richard feels a shock run through his arm to his chest from the hot, wet sensation. "Bloody hell."

Lee, whose gaze is turning darker and darker, caresses his tongue over the pad of Richard's thumb, nipping gently with his teeth before pulling it inside with a slow suck.

A groan rumbles deep from Richard's chest. He wants more. After months of holding himself back, can anyone blame him at this point?

Lee pulls away, licks his lips and lets his gaze drag down Richard's length. "I still owe you a favor from last night."

Richard's brain is in overdrive so he just gapes at Lee for a moment. Ragged breaths and thundering heartbeats, he can't think straight even if he tried. "Uh. . . Wha—what's that again?"

"This." Lee practically purrs as his hand suddenly squeezes Richard through his boxers. Blood rushes down to where Lee is touching him, and it feels so good that he can only utter unintelligible sounds.

"Is that yes to a blowjob?" asks Lee while sneaking a hand inside. "Just wanna make sure you won't distract me with your lovely, sinful mouth again." 

"Unnghh. . . I, uh. . . Please, I— I won't," Richard pleads, slowly rocking his hips. Somebody should hit him on the head if he'd ever say no to that.

"Take it easy, love. I've got you." Lee wastes no time, stripping off Richard's pants with one graceful move. He doesn't bother with his own, but Richard can see that the man is just as aroused as he is.

Propping up his head with more pillows, Richard observes as Lee wets his lips and leans in to brush it over his inner thighs. He can feel Lee's breath flutter over his sensitive skin, so hot and full of promise.

When Lee begins to taste him with slow, almost searing licks, the words just pour out of Richard's mouth, unstoppable and encouraging. "Yes. . . Just like that. Ahhh, that's so—" His spine bows as Lee sucks the head with hollowed cheeks.

Little by little, Lee takes him deeper into his mouth—a sweet torture that he would gladly suffer through over and over again. Richard throws back his head with a guttural groan when he slides in and hits the back of Lee's throat.

The air grows heavy with the scent of sex and sweat. Lee varies his speed and strokes, discovering which would draw out the loudest moan. Richard's chest vibrates with a deep grumble that soon turns into an embarrassing whimper. Lee's touch is everywhere, exploring and teasing.

Richard pushes his back off the bed and watches Lee bob up and down his length. His lungs protest for more air even though he has been panting harder than ever. A fire has been lit under his skin. His thighs quiver, a signal that he is starting to lose control. He wants to last a bit longer, to savor this moment as much as he can.

A distraction. He desperately needs a distraction.

Richard twists his hand into Lee's damp hair, a little too tightly that it draws out a groan. Lee pulls back from him with a wet pop. Of course, his lover has always been beautiful in his eyes. However, with hair all mussed up by his fingers, eyes darkened with lust, and lips swollen red from sucking him off, Richard is utterly convinced that this is Lee's beauty at its peak.

"God, you're gorgeous," Richard breathes out before diving down for a kiss. He can taste himself mixed with Lee's intoxicating flavor. Why did he even consider this as a plausible distraction? He might as well burst into flames right here, right now. Lee doesn't let him though. Not yet, at least.

Breaking the kiss, Lee pushes Richard back down the mattress, murmuring his request to let him finish. He is breathing hard too, and there is a hint of urgency in his eyes. Richard swallows hard and nods.

Burying his head between Richard's legs again, Lee doubles his efforts, working his mouth and fist to a wild rhythm.

"Oh— Ohh, Lee. . ." It builds up, higher and higher, way out of his reach and—

Richard spills into Lee's mouth with a long, artless moan. His back arches up from the bed as ecstasy spreads out in waves throughout his body. Everything else blurs out of focus. Everything except for Lee, who is now on his knees, getting himself off while drinking in Richard's orgasm.

Richard struggles for breath as he commits everything to memory. Every single thing. 

The sheen of sweat on Lee's body that makes him glisten in the morning light.

The flexing of muscles on Lee's arm, lean and taut and mesmerizing.

The staccato of Lee's ragged breaths in between his moans.

A single cry of pleasure bursts out of Lee's chest as he comes all over Richard. Then, he throws back his head, gasping for air, and spasms his way down from the high.  An eternity seems to pass before Lee collapses over Richard, heaving and murmuring helplessly. 

Buried under his weight, Richard traces soothing patterns on his lover's back. He fights off a shiver as Lee's warm breath tickles his chest. When he begins playing with the silky strands of hair between his fingers, Lee groans back to life and looks up at him. Slow blinks and lazy smiles. _'Why can't we just stay in bed again?'_

The moment is broken by an incessant ringing, growing louder and louder by the second—Richard's goddamn alarm. Lee chuckles when he huffs in annoyance and turns it off with a sharp smack.

Silence envelops them for a while before Lee pushes himself up, grimacing. "Shower?" The sticky mess between them can no longer be ignored, apparently.

Richard pecks him on the lips in wordless agreement, unable to resist the promise of a soaking wet Lee Pace. So far, his bath has seen more action than his bed. Luckily, they have the whole weekend to remedy that.

_'And it's just eight in the morning.'_

∞

"Awww. . . A coffeemaker?" Lee rewards him with a blinding grin, and Richard can only just stare back, stunned.

"You really didn't have to do that," Lee says, pulling Richard forward by the small of his back. "But, thank you," he continues after showing his appreciation with an earnest kiss.

"Of course, I had to. How else would I brew your coffee?" Richard leans in for another kiss, then moves past Lee to plug the machine. "You know me, I'm all for keeping our traditions."

Preparing the coffee grounds, the aroma suddenly triggers an old memory. Well, it isn't a memory so much as a daydream that Richard had kept on repeating over and over until his mind has deluded itself into thinking otherwise. He has lost count by now how many times he had dreamed of the day when the second he wakes up, he would just roll over and see _him_. In his fantasy of a perfect morning, he would pull Lee closer, relish his warmth, and inhale his comforting scent. Richard would then kiss his lips while the man is still half asleep, murmuring sweet nothings to his ear. Sheets tangled around their legs, Lee would smile and ask what's for breakfast. Somehow, Richard would always respond, "Waffles and coffee, just how you like it."

For the longest time, Richard had dreamed, waited, and eventually given up. Not anymore, he realizes with a small grin. It hasn't been exactly how he had imagined it, but this morning is more than he could've ever hoped for.

The machine gurgles, and brown liquid begins dripping down the pot. Richard leaves it alone for now to attend to his own cuppa. Lee, on the other hand, has the makings of a French toast set before him on the counter. Beating the eggs in a bowl, he says, "One of these days, I'm gonna make you tea. Honey and no milk, right? "

The image hits Richard hard.

A different kitchen.

A house in the country.

A lazy Saturday morning.

Richard is not one to smile without good reason, but there he is, in the middle of his tiny kitchen, smiling like the lovesick idiot that he really is. "I'm looking forward to that."

∞

Lee flips over a piece of French toast with practiced ease. "So, how does _Mr. Armitage_ usually spend his weekends?"

Wincing, Richard tries to ignore the dull but sudden ache in the pit of his stomach. Someday, perhaps, he would get over his petty issues over names. Thankfully, Lee hasn't noticed his reaction. After last night's near-breakdown, Richard cannot afford another misstep. He clears his throat and busies himself with the plates for later. He has offered to help with the cooking, but Lee just swatted his hand away with a stern look.

"Well, around this time, I would've just woken up," he replies with a shrug. "I'd take a quick shower, then have a nice cuppa before heading out to pick you up."

Lee nudges him by the shoulder. "I mean, when you're by yourself." The pan sizzles as the toast slowly turns into a delicious shade of golden brown. Like mother, like son. Breakfast at the Paces must have always been a delightful affair.

"I dunno." Richard tries to recall his dreary weekends back when Lee still referred to him as 'Mr. Armitage'. "Grade some papers, I suppose. Get it out of the way early on."

Lee sing-songs, "Sucks to be you." The Art teacher doesn't have to bother with long-winded essays about some obscure century and the great wars of the past.  

Rolling his eyes at the comment, Richard takes out a couple of mugs from the cupboard. "I go to the gym with Graham, too. An hour or two, at most. If I've done all that with time to spare, I'd also cross off items from my list of films to watch," he continues, pouring himself his tea and Lee, his coffee.  "Books too, but it depends on my mood, really."

"Okay. . ." Lee says as he plates their breakfast. "So, what are you in the mood for today?"

Feeling his ears heat up, Richard presses his lips to a hard line. He swallows his words and takes the French toasts from Lee, who refuses to let go. An amused, lopsided grin meets his puzzled gaze. 

"It's only embarrassing if you're embarrassed," Lee offers, eyes twinkling with humor.

"I've told you earlier." Richard clears his throat again, unaware that his mouth has turned dry until now. "I'd like to stay in bed all day." Lee's eyebrow quirks up at that, so Richard hurriedly adds, "Not just to. . ." He waves his arm around in a vague gesture. _'Why am I acting like a bloody virgin?'_

"We've sucked each other's dick within the last 12 hours, and you still can't say 'have sex'?" Lee pauses to ogle at him. "Or 'make love'?" A teasing lilt in Lee's tone reassures Richard that he hasn't completely blundered his way through this conversation, yet.

"Well, uh. . . I've got a couple of films I'd like to watch with you." He takes a steadying breath before mumbling, "In between more blowjobs, of course."

Lee snickers at his lame attempt to be cheeky. Richard would have been offended, but the man is already nodding his head in agreement. "We'd have to move the TV inside the bedroom though," he adds, feeling like he has regained his footing.

Giving up the plates to him, Lee rewards his honesty with a loud smack on his lips. "Sounds like a plan."

∞

Richard is slicing up strawberries for their toasts when he hears someone knocking on the door.

"I'll get it," Lee offers.

Straining his neck to catch a glimpse, Richard freezes, mid-slice, upon seeing his blonde neighbor at his doorway. Layla would sometimes come by in the morning to bring his wayward mails and delivery boxes. He really should have a word with the postman, but he has always managed to miss him every time he tried.

Layla gawks at Lee, speechless and still. A sense of foreboding begins to grow in Richard's mind. He isn't ashamed of his relationship with Lee, but he'd rather keep his neighbors out of his personal affairs. Trying to regain his cool, he turns back his attention to the strawberries though he tries to listen in as much as he can.

Richard hears Layla struggle for words, an oddity for a woman who usually speaks a thousand words per minute. He cannot make out whatever they are talking about, however. A few moments later, Lee bids a quick thanks, punctuated by a sharp bang of his door.

"That girl is stealing your mail, y'know." Returning with heavy footsteps, Lee sets down the envelopes on the counter.

Richard snorts as he gathers up the strawberry slices into a bowl. He washes his hands on the sink, wipes them dry on his sweatpants, and begins sorting the mail. Subscription, electricity bill, newsletter, water bill, credit card bill. . . and an ornate envelope.

There are two reasons why Richard doesn't talk about certain things. Either it doesn't mean anything to him or it means _everything_. He would like to believe that it's the former, but seeing again this particular envelope proves that, no doubt, it's the latter. He quickly buries it under the growing stack of mails for disposal, hoping Lee has not noticed his odd reaction.

Fortunately for him, Lee is preoccupied with his rant, undeterred by Richard's lack of response. "She asked if I'm your cousin or something."

From the corner of his eye, Richard watches Lee pop a strawberry to his mouth. "Well, you're definitely more than 'something' to me."

Lee eats another slice. "Told her I'm your boyfriend," he says with a shrug. "You should've seen her reaction. I thought her eyes were gonna pop out of her head."

"She didn't have to know that." Richard glares at him, feeling a bit annoyed at his boyfriend's indiscretion. "You know how much I value my privacy. . . Our privacy."

Lee frowns back though his eyes betray his confusion. "She's been stealing your mail, Richard. Privacy? Yeah, right. She probably saw us last night. I dunno, maybe she even heard us through the walls. What I'm sure of is that woman has a big, creepy crush on you. The mail she hoards made the perfect excuse to check—"

"You got all that from less than a minute with her?" Richard cuts in. _'And here I thought I'm the paranoid one in this relationship.'_

"I know her type," Lee counters with a scoff.

Richard crosses his arms in front of him, unwilling to back down. "First, it's Helen. Now, Layla. Are you trying to tell me something here, Lee? I've told you I'm bi, but that doesn't mean—"

"That is so not the issue here, Richard." Lee faces him and squares back his shoulders. "You know what the problem is?" he asks, voice hardening with frustration. "You can't seem to accept that people genuinely wants you. You dismiss whatever I say as complete nonsense, but it isn't. And I don't appreciate being treated like I'm some jealous housewife."

Shaking his head, Richard lets out a mirthless laugh. "Are you even hearing what you're saying? Just because you love me doesn't mean the whole world does too."

Different words, same argument. Not all love is gentle; he knows that now. Sometimes, it's not supposed to be careful or soft. Sometimes, it's irrational and possessive. Hickeys and red lines down his back. Sometimes, that's how they show their love.

"I'm being serious here, okay?" Lee steps closer to him and tries to uncross his folded arms. "You have no fucking idea how gorgeous you are."

Richard lets his arms fall to his sides, and Lee grabs this chance to hug him around the waist. "I'm not accusing you of being some cheating asshole. It just. . . it kills me that you think so poorly of yourself. If you could just see yourself for a day, really."

Pressing their foreheads together, Richard chooses to remain silent as Lee continues, "Y'know, when we first met, you didn't talk much to me, but you also couldn't keep your eyes off of me."

Richard startles a bit, making Lee break into a knowing smirk. "Yeah, you might've thought you're being sneaky, but I'd catch you staring at me sometimes. The other teachers would also tell me when you're doing it again. It's mostly Ian at the start, but they all soon made a game out of that."

"Bloody Ian," Richard mutters. Denial to save face is useless at this point. Lee chuckles as he cradles Richard's face between his hands. "Whatever you felt for me back then is most probably how Helen and Layla feel about you now. I know 'cause I've felt that, too. I used to be one of them. Then, one fateful afternoon, you made me coffee, and here we are."

Richard doubts his feelings for Lee mirror anyone else's, but he keeps that to himself. After all, they still don't see eye to eye about what really bothers him. He turns his head a bit to the side and presses a kiss to the palm of Lee's hand. "Perhaps you're right, but they don't matter to me, to be honest. What matters is privacy. We don't know for sure if Layla's doing it deliberately or not, but—"

Lee scoffs again, rolling his eyes upward.

Sighing, Richard reminds himself of Graham's one and only advice about relationships. Compromise whenever and wherever he can. "I'd talk to the postman, okay? First thing tomorrow."

"No post on Sundays."

"Fine. On Monday, then. Can you please let me finish here?" Richard levels his gaze at Lee, willing the man to see his point. He continues only when the man acknowledged his request with a tiny nod. "I like that we're not afraid to argue anymore, but we've got to know when to stop beating a dead horse," he appeals to Lee. "I couldn't care less if everyone here is secretly in love with me. What I care about is you. I want you to trust me and believe I won't ever stray away from you or take your feelings for granted." 

"Of course, I trust you," Lee insists. "I told you that's not what I'm trying to say."

"Yes, and I love you so much for caring about that," Richard admits, "but we don't _have_ to show other people how much we love each other because all that really matters is that both you and I know. I don't want to crowd our relationship with other people breathing down our necks, waiting for us to screw up. I've had that before. Maybe you did, too. So, please tell me, am I being too selfish for wanting us to be free from those prying eyes?"

Pursing his lips, Lee shakes his head and sighs. "I get your point, but don't you think you're being a little inconsistent here?"

"What do you mean?"

"You're all for privacy, but you won't tear your neighbor a new one for going through your mail."

Unwrapping himself from their embrace, Richard eyes the envelopes as he considers Lee's words. "I'd rather avoid having confrontations with my neighbors. They can make my life a living hell all too easily. A talk with the postman might do the trick."

"Hmmm. . ." Lee hugs him again from behind and rests his chin on Richard's shoulder. "If that were to fail, you can just. . . move in with me, y'know. Carl would love that."

Backflips. Richard's stomach is doing backflips like there's no tomorrow. He can't concentrate on anything else, much less find the words to say back. He can picture it with perfect clarity though.

Walking around _their flat_  wearing nothing else but pants.

Taking a steamy shower together in _their bathroom_  every morning. 

Falling asleep on _their couch_ while watching the latest episode of their favorite show.

Never having to worry about whether or not the calendar would still be there in the morning because Lee would be waking up right beside him. A constant reassurance that everything is right in the universe.

The backflips have now subsided into jumping jacks. Surprising even himself, Richard twists around and sticks his tongue down Lee's throat. If he cannot calm himself down, then perhaps they can just share his overwhelming feelings over Lee's offer. Richard wishes he could be better with words. Wishes he could explain to Lee exactly what he means to him, how Lee has helped him. He wishes he could express how beautiful Lee is, how the universe is better with Lee Pace being in it. He wants to reassure Lee that he is special, that he is important, that his smile has healed Richard in ways time hasn't—couldn't.

But, Richard isn't good with words. All he can do right now is kiss Lee until his knees start to shake. Until his skin prickles when they touch. Richard kisses Lee until they are both gasping for air. 

"Mmmm. . . what's that for?" Lee tries to keep a straight face but his smile grows wider the harder he tries to feign innocence.

"Nothing," Richard whispers. "Just felt like doing it. It's been more than five minutes since we last kissed." They won't be moving in together right now. It's too early, he knows that. They have a long way to go, but sometime, in the near future perhaps, Richard would definitely accept Lee's invitation. For now, he is more than happy with what they have.

"Carl, huh? I suppose you're right. I'm his favorite human, after all," Richard declares with a smug grin.

Lee gapes at him and swats a hand to his chest. "You are not!"

Swallowing the rest of Lee's protest with another kiss, Richard didn't know he could be _this_ happy. How many times has he broken into a wide grin since waking up this morning? More than ever, that's for sure. He adds one more to the tally and takes Lee by the hand. "C'mon. Breakfast's getting cold."

∞

"Are you sure you don't need my help?"

Lee seems to be getting more impatient by the second, watching Richard figure out which wires go where exactly. After doing the dishes, they moved the television from his living room to the wall across his bed.

When Richard responds with a noncommittal grunt, Lee gives up and tries to entertain himself by arranging the pillows into some sort of a viewing fort. The bed springs creak under his restless weight, driving Richard into mad frustration.

"Can you please cut that out? I'm trying to concentrate here." He got the wire colors right, but why won't this bloody TV work?

The creaking stops only to be replaced by Lee's muffled laughter. Patience running thin, Richard turns to him with a huff. "What now?"

"Ahhh, well. . . " Lee rises up from the bed and approaches him. He bends down and reaches out for something behind the TV. "The mighty Thorin, defeated in battle by a goddamn plug," he teases, twirling the wire between his fingers. "You should've checked this first, hon."

Richard wants to bang his head against the wall. "Oh, uh. . . Thanks." He resumes his work after a quick peck to Lee's cheek, a lame apology for being a complete arse just now. He blames it all to the bout of jitters that has been plaguing him since breakfast. He could have put this off but they are here now, and he really does want to share this with Lee.  _'It's now or never.'_

Returning to bed with a bounce, Lee lies down on his front—feet crossed over one another—and props up his chin on his arm. "So, what are we watching?" He has brought back with him some DVDs to peruse while waiting for Richard to finish.

Richard can feel his ears heating up as he fumbles with the VHS player. Earlier, Lee gave him a funny look when he saw the equipment, teasing that the last time he had seen one was back in his grandmother's home. Well, it may be older than some of their students, but this shall remain as one of Richard's most prized possessions, that is until he learns how to convert the tapes into DVDs.

Inhale. Count to three. Exhale. It doesn't exactly help much for he can feel the heat spreading to his cheeks the closer he gets to finishing his task.

"Y'know, red looks really good on you," Lee comments with a playful smirk.

Joining him on the bed, Richard rubs a hand over his face. "I, uh. . . I've saved a copy of a stage production from when I was in uni." He steels his resolve and presses play. "Have you seen The Crucible by Arthur Miller?

Bright, wide eyes meet his apprehensive gaze. "Just the movie adaptation, but yeah," Lee says, discarding the other DVDs entirely. "Which part did you play?"

"John Proctor."

"Wow! That's the lead, right?" Crackling with excitement, Lee cannot seem to make up his mind on whether to keep his eyes on Richard or shift his attention to the video.

"It's the only lead role I had," Richard answers, his mind wandering back to the days he spent memorizing lines and minding the blocking. "I did small parts mostly with some villain roles in between. I suppose it's because I look mean without even trying. My face doesn't lend itself to happy, nice guys. My bone structure looks menacing, and I don't smile that often."

"I like your face," Lee insists, reaching out a hand to trace the bridge of his nose, "but to each his own, I guess."

"Oh, don't get me wrong. I enjoyed playing the bad guys," Richard explains, "and I was not desperate to play a good guy. The thing is, when I did get cast as the hero, I looked for all his flaws, for the dark side of Proctor. So, when I was playing a bad guy, I'd look for the good side instead."

A pensive look crosses Lee's features. "You should really get back to acting, y'know." 

Richard responds with nothing else but a raised eyebrow. Of course, he has thought about it before, but he is in his mid-thirties already. The time to take risks and make mistakes is over. "I dunno. . . Besides, I know nothing about how to—"

"Orli can help you get into auditions and stuff like that," Lee offers, sitting up suddenly. "I'll even ask him for you."

Richard presses his lips to a hard line. "I'd rather not, to be honest. And you know I don't blend well with that friend of yours."

Sighing, Lee eyes him for a moment with furrowed brows. "Just think about it, alright? You obviously loved—no, love—the theater."

Richard has thought about it, and no, he doesn't believe he would change his mind any time soon. But, just to appease Lee, he nods his head without another word.

"Good." Lee lies down again, this time tugging along Richard. He leans against Richard's side though his eyes remain glued to scene after scene. Having watched this video a hundred times before, Richard occupies himself by sneaking glances at Lee to check his reaction.

When John Proctor finally makes his entrance, Lee suddenly makes a grab for the remote and pauses the video. "Whoa. . . You looked fucking hot!" Lee drags his gaze from the young, bearded university student to his present-day, clean-shaven self. "You weren't kidding," he adds, astonishment coloring his voice.

"Really?" By experience, Richard knows that Lee has a tendency to exaggerate. "I dunno—"

"Oh, no. Nuh-uh," Lee cuts in, shaking his head vehemently. "None of that 'I don't know I'm hot' bullshit. If we'd known each other back then, I'd jump you the first chance I get."

Richard acquiesces with a shrug of his shoulders. "Well. . . that role did get me a blowjob and then some."

"Yeah?"

"Eager stagehands," Richard confirms, smirking, "so to speak."

Lee chuckles, then bites his lower lip. His gaze grows darker as his voice dips lower. "In your dressing room?" 

"Didn't have any. My dorm room wasn't that far though." He can practically hear the thrum of Lee's racing thoughts.

"How about on the stage?"

"What? No," Richard denies with a laugh. "Between the two of us, you're more likely to be an exhibitionist." 

"Won't argue with that." Sporting a wicked grin, Lee sits up and pushes Richard down his back. "Imagine though if you're in a production right now." Lee toys with the hem of his shirt, revealing glimpses of the hypnotizing muscles hidden underneath. Breathing harder now, Richard is dying to feel his bare skin under his touch again.

Lee seems to have noticed his reaction and grants him his silent wish. "I'd be there every night," he continues after throwing his shirt off to some unknown corner of the room. "Clapping my hands during the standing ovation." He straddles Richard and adds, "Telling off your co-stars to look for someone else." Rough fingers, teasing and exploring. "Guarding you from overly eager fans."

Richard can't take his gaze away from the marks he had left on Lee last night. His lover may have left more marks on him, but that love bite on Lee's navel screams for attention, a stark reminder of how equally delicate his skin is, how easily Richard can stake his claim on him, too. He wants to leave more bruises in the shape of his mouth and scratches that match his fingernails. It's almost feral how much they want each other.

"Then, you'd reward me backstage for being the most supportive boyfriend in the world." Hand slipping inside his pants again, Lee challenges him with a smoldering gaze. "Care to show me how?"

Heat pools in Richard's middle and slides slowly down to where their hips meet. His back is pressed into the mattress as the hot curling sensation heightens. He has been set on fire. It ravages him deep, down to his bones. Flames lick the walls of his stomach and it's spreading up to his chest and into his heart.

Breaking their locked gazes, Richard nips his way to Lee's ear and breathes. "Top drawer." 

 ∞

With their limbs all tangled up, Richard stares at his calendar on the wall. They have shared beds several times before, but never like this. His heart might burst from all he is feeling, and all he can do is sigh. There is no going back now. He can't. The universe can't take this away again, not this time. He holds Lee tighter, praying, hoping that he won't ever have to lose everything again. Lee rouses from his embrace, looks deep into his eyes, and grazes lips against his own. The tender moment, however, is broken when Lee dissolves into giggles.

"What's so funny, love?" Richard wipes away the tiny beads of perspiration still clinging on Lee's temple.

"Can't believe we just fucked in front of _him_." 

Richard grins and looks up at the frozen image of his younger self on the TV. "Just as well. That bloke needs something to look forward to. If someone had told me a tall, hot American would be blowing my mind in ten years time, I would've been a lot more optimistic about my future." He would have stayed in theater, acting his heart out. He'd work harder than anyone else, and be famous enough to impress a younger Lee Pace. Save him from the misery of misplaced affections for ungrateful bastards. Still, things have a way of working out for them. 

Lee is staring again at Proctor with soft, unblinking eyes. Richard might have caught him sneaking a peek earlier too, just before he came. Chuckling inwardly, he resolves to grow a beard as soon as possible. He rolls away a bit from the man and checks his mobile. **12:43 PM**. "What do you want to eat for lunch?" 

Tearing his gaze off of the TV, Lee answers with a cheeky grin, "Your ass."

Richard rolls his eyes though he cannot keep himself from smiling back. "I'm afraid that's not on the menu," he pauses, squeezing Lee's arse, "but maybe later, for dinner."

A delighted laugh bursts out from Lee's chest. "Yeah, I can wait that long. But, for now. . ." Lee reaches to his side and grabs one of the discarded DVDs from earlier. "Wanna flip for it?"

"Okay," Richard agrees, taking the DVD case from Lee. "Heads," he says while displaying the front cover featuring actors in their best tuxes, "we cook something, I dunno, pasta or stir-fry. Your choice." He then flips the case. " _Tales,"_ he says, waggling his eyebrows, hoping Lee would get the pun, "we'll order pizza."

"You're such a dork," Lee comments with a helpless grin. "That one's really bad, Rich."

"You love it."

Lee shrugs. "Well, yeah. Doesn't mean it's not bad though."

Richard pecks him on the lips to shut him up. "Best of three?"

"Flip it," Lee says with a nod.

Three flips. Two heads. Neither one of them wants to move out of the bed. 

"We can still just order pizza," Lee offers, throwing the DVD case to the side again. And isn't that the beauty of having their decisions made this way? In the middle of it, they have figured out which option they would rather take.

Mobile already in hand, Richard takes a moment to confirm their usual order. "Extra pepperoni, no anchovies?" 

Beaming, Lee throws an arm over him and burrows to his side. "You're the best."

  ∞ 

"Glen?"

Storing the leftover pizza in the fridge, Lee shakes his head for the third time in a row. During lunch, their conversation has somehow turned to their first times. Richard has two guesses left before he has to share how he lost his virginity. He'd rather hear Lee's story first, certain that he would embarrass himself again by sharing too much information.

"Hmmm. . . Todd?"

"Nope."

"Ugh, this is harder than I thought." Richard picks up the bottle of wine and their glasses from the counter. "What about. . . Kevin?"

"Is that the name of your first?" Lee asks with a triumphant grin. 

Sighing, Richard surrenders to his fate as they return to the comfort of his bed. "Nope. Her name's Catherine." Checking for a reaction, Lee merely blinks back at him.

"We shared a class in uni. Western Heritage, I think." Depositing the bottle on top of his nightstand, Richard tries to recall what she had looked like, knowing that Lee would want those details. "Uhmmm. . . she's tall, ginger. . . a tattoo on her arm. Can't remember well, to be honest."

"Not your girlfriend, then?"

"Uh, not really. I mean, I took her out for dinner at some point, but we weren't exactly a couple."

Humming in acknowledgment, Lee studies his reflection on the crystal glass. "My first time's with a girl, too. Jennifer Bell. Thought I was straight 'til senior year."

Richard gapes at Lee for a couple of seconds. "What, you had sex with her and realized you're gay after?"

"Pretty much, yeah." Finishing the rest of his wine in one gulp, Lee continues, "I like hanging out with women. I just don't like vaginas. She wasn't too happy when I told her that."

Richard snorts into his drink. "I could imagine."

"My first time with a man went a little better though." Lee tops off his glass and Richard's, too. "It was right before art school. I was at a gallery, checking out the art scene at the time, when this cute boy asked me out for coffee."

"And?" 

"I fucked him in the coffee shop's restroom," Lee reveals with a chuckle. "As you can tell, I was quite the romantic back then."

Richard scoffs. "Clearly." Not that his experience is any better.

Leaning back against the headboard, Lee grows quiet for a moment. "That's why. . . when I fell in love for the first time, I didn't know what else to do, but to go all out or nothing."

Richard stills, waiting for him to continue. They haven't talked about Lee's past relationships for some time now. Questions burn to be asked on his tongue, but he ignores them. He has promised to listen before, and he would do so again now.

"Bryan told me once that my life is like one of those terrible rom-coms where I'd date a string of losers until I meet _the one_." Lee turns to him as he says the last part, making him squirm. Over what, Richard isn't certain. Perhaps, it's the possibility that he is just one of those 'losers', but he shakes it off as quickly as it came.  

"Unfortunately, I got hung up with the wrong one for so long." Dropping his gaze, Lee swirls his glass slowly and the wine circles in gentle waves. "So fucking long that I'd look for him in everyone I've been with. . . including you."

Richard's stomach plummets, having his suspicions confirmed. He has this unfounded fear that no matter what, he'd always be overshadowed by Lee's first great love. Now, it is unfounded no more. Setting his glass down the nightstand, he rolls his lips between his teeth, afraid he'd blurt out something he would regret later.

"Not for the reasons you're thinking, I swear," Lee pleads, wrapping their hands together. Scalded by their touch, Richard takes back his hand without meaning to. A hurt expression mars Lee's features. "You don't understand, Rich."

Taking a deep breath, Richard closes his eyes and swallows hard. He won't runaway again from Lee, but he can't help but ask himself if he could live with the fact that Carter would always be a phantom presence in their relationship. He feels a hand hovering his own again, tentative and shaking. Opening his eyes, Richard chooses to stare blankly at the wall.

"Here's the thing," Lee begins after setting aside his wineglass. "Walking out of that relationship didn't make me cynical about love. It just made me realize that if I wanted so much to be with the wrong person, even after all the hell I've been through to make it work. . . imagine how wonderful it would be when the right one comes along."

Silence. Words continue to elude Richard, even more so than usual. _'Lee loves me. Lee is in love with me.'_ He repeats it to himself like a mantra. He needs to believe that, more than ever.

Lee sighs at his lack of reaction, but forges ahead. "And that's when it started. I began seeing the signs in every guy who gave me the slightest bit of attention, thinking that this time, I've definitely found the one. I ignored this gut feel I'd get when I looked into their eyes and see Carter." He pauses, voice cracking with raw emotion. "I've seen him in every guy who has broken my heart since."

Richard's arms are wrapped around Lee before he could even think about it. Damn his pride. Damn his jealousy. Damn his own heartbreak. Clinging to him like a lifeline, Lee's chest hammers against his own. It makes Richard wonder if Lee is just as fearful as he is, afraid to lose him for being brave and honest. He buries his fingers among those soft, brown locks, wishing Lee would stop trembling in his arms.

An eternity seems to pass before Lee pulls back a bit and stares at him. Richard looks at anything else but him, fearing what he would see in Lee's eyes.

Clearing his throat, Lee nods his head slowly. "When we first started going out, I was still stuck in the same pattern. Remember our first fight? That's when I realized how trapped I was in the past. . . but when we first kissed, I felt like I've been set free." He cups Richard's cheek, urging to face him again. Richard refuses for a bit, but gives in eventually. Lee's eyes are soft and clear, a stark contrast to their chaotic feelings.

"Because, Richard, when I looked in your eyes, I could see something. This hint of something more, something you're feeling but couldn't say."

Richard remembers well their first kiss. Every single one of them. Lee would always pull back from him and search for something in his eyes. He has always wondered what Lee must be seeing, hoping that whatever he found is what he was looking for. And now, after what he has just learned, the weight lifts off of his shoulders, restoring his faith that everything would turn out just fine.

The change in him must be evident because a small grin blooms on Lee's face again. "Now, when our eyes meet, it's like we're instantly connected. I've never had this with anyone else but you, and I like to keep it that way. It's like having our own little secret, a place we go to when we just need to be on our own."

"Since we're getting things out in the open," Richard says, dropping Lee's gaze in the process, "I have to admit that for the longest time, I've been so afraid that you would always love him more than me."

A gentle finger tips him by the chin, and Lee brushes lips with him. "If you were just any other guy, you would've been right. But. . . " Lee pulls back a bit before continuing, "you wanna know what makes me love you more than him? When he got me, I was naive and fearless. Loving him is the most self-destructive thing I've ever done. So, when you got me, I was battered and bruised. But since then, you've been helping me love the things about myself that he made me hate."

Richard's heart swells, but even more so with Lee's next words. "I love my name just because of how you say it. I love the way you stare at me when you think I'm not looking. I love the way you lean in close whenever I tell you something. I love the sweet things you say to me after we have a fight. I love how you make me wanna be a better person every single day. I just. . . I love you, Richard. All the good things, all the bad, the mistakes, the surprises. All the imperfections. All of it."

Struggling for words, Richard wants to bury himself inside Lee and never leave. All his life, he has yearned for someone who does not only see the good in him, but also the bad and still want him. He has never been someone who can express his feelings well with sweeping declarations of love. Even after he had met Lee, he knew he would never be that kind of person. It frustrates him sometimes, like this moment right now, but the thing is, all he ever wants is to be happy. He wants warmth and the sense that he is cared for. He wants to be loved just as much as he loves.

If that happiness means dressing up Carl for Halloween or stargazing in Texas, so be it. 

If it's simply watching movies together and relishing comfort under the sheets. . .

If it's only staring at Lee to remind him how lucky he is, how lucky they are. . .

Then, so be it. He will take love and happiness in any and all of its forms.

"I, uh. . . I'm so sorry. It's just that I'm not used to this," Richard admits, disoriented from so much joy. He searches for the right words, but comes up with nothing. "I love you, Lee," he adds in a rush of words. "You know that. . . I, uhmm—"

"Shhh. . . I know," Lee reassures him, pressing a finger to his lips. "You don't need words, love. Just. . . keep being you, and I'd know. I promise." 

   ∞ 

That night, after finishing The Crucible and another movie Lee had picked, after making love until they pass out from exhaustion, after sharing a grilled cheese sandwich for a late dinner, Richard lies awake on his bed with Lee snuggled to his side. He has been trying to stay awake for as long as he can so he doesn't have to wake up. This way, there will be little to no chance of losing everything. But, he does fall asleep at some point, and when he wakes up the next morning to lips brushing gently over his own, Richard sends his gratitude to the universe. 

This is happiness in its purest form.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for missing deadline after deadline, but don't worry for I have not abandoned this story. Aside from some real-life complications, I'm also currently working on two other fandom projects. Juggling three things at once made me super slow at everything, so I hope you'd continue to support this fic nonetheless. 
> 
> Thank you so much for your patience :)


	21. Love is Tempered

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm only human, can't you see?  
> I made, I made a mistake  
> Please just look me in my face  
> Tell me everything's okay  
> 'Cause I got it, I'll never be like you
> 
> -[Never Be Like You](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ly7uj0JwgKg) by Flume Ft. Kai

Sundays should come with a pause button.

Richard has heard his best mate say this now and then, accompanied each time by a frustrated sigh much to his amusement. Now, he fully understands the sentiment behind it. It is early evening already, and his weekend alone with Lee is coming to an end—not with a  _bang_ , as crude as that may sound.

Right on the dot, the laundry shop drops off his pressed shirts, trousers and whatnot, interrupting their impromptu game of strip scrabble. Not one to miss a good opportunity, Lee makes a grab for the pile of linens and claims them for the construction of a blanket fort. A speechless Richard stares at his giant man-child, who seems to be radiating with pure excitement over the idea. Though it may have taken him a moment to come to his senses, he realizes eventually that there is no point in resisting Lee's contagious enthusiasm. With one final gaze to the small mountain of chores at hand, Richard shrugs his shoulders and decides he would rather be silly and carefree with his boyfriend for the rest of the evening. His sweaters won't be going anywhere.

Half an hour later, a corner of the living room has been successfully converted into a blanket fort, complete with stacks of tiny pillows from his bedroom. "You sleep like a king," Lee had remarked when they were making his bed earlier. Between his stash of thousand-thread count sheets and an army of soft, downy pillows, Richard doesn't have room left for denial. He has never considered it as a luxury because it has always been an absolute necessity for him. Not even the sleepless nights after each Reset could have lowered his standards.

Shoulder to shoulder, they survey the fort with matching grins on their faces. As expected, Lee's creativity shines through the myriad of folds and knots and twists holding up the linens. Richard has contributed by collecting the essentials: a couple of his favorite books, a tin of assorted cookies, a thermos of hot cocoa, and a lampshade from his bedside table. A string of fairy lights would have been ideal, but his flat isn't quite ready to cater to Lee's every whim.

"Sally and I used to raid our house for pillows and blankets during the long holidays," Lee shares as they crawl their way in to the fort. "She still does, y'know, for the kids." They lie down on the soft layers of duvet, still bearing the cool, fresh scent of the fabric softener. Richard doesn't care much for it though. He inches closer to Lee until he is enveloped once more with notes of lavender and vanilla and that other indefinable scent he would like to bottle someday. Lee turns to his side and welcomes Richard inside his embrace. "What about you?" 

The question brings forth a flash of distant memories, all laced with the smell of freshly mowed grass and honeysuckle. "We had a tree house in our yard," Richard shares. "Nothing fancy. Just some planks and other bits put together by my father. I really liked it." It had a blue wooden door, he recalls, similar to the one featured on the poster beside his bed. It made the Whovian in him very happy. Without meaning to, a small smile curls up on his face though it disappears as quickly as it came. "Sometimes, he would join us. Me and my brother Chris. Not to play, but to teach us how to fix things. An engineer through and through, my mother would say. He'd repair a loose board or chipped paint, and we would watch him in awe. It was our own magic show." Like any boy his age, Richard had admired his father and sought for his approval at every turn. He rarely got it despite his best efforts though. And so at a young age, he had learned that when someone does that—day in, day out—the relationship would just erode.

His past isn't tragic, strictly speaking, but pangs of disappointment and regret still continue to wash over him from time to time. Lee doesn't need to know that, however. The man has the most endearing look on his face, blissfully unaware of his deep-seated issues with his family. He seems to be listening intently to what Richard has to share, proving that he truly cares about getting to know each other on a deeper level. Staring back at those bright, green eyes, Richard decides to keep the bitterness to himself. "If I hadn't gone for a degree in History, I'd most probably be an architect now."

“Building houses, huh?" Lips pursed in thought, Lee props up his head on his arm. "I'd like to do that someday, too. I dream about having a house by the water. . . not do anything 'cause I'm not feeling ambitious nor having the need to make money. Or maybe, I dunno, maybe just move to a farm. . . Raise some chickens and a vegetable patch.”

It all sounds appealing to Richard, who had an undeniably great time at the Pace family farm. "Lazing around in a hammock with a good book," he adds, though it makes him wonder how he fits in the picture Lee has been painting.

"Yeah, there's a version of me that would give it all up and sit on a beach, stringing beads," Lee agrees with a faraway look on his eyes. "Wouldn't you?"

Richard nods his head and admits, "I'm looking forward to getting fat and old so I don't have to lift weights."

"We're gonna be that kind of couple, huh?" Lee observes, amusement coloring his tone.

Richard furrows his eyebrow, prompting the man to elaborate.

"Y'know," Lee says, his cheeks turning pink, "the ones who found love. . . their passion to strive for success cools a little, so they get a bit chubby and cheery." Imagining them going gray and soft around the middle brings forth a round of delighted giggles from Richard. Lee, however, mistakes his mirth for disbelief. "Oh, c'mon. I think it's very real. That's how life is."

"Same page here, love," Richard assures him. With a pleased smile, Lee recovers from his unfounded indignation. Cocooned together under the sheets, they envision again how they will be when they are older, how they will live in a farmhouse with their dogs and chickens and bunnies—perhaps, even a cat. A retreat from the world, just for the two of them. Though it is still years into the future, Richard already feels calm and content from thinking of what may become. Lee seems to be mesmerized too, breathing deep and slow against his chest.

The hypnotic spell is broken by an incessant buzzing over the other side of the fort. "It's Evie," Lee informs him, tapping the 'Accept' button on his mobile. "Awww... Hey, Carl. Where d'you get the sock?" It's a video-call, Richard learns when Lee shares the screen with him. Wearing a red-and-green striped sock, Carl waves at them with his paw, most probably by Evangeline's doing. He barks and sniffs at the camera before disappearing from the view.

"We went to the— Oh, hey there." Evangeline narrows her eyes at them. "What're you two doing exactly? Please tell me you didn't answer your phone mid-sex." Out of nowhere, Orlando pops into existence with a huge, expectant smile. It must be Evangeline's turn again to lend her couch to their ever-transient friend.

"Of course not," Lee denies, but with a coy grin, adds, "Wouldn't bother talking to you, if that's the case."

"Then, what the hell are you doing?" Orlando demands, shaking his head in disapproval. "Talking to us when you could be tapping _that?_ " Lee brushes off the comment with an amused snort while blood comes rushing up to Richard's face. He is not ashamed of his sex life per se, but that doesn’t mean he wants Lee's friends to be privy to it. Undeterred by Lee's dismissal and encouraged by Richard's embarrassment, Orlando continues, "What's that thing Evie used to say?" He snaps his fingers a couple of times, eyes narrowed, before it hits him. "Ah! Go tap him like a maple tree!"

"And you're out." Evangeline rolls her eyes as she pushes Orlando away from the camera. "Anyway," she says emphatically before shifting to a saccharine tone, "how's your weekend?"

Lee laughs, finding his friends' antics amusing unlike Richard, who is still busy willing his blush to go away too. "It's been great. Really great. We built a blanket fort, see?" he answers, panning his mobile to show off their billowy fortress.

From somewhere in the background, they hear Orlando snickering. "Told you there's nothing to worry about. Couple of five-year-olds right there."

"Evie. . ." Lee whines, turning the camera back on him

"Shut up," Evangeline hisses to Orlando before shifting back to Lee. "That's not true, sweetie. Of course not. I mean, there's nothing to worry about, eh? Bet you've had a great time together."

"Yeah, yeah," Lee agrees, trying to keep his tone neutral, but even to Richard's ear, the man sounds like he is failing to contain his glee. "We've had a really great time. It was. . . It was—"

"Euphoric?" Evie supplies.

"Nah," Orlando chimes in, appearing once again on the screen, "the word he's looking for is 'orgasmic'. Right, Lee? Orgasmic?"

"There's a winner," Lee says, finally letting himself with laugh at his friend's quip. Orlando guffaws at this admission, and even Evangeline cannot help herself. At least, she has the decency to stifle her giggles with her hands. All through this, Richard looks on at them with wide eyes for he is beyond mortified at this point.

After what seems to be an eternity, he vaguely hears Orlando teasing him. "Good job, Richard. Or maybe more like 'good blowjob', amiright?" Cringing, Richard scrunches up his face in distaste. 

"Knock it off, guys," intervenes Lee, finally sensing that Richard's discomfort is at its limit. "Let's talk about something else, please. Did you take Carl to the bazaar?"

Squeezing the man's arm in gratitude, Richard tunes them out after listening for a bit about the dog's weekend escapade. He then wills the heat on his face to subside again as he reaches to his side for a book. In his opinion, the right book can be a distraction of the best kind. ' **Danny, the Champion of the World'** reads the title. One of his favorites since childhood. He has been meaning to share this with Lee ever since they started their tradition of reading to one another. This is the first book where he realized he wasn't reading words to make sense of it, just imagining the story in his mind. Reading it once again brings a small grin on his face for he is reliving the whole experience. He is on the third page when Lee elbows him to get his attention.

"Evie's having a potluck on Friday night. D'you wanna go?"

Lost in Danny's world, Richard cannot think fast enough for a possible excuse. The thing is, Lee's friends are best enjoyed in small doses, and by experience, he knows dinner at Evangeline's can be quite a draining affair. Still, when Lee prompts him again with a raised eyebrow, Richard shrugs his shoulders and says, "Why not? Could be fun."

Lee beams in excitement and pecks him on the cheeks. "Awesome." This 'public' display of affection doesn't bother him now as much as it used to, and so with a little less effort, he manages to ignore the speculative stares he is most certainly getting from the other pair. He buries his nose to the book again and leaves them be to talk among themselves. Engrossed with the story, he doesn't notice it has gone quiet again until Lee nudges him and asks, "Watcha got there?"

"One of my favorites," Richard replies, sliding an arm under Lee's shoulders. "Want me to read it to you?"

"Wouldn't say no to that, but I gotta go back to my apartment. Don't have anything to wear for tomorrow, remember?" Despite this, Lee seems to be trying to get more comfortable, molding their sides together.

Richard isn't ready to let go of him just yet, too. "Just a bit, then. I'll be driving you anyway."

"Sure," Lee says as he snuggles closer, putting an arm over Richard like a blanket.

Flipping the pages back to the start, Richard gives the man a quick summary of the plot before reading the first lines. This is how he had pictured them back when they were still involved in the production of 'The Hobbit'. Swathed in as many blankets as they could find. Enveloped in the glowing warmth that he feels whenever Lee is nearby. Captivated by the story as much as by each other's voice.

In between paragraphs, he would glance at Lee, who seems to be genuinely interested with the story. Laughing softly at the funny parts and humming every now and then, an air of serenity soon falls upon them. Twenty pages in Richard pauses again and listens to the sound of his boyfriend's breathing, gentle and slow. He runs a hand through Lee's hair and kisses his forehead. Getting no reaction except for a single soft moan, Richard puts away his book and tucks himself in to Lee's embrace. They should be on his car by now, probably on their way to order takeouts for another late dinner at Lee's flat. They should, but fifteen more minutes of snuggling would be just fine, right? 

∞ 

Richard wakes up to the beeping of his alarm. Except. . . wait. That is not  _his_  alarm.

Lee disentangles their limbs, shuts off the ringing mobile, then turns back to him. "Mornin', hon." After a massive yawn, he looks around, eyes still half-closed. "Did we build another fort?"

Through the sleepy haze of the early morning, Richard feels his lips curve into a smile. He can certainly get used to this, waking up together even if it is probably an hour too early for him.

It's new.

It's lovely.

It's everything.

"Nope, still in my flat. Sorry." He isn't really though for there would never come a day where he would not feel grateful for another morning in this timeline. Filled to the brim with happiness, he kisses Lee on the lips, pinning the man underneath his weight.

Lee's face is flushed pink when he pulls back for air. "Thought you're not a morning person." 

"Told you I could be," Richard reminds him, grazing the tips of their noses. He grins again before going in for another kiss. He has spent months—no,  _timelines—_ thinking of mornings like this.  _Timelines_. Sometimes, he can barely believe that this is his life now.

Spending the night with Lee.

Waking up with Lee.

Kissing Lee.

_'With tongues, if I may add.'_

Lee then rolls his hips, and suddenly, Richard can't think straight anymore. There is far too much space between them and—

The bloody mobile blares out to life.  _Again._ Groaning, they break apart so Lee can deal with the offending sound.

" _Why_  do you have two alarms?"

"So I don't oversleep," Lee explains as he tries to stretch out his long limbs from underneath.

Richard lies down on his back to give the man some room. "Do you oversleep often?"

" _No_ ," Lee replies, "because I set two alarms." He rolls to his side, facing Richard. "Have to go now, love."

"Got a couple of suits I haven't worn to work," Richard offers without missing a beat. He has thought of this solution when he woke up in the middle of the night and found them still wrapped around each other. It is daring and a bit naughty, but to his lovesick mind, it's the best idea he's had in a while. "Nobody would notice you're wearing mine." 

"Our little secret," Lee says, eyes shining with barely concealed excitement. "C'mon, then. We're gonna be late for work."

The bend of Lee's shoulder, however, is the only place Richard wants to be at the moment. "Don't care."

"Rich. . ."

"Five more minutes?" Richard murmurs, his lips brushing the warm skin before him. He has never gotten up this early for work before.

"Alright," Lee acquiesces with a sigh, sliding his arms around Richard's middle again, "but just this time, okay?"

Humming in gratitude, Richard presses a kiss to Lee's neck. "Love you." He feels his lover's fingertips trace the same words on his arm as sleep begins to take over him again.

  ∞

Soapy hands slide down Richard's sides, playful and teasing. Count on his boyfriend to heat things up in their already steamy shower. Lips pressed to his shoulder, Lee murmurs, "It just occurred to me. . ."

"Hmmm?"

"Today's the first time we're gonna go to work together," Lee continues as he reaches around Richard's middle. 

Far too distracted with the direction Lee's hands are taking, Richard finds it hard to form a coherent response. Surely, there is nothing to worry about that. He parks his car at the back of the main building anyway. Nobody would notice. Besides, friends carpool all the time, right? Lost in Lee's ministrations, Richard lets go of whatever issues he still has over the matter, pushing everything else to the back of his mind with one final thought.

_'Everything will work out just fine.'_

 ∞

By now, Richard should have known better.

Everything turns out to be a disaster.

But, that happens much later.

 ∞ 

Monday has started out rather well, all things considered.

The oak trees are nearly bare. 

That December chill is in the air. 

Time for Greenwood's Winter Fair. 

Before heading to their respective classes, Peter calls for a meeting to delegate tasks among the faculty members. Greenwood has a tradition of transforming the giant oaks around the school grounds into majestic holiday trees. Like white gems of pure starlight, lanterns would adorn the trees, turning them into scintillating beacons along Greenwood's web of pathways. It is a grand sight to behold, especially in the coldest and darkest of the winter nights. Back in the original timeline, he had volunteered to help in setting up the lights. And so, he raises his hand once more when they called for volunteers for he would gladly do it again.

Defying Richard's expectation, Lee tries to get himself grouped with him, but Peter denies him with a quick chortle. It is an absurd request. Nobody would allow him to waste his talent on some pretty lights, not even Richard. And so, like in the original timeline, a painting has been commissioned from Lee. It shall be featured in the main hall for the whole winter and will be reproduced and printed on the holiday cards that Greenwood sends to its board of directors and generous donors. If Richard remembers correctly, that painting had been immediately bought by one of Lee's patrons, having received a copy of the card a week before the Winter Fair had commenced. It is an excellent opportunity for any artist, which is why it puzzles Richard when Lee accepted the commission with nothing but a nod of his head and a tight-lipped smile. 

Lunch is spent in the Arts and Crafts Room. Witnessing Lee at work is breathtaking, which shouldn't be surprising at this point. It's just that, by now, Richard is so used to being around this man's beauty that sometimes he _forgets_ —for the lack of a better word. Then, he would be hit without warning by moments of clarity. Like when Lee would smile just so, or when the light would hit him in a certain way, or when he would wear something of Richard's—his favorite leather jacket or his gray sweater or even just a plain white T-shirt. It is not a revelation, but it still makes his heart skip a beat anyway. It is like when the sun comes out after it has rained. People do not forget that the sun is warm and brilliant. They are just remembering how wonderful it is—appreciating its radiance all over again. 

Lee takes his breath away, and Richard tells him how. The Art teacher beams at the comparison, proving that he is indeed Richard's sun. After a quick survey of the initial sketch he has made, Lee joins him by the table and leans in for a kiss. 

"Not here," Richard says, stopping him with a hand to the shoulder.

"Why not?" Lee counters. "No one else is here." 

"Lee. . ." That is not the point. Well, that is not the _only_ point. They are at school. Sure, they have stolen kisses in the dark during the production of The Hobbit, but Richard knows by now that it was reckless of them to do so. A line must be drawn somewhere.

Relenting with a pout on his lips, Lee sits down beside Richard. "Fine, but I'm taking your pudding as consolation." Richard smirks as he willingly surrenders his dessert. They eat and chat for the rest of their lunch break. Talking about last year's winter fair and Lee's inspiration for his painting this year, everything is light and pleasant again. At one point, Richard reaches for Lee's hand under the table, and for a second, he thinks Lee has tried to pull away from him. Their hands remain intertwined though so Richard shakes off the unbidden thought. As they make plans for tonight, Lee seems a bit distant, but not enough for Richard to ask him about it.

_'Can't be that big of a deal, right?'_

 ∞ 

Tuesday seems to be just like any other day, that is until Richard checks his email.

He rarely receives a direct memo from Peter. In fact, the last time he has gotten one was when he got hired: a standard letter indicating the specifics of his job, his class schedule, and a list of requirements. The latest email, however, is quite vague in comparison. The most he can glean off of it is that he is being summoned to Peter's office. No reason has been specified. Nothing comes to mind when he thought about it, but he knows whatever it is for, he has to go. Since he has just finished his last class for the morning, he gathers up his things and shoots a quick text telling Lee that he might not make it to lunch.

It turns out that the text is completely unnecessary. When Richard arrives at the office, Peter is sitting behind his desk, his back pressed to the leather chair while chatting amiably with Lee and Ian, who is pacing in front of the large window overlooking the garden. Silence falls upon the trio as he steps inside the room, leaving him in the dark about their topic. Probably Lee's idea for the painting, Richard hazards a guess. 

"Take a seat, will you?" Peter says in greeting. "You're another crick in the neck that's waiting to happen."

Richard does as he was told, catching Lee's gaze upon him as he do so. The Art teacher seems to be at ease, so he follows the man's lead without further question. 

"We were just talking about Philippa's party. Shame you couldn't join us. Lee said you had plans."

It isn't a question, but Richard feels the need to explain nonetheless. "Uh, yes. We do go out sometimes. Saturdays, mostly. There's plenty more to see in this city for someone new like me." He risks a glance at Lee for support, but doesn't find any. Instead, Lee looks back at him like he has sprouted a new head. He can tell that the man is upset by his excuses, but what else is he supposed to do? There are consequences for being open about their relationship. Consequences he cannot afford.

If Peter or Ian had noticed the sudden tension in the room, they did not comment on it aside from a shared look between them that makes Richard clench his jaw. Before he can address the possibility of being tattled on by the meddling Literature teacher, Peter nods his head in acknowledgment. "Should've sent the invites earlier, then. Anyway, Ian here made sure to drink your share of the booze."

"Not my intention at the time, but I've resolved to give it all up from now on."

"Good luck with that, my friend. In any case," Peter says, turning his attention back to Lee and Richard, "it's no excuse, but please bear in mind that Ian was inebriated for much of the party."

"Oh, I don't deserve to be coddled, Peter," Ian snaps. He stops wearing down the carpet and regards the pair of teachers with an apology on his face. "I couldn't remember exactly what we were talking about at the time, but I overheard this obnoxious little man—"

"Mr. Cooper," Peter cuts in.

"Mr. Cooper of Livingstone Street," Ian spits, "was touting the importance _conservative_  family values and how it had pleased him to witness the gentrification of this neighborhood. I would've leave him be, but then the fool claimed that this academy is a part of his ideal, bigoted world. I couldn't let that pass." He shakes his head, contempt dripping from his every word. "So, I _politely_  told him to fuck off because Greenwood prides itself for its diverse faculty, especially those who are openly gay like I am." 

"Nobody dropped names," Peter quickly adds, "and we all thought that's the end of it. But apparently, some parents have more time on their hands to snoop around and blow things out of proportion." He pushes a piece of paper across the desk, along with a set of photographs. "This morning, we received a formal complaint from some parents, citing your. . . _close_ relationship, among other things, as a matter of contention about the professionalism of the faculty."

Richard stops listening to Peter upon seeing the photos. The air drops down to cold and stale, freezing him down to his bones. A hand appears in his line of sight, and he recognizes it as Lee's. The man reaches out for the letter, leaving the photos untouched. He can barely hear Peter and Ian discussing something about 'policy' and 'forms' and 'unacceptable'. The photos hold his attention like a vise grip, suffocating the air out of him. _'Where did these come from?'_  A picture of him and Lee spending Thanksgiving at Texas might have been taken by one of the Paces, but how did it get here? There is also another one where they were sitting side by side on a park bench, arms crossed over their chests. Nothing incriminating whatsoever, but still. "I, uh, I don't know what to say, sir. I mean, Lee and I have been spending time together outside of work."

Peter sighs. "To be honest, I've always assumed you're just friends."

"We are, sir."

"Just friends, then?" 

Swallowing painfully, Richard avoids the pointed stare coming from his side. Lee must have finished reading the letter and has heard his lame attempt to save whatever is left of their teaching career. "Uh, it's really— Uhmm. . . "

Ian swoops in and saves him from digging a deeper hole for himself. "It's all right, Richard. As Peter said, all you need to do is sign the forms and we'll handle it from hereon."

A piece of paper lands on his lap—the letter—but Richard pays it no heed. He should probably read it now, but he remains stuck on Ian's words. "Forms?" Lee takes the photos from him without another word.

Peter eases away the apprehension that laces the question. "Nothing out of ordinary. Just a formal disclosure of your relationship. There's a clause about things being voluntary and consensual between the two of you, which is really there for Greenwood's protection for possible sexual harassment lawsuits. But given the circumstances, it would do well enough to silence further complaints about this matter."

"What about the policy? I'm afraid I don't follow."

"As long as you're both doing your jobs well, then there's really no problem with us," Peter explains, sounding a bit exasperated. He must be repeating himself. "There's no conflict of interest here or any abuse of power. That I know of, at least. And besides, I met Fran the same way. Look at us now."

"You might want to read that first, Richard," Ian asserts, glaring at the letter that Richard has been gripping in his hand for the past minute. Reeling from Peter's explanation, Richard now feels even more unnerved about Lee, who has been uncharacteristically silent since he got here. The contents of the letter must have stunned him just like how the photos did to Richard.

Skimming the first part detailing Ian's drunken episode, Richard's skin crawls upon reading the paragraphs about him and Lee. It sickens him. Of course, he has always known that there are people who would never approve of their _unconventional lifestyle_ —as is written on the vile letter. He is under no illusion of naivety. There are people who want to straighten them out of their _immoral ways_. He has seen the effects of their fear-mongering ways, but for the longest time, it has always been from an outsider's view. Being in a long-term relationship with a woman had shielded him from such attacks. And even now, it is not him that is being labelled in all manners that do not bear repeating. Apparently, Lee has _corrupted_ him into committing to _a life of sin and debauchery._ Because of this, the complainants would pull out their children from classes headed by either of them, fearing the influence of _openly gay teachers_ on such impressionable, young minds. The letter concludes with a demand for the termination of teachers involved within the semester lest the complete withdrawal of the students from Greenwood. 

After reading the names of the parents, some of which he recognized, the edges of the paper are crumpled and torn in some places. No wonder Lee has not said a word since. Letting go of his inhibitions, Richard reaches for Lee in a show of commiseration. He wishes they can talk things out first before facing Peter again, but they can't do that right now. So, he settles for a comforting squeeze on Lee's hand. 

Lee doesn't squeeze back.

Richard is starting to get worked up into a proper panic when Peter hands them the forms for their signatures. On a normal day, he would have asked for a day to read through the sections before committing to anything. However, this is no normal day, and so he sighs, drops Lee's hand, and gives it a quick read through. Lee does the same with his copy though he signs it almost right away. Pen hovering the dotted line, Richard glances at Lee for a sign that they are doing the right thing, but all he gets is a flash of that fake smile he dreads seeing. He signs the forms with a shaky hand.

They remain in the office until the break is over. Peter has offered them biscuits and tea that neither of them touched. Further reassurance has been given, too. The pounding inside Richard's chest subsides a little, though he still wishes they could go now and find a quiet corner to talk in private. 

When Peter dismisses them with one final promise that Greenwood would stand by its decision no matter what, Lee flees the office before Richard can even stand up from his seat.

"Lee, wait up!"

"Leave me alone."

"Talk to me," Richard pleads, reaching for Lee's hand again. This time, the man yanks it away from his grasp. His chest tightens around his racing heart. "Please."

Lee forces out another smile, which does nothing but confuse him even more. "In case you're forgetting, _Mr. Armitage_ , we're still within school premises."

Richard  _hates_  whenever Lee does this to him. Distress and indignation is never a good combination because suddenly, he cannot stand it anymore.

"I'm  _fucking_  tired of this act," he hisses, coming out more heated than he has intended. Dropping the mask, Lee flinches from his outburst.

Pride rears up its ugly head as they glare at each other. Richard won't take it back. He is done being 'okay' with this kind of treatment.

Lee responds with a short laugh that lacks any trace of humor. "Well," he snaps, " _I'm_  tired of keeping up with your head games." 

Things have been crumbling down back in Peter's office, but now. . . out in this hallway, everything begins to fall apart.

 ∞

Richard pockets his mobile as he knocks on Evangeline's door. He has been trying to get ahold of Lee even before left the school, but all he has been getting is the man's voicemail. Teaching eighth grade History all afternoon has somehow calmed down the calamity in his mind, and by the end of his last class for today, he has resolved to do everything he can to salvage whatever remains of their relationship. They can't break up over something like this. They just _can't_.

Lee isn't making it easy for him though. The Art teacher is nowhere to be found. Not in the Arts and Crafts Room. Not in his flat. And that is how Richard finds himself before this door, ready to brave Evangeline's ire.

The door lock clicks.

"Is Lee in there?"

"Why?"

Hesitating for a second, Richard mumbles, "I fucked up."

Evangeline purses her lips—judging him already, no doubt—before opening the door wider. "Come in."

Richard wastes no time, rushing his way inside, which he regrets immediately.

"Lee's not here," Evangeline says, locking the door again. "Did he leave Carl in his place?"

Sighing, Richard rubs the back of his neck in frustration. "No. Why does that—"

"Then, he's just at the dog park. The one across his apartment. He probably even saw you," she cuts in, punctuating it with a sigh too. "Now, tell me what did you do this time?"

"This time?" Patience is escaping Richard like water cupped in his hands.

"C'mon, Richard. You know Lee shares  _everything_  with me."

Richard gapes at her, speechless for a moment. Mentally adding this to the list of things they have to talk to about, he bites down his tongue that itches to ask what Lee has been  _sharing_  with her. "Look, I really need to talk to Lee. I really don't have the time for this."

"That's the worst thing you can do. Trust me." Signaling Richard to follow, she heads toward the kitchen. "He just needs some space, alright?" She fills a kettle with water and places it on the stove. "Green tea with honey, coming right up," she announces, sounding annoyingly perky to Richard's ear. "Made Norman try it once, and he's taken a liking to it, too."

Admitting to himself that she knows Lee best and that Lee trusts her more than anybody else, Richard deflates and buries his face on his palms. "I don't know what else to do."

"Tell me what happened."

Resigning to his fate, Richard recounts what happened in Peter's office as best as he can. She looks livid upon hearing about the letter, but calms down when he relays Greenwood's stance on the matter. He stammers a bit under the woman's watchful gaze, who is obviously dissecting the awful situation they have found themselves in. Afternoon tea has never been this stressful, ever.

"I just need, I dunno, a reassurance I suppose," Richard concludes, "I can't lose him over this. I just can't."He balls his fists until he can feel his fingernails digging through his palm. "You were there with him when he left Carter, and I can't help but think that—"

"Richard!" Evangeline interjects, slamming her hand down the counter.  _"Jesus_ , you're even crazier than I thought."

Taken aback by her reaction, Richard winces like he has been burned by her words. He knows Evangeline doesn't think highly of him, but he doesn't want hear any proof of it right now. Not when he feels like a Reset is breathing down his neck.

Evangeline continues, unperturbed. "I'm not in love with you, so whatever bullshit you say doesn't go through a filter up my dick. I've warned Lee about this before, but he just wouldn't listen to me." Her arms gesticulate as she rants, a shared habit between her and Lee. The similarity only adds insult to the injury. "You're nothing, but a miserable, twitchy man who doesn't just jump to conclusions. You cannonball your way into 'em." Then, their gazes meet. Hers, incensed; his, hurt. It gives her pause. "Stop thinking about everything so much," she finishes in a frustrated tone, "You’re breaking your own heart."

Feeling thoroughly dressed down, Richard mutters a quick thanks for the tea and turns to leave. He really shouldn't have stayed. What was he expecting? Comfort? From Evangeline? _'Not in a million years.'_ He hears the woman sigh from behind followed by the slap of footsteps hurrying after him.

"That was uncalled for. Sorry," she says, holding him back by the crook of his arm. "But I'm serious about the last part." 

Richard glares at the hand touching him, prompting the woman to let go. She folds her arms across her chest, defiant as always. 

"I know you're good for Lee in all the ways that count, but maybe you just need some. . . reminding."

"About what exactly?" Richard grits out.

"Lee loves you. He’s so happy with you—with everything,” she says emphatically. “So much so that it actually scares the shit out of me.”

Well, that's an odd thing to say, even to his standards. “He _scares_ you?”

Evangeline doesn’t answer right away, pinning Richard with a calculating look. “The thing is,” she begins in a measured tone, “it’s nice to be with someone who doesn’t want to live without you. It becomes ‘scary’ when that someone suddenly cannot live without you. You've known each other for what, three months? And since then, I see him going around like nothing good would happen if you're not together. That's what scares me.” Pausing for a second, she shakes her head and continues, “It’s not just him, by the way. Everything about you scares me, Richard. Call it a woman’s intuition or whatever, I just know something’s off with you.”

Hitting a little too close to home, Richard tries to deflect the attention from him. "So that's it, then? You don't like me because we spend more time together than you do with him? He's not some bloody toy—"

Something in Evangeline snaps. "Don't, for one second, think that your relationship has superseded my friendship with him. Men like you have come and gone, Richard. I told you that when we first met. I want Lee to be happy, and right now, you're the one who's making him so. That's why I'm trying _so_ _hard_ to believe in you. You've done incredibly well in making him fall for you, but we both know that's not enough." Evangeline huffs when Richard winces again at her words. "That's why you're here. Because you can put your dicks in each other's mouths, but you can't talk to him about what bothers you. Don't like how Lee shares everything with me? Fine, but tell him that yourself. I won't stop him. I want to keep him in my life, even if it means having to hear about you and your neurotic ass."

Taking a deep breath, Richard barely keeps himself from sweeping past her to slam the door on his way out. "You may be right," he says in quiet voice, "but I don't have to stand here and just take it. I don't even have to explain myself to you, but out of respect to your friendship with Lee, I stayed. Hanging on to your every word for, I dunno, an advice on how to handle this fight with Lee, which I'd try to find later under the torrent of insults you've drowned me in. After all, I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if I wasted your precious time this evening." He pauses for a bit, reining in thoughts he shouldn't say for he cannot take them back later. "Thanks for the tea," he repeats, choosing to leave those things unsaid. For now, that is. He has more pressing matters than his bruised ego.

To her credit, Evangeline has sent him a voicemail while he was driving, which he ignores in favor of checking Lee's flat again. Still no sign of the man. He crosses the street and scans the dog park. It shouldn't be this hard to find someone as tall as Lee, and yet he walks back to his car with nothing to show for his efforts. He should have listened to Lee and yes, to Evangeline as well. The man wants to be left alone. Before heading home, he decides to listen to the voicemail for it wouldn't do any more harm than what has been done already. 

_"Hello, Richard. I. . . I was out of line. Sorry. I really am. I just. . . I get so worked up with Lee's personal life because I was there. You know how much we hate that douchebag, but you have no idea how bad it got after their breakup. It's not my place to tell you. Just please give him some more time. Lee loves you. Don't ever doubt that. . . Okay, so, uhmm. . . You don't have to forgive me any time soon but we do have to try harder. Until we can tolerate each other, at the very least. For Lee's happiness. So, I. . . I'll see you on Friday. Potluck, remember? Desserts would be great. Your boyfriend knows where to get the best ones. Drive safe."_

Richard replays the message a couple more times, absorbing whatever he can from Evangeline's rare moment of vulnerability. By the end of the second replay, he has already begun putting aside his hurt feelings from earlier. The words continue to echo inside his head, however, until he arrives at his flat.

The lights are on. He never leaves the lights on when he goes to work. A wave of relief washes over him, knowing the man is somewhere in his flat. Perhaps, things between them are not as bad as he thought. Instead of rushing inside the flat, he takes his time parking the car and walking up to the door. It's unlocked. He turns the knob and immediately catches sight of Lee sitting on the couch with Carl by his feet. With furrowed eyebrows, he spares a thought on this rather surprising detail. _'How the hell did Lee sneak the dog inside the building?'_

Alerted to his presence, the man looks up from his mobile, regarding him with an unreadable expression on his face. "Graham's?"

"Nope, Evangeline's." As expected, Lee raises an eyebrow at this. "Was looking for you." Richard falters on his step, uncertain if whether or not he can approach them.

Lee makes the decision for him. "Hungry?" Standing up, he heads to the kitchen and takes out cartons of food from a paper bag. Tension rolls off his shoulders, betraying his actual emotional state. This isn't a white flag. A temporary lull, more like it.

"Very," Richard answers, matching the casual air Lee has been trying to project. He isn't really planning on eating tonight, not when there is a giant lump in his throat, but it would probably be best to humor Lee right now. Careful to keep enough distance between them, he helps divvy up the food—fried rice, stir fry and dumplings. The savory smell of soy sauce and spices wafts around the flat, attracting Carl, his tail wagging up in the air.

Sitting on opposite sides of the living room, they eat in silence; the energetic ball of fur acting as the perfect buffer. Now and then, Lee would drop dumplings and vegetables on the plate Richard had set out on the floor for Carl. Picking on his food, Richard would take a bite, or rather chews on a morsel, as he watches them from his corner of the room. At one point, he catches Lee's gaze on him. 

"Fighting on empty stomachs won't do us any favor," Lee says, averting his eyes again. "Eat up."

Richard sighs as he spears a piece of meat with his fork. He swallows it down without much thought, occupied with observing how Lee isn't doing any better than him. By now, Carl has eaten practically more than half of his share. He continues to pretend eating until the dog has finished Lee's dinner.

Tucking away the carton from Lee's line of sight, Richard wipes his mouth with a napkin and waits with bated breath. The illusion of truce is on the verge of breaking from the weight of reality. They have to do this. Now. " _Head games_?" 

Gloom hanging over his head, Lee continues to take his time. "Sometimes, I don't know how to be with you," he answers with a weary tone. "Like yesterday. You're so into me that you're willing to share your clothes. Then, the next moment, you couldn't even kiss me when we're obviously alone." Richard opens his mouth to explain himself, but Lee doesn't let him. "You're a reserved person. I get that, okay? But you said you're tired of my 'act', and I think that's unfair. Consistency, Richard. You leave me wanting for something as basic as consistency."

Blindsided, Richard wonders why Lee has never made this an issue until now. "How long have you been feeling this way?"

"Not that long," Lee replies with shake of his head. "I've just noticed it lately, to be honest."

"Then, why didn't you tell me?"

"You say you love me and care for me, but. . . I need more." Lee worries his bottom lip for a sec before continuing, "I need more from you, but I'm afraid that if I ask for it, you'd say you're giving me too much already, and then you'd end up giving me less. You're not ready for the things I want for us, and I know you don't stick around if it's too much for you." He puts up a hand to silence Richard when he tried to protest. "You said it yourself."

"It's different with you," Richard insists, echoing his own words from when he first opened up to Lee about the mess he left in England. 

"But, how exactly?" Lee demands. Frustration has turned up the volume of his voice, loud enough that it startles Carl into whining out of worry. "You've broken off your long-term relationship because you weren't ready to commit. We've been together for a lot less than that, and. . ." He trails off, burying his fingers into his hair. "How is this any different?"

Unable to answer right away, Richard leads the dog into his bedroom and keeps him there with the rest of his dinner. Staring unseeingly at Carl, he sighs as he collects his thoughts. How can he even begin to explain without tripping on something that shouldn't be said? He is then reminded of the harsh reality of his situation. All the things he can't say, all the secrets he guards with his life, own and control _him_. And now, he might lose the love of his life all because he can't answer one simple question. 

Lee is staring up the ceiling, his head resting against the back of the couch, when Richard comes back. Neither of them dares to break the silence. It might have been a few seconds or a whole eternity, but when Lee decides he's had enough of it, he ends it with poignancy. "Right now, I want to get inside your head, just to see what's in there. . . understand how it works. Maybe I'd feel better, then."

Richard runs a hand through his hair, feeling more helpless than ever. "Yes, there's more to me than what I've shared with you," he says, uncertain yet cautious as always. "I hide them because I'm not sure you'd like the rest. I don't even like it myself."

"You're being inconsistent again," Lee points out with a sigh. "Wasn't it you who told me I shouldn't have to hide myself from you? Wasn't it also you who snapped at me earlier for trying to keep it together?" Getting more worked up, Lee sits up and rubs his palms over his face. "Are you even hearing yourself? Or are you just holding me to different standards? I honestly don't know what's worse," he practically spits, his arms gesticulating out of irritation. "And fine, let's say you've got your 'reasons', but I shouldn't have to tell you this. Falling in love and having a relationship are two different things." Lee stands up and begins pacing the room. "I'd like to think we're past that point, but you're proving me right. You're not ready—"

"Tell me what you want, then," Richard cuts in, unable to defend himself but growing more desperate for a sign that he hasn't fucked everything up.

"Not lie about us, for starters!"

"It's not that simple," Richard counters, almost pleading for Lee to listen to his case. "You've seen the reaction we got. Do you—"

Lee stops in his tracks and glowers at him. "I've never been ashamed of my sexuality, and I'm not going to start now just because you're ashamed of yours."

"What?" Richard gapes, throwing his hands in the air. "Where did you even get that idea?" 

"You said we're friends!"

"We are!" Richard doesn't want to yell, but Lee _has_ to understand. "We didn't stop being—"

"That's not the point! I know you prefer to keep things private, but they fucking asked you if we're 'just friends'. You couldn't give them a straight answer. And don't try to be a smartass about this. The truth is you couldn't bear to call me your boyfriend."

Huffing in disbelief, Richard gawks at him. "You're mad over some label? I _admitted_ we're in a relationship."

"Just because you knew I was upset!"

Richard sighs. Lee is somewhat right, but he is also very  _wrong_ in everything else. "Does the reason matter as long as I said it?"

"You didn't want to, that's the fucking point. It's like you're ashamed of us. . . And it _hurts_. You care more about what others would say than how I'd feel." Eyes filling with tears, Lee looks away from him. Richard can feel his eyes stinging, too. "You told me before how selfish you could be," Lee says, voice thick with disappointment. "I didn't believe you, but _fuck_ , you're absolutely right."

"I didn't—" Richard groans, frustrated that their argument is spiraling out of control. "I thought we're going to lose our jobs."

"You're gonna let their hateful comments pass just so you can keep your job?" Lee asks, growing red from incredulity. " _Ian_ had the balls to stand up for us." He starts pacing the room again, wiping away the stray tears with the back of his hand. 

"No, don't do that. Don't," Richard pleads for he cannot stand seeing this again. Lee _must_ understand and if he starts crying now, Richard would just give in and apologize. 

"You know, the _funny_ thing here is," Lee says with a sniff, "neither one of us really wanted to be a teacher." Of course, there is nothing funny here, but he punctuates this with a hollow laugh.

Richard hates the sound immediately, but he tries to keep himself from lashing out. "You may not care about getting fired," he says in a low voice, his indignation simmering just beneath the surface, "but I do. I don't have anything to fall back on. If I lose this job, I'd be deported back to bloody England because nobody in their right minds would hire someone with that record." Lee stops in his tracks, the color slowly draining out of him. "I'm not ashamed of us. Never have been," Richard swears, now shaking with barely contained emotions. "But I'm scared, every single day. I can't lose everything again, Lee." It's the closest he can ever be to a proper confession, but no one would ever know.

"I. . ." For the first time this evening, Lee is at a loss for words. He stands frozen on his spot, but it is evident from the expression on his face that his mind is finally opening up.

Richard has tried being honest before. The accident. The Resets. The number on his side. It didn't work out, and he knows better now than to reveal too much about himself. It pains him to make Lee feel like he is not worthy of his secrets, but the choice to do otherwise has never been afforded to him. What he can do, however, is to reassure the man he loves that he won't go anywhere without him. Not just because of his fucked up situation, but because he _wants_ to be with him.

Taking a step towards him, Richard considers if the man would even welcome him in his space right now. It's worth a try, he decides, and fortunately, it is the right call. They rest their foreheads against each other's, eyes closed and breathing the same air. He encloses Lee's hands in his, hoping he won't pull away this time. Lee doesn't, but after a moment, he lets go of his hands and moves in closer for a hug. Hands clutching the back of his shirt, he feels the man trying to suppress his sobs. He holds Lee tighter in his arms.

Time passes and he loses track of how long they have been standing like this. Richard begins to worry again. Lee hasn't said anything, but the man is still here with him. That has to count for something, right? So, maybe Lee needs more time. They won't break up over something like this. He is _almost_ certain of it. This isn't like that farewell kiss they shared during that one timeline where—

Lee is letting go of him, and okay, Richard can manage that. He feels tired and raw as if he has just had a good long cry. Except he hasn't done that and he can't curl up and go to sleep now because, _fuck,_ he can still feel a Reset coming for him. They haven't resolved anything yet too, but Lee is looking at him, holding his hands again. That has to mean something good, right?

Eyes shining with remorse, Lee whispers, "Sorry for jumping to conclusions." 

"Sorry for keeping things from you," Richard offers back. He then recalls how Evangeline accused him of the same thing earlier, how she hinted about Lee's untold stories, and now that he thinks about it, perhaps they are not so different after all. Two sides of the same coin and all that. Somehow, the thought releases the remaining tension out of him. "We're a pair of idiots, aren't we?"

"A bit, yeah." Lee presses a kiss to the side of his head. "But we're learning, and we still want to be together. That's what matters." Another kiss, but this time with a sigh. "I get scared sometimes, too. I don't wanna lose you."

"You have no idea how much I think about that," Richard admits, squeezing Lee's hands. "I don't want to lose you either."

"You won't."

"You don't know that."

"You're stuck with me," Lee teases, no doubt attempting to lighten the mood.

There is a number on Richard's side, timelines that have been lost, seasons that never were, and yet— "We'll make it work."

"Yeah," Lee agrees with a small grin. "Together." Then, his arms find their way around Richard's neck, and even though five minutes ago, Richard felt like the world is crashing down on him, he manages to finally return the smile. They lean in for a kiss, deep and hopeful and forgiving. After they break apart, Richard pulls him in for another embrace. With Lee's face buried on his shoulders again, he can feel the man's breath going through his shirt, smell traces of lavender and sweat, and he doesn't want to let go, ever. He prays again to the gods or the universe or whatever to please, _please_ , don't send him back now.

But Lee lets go of him once again, mumbling about needing to go back home. Carl. Work tomorrow. A bit of time apart to think some more. Richard offers his bed; his suits, if need be. Anything to keep Lee with him, so that he would know, first thing in the morning, that the timeline has indeed survived this fight. Lee smiles at his eagerness, but refuses in the end. He agrees to be driven back to his flat though, and before they part for the night, Richard makes one final plea.

"Please, call me tomorrow morning. The moment you wake up." He knows how clingy that sounds, but if it would keep him sane, then to hell with it. Not waiting for the inevitable follow up question, he admits this to Lee. "For my sanity, please."

Lee snorts, probably thinking he is just being melodramatic. And maybe he is, but he couldn't care less when Lee agrees and kisses him goodnight. 

This is for the best, Richard tells himself later in bed, over and over, until he falls asleep with the mobile in his hand.

∞

Wednesday begins with a call from Lee.

"Thank you," Richard whispers in greeting. Lee hums back, but neither of them speaks afterwards. What does one say in phone calls like this anyway? In the background, Richard thinks he can hear the beat of Lee's bare feet against his tiled floor, interspersed with soft breathing and the occasional bark from Carl. Right now, there is no place he would rather be than that tiny yellow-walled kitchen. He bites down the question on the tip of his tongue, reminding himself that they need this. Some time apart. A bit of space, probably. It's for the best, he repeats to himself, though not as convincing as it had been last night. So, instead of offering to drive them to work again this morning, he clears his throat and mumbles 'see you later, love' without waiting for a reply. _'It's for the best.'_

Richard has nearly forgotten how quick rumors go around in a place like this. High school students can be vicious in their judgment, even more so when hidden in a faceless group. He doesn't need to hear which version is being passed around like it's their own story to tell. He just wants it to stop. However, he has been through high school. Showing that he is affected, that he cares enough to be bothered by it, would only keep them interested in his private life. Indifference is key. He wonders though how Lee is handling all of this. Better than him, most probably.

The day goes by without them seeing each other. It is disorienting, to be honest, for they would always find a way to spend time during their breaks. Holed up in the Arts and Crafts Room, Lee is too busy again to join him for lunch. Richard would have invited himself over, but he is too polite to turn down Ian and Philippa, who interrogate him about Lee's odd behavior yesterday and update him on the ongoings of the complaint. Richard fiddles with his mobile the whole time, wondering if he should send a text to Lee at least. He should have, but then the bell is ringing, signaling the start of the afternoon classes. His mobile buzzes on his way to the second floor.  **Going out with friends later. Can't make it to dinner too.** He replies with the perfunctory 'Okay. Have a great time', and he hates how he hesitated for a second about adding an 'I love you' at the end. He is not sulking—no, not at all—but sometimes he can't help but be petty. When Lee replies immediately with an 'I love you too', he feels so contrite and realizes he is no better than the eighth graders in his next class.

When his last class for the day has been dismissed, Richard gets ready to leave for he is scheduled to help with the lanterns this afternoon. He is packing away his laptop when someone knocks on the door.

"Hi, Richard." 

"Oh— Good afternoon, Helen," Richard greets, surprised by his unexpected visitor. "Our appointment's on Friday, right?"

"Yeah," Helen says, bobbing her head up and down. She dithers by the door, clutching a handbag with both of her hands. "I just dropped by to say hi. See how you're doing."

This gives Richard a pause. "You were at party, weren't you?"

"You said you'd be there." It almost sounds like an accusation.

"I said I'd try," Richard corrects her.

Sighing, Helen takes a step inside. Richard knows he has a reputation for being late to almost anything, but he isn't keen on maintaining that when he has a chance to do otherwise. However, he can't exactly turn away the woman. Picking up his things, he mutters on his way out of the room, "If you don't mind, walk with me."

Helen nods and falls into step with him. "I just wanna say that Henry thinks you and Mr. Pace are good teachers. Nothing short of kind and caring. I think so, too. Gay or not, it really shouldn't matter. I didn't even notice. You don't act like one, so—" 

"I know you mean well, Helen," Richard cuts in, stopping in his tracks for he is unable to hold his tongue any longer. They are in the middle of a hallway, however, so he keeps his voice low. "And I do appreciate the support. I'm just saying this to clear the air." He pauses to take a deep breath, tamping down the sudden doubt he feels over his next words. "No, I'm not gay. I'm bisexual, and yes, there's a difference. I don't 'act' like one because there is _no_ such thing. What I do in my private time shouldn't be an issue, but it is and it _hurts_." He swallows, pausing to regain his cool because Helen doesn't need to know how much this is affecting him. "You care so much about your son, and I admire that. I would gladly do my part as long as there are people who believe in me."

A million questions seem to fill the woman's eyes, but she doesn't ask any of them, and Richard feels grateful for that. "I'm so sorry about how you're being treated. You don't deserve any of this. I wish I can do something. . . Maybe I could talk to the other parents. Tell 'em to back off," she offers.

"Thank you, but that's not necessary." Richard resumes walking, and it takes her a couple of seconds to follow him. "You should concentrate on getting Henry back on track. We're grown men," he adds with a smirk, though it's nothing but a show of false bravado. "It may not happen tomorrow, but it would eventually die down. We're both boring that way."

"You're really not," Helen counters with an easy laugh, "but I'm glad you're hanging in there." 

They are now outside the building, and from afar, Richard can see the other teachers and custodians unboxing the new lanterns. At least, he has something to occupy him this evening. "I'm supposed to be helping them," he says, tipping his head to the group's direction. "Thanks for checking in on me, but I really have to go now."

"I, uhmmm. . ." Helen pauses and smiles sheepishly at him. "You know my number. If you need anything, to talk or whatever, I'm just a call away." She grimaces and adds with a nervous giggle, "That's not a weird thing to say to your son's teacher, no?

Finally cracking a small grin, Richard wants to say he has heard far worse from certain parents. However, now that he thinks about it, it would actually be remiss of him to continue brushing off her extension of friendship. "Not at all."

Helen beams back at him. "I guess I'll see you around, then. And, oh, say hi to your boyfriend for me. He's a real dreamboat."

Her cheeks is flushed pink when Richard nods and turns to leave. "Will do. See you on Friday."

 ∞

It is half past ten when he gets back to his flat. Set on ordering takeouts for his dinner, Richard bumped into Martin and his partner, Amanda, on his way to the diner. It has been a while since they last spent time together, so the couple invited him to join them for drinks. He didn't know how much he needed this, being around people who has no idea about his personal mess, so he ended up staying with them until their babysitter had called in for the night. 

Silence welcomes him, not that he is expecting anything else for that matter. Lee has a knack for surprising him, but the dark flat is a dead giveaway. He takes a quick hot shower to wash away the long day he's had, struggling all the while to not think about the last time he was here with Lee. _God_ , he misses him. Perhaps, he should have surprised the man and turned up in his flat instead. He scrubs off his regrets with more force than necessary.

There are two missed calls from Lee. Towel in hand, Richard calls him back, growing more worried with each unanswered ring. Lee picks up on the tenth one, not that he has been keeping count.

"We don't have to go to the potluck," Lee launches without even so much as a 'hey'.

"Uh, why?" Of course, Richard knows why he won't, but he doesn't get why both of them are now boycotting the dinner.

"C'mon, Rich," Lee says, sounding a bit like a whine. "You hate my friends."

"That's not true." Or perhaps, Lee is just being needlessly kind, giving him an out, when they both know it is Lee's friends who hate him.

"You like spending time with them?" 

Richard backpedals. "I didn't say that."

"It's okay, I get it. Maybe we can hang out at Graham's instead. I'd like to try my hand at the bar."

Okay, something definitely went down during the man's dinner with friends. 'Friends' being Evangeline, most probably. "Why?" he repeats.

"Well, it's something I can be good at, don't you think? Learned some—"

"Lee. . ." The man is being deliberately obtuse, and it is wearing down whatever remains of his patience. "Did you talk to Evangeline?"

Sighing, Lee takes a second to confirm his suspicions. "Yeah, she told me what happened. Why didn't you tell me?"

"There were more important things to talk about last night," Richard points out as he takes out his suit for tomorrow morning and hangs it outside his closet. He knows he should have told Lee at least, but what's the point? "I figured she'd tell you soon anyway. You  _share_ everything between you two, right?" He didn't mean to let his passive-aggressive ways to slip out like this, but the truth is, Evangeline was right. He is bothered by how open Lee is about their relationship to his friends.

"You still should've said something," Lee insists before Richard's dig on him sinks in. "Wait, what d'you mean by that?"

Richard can't believe they are setting themselves up for another fight. Can't they catch a break? Rubbing a hand over his face, he steels himself for he knows this cannot continue to fester. "I dunno why you feel the need to do it, but I don't feel comfortable with them knowing so much about us."

"They're my friends, Richard," Lee says, stating the obvious. "I trust them with my life, and I can certainly talk to them about anything I want. Don't tell me you don't do that yourself with Graham?" 

"I've told you before. I don't have friends like yours," Richard explains, letting Lee interpret that however he wants. "I'm not saying you should stop talking to them because that's absurd. I just don't want them knowing _too_ much. The things Evangeline accused me of didn't come from her just observing us. You told her about our problems even before I realized we have them." Feeling agitated again, he takes a deep breath to compose himself. "I know I should've have seen them myself, but I didn't, and I'm sorry for being an insensitive arse." 

Silence stretches between them for god knows how long. Richard has said his part. He doesn't want Lee to choose between him and his friends. Though he won't ever admit it to anyone, he would never dare because a part of him is afraid Lee would choose them over him. It's a selfish yet valid fear that he would like to avoid at all cost, and yet here he is now, hoping Lee would see where he is coming from.

"I'm sorry, too," Lee says, breaking the silence. "I guess I've relied on them for so long that I didn't feel the need to stop." Pausing for a sigh, he adds, "Sorry for giving her the ammo myself." 

Richard lets out the breath he has been holding in. "I understand. Don't worry, it's all water under the bridge. Evangeline apologized already, and she's not entirely wrong."

"She still didn't have the right to say those things to you," Lee insists. "You're important to me, and they need to respect our relationship."

Looking out of the window, Richard wonders if Lee had done something _incredibly_ stupid for him. "Did you have a fight with her, too?"

"Not really," Lee admits. "But I asked her to give you a chance."

"And?" 

"She said she would, and she understands if you wouldn't want to see her again soon. Hence, my offer. We don't have to go there, Rich."

"I'm not good at this," Richard replies, "but I don't want you to miss out on things just because of me."

"You're doing fine." It's a platitude, nothing more, but it still makes Richard smile. Lee laughs softly and adds, "Besides, it's not like I'm much better. I'd give you a million second chances 'cause I know we'd get this right eventually."

Richard freezes. _'You're stuck with me.'_ He had brushed off Lee's words as nothing but an innocent quip, but _what if_. . .

 _'_ "You'd do the same for me, I hope."

Struggling for breath, Richard falls down the rabbit hole he had always refused to consider. What if Lee is trapped as well in this bizarre time loop? He needs to sit down for this or maybe pass out. Except. . . no, he can't do that and risk a Reset. "Uh, yeah. . . of course," he manages after a moment. "But d'you mean like, I dunno, starting over and trying again? Back to the first day we met, just to, uh. . . get things right?"

"What? I don't know about you, Rich, but that's not how a second chance works." Lee laughs—actually laughs—and his puzzled amusement somehow reassures Richard that they are not talking about the same thing. "Okay, look. Obviously, neither of us is an expert at relationships. I don't know how to handle every fight we're going to have, but I'm willing to learn from every single one of them as long as you are too."

Catching his breath, Richard nods, only to realize that Lee cannot see him do so. "Of course," he says quickly, "and we're going to that dinner."

"I think you're only doing this to prove a point."

"No."

 _'Yes.'_  But Richard knows what he is getting into, and even though a part of him grouses at his lack of self-preservation, hestill _must_ go.

"You really wanna go to Evie's after everything?"

"I was invited, right?"

"Are you _really_ sure?"

It's his last chance to back out, but Richard refuses to take it. He _wants_ to do this. Not just to prove a point to Lee or to his friends, but to himself as well. "Can't avoid them forever, Lee." Evangeline's voicemail rings again in his head. _'For Lee's happiness.'_

"Okay, then," Lee agrees, and Richard can hear the smile in his voice. "Thanks, love. It means a lot."

The simple statement belies something deeper though. Before the shitstorm had hit them, Lee wanted them to go. Now, even though he has given Richard an out, like he doesn't care one way or another, it is plain to see that he does care. He is starting to respect Richard's boundaries, no matter how much it goes against his wishes. On the other hand, his friends' opinions on their relationship matter **—** _no_ , would always matter to him, and that is why Richard's insistence to go anyway strikes a chord.

Richard is trying.

Lee is adjusting.  

And for now, that is enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, since we are almost on the final leg of the story, I just wanna ask if you'd be interested in reading one-shots of certain chapters from Lee's POV. Because I don't write in a linear fashion, I do have bits of every upcoming chapter written out already, and there's a couple of them that would go best if seen from Lee's perspective as well. 
> 
> Case in point, for next chapter, I can post the update with a separate one-shot (kinda like a 'missing scene' fic), but note that it would take me longer to do so. The alternative, of course, is just a _quicker_ update. The one-shots would then have to wait until the main story is completed. I'm fine either way, since I've got an outline for the outtakes already.
> 
> Please, let me know your preference in the comment section below or through [Tumblr](https://scarlet-tyler.tumblr.com/ask).


	22. Love is Tested

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll do it all for you in time  
> And out of all these things I've done  
> I think I love you better now
> 
> -[Lego House](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c4BLVznuWnU) by Ed Sheeran 
> 
>  
> 
> The section marked with ******* indicates where the one-shot from LP's POV starts ([starts](http://archiveofourown.org/works/5430140/chapters/27824421)).

The first snowfall ushers in the season of holding hands through knitted mittens, drinking hot cocoa with tiny marshmallows thrown in, and cuddling on the couch under a woolen blanket. The winter break is almost upon them, but each day seems to grow longer as they near it—trudging through long-winded term papers and in Lee's case, volunteering for Greenwood's Winter Fair. With only three days left before the event, Ian has been pulling out all stops to make everything extra festive, a feat that requires driving his team to the ground. Fewer parents have enlisted to help this year after Greenwood released its statement, setting Ian on the warpath to prove that the school stands stronger than ever. It is a worthy cause, really, but Richard would rather focus on his own workload so as to stop getting questioned about his own capabilities. Besides, he has already done his part. Shining brilliantly along the school's pathways, the holiday oak trees would serve well the students and visitors alike. And so, for the past week, Richard has learned how to become an expert at blending in with the wallpaper whenever Ian was on the lookout for more 'volunteers'. Lee, on the other hand, made the mistake of finishing his painting early. And that is how Richard finds himself alone on his couch, sipping honeyed tea while grading papers on a Friday night. 

It is half past ten when the door lock clicks, signaling Lee's arrival from yet another overtime. Dressed snugly in Richard's favorite black pea coat, Lee unwraps the scarf from his neck with a heavy sigh. He continues to shed layers upon layers of outerwear as he enters the living room, leaving each item wherever they land. "Hey," he breathes out, flopping down the couch.

"Hey." Richard can feel the chill clinging on the man's skin, so he sets aside the essays and pulls Lee towards him. Resting his head on Richard's lap, Lee closes his eyes and sighs again. "I made tomato soup with lots of cream," Richard says, taking off his reading glasses. Lee groans back in reply. "How about a bowl to warm you up? I didn't burn the croutons this time."

Peeking at him through heavy-lidded eyes, Lee rewards his effort with a tiny grateful smile. "Sounds amazing, but you've been holed up in here the whole day. Nice and toasty," he says, throwing in a lazy wink at the end. "I want some of that first."

"Hmmm. . . " Richard licks his lips as he feigns deliberation. "Come and get it, then," he agrees, challenging Lee to meet him halfway. Shaking off his drowsiness with a light chuckle, Lee sits up and drapes himself over Richard. They start out slowly, brushing lips like they have all the time in the world. Richard has forgone shaving for the past few days, and Lee, whose own beard is patchy at best, could never resist caressing his face whenever they made out. Tugging at the damp hair between his fingers, Richard deepens the kiss to chase away the cold and exhaustion he could taste on Lee's tongue. In response, Lee lets out a long, needy moan that shoots straight down to where their hips meet.

By the time Richard has run out of breath, Lee's cheeks are burning pink, not from the winter breeze but from rubbing them against his boyfriend's beard. Swollen lips, disheveled hair and heaving chest, he has never looked more tempting in Richard's eyes. However, somewhere during their second round of eager tongues and hot breaths, a loud rumble between them disrupts the momentum. Giggling breathlessly, Richard tries to ease Lee off of him with a gentle push. "C'mon," he says amidst a shower of pecks to his lips, "Can't have you passing out on top of me."

Lee gives in with one final smack of their lips. Pushing himself upright once more, he tilts his head to the side and reaches over to the coffee table. "You should wear this more often," suggests Lee as he unfolds the reading glasses and puts it back on Richard. 

"Doesn't it make me look like, I dunno, like an accountant or something?"

"Now that you mention it. . . " Lee says, dissolving into giggles. 

Richard scoffs as he takes off the eyeglasses again.

"Aww," Lee nearly coos at him. "What's wrong with being a ridiculously handsome accountant?"

 _"Ridiculously handsome?"_ Richard repeats in an attempt to keep himself from preening. "You know what? I think you just have a thing for older men."

"Lucky for you then," Lee crows without missing a beat, "old man."

Richard rolls his eyes good-naturedly before standing up with a huff. "Time to feed the baby," he singsongs on his way to the kitchen. From behind, Lee chuckles and follows his lead. Richard busies himself with re-heating the soup while Lee rambles on about his day. Some last-minute changes on the decor. A miscommunication with the lights and sound contractor. Failing to secure some of their regular sponsors. The Winter Fair has been plagued with one crisis after another, right from day one. Richard thinks that even though Ian doesn't regret telling off that bigoted parent, the man still feels the need to compensate for the trouble it has caused everyone involved. Nobody in Greenwood thinks he should, after that whole fiasco during Philippa's party, but he wouldn't listen to anyone, not even Peter.

"On the bright side, break's almost here," reminds Richard when Lee sighed for the nth time that night. Taking small, careful steps, he serves Lee a large bowl of steaming hot soup.

"Couldn't come sooner," Lee mutters after saying a quick thanks. He stirs the spoon in slow circles, blowing lightly through his lips. "Maybe we should switch jobs. You're practically on holiday mode by now."

Taking a seat across him, Richard offers the Ziploc containing the croutons. "You're welcome to give it a spin anytime. Those essays aren't going anywhere."

"Ugh, you're right," Lee concedes. "Your job sucks more."

"Oh, wow.  _Thanks_ , babe."

Lee snorts as he takes a tentative sip. "I like that."

"Hmm?"

Spooning croutons into the bowl, Lee clarifies with a tiny grin, "You calling me 'babe', I like it." 

"Babe," Richard repeats, making the word pop off his lips. He doesn't care much for pet names, but he can get used to it. Lee smiles at him again before resuming his tale of Ian, the slave driver. Feeling guilty for not being there with them, Richard promises to send him off tomorrow with a thermos of milky coffee with extra sugar.

Halfway through his meal, Lee pauses with a thoughtful look on his face. "That reminds me, what're we doing for Christmas?"

"I dunno. . . " Richard shrugs his shoulders as he nibbles on a crouton. "We have a standing invitation from your parents."

Lee beams at him for a second before his expression shifts to curiosity. "You're not going home?"

"This is my home," says Richard, aiming to be neutral, but even he could hear the sudden hardness in his voice.

"You know what I mean."

"Uh. . . " Richard trails off, turning his gaze to anywhere but Lee. The thing is, he has spent so much time, so much energy, in hiding away his issues with his family. Pushing those thoughts aside, not dealing with them if he could. He wanted to throw away the envelope, but nostalgia hit him hard at the last moment. Timelines have come and gone, so he hadn't expected how much receiving it again would hurt him. The envelope remains sealed, however, for he would rather not read its content for the second time. Lee, on the other hand, would want to read it. _More_ , he had asked from Richard that night. _More_. 

With furrowed eyebrows, Lee notices his hesitation. "What?"

Richard ignores the sudden painful twist in his stomach. "Just a sec." He makes a beeline to the shelf by the window, pulls out several books, and reaches in for the secret compartment behind. The envelope feels heavier than he remembers. Without another word, he hands it over to a nonplussed Lee.

In his short moment of distraction, winter has somehow managed to sneak in to his flat. Everything feels cold and dreadful and suffocating. Lee inspects the back of the envelope before opening it. "Happy Christmas," he reads under his breath, "from the Armitage Family."

Sinking down his seat, Richard hates how he catches himself feeling sad about things that don't— _shouldn't_ —matter anymore. His throat constricts harder while he studies Lee, whose bottom lip is caught between his teeth as he takes in the details.

 

The Armitages, all decked out in their horrible holiday sweaters.

His parents perched on a sofa, surrounded by Chris' family.

Gift-wrapped with tradition and a perfect bow on top.

 

"Your brother looks a lot like you," Lee observes, his eyes still glued on the cover.

"So I've been told." Richard doesn't know whether to be relieved or not about the lack of comment on his glaring absence in the photo.

Dragging his gaze back to Richard, Lee traces the edge of the card with his fingertip. "This still doesn't answer my question."

"It's a greeting, not an invitation," Richard points out with a hint of exasperation.

Lee sighs, folding the card back to its envelope. "What about gifts?"

"What about them?"

"Whenever I couldn't come home, I'd send my family their—"

"That's unnecessary," Richard cuts in.

"Look, you're obviously upset about the card."

Richard rubs his palms over his face. "I'm not upset."

"Right," Lee snaps, "I can see that."

"You don't understand," counters Richard.

"Then, make me." 

Richard wants to open up, he really does, but there is this selfish part of him that refuses to let the other man in. His insecurities continue to overwhelm him, armed with nothing but his perennial fears. 

"I love you," says Lee, reaching out an arm to stroke the back of Richard's hand. "That means I’m not here just for the good parts." 

Staring at the hand covering his own, Richard takes a moment to breathe and collect his thoughts. He has always believed that people don't have to know his family to know _him,_ but Lee would definitely contest that idea. The Paces remain warm and closely bonded, even when they are thousands of miles apart. They have raised Lee into the man he is now, and for that, Richard is so grateful. On the other hand, though it took him long to realize, he has always resented how his own has influenced him over the years. Their trip to Texas had been a sobering experience for him. Since then, he no longer wonders why he couldn't bear the thought of raising his own child.

Richard cannot keep hiding his own family from Lee, however. It would come up again anyway, so why not now? Lee understands him well enough at this point, enough to keep on loving him, warts and all. _'Everything's going to be fine.'_

Clearing his throat, Richard tries to will away the sound of blood roaring in his ears. "I haven't talked to my family since I left England," he begins, keeping his gaze low. Lee leans in closer to him for it was said quietly, almost like a whisper. "As I've told you before, everything went to hell when the baby—" He chokes on his words, but it doesn't matter. Lee knows how the rest of that story goes. "My mother couldn't believe it at first. Father never said anything, but he didn't have to. Just one of his _greatest_ _tricks_." Pursing his lips, he pauses as shame washes over him again. It was the lowest point in his life, and he has let it define him since then. "Chris— Chris tried to keep me from losing it, but he just. . . he didn't get it. Greenwood's my only chance to start over again, and I thought it would be best if I'd cut them off completely. 'Cause, you see, rejection hurts just as much as their disappointment in me. I, uh. . . I'd like to believe I'm doing much better now, but sometimes I couldn't stop thinking about everything that went wrong. I'd tell myself, 'I'm okay, I'm okay. Everything's going to be fine.' I'd repeat that like a mantra because if I stopped, I'm afraid I'd never recover from all the reasons I'm not."

Lee's soft gasp brings him back to the present. "Did you ever try to. . . ?"

There had been times when such thoughts crossed his mind, but— "I'm too big of a coward for that," Richard admits, shaking his head with a wry smirk. He then drops his gaze, recalling how lonely he was during his last days in England. It was indeed his lowest point, feeling like he had no one to turn to amidst family and friends. "Sometimes, I'd miss them though."

"They're your family." Lee squeezes his hand. "It's perfectly alright to miss people, even if they were bad for you."

Richard nods though a part of him wonders about the people who made Lee feel the same way. Carter, definitely, but he won't make an issue out of that. Living alone has taught him that nostalgia is inevitable. Back when Annie had just left him, he would sometimes miss coming home to the warmth of her scented candles. Rose and sandalwood, like a vintage perfume. Swaying her hips along soft piano music, she would light them up after a long day at work. The scent faded away from his memory, day by day, and that's when he learned that missing someone is just a part of moving on. "I agree, but. . ." Richard trails off as he searches for the right words. "Missing them doesn't mean I want them back in my life." Their gazes meet, and he can see the understanding in Lee's eyes. Recognizing himself in the man before him, Richard realizes that despite being broken in different ways, their jagged edges somehow fit together. 

The ensuing silence unnerves Richard though. Lee has always something to say, but it seems like the man is taking a page out of his book. This won't do at all, Richard decides. He racks his brain for something, anything, and it zeroes in on one important thing he has almost forgotten to add. "I like drinking tea alone," he says, rousing Lee from his pensive mood. "Reading until I fall asleep. Taking long drives by myself to nowhere in particular. I'd let go of everything else and just be in the moment." Feeling a grin tugging at the corner at his lips, he continues. "Then, I met you. You and your wonderful family. And it made me think. . ." He flips his hand over, palm up, and wraps it around Lee's. "Even though I like being alone, I certainly don't want to be lonely anymore."

Lee gapes at him, blinking. "I've made you feel lonely."

"Not at all," Richard insists with a tiny shake of his head. "You make me want to try harder." It's an understatement though. The thing is, Lee makes him want to forgive himself. Lee makes him want to love stronger. And most importantly, Lee makes him want to live a fuller life. Yes, Richard likes being alone. He has gotten used to it. He has grown to like the peace it offers him. But lately, things have changed. He has started to crave for acceptance again. Complete and unconditional acceptance of who he has become after. . . _everything_.

"Y'know, my family has fallen head over heels for you too," Lee says, reassuring Richard with his lopsided grin. "Mom would adopt you in a heartbeat."

Richard recalls hearing the same sentiments from Sally, and it soothes him. Smiling back in gratitude, Richard opts to further lighten the mood. "Didn't know you're into that."

"Into what?" asks Lee, his strong eyebrows furrowing together again.

Waggling his own, Richard decides to go for it. "We'd be brothers, then."

"Ugh. Okay, now you're just being gross," Lee grouses, shooting him down with an unimpressed glare. "Seriously though, Evie told me the bazaar's open til Sunday afternoon. You can help me shop for gifts." Pausing for a bit, he then casually throws in, "Maybe even pick something for your folks."

Richard drops his gaze again. Someday, family would stop being an unpleasant concept to him. He wants to believe that. He _has_ to believe that. Someday, perhaps, he and Lee would get to have their own. Richard would love and be loved more than he would know what to do with it. Raising children wouldn't scare him anymore. It's a disorienting thought, but not discomforting anymore. He doesn't trust himself to speak just yet. Instead, he watches Lee pick on the soggy pieces of bread with his spoon, and it helps. "You're not going home?" he manages to ask eventually.

"Well, you see, I've got this hot, new boyfriend I'd like to monopolize for a bit longer," explains Lee as a slow grin forms again on his face. "They'd be fine with it as long as we Skype them on Christmas morning. Plus, we can be one of those cheapskate couples. 'Happy holidays from Lee and Richard' or something like that. What d'you think?"

Graham once told Richard that in every relationship, there is this moment where everything becomes a collective 'we'. It would no longer be what he does and what Lee does. It would become what _they_ do. If they were to spend Christmas here, just the two of them, then he would gladly buy a tree and stay up all night decorating it together. He would brave the cold and scour the bazaar, even for a whole day, because the Paces deserve only the best. He might have to go to some dinner parties again soon, but lately, the thought is not so dreadful anymore. Evangeline has been making good on her promise and so does he.

Grinning back at Lee, Richard nods and hopes they would never stop being a _'we'._  

∞

On Sunday, Richard wakes up alone on his bed. It doesn't alarm him this time though. By the window is Lee, talking to someone over the phone. Rubbing an eye with his fingers, Richard squints into his own mobile. **08:16 AM**. He tosses it to the side again and curls up with a pillow. Burying his nose, he inhales deeply, eyes shut, while trying to listen in. _'Something about a platform. . . and a bear?'_

"Don't worry, I'll be there. Right, yeah. See you in a bit." Lee sighs.

That can't be good, Richard surmises. _'There goes our plan for today.'_

Lee returns to bed, but doesn't slip back under the covers. Instead, he leans down and peppers the back of Richard's neck with kisses, unhurried but stirring nonetheless. Working his way to his lover's ear, Lee nuzzles at Richard's cheek when the man reaches up an arm to keep him there. 

"Please don't make me go alone," whines Richard. "Dunno half the items in your list."

Ignoring his plea, Lee resumes kissing him until he is lying flat on his back again, his head caged between those long, long arms. Eyes closed and lips grazing, they savor what little time they have left with each other. After a moment, Lee pulls back but not before weaving locks of hair between his fingers. He tugs at it gently, and Richard can feel the man's gaze piercing through his defenses. 

"I won't make you," Lee says lightly, tracing a finger down the slope of Richard's nose, "but imagine their reactions when they receive some crap from the mall."

Blinking, Richard frowns. "What's wrong with the mall?"

"This explains _so much_ about you," Lee replies with an over-the-top eye roll.

"Is that right?" Richard growls, his fingers sneaking under the shirt to tickle Lee. "Didn't know you're a giant snob."

Wriggling out of his grasp, Lee giggles as he grabs a pillow and chucks it at him. "Says the guy hoarding a million silk sheets. Pot. Kettle. Black, Rich."

"Didn't hear you complaining last night." 

"And I won't, ever," Lee promises, followed by his endearing lopsided grin. He straightens his shirt, but keeps Richard's hand on his lap. "See, that's exactly my point. You can't stand the thought of polyester sheets. I don't wanna send gifts we bought just because it's on sale." Shifting to a gentler tone, he adds, "You know I've been looking forward to spending a whole day with you again. I've probably seen Ian more than anybody else this week, but we can't just abandon him now. Tomorrow's _gotta_  be perfect."

Pressing his lips together, Richard feels himself give in even before Lee further implores him with those puppy dog eyes he has long perfected. "Fine," he says reluctantly, "hand over your list." It's not like he can stay in bed all day anyway. With Lee busy at the Fair, he now has the chance to pick up the gift he has kept under wraps all this time. He would just have to check if Martin is working today, too.

Lee still thanks him with an eye-crinkling smile. "You're a lifesaver."

∞

Manning the reception desk, Luke bounces up from his seat when Richard arrives with a tray of lattes. In all fairness, it's the least Richard could do for them.

His recording of the Classic Love Poems is slated to be released on Valentine's Day, but he couldn't wait that long. Nearly a week ago, he had practically begged Martin for an advance copy, offering to pay extra for the trouble. Before the tiny man could grill him about his request, Andy, their on-call graphic artist, barged in to their conversation and asked if he is, by any chance, the same Richard Armitage that had recently became the subject of a local gossip. Apparently, his children go to Greenwood, and he only bothered to ask because Lee is a long-time friend of his. He is also one of the parents who had volunteered for the Fair, flipping off the others who tried to dissuade him. "It's outrageous, the things they were saying," Andy said, shaking his head in disgust. Richard didn't want to hear the details, so he distracted them by admitting that he is indeed dating their friend. From there, it had been a breeze to convince Martin to burn him a copy, and Andy offered to layout the cover art for him, all free of charge. 

"Just tell that giant arsehole to drop by soon," Martin grunted with a hint of a fondness. "It's been too long." Agreeing to his terms, Richard then spent an entire afternoon, hunched over beside Andy, giving his comments on which text to include and where should a particular line go. It came out rather well, capturing the timelessness of the words he had narrated while leaving no doubt on to whom this labor of love is dedicated to. Suddenly, Christmas couldn't come sooner.

"Hi," says Richard, grinning. "Here you go. Something to warm you guys up." 

Luke thanks him with a bright smile, accepting the tray before stepping towards the corridor. "Richard's here! And he's got coffee!"

"What the hell are you shouting for?" Martin yells back from somewhere inside the studio. Sticking his head out, he waves a hand at Richard. "Gimme a mo'!"

Rolling his eyes upward, Luke shifts his attention back to Richard and catches up with him over coffee. When Richard mentions about having to shop for gifts later, Luke gives him a look of pity. "Tell me you're not going to the bazaar."

"Uh, what's wrong with the bazaar?" Perhaps, Richard really is the only person here who doesn't care where he would buy his gifts.

"Today's the last day," Luke points out, like the answer should have been obvious. "You'd have to elbow your way through, at the very least."

Rolling his lips between his teeth, Richard feels his stomach drop. Perhaps, he can just fake it and buy everything in the mall instead. He'd just remove the tags and hope Lee would be too tired to care. Or perhaps, they can just order everything online. Lots of Etsy shops to choose from, since Lee prefers—

"It's good that you dropped by 'cause I know where to get everything," says Luke, catching Richard's attention again. "Been going there every other day since it opened. Better to space out your shopping, is all I'm saying."

"You'd help me...?"

Luke shrugs his shoulders. "I could use some exercise."

"That would be great! I'm not—"

"What would be great?" interrupts Martin, helping himself to a latte. He then hands over the DVD wrapped in parcel paper, making Richard wonder if Luke is aware of his real agenda for being here. Probably not. Martin doesn't strike him as a gossiping sort.

"I'd be helping him out with his Christmas shopping," explains Luke, raising an eyebrow at the package. "You got him a gift? Why didn't you tell me? I would have gotten him—"

"Don't worry your pretty little head," Martin dismisses, taking the lid off his drink. "I'm sure Richard would be back soon enough. You can give him yours then." 

When nobody bothered to elaborate, Luke pouts his lips but decides to let it pass. Turning to Richard, he extends out his hand and says, "List, c'mon. It'll be a nightmare if you haven't got one."

"Uh, yeah." Richard rummages inside his coat pocket, tucking away the package in the process. "Here."

"Hm, wow. This is _very_ detailed," comments Luke, skimming the list, "and surprisingly long."

"Well, most of it is for L— my partner's family and friends, so. . ." Richard swallows. Martin disguises his snicker with a sip of his coffee.

Luke darts his gaze between the two of them. "C'mon, guys. I know he's dating Lee." 

"Oh."

"Word travels fast 'round here. Mutual friends and all that," reveals Luke, smirking at their stunned faces. "Why else do you think I stopped asking you out? When I first heard of it, everything started to make sense for me. Why you kept turning me down, why I never stood a chance. I mean, _come on_. I'd hook up with him myself, if I could." Richard's eyebrows shoot up at the last bit, so Luke hurriedly adds, "Not that I would do that now. You're perfect together."

"Thanks, I suppose," says Richard, nodding his head. "You'd, uh. . . this means you'd still lend me a hand, right?"

With an amused snort, Luke rolls his eyes at him. "Of course. . . I'm still holding out for a threesome, after all."

Stunned for the second time, all Richard can manage is a tiny yelp.

"Kidding," Luke jests, chuckling, but from behind him, Martin shakes his head at Richard. "Let me just finish this email I'm writing." He snatches his drink from the counter and drops back down his swivel chair without waiting for a reply.

Waggling his eyebrows, Martin teases Richard with a knowing look before heading back to his studio. "Good luck," he calls out to no one in particular from the corridor.

Richard sighs.  _'This is going to be a long day.'_

∞    

Luke wasn't exaggerating. Crawling with last-minute shoppers, the square presents an intimidating challenge even to the most experienced. Luck favors the bold, however, so Richard tails Luke as closely as he can.  _'Why does Lee have to be so friendly with the whole town?'_

By one in the afternoon, Richard's legs and feet are terribly sore. They have crossed off every item in the list though, with enough cash to spare for a quick lunch. 

"My treat," Richard offers, adjusting the paper bags hooked on his arms. He then makes a mental note to drop by the crafts store for some wrapping paper. Luke agrees with a huge smile, but on their way to the café, his mobile rings. Luke takes the call while Richard wanders along the sidewalk, browsing random items through the shop windows. A pair of silver cufflinks catches his attention. Chris prefers wearing cufflinks for work. Might as well take a look, he decides, signaling to his companion where he is heading. 

Inside, the only salesman is busy with a customer—a short, bald man who seems to be inspecting a couple of rings. Richard waits for his turn, going over the different designs on the display counter. Beside the cufflinks is a row of expensive wristwatches. The one he has on is a gift from Graham when he landed his first job, and he has seen Lee eyeing it with interest from time to time. Perhaps, by Valentine's Day, he would have saved up enough money to buy one for his boyfriend. Turning back to the cufflinks, Richard picks out two designs to consider later. The salesman is wrapping up the velvet box for the customer, so he approaches them while critiquing in his head a rather ugly painting hanging behind the counter. Lee could produce a far better one in his sleep.

The bell above the shop door rings. "Richard," Luke calls out from behind him. "We'd have to—"

"Luke?" the customer says, turning at the sound before Richard could. "Hey, man." 

"Hey there," Luke greets back, his gaze flitting to Richard for a second before shifting back to the shorter man, " _Carter_."

Oh. _Oh._ Richard freezes as he watches the two shake hands. Carter. _The_ Carter Smith. Timelines have come and gone, but never before had he been given this opportunity. Tuning in to their conversation, Richard studies the man with unabashed interest.

Short, stocky, bald.

Cheery and unguarded.

They couldn't be more different.

At least, now he knows Lee isn't with him just because he is a carbon copy of this man. And perhaps, that is exactly why Lee found him attractive enough to date. Nothing about Richard reminds him of Carter. Right now, he doesn't know exactly how to feel about that.

Luke tries to keep Carter's attention on him, but it's all in vain. The man knows they are out together, shopping. "You look great though, and it looks like you've finally found yourself a new boyfriend," Carter says, his eyes glinting sharper with curiosity. 

"Ah, nope. He's a friend," denies Luke, sharing a look with Richard. "He's uhmmm. . ."

"Richard. We met through Audible." Richard manages to force out a polite grin as they shake hands. "You are?"

"Carter Smith. I used to do some freelance work for Audible too." He snaps his fingers and points it to Richard. "Are you a voice actor? You sound like one."

"Yes." To his side, Luke nods his head vehemently.

"Awesome. Maybe I've listened to you before. It's 'Richard'. . . what is it again?"

"Armitage, but I highly doubt it," replies Richard, shaking his head a bit. "I'm new."

"I'd keep an eye out for your work then."

Remembering the subject and cover art of his recording, Richard decides to just nod and keep his mouth shut. If Carter would ever find out who he is, then it might as well be through the one thing the man had never and could never do for Lee.

Luke, on the other hand, cannot stand the tension. "Well, it's good to see you, but uhmmm. . . we gotta go." He points his thumb out the door and smiles sheepishly. "We haven't had lunch yet, and it's hard to get seats—"

"At The Prancing Pony?" Carter supplies.

"Yep."

"I'll walk with you," says Carter, accepting the wrapped box from the salesman. "I'm meeting up with Taylor for lunch. Called in a reservation earlier, so you can join us if you want."

Fumbling for an excuse, Luke runs a hand through his hair. "Actually—"

"That would be great," Richard cuts in. Luke gawks at him, but he ignores it. "I'm starving."

∞

There seems to be a mix-up because when they arrive at the café, Carter's reservation hasn't been placed. Fortunately, a table at the back is being cleared at the same time, so they make a grab for it immediately. Luke and Richard didn't get to talk by themselves on their way here, so the former tries to play everything by ear. Careful not to divulge anything about Richard's background and connection to Lee, Luke keeps the conversation going throughout the meal, hopping from one topic to another. It seems to be working, but Carter would sometimes eye Richard with speculation evident on his features. Richard returns this with a look of feigned disinterest for what he really wanted is to talk to Carter one-on-one.

Luke's mobile beeps again. "It's Martin," he says, reading the text he has just received. "We should get going."

"Let the man finish his tea first," Carter suggests, smirking. 

Then, the mobile rings, this time for another call. "Martin's going to slit my throat. Richard, are you—"

"I still have a couple of things to buy," Richard says, hoping Luke would catch his drift. "I think I can manage the rest on my own."

"If you're sure," Luke hesitates before turning to Carter. "Too bad I didn't get to meet your fiancé. Maybe some other time. . ."

"Yeah, definitely. But, aren't you coming to the wedding?"

"Uhmm. . . I'd mail my RSVP next week. Probably. Busy with work and all that." Luke pockets his mobile as he stands up from his seat. "I'll be in the office all day, if you need me," he reminds Richard.

"Thank you so much for your help, but I've got this."

Nodding, Luke leaves but not before squeezing a hand to Richard's shoulders. 

"Thought he'd never leave." Carter snorts as he wipes his mouth with a napkin. "It's nice to finally meet you, Richard."

While trading looks during the course of their meal, Richard has picked up on the possibility that Carter knows exactly who he is. At least now he doesn't have to re-introduce himself. 

"When I heard Lee is dating a teacher, I didn't expect _this,_ " Carter continues with a pointed gaze at him. Richard isn't quite sure what he meant by that, but he is in no mood to talk about himself. His silence, however, doesn't go unnoticed. "I don't know what you've heard about me, but I don't bite."

Richard cuts to the chase. All those timelines where he wanted to knock the living daylights out of this man remind him that small talk has no place in this conversation. "Lee told me all about you, and I've never seen him cry before that."  Carter's jaw drops slightly at his words. "What you did to him wasn't unintentional. It's not an accident. It was deliberate." The man in question tries to get a word in, but Richard doesn't let him. "And the thing is, leaving you wasn't even the end of it. You destroyed something so important to him, and all I could do is show him he hasn't lost anything for good. I can't wait for the day where you would mean as little to him as he does to you now. You didn't deserve him." 

The lump in Carter's throat bobs up and down. "We had plans, you know? We had so many plans." Picking apart the paper napkin with his fingers, he continues, "We weren't sure of anything except for one—we wanted more. We wanted to push ourselves to be better than we could've ever imagined. We had so many plans and dreams, and I swear to god, at the time, I really believed we could've made it. But then he changed and I got caught up with my own ambitions, and suddenly we didn't fit into each other's plans anymore." 

Richard scoffs, remembering how different Lee felt about their relationship. "Is that all he was to you? A means to your own ends?"

"I _loved_ him," Carter insists, sounding incredulous at Richard's accusation. "I really did, but I treated him badly and up to this day, I haven't got a reason for why I did all those things."

Biting down his tongue, Richard reins in his retort. Hear him out first, he urges himself. There must be some reason why, for the longest time, Lee was so hung up on this selfish, impudent—  _'Get a grip, Armitage.'_

"All I know is that I couldn't face him. I used to see him around and. . ." Carter trails off, averting his gaze from Richard. "It still gets to me, all the hurt that's inside him. I regret it—god knows that I do—and if I could change anything in the world, I wouldn't hurt him the way I did." Facing Richard again, he adds, "You probably heard from his friends too, how badly I screwed up, and they're absolutely right. I don't deserve his forgiveness."

"You should tell him that," says Richard without missing a beat.

"You want me to talk to your boyfriend, who's also my ex? You're one odd duck, Richard," Amusement colors the surprise in his tone. "If I were you, I'd just, you know, pass along the message. Better that way for everyone, don't you think?"

"This isn't about me or you." Scowling, Richard bristles at the man's insinuation. "Regardless of whether or not Lee would forgive you, he deserves closure. People shouldn't apologize just to get somebody back. You apologize because you mean it." His relationship with Lee is far from perfect, but at least he has gotten that part right. "I've heard things about you, and now that we've met, what I find remarkable is that even in what seems to be a genuine confession of guilt, you've still managed to come across as the pompous bastard everyone has been telling me about." Over the table, Carter's fists clench, but Richard couldn't care less. "You've admitted you had done him wrong, and Lee should hear those words himself. He had let you off the hook for being a terrible human being—which you still are, in my opinion—but it's time for you to stop making this all about yourself."

"How long have you known him?" asks Carter.

Crossing his arms over his chest, Richard shrugs. "Does it matter?"

The infuriating smirk slips back on Carter's face as he reaches inside his coat. "You're right. You're absolutely right." He then slides a business card across the table. "Tell Lee to call me or whatever if he wants to talk. Should things go well, maybe I'd see you again in April."

"April?" 

"I'm getting married after Easter," Carter clarifies, his smirk growing sharper. "Lee's got an invitation. Didn't he tell you that?"

"It just slipped my mind," lies Richard. He then finishes his tea in one big gulp.

"Right," Carter says, this time with a full-blown grin. "I'd be waiting for his call, then."

∞

Surrounded by various items that needs wrapping, Richard tops off his wine glass for the second time that night. Carl looks on at him, unwilling to leave his warm spot by the radiator. For the past hour, they have been keeping each other company as they wait for Lee to come home.

"Hey, Carl. Met your other dad today." Richard reaches for the business card on the side table and stares at it blankly. _'Is this some kind of trap?'_   After all, Carter did manage to lure him in earlier, lying through his teeth about lunch reservations, of all things. The last bits of their conversation echo in his head. "I should probably just throw this away." The dog whines, catching his attention. Richard eyes him for a moment, and it may just be the wine, but he feels like sharing his troubles with the dog. "If you were to choose between us, who'd you pick? I mean, you've known him for years now, but he left you. Didn't even care to check in on you. I'd never do that. If you'd pick me, I'd always pet you and get you toys and costumes and we'd take long walks in the park. Everyday, if you want." He takes a sip from his glass. "I was sorely tempted to punch him in the face. I should've punched him, no? Lee makes fun of me for buying stuff at the mall, but turns out he's the one with questionable tastes. I don't get—"

The door lock clicks.

"Hey," Lee greets as he throws the keys to the bowl. "You're still alive." He sheds his coat and scarf on his way to the couch.

"Barely," mutters Richard for he hasn't recovered from his sullen mood.

"Awww. . . Poor baby," Lee teases, pulling Richard forward for their customary welcome-home kiss. 

Richard nips at his bottom lip. "Thought you're my babe."

Giggling, Lee pushes him back a bit. "I am, but you're mine too. So. . ." He dips down for another kiss, licking and nipping until Richard lets him in. Their tongues caress and explore the depths of each other's mouths, unwilling to part until every trace of the winter chill has been replaced with the heat from their collective breaths. "Thanks, love," mumbles Lee, scanning the items Richard has bought earlier. Carl then makes his presence known, wagging his tail at his two humans. "You'd enjoy the hell out of our present for you," he says, waving a hand at the dog to come nearer. "It's got. . ."

Tuning them out for a moment, Richard tries to shake off the heady combination of drinking wine and making out with Lee. He has promised to be more open about the things that bother him, and after their meeting earlier, Carter has shot straight up to the top of the list. Gripping the business card between his fingers, Richard clears his throat. "I, uh. . . I met Carter earlier."

Lee's hand stills under the dog's chin. He recovers immediately though, patting Carl to go back to his rug. "Yeah?"

"We had lunch together, talked about you, what he had done. . . He regrets everything, but I told him he should have the decency to say that directly to you," Richard elaborates, flicking the edges of the business card with his fingertip. "Then, he gave me this." He hands it over, and Lee eyes it warily for a second before accepting it. "It's up to you if you want to talk to him."

Lee opens his mouth a bit, but doesn't say anything back. Biting his lower lip instead, he appears to be lost in thought.

"He also said something about uh, a wedding invitation. . . ?" This startles Lee into dropping his gaze to the floor. Richard reaches out an arm to him, but stops when he hears Lee release a faint laugh. "What?"

"Nothing," answers Lee, leveling his gaze to Richard once more. "It's just— It doesn't sound like him at all." With a wry grin, he shakes his head in disbelief. "I don't care about his wedding. I threw away that invitation before we even started dating."

Lee says he doesn't care, but his eyes tell a different story. It breaks Richard's heart to see him like this. "So, you're not going to talk to him?"

"What for?"

"Closure."

Lee snorts. "Closure," he repeats, like he is testing the word on his tongue. "How's that working out for you?"

"I didn't— We didn't get to end things properly between us." Clenching his fists over his lap, Richard decides to swallow his pride. "We just grew apart." If he has to share this side of him to convince Lee into steering away from the same fate, then he would find the nerves to do so. Fortunately, words seem to be flowing out him now that he has opened the gates. "We were drifting away from each other even before she got pregnant. I hated it, but I tried to ignore what was happening to us. I was afraid, you see, that if we talked things through, it'd be the end for us." Wide, green eyes stare at him. Richard tries not to buckle under their weight. "She never stopped thinking about everything though, losing the baby and her faith in me. It didn't take long after that. When we broke up, I hadn't realized until she did that I had already left long before her. By then, she had also figured out what she wanted in life, and it didn't include me anymore. All because she thought I would never want the same things as her. And perhaps she's right, but I didn't get to tell her."

"Would you talk to her then?" asks Lee. "If you were in my place—"

"The thing is, I wasn't. . . _you_. I was her Carter," Richard clarifies as shame churns unpleasantly in his stomach. "But, yes, I'd like to have the same chance as him someday. Apologize for my selfishness. Tell her how happy I am for her. She got what she wanted, last I heard."

"Why don't you? Shouldn't be that hard to contact her."

"I did. Before I left, I tried to talk to her for one last time, but she didn't want to. I left England, thinking that's just what happens when relationships end. People grow apart because they realize who they are and what they want from life. Just because they used to see their future with you in it, doesn’t mean they always will, and you have to be able to accept that, otherwise you’ll drive yourself mad, trying to chase after something that isn’t even there anymore." Richard remembers how many times he had called her after he got hired in Greenwood. She never took any of them, and a part of him was relieved because he didn't know exactly what to say. He just wanted to hear her say that she's happy without him so he could start living his own life again. Away from her, away from everything he once held dear. Even in the end, he couldn't stop being selfish. "And I can't stress this enough, but this is one of the most important things I'm still trying to drill into my head." He pauses and locks gazes with Lee. "Stop pretending like nothing happened. Just. . . stop running away. As someone who's been given a hundred second chances by now, I'd like you to remember that nothing haunts you more than words left unsaid."

Silence. His admission is met with deafening silence. It doesn't bother him this time though. He can tell from Lee's expression that his words weren't taken lightly. It may not happen tomorrow or the day after that, but soon, Lee would dial that number and face Carter again. He could have chosen to take this chance away from Lee, but what good would that be? Trust goes a long way, but regret goes even longer. This is a risk he is willing to take, not just for his peace of mind, but for the sake of their relationship.

Under his breath, Lee mutters, "I'll think about it." 

Richard reaches for his hand and squeezes it. _'Everything's going to be just fine.'_

∞

The following days chip away at Richard's resolve, however. Lee has been tiptoeing around him, but he doesn't have the heart to make an issue out of it. The man has valid reasons for keeping his distance—Lee is caught up with the commencement of the Winter Fair; Richard is still buried under essays and whatnot; they have a mountain of gifts to wrap and send posthaste. Some nights, when they do get to spend time together, Lee would doodle quietly on his sketchpad, tucked away in a corner of the couch, lost in his own world. When Richard would approach him, with a mug of hot cocoa or a need for a cuddle, he would snap out of it and promptly set aside his drawings with a small, almost mysterious, grin. It isn't fake, that much Richard could tell, so he takes whatever comfort he could glean off of it. They still make out and have sex, but it isn't the same. Most of the time, Lee would just turn to his side and pretend to sleep, cocooned inside his boyfriend's embrace. Richard's cowardice keeps him from doing something about it, and so they remain in limbo until the following Saturday.

*******

**I'm gonna do it. 4pm today at Graham's.**

Richard wants this for Lee, but his heart hammers against his chest. Breathe. _'Lee loves me. Lee loves me.'_ He reads the text again as he considers whether or not to call. Then again, if Lee had wanted to talk, he would have called instead. _'Just a reply, then.'_ Sinking down the couch, Richard cannot quite figure what someone would even say in situations like this.

Good luck?

Break a leg? 

Or perhaps, just an obligatory 'okay'?

He types out an 'I love you' first because he wants Lee to carry with him this little reminder. He sighs, at a loss for words again. _'Why is this so hard?'_ He wishes he could hug Lee now instead, kiss him until he could only remember that for the rest of the day. Mark him with a love bite right on Richard's favorite spot on his neck, so Carter could shove up his own arse all the— Richard stops this train of thought before it goes completely off the rails. He shakes the unwanted phantom presence off his back and focuses on the things that matter. What he wants to do is help Lee get through this in any way he can. And perhaps, that's all he needs to say. Lee gets to call all the shots for this one. Richard would just have to be supportive and hope for the best.

_Let me know if you need me. Anytime and for anything. I love you._

Breathe. _'Lee loves me. Lee loves me.'_ The stress is enough to drive a lesser man insane, but Richard has been through way worse and he is still here, doing better than ever. Minutes pass by without a reply and just when he thinks Lee wouldn't respond, his mobile buzzes.

 **Wish I could take you with me :/ but gotta do this on my own.** **Don't worry tho. Will be back before dinner. Love you Xxx**

 ∞

"Carl?" Richard calls out, pocketing his key to the flat. Lee has texted him about an hour ago, telling Richard he was heading out for lunch. It isn't an invitation, but Richard cannot stand being alone with his thoughts. He refuses to be the clingy sort, so taking Carl to the dog park across the street is currently his best idea. "Buddy?" From the kitchen, the fridge hums back at him. He sweeps past the living room to the bedroom and then to the room with the blue door. Still no sign of the dog. Lee must have taken him to Evangeline's for the day. Is he willing to risk it? If those two had talked already today, there is no doubt in his mind that she knows the full story by now. 

Hanging out with Graham is out of the question. Richard has called him before leaving the flat, sharing with him the barest of details about Lee's 'meeting' later. His best mate can read him like the back of his own hand so, without grilling him about it, Graham agreed to keep an eye on Lee. 

Walking around the flat aimlessly, Richard scrolls down the contact list on his mobile. 

Ian? 

Luke? 

Martin? 

Orlando?

Richard snorts ungracefully at the last one. _'Not in a million years.'_  He doesn't even remember storing that number here. When he reached his last contact, he sighs and accepts the undeniable fact that he needs to go out more. Looking up again, he finds himself standing in front of the fridge. Amidst Lee's collection of quirky magnets is a shopping list. Groceries, mostly. A couple of other household items. "Condoms," he reads under his breath, smirking. This would do just fine, he decides, pulling the piece of paper from under a statement magnet that reads, **I just work here, man.** Could easily be Lee's motto, he muses as he slips the list inside his coat pocket. 

Much later, in the middle of aisle 6, Richard stops in his tracks and turns around quickly. _'Shit.'_ The contents of his cart protest at the sudden movement, creating a commotion loud enough to attract attention to him. 

"Richard?"

_'Why didn't I just go to the gym?'_

"Richard," Evangeline calls after him again. 

His stomach clenches as he resigns to his fate. Turning back, he manages to nod his head and say, "Hi." He then rolls his cart towards Evangeline, careful not to trip over his own foot.

Evangeline stares back at him, clearly unimpressed with his attempt to escape from her. "Dog food?" she notes when Richard gets near enough. 

"I, uh. . . Figured I could run some errands to pass the time." The mild annoyance on the woman's face shifts into something unrecognizable for Richard. _'Could it be. . . sympathy?'_

"That's your thing now, huh?" 

"What is?" A couple of noisy kids pass by to their side, interrupting whatever the woman is about to say. He takes this chance to beat a hasty retreat. "Anyway, I've got plenty—"

Evangeline grabs him by the crook of his arm. "Not so fast, Armitage." The look she gives him is more than enough to make anyone obey. "You're tall. You can help me get stuff from the top shelves. They're a bit cheaper up there, y'know."

This time, Richard surrenders fully to his fate with a sigh. They go through each other's list though he has been vigilant enough to skip some items he would never buy with her around. Small talk has never been Richard's forte, so Evangeline picks up the slack. Both of them, however, are skilled at avoiding the elephant in the room. Then, as luck would have it, his blonde neighbor is out shopping today too, but in a rather out-of-character fashion, she chooses to ignore him when they catch each other's gaze. Richard feels nothing but relief about this for he isn't keen on introducing her to Evangeline. There is no doubt Layla's alleged mail-stealing ways have already reached her ears.

"Can you drive me home?" asks Evangeline as he bags their groceries at the checkout counter. "Our car's in the shop."

"Uh, yeah. Of course."

Grinning brightly, Evangeline thanks him and says, "It's been a while since we last had tea together."

"I wonder why," Richard mutters as softly as he can, but it turns out her hearing is sharper than her gaze.

She replies with a raised eyebrow that tells Richard what to expect for their second attempt at afternoon tea. 

Perhaps, he should have just risked another Reset and slept away the rest of the day. Hindsight is indeed 20/20.

∞

Carl sure does know how to pick the best spot wherever he stays. Curled down on his side, his dark eyes twinkle with firelight, blinking slowly as Richard, lost in his own thoughts, brushes his fur in a hypnotic manner. Cross-legged, Evangeline sits on his other side, sipping tea while watching over the two of them. The two other boys are out on Christmas tree duty, so they have the house all to themselves. For the past hour, nothing but the crackling fireplace has disturbed their peace.

Evangeline rouses from her silent vigil. "You're a big reader, aren't you?"

Nodding, Richard pushes his worries to the back of his mind again. 

"Bryan writes the most amazing pieces, y'know. Profound yet incisive."

Having spent dinners chatting with the man, Richard believes this even without proof. Among Lee's friends, it is only Bryan who has clicked with him right from day one.

Not expecting a reply, Evangeline continues, "He wrote one about moving on a couple of years ago." Her gaze shifts away from him and into the fire. "He wrote it with Lee in mind."

"What does it say?" Richard asks, unable to hold back his curiosity. 

With a solemn expression, Evangeline appears to recite from memory, "The reason we can't let go is because, deep inside, we still hope." She then faces him again, and Richard recognizes something in her eyes. Something that resembles regret. "It's a dangerous thing, hope. Addictive, even." Her gaze wavers before she drops it altogether.

Staring into the fire, Richard considers her words in silence, mulling it over and over until he cannot deny the possibility of how holding on to his hopes has kept him from breaking out of the loop. Perhaps, it is even the same reason he first fell into the loop. The thought stirs up the long-buried resentment within him. Resentment over what, he isn't even sure anymore. "Have you ever felt that way?"

"All the time," Evangeline admits, surprising Richard with her candidness, "except. . ." She trails off and dissolves into quiet contemplation again. "Ironically, the one moment where I lost all hope had changed everything for me."

"For the better?"

"Who knows?" Evangeline replies, shrugging her shoulders. "But, I always try to make the most out of it."

"How about Lee?"

Evangeline sighs. "Hope can be misplaced, Richard." Pausing, she traces her fingers along the rim of her teacup. "We can't just make someone our hope, our reason to live. I've always tried to make Lee understand that. Asked him what's he gonna do when that someone leaves. He never answered. He just showed me what happens next." Her eyes seem to grow brighter, reflecting the flames before them.

Petting Carl again by the neck, Richard recalls her last voicemail to him. He has deleted it already, but there are times when the message would echo inside his head again, keeping him up at night. "I hope you understand why I encouraged Lee to see him again."  Her unshed tears shine with firelight when she faces him again. "I admire you for protecting him through everything, but we can't save him from himself. You've tried, I'm trying, but he's right. He needs to do this on his own. He needs to see with his own eyes what we've been seeing all this time." Swallowing hard, he stills his hand, earning him a whine from the dog. "We both love him, and I think right now, all we can do is believe in him. You've known him for far longer than I do. Don't you think he has grown stronger since then?"

A tear escapes her eye, but she wipes it away before it even reaches her cheek. Evangeline pats him on the arm, smiling a bit, before leaning in closer to pick up his teacup off the rug. Sniffing, she stands up and murmurs, "Lemme get us some more tea."

This is not how he imagined their afternoon together would be. He came here, expecting to be told off again. Of course, he saw himself fighting back, defending his choices, just so he could relieve himself of the tension gripping his entire being. That would have been cathartic, in a sense, but that would also bring them back to square one. Sharing their thoughts, though not entirely devoid of judgment, has been a learning experience on a level of its own. Their differences couldn't be more pronounced at this point, yet somehow, that ends up giving them a better understanding of where each other stands. Apparently, Lee does have a good taste in friends, more than Richard initially gives him credit for.

Resuming his strokes up and down Carl's soft fur, Richard loses himself again to thoughts of Lee and the things they haven't shared with one another. So lost that he doesn't notice right away Evangeline's return until she almost practically shoves the cup under his nose. She seems lighter, speaking highly again of Bryan's works. Then, Orlando's recent foray into television work. 

"It's not like we see him on our couch every other week," Richard quips.

" _Our_ couch, huh?" Evangeline says with a teasing glint in her eyes.

"I mean Lee's couch."

"Oh, please. I know where where he spends his nights. Heard you even got Carl his own bed in your place."

" _How_ did I not see this coming?" Richard asks, feeling self-conscious again. He is considering whether or not to talk about this rather annoying aspect of their friendship when his mobile buzzes.

**Chinese or pizza?**

Richard's heart skips a beat. Lee is coming home. He did promise to be back by dinner. _'The choices though...'_ Pizza is Lee's go-to comfort food on any given day, so that could only mean Carter had actually manned up and met with him. Chinese food, on the other hand, is what Lee brings to a big fight. Richard licks his lips before rolling them between his teeth. He is overthinking this. 

"Lee?" Evangeline guesses, catching his attention.

Richard nods before standing up, his knees wobbling a bit from disuse. "Thanks for the tea."

Evangeline stands up too and, without any hesitation whatsoever, wraps her arms around him. "Anytime." It's nice and warm, and Richard returns the hug as soon as he has recovered from the shock. She then pulls back, grinning softly, and walks him out of the house.

Today has indeed been a maze of unexpected turns, so what's one more? He sends the text on his way to the car, feeling a strange mixture of hope and trepidation.

_Surprise me._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Comments and kudos are welcome and much appreciated :)


	23. Lee's POV: Loose Ends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lee's POV: [Chapter 22](http://archiveofourown.org/works/5430140/chapters/15479272) of Ships in the Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, tell me how did it feel?  
> Did it all get too real for you?
> 
> -[Ties](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r3nertWi_Mg) by Years and Years

**Hey. Richard gave me your card. Said you wanted to talk. Blue Mountains. 4PM. -L**

Biting his bottom lip, Lee considers if he should sign the text with his full name instead. 'L' sounds a bit too familiar, doesn't it? _God_ , he needs Evie for this. _'Maybe I should include the directions to Graham's, too.'_ Richard had suggested to meet with his ex there, should he ever decide to go through with it. Home field advantage and all that. Lee didn't say anything back, but the intention is obvious and sort of endearing, to be honest. 

Typing and backspacing over and over again, Lee furrows his eyebrows in concentration.

Too desperate.

Too cold.

Emoji?

_'No, nuh-uh, definitely not.'_

Lee sends the text before he can second-guess himself again. Staring blankly at the screen, he recalls how he had kept watch of his phone after they broke up, night after night, waiting for a call that, somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew he would never get. Back then, he just wanted to hear Carter say sorry for hurting him, and that maybe he wanted to get back together. Lee had hoped and hoped that he would pass by his ex on the street, looking blue because he had been missing Lee. He wanted to hear the man admit that he just didn't know what he wanted before. But Lee knew by now that Carter didn't miss him at all, that he definitely wasn't wanted back, and that he never meant much anyway.

They need an ending. _Lee_ needs an ending.

He is ready to hear the answer, why he was never enough for the man he had given his everything. He is ready to let the truth set him free.

∞

When Carter replies, confirming their meeting, Lee shoots a text to Richard. These past few days had been incredibly challenging for the both of them. He didn't mean to fence out his boyfriend like that, but sometimes, Richard can be quite overwhelming. On the flip side, Richard can also calm him down without much effort, so maybe this is just how falling head over heels for someone really feels like.

There may have been moments of doubt on his part from time to time, but at the end of the day, Richard doesn't feel temporary. Lee had almost given up before they met. There is only so many one-night stands and casual flings he could burn through before the possibility of being loveless for the rest of his life sinks in. Now, he still doesn't understand how Richard feels so familiar to him. Why it feels less like trying to get to know him, but more like trying to remember who he is. How every smile, every shared look, every conversation brings him closer to the conclusion that he has known Richard before, that he has loved Richard before. In another time, another place. The idea of soul mates comes to mind, as cheesy as that may sound, but it is what it is.

Richard seemed a little broken when they first met, and maybe that's why they are perfect for each other. Not that he needs someone to fix him. Neither does Lee. It's just that, most of the time, Richard can see right through his bullshit. It had unraveled him in ways he could not have foreseen, scaring him at first before realizing how liberating it is to have someone in his life who would let him be himself without judgment. He just wishes Richard would let him reciprocate more often. If he didn't know any better, he'd think the 'C' in Richard's middle name really stands for 'control'.

His phone buzzes. _Let me know if you need me. Anytime and for anything. I love you._

Lee grins helplessly at the screen. He loves how being with Richard feels like a marathon. Their dedication to make this work, their endless patience with each other, all the little things they do together make every moment with him so fulfilling and rewarding. It took them months to even admit how they feel about one another, but when they did, there is nothing in Lee's past that could compare to what they have now. This is also why whenever they stumble, it isn't so much as a trip over some wayward stone. Little to no damage, at best. With Carter, everything was a sprint. His ex had been so sure and confident about everything, but when they stumbled, Lee ended up bloodied and spent. And Carter? Well, he neither cared to wait nor look back. 

Bryan explains it best, why Lee thinks it's enough to love someone and decide to be with them, even though it's hard. Apparently, his parents have set the bar high for him—over 25 years of marriage and still very much happy together. That's what Lee wants for himself. He wants something that grabs hold of him and doesn't let go no matter what. He wants to be taken by his hands, shown what it truly means to need and care for someone other than himself. And he wants it to last forever. He wants something infinite, something that doesn't fade away in time.

Reading the text again, Lee is reminded of how much Richard has grown since they met. The vain part of him gloats at this thought because when someone who fears commitment—someone like Richard—ends up loving him without reservation, how can he not feel so damn special? 

On his way to the shower, Lee sends back a reply, wondering if he makes Richard feel the same way too.

∞ 

Evie opens the door, grinning from ear to ear. "Hi, sweetie. What's up?"

Carl barks in greeting, while Lee smiles back at her sheepishly. "It's short notice, but can you take him for the day?"

"Sure," Evie agrees as she ushers them inside. "Going somewhere with Richard? By the way, are you done with his gift? I still don't know what to get him."

Worrying his bottom lip, Lee makes a beeline to the breakfast nook. "I told you, he's a got a thing for kooky ties. I wanna throw 'em away, but he loves wearing 'em," he answers, opting to ignore the first question for now. The scent of freshly brewed coffee lingers in the air. "Anyway, nearly done with mine. Still not happy with the noses though. It's a bit of a touchy subject for him, so I wanna get it perfectly." He can hear Kahekili playing with his Xbox in the den with Norman. This would have to be quick. He hopes his best friend won't scream his ears off. Perched on the wooden stool, he mumbles as quietly as he can, "GonnameetupwithCarterlater."

Evie goes rigid as she unplugs the coffeemaker. "Did you just say _Carter?"_

"It's not—" Lee rolls his eyes, groaning. "It's Richard's idea, okay?"

"How— What?!" Lee opens his mouth to explain, but Evie puts up a finger to shush him. "You're not going, you hear me."

"I will. I should," insists Lee, his eyebrows furrowing together in annoyance.

Evie throws her hands up in the air. "Fine, but I'm coming with you."

"Evie. . ."

They engage in a staring match, both stubborn to a fault. His best friend has always been protective of him, and even more so when he started dating Richard. More often than not, he feels grateful to have her on his side, but moments like this make him want to pull out his hair. He's not a baby. No matter how reckless or stupid it is, he can make his own decisions. 

"You know what your problem is? You get attached too quickly," Evie snaps, grabbing a pair of cups from the shelf. She sets them down the counter a little too hard. "You do _everything_ you can to please them. It's never about what you want. It's always their needs before yours." Hot coffee splashes out of the cup when she pours it. "You give out too many chances to people who, frankly, don't deserve them, and—"

"You _cannot_  be more wrong right now," Lee cuts in, growing more irritated by the second. "Richard met him by chance, they talked, and he said Carter wants to apologize to me. He could've not mentioned anything, but _he did_. And he's right. I need this. You of all people should know."

At his last words, Evie visibly deflates. She purses her lips, and somehow, Lee knows exactly what she's thinking—or rather, remembering.

The weeks following his breakup with Carter were the hardest he had ever been through. At first, he thought the worst parts were the mornings. Every time he woke up, his heart would break all over again. He had to remind himself that Carter was gone, that he was never coming back, and that he had taken away with him everything Lee valued the most about himself. He really thought those were his lowest points, but he was wrong.

The worst part happened one night, and it wasn't because of the pain that drove him to down a bottle of pills. The worst part was lying down on a hospital bed and hearing his best friend come sprinting to his room. The worst part was seeing her bright eyes, filling up with tears and regret for not noticing the signs. The worst part was feeling her arms shake when she tried to hug him, only to be pulled away by the orderly watching over him. If not for Orli, who had dropped by his apartment unannounced that same night, he would have been long gone. A couple of years have passed since then, but his friend still spends some nights on his couch just to check in on him.

Lee has never gotten rid of his death wish though. There have been times when he had considered how easy it would be to run his car off the road. Just turn the wheel a little to the right and that would be it. Maybe he would hit the ditch or a mailbox or maybe a tree. He would go fast, speeding through the darkness, leaving everything up to fate. However, at the very last moment, he would always push down his foot on the brakes and turn his lights back on. He couldn't do that to his family, to his friends, to Carl. After the third time it happened, Lee decided to just sell his car and stop driving altogether.

"So. . ." Evie says, interrupting his thoughts. Her fingers toy with the large navy blue bangle on her wrist, the one she seems to be wearing every single day recently. "What's the plan here, Grinner?"

"I dunno," admits Lee as he stirs in sugar and cream to his coffee. "I honestly don't know what to expect."

"Well, what're you gonna say to him?"

Lee chews on his bottom lip. He racks his brain for something, anything, but still comes up with nothing. "Maybe he'd do all the talking, just like old times." He punctuates this with a dry chuckle, which fails to amuse Evie.

"Okay. How 'bout this, _why_ are you going to do this again?"

"Closure," Lee replies without missing a beat, though it's just a mere echo of Richard's answer to him. Dropping his gaze, he rakes a hand through his hair. "Even if it means sitting in silence or screaming at the top of our lungs or fucking in some filthy restroom."

Evie gawks at him. "You wouldn't dare."

Shrugging his shoulders, Lee defends himself, "C'mon, it's _just_ a figure of speech."

"It is not," Evie counters, swatting him on the arm. "Dammit, Lee!"

"Calm down." Lee rubs the sore spot with a frown on his face. "I'd never do that to Richard."

Crossing her arms over her chest, Evie glowers at him. "You better not. He's just starting to like me again."

"Really?" Lee cracks a smile. "Told you he'd come around."

"Yeah, yeah. So, don't you screw it all up for that ass."

Lee tries to stifle his laugh at the double entendre, but fails. Evie shoots him down with another glare. "I swear to god, Lee Pace!"

"I won't, I won't." Lee raises his hands in surrender. "I promise." He stands up and approaches her carefully. Wrapping his arms around her for a hug, he whispers, "Wish me luck?"

Evie mutters back to his chest, "For the record, I still don't agree to any of this." She then presses a kiss to his chin and pats a hand to the cheek. "Good luck, Lee. Call me if you need me, alright?"

∞

Only four tables are occupied in the Blue Mountains that afternoon. Graham is reading the paper behind the bar, too engrossed with the news to notice Lee's arrival.

"Hey there," greets Lee, tapping his fingers against the counter.

"Ah, there you are. Rich called me this morning." Graham folds the paper and tucks it under his arm. "Big meeting today, eh?"

Lee shrugs his shoulders, uncertain if the man knows his true agenda for today. "You could say that."

"Saved you a private booth," Graham tells him, pointing a thumb to the back of the room. "It's not sound-proof though."

"Shame," Lee jokes, but it falls flat. 

The intensity in Graham's eyes rivals that of Richard's electric blue ones. Lee finds the similarity unnerving. "Listen up, Pace." From under the counter, he pops open a couple of lagers and hands it to Lee as if he has ordered them. "Owning a pub. . . I get to hear things, and though I'd never tell Rich 'cause—" Graham tugs at the dishcloth hanging over his shoulder and flings it to a far corner to his left. "You're good for him, that's what matters, but— Tell him yourself. Word gets around here, and you never know when things like that would reach him."

Breaking into cold sweat, Lee can practically see all the prep he has done for this afternoon fly out of the window. Words fail him but he feels himself nod. It continues to trouble him on his way to the booth for, really, it could be a number of things. His uncertainty highlights the hypocrisy of his demands for Richard to be more open with him. Bile rising up to his throat, he tries to rinse it away with half his beer. 

His mobile buzzes.

Carter is just a block away, so Lee replies, telling him to head straight to the booth at the back. Having the meeting here is starting to feel like a mistake. Apparently, Graham knows far too much about him already. He could be bluffing, but what for? Why tell Lee now? Then again, whatever he knows couldn't be that bad if he still thinks Lee is good for Richard. "Fuck," Lee swears under his breath. Self-doubt and paranoia continue to torment him until, finally, the door swings open.

∞

Carter isn't the most attractive guy—not in the conventional way, at least. He has hair everywhere except the top of his head, but Lee still found him quite handsome. His big, boyish grin used to have Lee smiling back in a flash, while his tiny smirks—the ones shared just between them—made Lee feel like the most extraordinary man ever. And his eyes. . . Lee could stare into them for hours on end. It used to be his favorite shade of blue, but now? How could anyone look at the person who broke them and be totally fine? Because Lee couldn't do it without being overcome with bitterness and regret and. . . fear. Whether it be his hands trembling or his chest burning or his heart leaping up to his throat, Lee cannot keep himself from devolving into that pitiful state. Before Richard, he thought it was because he was not over his ex, but now. . . he knows it's all because he got fucked up so badly.

With a sardonic grin playing on his lips, Carter takes a swig of his beer. "I'm trying to remember the last time we went out for drinks."

Sitting across him, Lee clenches his fists under the table. It mitigates the trembling. _'Keep it together.'_ He clears his throat and tries to put on a smile. Richard would've hated the sight of him right now, but Carter doesn't seem to notice anything wrong. Well, he never did notice even when they were dating. It didn't matter to him how dead Lee's eyes had looked before. As long as he said he's fine, Carter would believe it. "Does Taylor know you're here?"

"Does Richard?" 

"Of course," Lee almost brags, squaring off his shoulders. "He gave me your number. His best friend owns this bar. I can call him right now, and he'd be here in a snap."

Laughter reverberates around the room, as if Carter has just heard the funniest joke. "I'd have to say, I didn't expect your text earlier. I thought, 'wow, he's really changed.' But then—" He snickers again. "It's good to know you're the same ol' Lee."

Lee grinds his teeth together at the implication. "You know what's funnier?" He can feel the muscles on his face straining from his smile. "I said the exact same thing to Richard when I got your card. He had me convinced you've changed, but who're we kidding here? You're still _you_." He then leans back against the leather seat and folds his arms across his chest. 

"The scruff looks great on you though. That's different," Carter says like he hasn't heard anything. He tips his bottle towards Lee and adds, "You've put on a bit of weight too, but it kinda suits you."

"That's what happens when you're happy," Lee replies a bit too brightly. 

"Right." Carter doesn't sound convinced though. It makes Lee's blood boil, so before he can even think about it, his lips loosen up. Anecdote after anecdote come pouring out of him, each seeking to prove how wonderful his life has been since they broke up. However, the things he is sharing don't paint the complete picture.

Back then, his friends would sometimes recognize that something was different about him. They would ask why he was being so quiet or why he didn't want to go out with them, and he could usually reassure them with something like 'I'm just tired.' That's that. Problem solved. But he's not just tired. Sometimes, he's in excruciating pain. He couldn't find it in himself to burden them with his personal mess, so he would just let his entire life fall apart around him. All he could do was watch as it happen, empty and hopeless for even his art couldn't save him at that point. Then, Richard came into his life, bringing along those piercing blue-gray eyes that seem to see everything behind his mask. It was also during this time when Evie began excessively mothering him at every turn, encouraging their other friends to do the same. Nowadays, he has several people caring about his happiness and well-being again, and this is the only way he wants to paint himself. Carter doesn't need— _deserve—_ to know how he made it through those dark times in his life.

Their bottles are nearly empty by the time Lee finishes the story behind his latest landscape for the Winter Fair. He got a fair price for it too, given that it's not even his best work. Still, for an Art teacher, he's doing better than most.

"For what it's worth, I'm happy for you," Carter admits with a tiny grin.

"Thanks," Lee says, trying to keep the astonishment in his voice to a minimum. Who'd have thought, huh? Maybe it's possible for them, after all. Be friends again. Or maybe just part on better terms this time. He came here expecting—

The tiny grin morphs into _that_ smirk, the awful one that makes Lee's stomach feel queasy. "Makes you think," says Carter.

"What d'you mean?"

"Well," Carter begins, shrugging his shoulders, "you were so miserable when we were together. I was, too. We clearly hadn't done each other any favors. Now, I'm engaged to be married, and look at you, so radiant and in love. You're creating art again, and I think, maybe, I did something right."

Lee's eyebrows shoot up to his forehead. "You. . . did something _right?_ "

"Oh, my bad. I mean, _we_ did something right. Breaking up with me seems to have turned you into. . ." Carter waves a hand to his direction. " _This_."

Taking in a calming breath, Lee feels his hope withering away. "Is that all you have to say?"

"What's left to say? We're so much happier now. You're doing well. Richard is—"

"Stop," Lee cuts in, putting up his hand. "Just stop, okay? I get where you're going, and obviously we didn't come here with same agenda in mind. I'm not here to catch up with you. We're not friends. You had hurt me, and all I need to hear from you is 'I'm sorry'. That's it." His heart beats wildly in his chest at this admission. "I know how I feel, I know what I'm thankful for, and you don't get to decide that everything's peachy between us because I'm happy again. You don't get credit for that. Not in any _fucking_ way."

A muscle twitch below Carter's left eye. Slowly, he shakes his head, as if Lee's outburst disappoints him. "Your boyfriend's _theatrics_ are rubbing off on you. I don't remember you being this. . . overdramatic before. And in case you're forgetting, _you_ broke up with me. I was just as hurt as you."

 _Fuck this_. Lee wants to walk out of this room, but—  _'Stop running away.'_ Carter has never apologized for hurting him, but Lee had apologized to him countless of times for being bitter about it. Even with his new relationship, Lee couldn't shake this off his system. Richard is a far cry from Carter; Lee knows that, but he remains stuck, figuring out which parts of him are really his and which ones are just created to keep himself from ending up alone. 

Lee is bursting at the seams from all the things he didn’t get to say, all the things he should’ve said.Richard is right.Carter should know. "Maybe I should've been clearer before." His voice sounds shaky, making him pause for a bit. "I bent over backwards trying to be the person you wanted me to be, but that wasn't good enough for you. So, I pushed myself harder and harder to the point of breaking, every single day. You were so busy with whatever else you were doing that you didn't notice—or maybe you just didn't care 'cause I was fading away, and still you went on like everything's fine. You had me convinced that I was just changing for the 'better', but. . . why wasn't I good enough in the first place?" Eyes stinging with tears, Lee swallows down his impulse to allow his emotions to run free. He cannot cry in front of Carter. Not again. "I changed so you would love me, but I'd already lost the best parts of me before I realized how I got it all wrong. You thought I left out of misery?" Lee lets out a hollow laughter upon recognizing the confusion on Carter's face. "I was miserable long before we broke up, yet I didn't leave you. I kept thinking that maybe I was the problem. That you just wanted what's best for me. You managed to put into my head that I couldn't be happy without you, so I did everything to make you stay. I would've done so much more for you, but. . . you gave up on me." The blank expressions, the dismissive glances, the way he talked about everything like it's nothing—memories of their last days together come flashing before Lee's eyes. "I just needed someone to believe in me."

The pounding in his chest grows stronger as he studies Carter's reaction. He did it. He bared himself completely and yet. . . he still feels burdened. Maybe it's because Carter hasn't said anything back or maybe it's because he was hoping for too much. He really thought—

"Are you still mad at me?"

"I was never mad at you." He had let Carter use him like that—never called him out for it, even. "I'm still bitter about it though."

Carter swallows the last bit of his beer. "You really thought we had a chance?" he asks after a moment. 

"Yeah." 

"And you still do." It isn't a question, but Carter's gaze challenges him to answer. His ex looks so confident, so sure of Lee's feelings for him, but Carter couldn't be more wrong. Maybe if they had this conversation a few months ago—before he met Richard, before Carter got engaged—then Lee might have admitted that in some twisted way, he believed they would somehow end up together. A faint laughter escapes his lips at the thought. Oblivious, Carter smiles back at him.

"Not anymore," says Lee. Incredulity dims down the expression on Carter's face. "I think to have a chance, at least one of us should still be in love with the other. I'm sure I don't love you now. I used to wonder if you ever—"

"I did," Carter insists. "I really did, though I first fell in love with your talent. Thought that was enough." His gaze still doesn't waver, and Lee appreciates the sincerity—a first for this meeting. However, this is quickly dashed away with his next words. "I'm sorry if I'd hurt you in any way."

If? _If?_

It is in this moment when everything begins to sink in for Lee. At one point in his life, he actively hated himself for everything he had lost, but since then, he has found several reasons to start loving the version of him that survived. That's why he is here. He has learned his lesson, and he wants to keep moving forward. Carter isn't on the same page though. His ex still sees him as the lost boy who traded everything he could for scraps of affection. The thought brings forth memories of how they were before. How when something went wrong, it would always be his fault. How he thought of himself less and less because their art should always come first. How Carter had always talked about what he wanted, only for Lee to find out that he's optional.

A hollow feeling begins spreading across Lee's chest. He doesn't quite understand why, but he allows it to take over him. Holding his breath, he leaves Carter's half-assed apology hanging in the air. He should have taken it, ran away with it, because somewhere in the back of his mind, he knows this is the most he could get. But he won't. It took him this long to finally understand that if a person wasn't good for him before, they sure as hell won't be good for him now. However, Lee remains a big believer of second chances. "Try that again," he says, breaking the heavy silence between them. "And for once, _please_ take the blame. You're the one who pushed me away, not the other way around. We made some bad decisions, and that's something we gotta learn to live with. I've admitted where I went wrong. Don't you think it's time for you to do the same?"

Moments pass and neither of them says a word. The muted hubbub of the other customers keeps them from dissolving into complete silence. Stomping down the bad memories re-surfacing in his head, Lee loses track of how long it took Carter to swallow his pride. "You're right. I know it's late, but I'm not lying when I say you were good enough for me. I just wanted better things for us. Should've listened to you more, I guess. Shouldn't have taken your feelings for granted.  I'm sorry, I really am." He tries to throw in a smile at the end, but it comes off more like a grimace.

Could've been better, Lee observes. His mind wants to reject it, but his forgiving soul speaks louder to him. The reality of the matter is, unless he forgives not just Carter but himself as well, Lee cannot move on completely. It takes two to make or break a relationship, after all. "That wasn't so hard, was it?"

Carter breathes out a sigh of relief as his hand rubs the back of his neck. "So, does this mean we can be friends again?" he dares to ask.

"That would be ideal," replies Lee with a tiny, almost wistful grin, "but I don't want you in my life anymore."

"Now where have I heard that before?" Carter asks lightly. On his lips is a hint of his trademark smirk.

Lee supposes if he would miss one thing about his ex, it would be their shared tendency to use humor as an emotional crutch. It is not healthy, but it's a hard habit to break. And if that isn't a metaphor about their former relationship, Lee doesn't know what is. 

There is no turning back now, however. He would keep bits of their time together to himself—the good and the bad alike—for every single one of them is a powerful lesson about the kind of love he really wants. Still, to move on completely and irrevocably, he must accept that they are over. No more what-ifs. No more if-he-had-onlys. 

"This is it, then," says Carter, unintentionally giving voice to Lee's thoughts.

"Yeah." 

Carter opens his mouth to say something more, but decides against it. Instead, he puts his blue beanie back on and zips his jacket up to his chin. Standing up from his seat, he pauses and turns back to Lee. "You really think Richard's the one?"

"Too early to say," Lee answers, shrugging, "but I'd like to believe he is."

"Same ol' Lee," Carter chuckles by the door.

Except Lee is not that kind of person anymore.

What he has with Richard won't be anything like before. 

Still, he grins and nods back for he knows the truth in his core.

"Nearly forgot to say congratulations. Best wishes to you and Taylor."

∞  

Resting his head against the back of the leather seat, Lee stares up at the ceiling and _breathes_. He did it. He finally did it. His heart hasn't slowed down, pounding hard and loud in his chest. Everything feels raw. Just a bit sore. He opened up himself, taken the risk, all so he could start living as a free man again.

And it has paid off.

His shoulders rock slightly when a laugh rumbles deep from his stomach. It's in his nature to attribute this milestone to the people who have helped him get here, but at the end of the day, it's him alone who had faced off with the man who reminds him of his every failure. His family, his friends, Richard—they all supported him, believed in him, but none of that would matter if Lee had chosen the easy way out again—may it be a bottle of pills or sex with random strangers or a dive down the cliff. At the end of the day, it's him who had made sure he is okay. It's him who had held himself together. It's him who had stood firm until he got what he wanted from Carter. The past couple of years have been challenging not just for him but for everyone who cares about him. But he has made it this far, and yes, he would keep moving forward, living his second lease on life, one moment at a time.

The door creaks open, and the noise outside spills into the room. "Done?" asks Graham.

"Yeah." Lee sits up, rubbing a palm over his face.

Nodding his head for a bit, Graham enters the room and sits down on Carter's spot. "Looks like you could use a drink." 

"Or two," jokes Lee as his fingers fumble for his phone in his coat pocket. Recalling their last conversation leaves his stomach in knots.

A corner of Graham's mouth tugs up, but he doesn't say another word. Instead, he steeples his arms over the table, looking at anywhere but the man in front of him.

When Lee locates the right pocket, he grabs his phone like a lifeline. Checking for any messages, he finds himself staring at the photo sent by Evie—a stolen shot of Richard and Carl sitting side by side, hogging the warmth from her fireplace, captioned _**Changed my mind. If not for you, do it for them**_. All of a sudden, Lee feels homesick. He sniffs without meaning to, attracting Graham's attention back to him.

"You okay? Is it Rich?"

"Yeah, no. I mean. . . " Looking up again, Lee cannot keep his cheeks from heating up. "My best friend sent me a picture of him with my dog. I just. . . I love 'em."

Graham nods, his eyes growing softer—kinder, even. "That's a relief."

"What exactly did you hear about me?" Lee asks out of the blue, surprising even himself. 

The uneasiness slips back on Graham's face. Fortunately, the man doesn't prolong their agony. "Men brag about everything when they're drinking their sorry arses off. Sometimes, it's a new car. . .  Sometimes, it's a pay raise. But mostly, it's their sexual conquests." Graham then fixes him a look that reminds him of his dad. "I highly doubt there's another Lee Pace in town."

Lee tries to fend this off with an air of nonchalance. "So, I used to sleep around. Big deal. Richard is no saint himself."

"True, but he is a jealous man, too." Pausing for a sec, Graham raises an eyebrow when Lee crosses his arms in front of him. "Look, I'm not some sanctimonious prick. I just think Rich would appreciate hearing this from you instead of some drunken twat."

Sticking out his bottom lip, Lee cocks his head to side as he considers the man's advice. "Y'know, the guy from earlier is my ex, who also happens to be one of Richard's constant source of insecurity nowadays. Yet, when given a choice, Richard decided to give me his number so we could talk about. . . stuff. Anyway, he may be jealous at times, but he trusts me well enough not to fuck up what we have."

Graham nods his head again, smirking. "All the more reason for you to tell him, then."

"Yeah," Lee replies carefully, finally understanding Graham's point. "I will."

∞ 

After nearly losing his footing on the slick sidewalk, a red-faced Lee waves off the concerned looks thrown his way. "I'm fine, I'm fine," he says to nobody in particular, tapping away on his phone. 

**Chinese or pizza?**

They have a long night ahead of them. Stories to be told, secrets to be shared. He isn't worried about it though. It has only been three months, but Richard is beginning to feel more and more like his personal safe place. He won't make Richard his reason for living—a mistake he has no intention of repeating—but maybe, they could be each other's home instead.

His phone buzzes. 

_Surprise me._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, tell me how did it feel?  
> Did it all get too real for you?
> 
> -[Ties](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r3nertWi_Mg) by Years and Years


End file.
